watched infernal affairs juz now... remembered i posted an entry about that last time.. so i retrieved it..

[ In the end, both the good and the bad died. they ended up killing each other.

fate makes it such that their lives are inter-linked.

pple who want to be good. they sacrifice to be bad so that they can be good.

black and white. scheming against one another. dont they know that there are grey areas? ]

till now, i still agree. i love the story line. i like tony leung even more.. the characters suit the actors so well that it is as though the scriptwriter customed a movie specially for them. and i cannot think of 2 other actors more suitable to act the younger version of andy and tony.. shawn yu and edison chen.. together, they make the transition between old and young so seamless.. and since that time i watched the show, i am in love with that cai qin's song..

good and bad. isnt it all on the surface? we see only the surface. and i wonder how sammi actually felt when she knew the truth about andy.. only he himself knows..

andy talks about choices.. zeng zhiwei said "you all are allowed to choose. choose the life you all want." he followed. so is he good or bad when he worked for him for close to 10 years but killed his "boss" with his own hands in the end?

or maybe he's scared. when we're afraid, we do things that we dun think we will under normal circumstances.. and when we lie, maybe we're saying the truth.

and i still think infernal affairs is so much better than dou yu (part 1)..

tml is the start of a new department.

gdluck to myself.

hate it coz it's part of me

it was my bro's birthday. on the 28th may. 3 years ago, on the exact same date, i sat for the O level chinese papers. 3 years later, i'm witnessing my siblings studying for the chinese paper on monday. kiss goodbye to memories..

logged on to friendster just now. realised a lot of changes. maybe i've drifted from the world. from my world. or maybe from the world of my friends.

i've learnt that apologising does no help, and what is done is done.

i cant say sorry to those people whom i HAVE NOT been in contact for donkey years.. i cant seem to find a valid reason to attach to this bo-xim-ness personality of mine. or rather, a valid excuse. if i cant even convince myself, what good can it do for others..

to elaborate on that, i've decided to bring in a very appropriate example: my old pal jas.

there's this saying " You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself." this applies. maybe not hate but rather, intense dislike.

i've been bearing this "grudge", sometimes even to the extent of putting the extire blame on her for not keeping in touch after so long, for always disappointing me during the outings with either ching or char and spoiler by bringing tempura maki along, plus forever ditching us if she got other plans.. used to dislike it so much i can feel my blood boil.

and silly me realised, today, that actually i hate that aspect of her becoz i see it in me. take away the tempura maki part and it's me over again.

some friends are no longer in contact bcoz i haven put in any effort to maintain the friendship. on my part, i did nothing except putting blame on others like decorating the xmas tree. i know it's a super bad habit of mine to juz take a sit back and relax attitude and wait for all good things to drop from the sky, to wait for all nice people to take the initiative when i could have easily done that myself. i never. i think i am able to live my life that way forever, waiting only for friends who think i am worthy of their friendship to keep in touch. but i was wrong. i CAN live my life THAT way, but do i? am i willing to do so?

now, i face a mega challenge. sch started last week and most of my friends are on SIP. maintaining a friendship needs constant effort on the part of both parties. do i have the energy to sustain that vast amt of effort that is needed, desperately? am i able to even complete my SIP AND meet up with friends on a consistent basis? the only thought i have when my off day is near is to juz have a good rest so i'm all ready to go again the next working day. i try not to be tired coz that's when the mood swing periods hit. and if i'm nt in tip-top condition, how am i able to live my life?

back to the topic. there are times where i live my day without thinking or feeling the need to contact pals.. often, it's because 5 years ago seemed like last week and yesterday seemed like 5 years ago.. i have a problem with time perception. some memories i hold dear, the time period that they are in seems nearer. memories that are vague, the time period seems so long ago..

i need constance reminder on keeping in touch. i dun think i need self help books. they dun really help.. i need to revamp my wardrobe together with my life.

i was PJ, now PK.

for friends who keep a lookout for new entries in my blog, thank you very much for updating urself with my life. (sounds like pj all over again.. -_-"') if i've nt been keeping in contact with u, pls yell at me the next time u have the chance to. THANKIE!!

Everything starts with yourself. with you making up ur mind abt what you're going to do with your life..

signed in to the counter thingy and found this person's (who came across my blog) blog. he said:

[ Due to (kinda) popular demand (okay, I'm lying), my checklist for the right girl:

1. Nice skin, long hair, pretty eyes.
2. Sociable and genuinely funny
3. Naturally kind to humans and animals
4. Loves children
5. Smart enough to see through my lies
6. Confident enough to love being in her own skin
7. Patient enough to understand my personality
8. She makes it remarkably difficult for me to win her affection
9. She makes me want to be a better person

Looking at the list, it's as though I want to be single all my life. ]

well, he can jolly well be. good luck to him and amen.

sjab gathering.

i am grateful for this much awaited rest day and having a great time despite the meal that ripped twice across my heart.

as expected, the so-called SJAB gathering turned out to be the F4E1 outing. i "met up" with pple that i have the faintest idea about. besides having a 1 sentence conversation (if u call that a conversation) with a senior that i remember but dunno, i never even speak 1 word to any other except those handful from my batch.. kelly was late for 2 and a half hours!!(AS USUAL)

i do agree the whole ambience and decor is great, but the food is totally not to my liking. i am a junk food kinda person. i hate counting calories. the menu items are all printed with the amount of calories beside them. what a healthy lifestyle. and the vegetarian items on the belt are so much more than the NON-vegatarian items.. and i hate it so. even the sugar is the "healthier choice", calories and fat free.

i hate it so. we all do. we were complaining that we could have 2 meals of swensens with that amount of money we spent. or 2 days of kbox. and i have to work 2 days to cover up the cost.

they commented that we are as noisy as we were. and i'm glad about that. we gossip about the same pple that we did 7 years ago. we discussed the same topics as we did then. but it was still as fun.

with diff pple, we all behave differently. from the second we see each other, we never stop chatting. with some other friends, i can observe silence yet feel comfortable. with the 3 other loud kakis, all we do is talk. we never stop.

i'm NOT going to the next sjab outing. especially one that our dear mr WL organises. so far, he hasent hav any great ideas. and the reason why HE chose that restaurant is that his gf works there. the few of us got the feeling of being used. but well, forget it. this will be the first and the last time. plus the only memory i want to keep are those that doesnt involve them.

last but not least, happy bdae to our ah-meow. the oldest yet the youngest.

1 entry.

a million things happened. within a few days. felt as if the world is going the other way round and my mind is in a swirl.

first, the official start of my attachment.
second, dad going overseas.
third, the death of Dr Wee kim wee.
forth, the coming mother's day.
fifth, sjab gathering.
sixth, YP's bday.
seven, my grandma's death anniversary.
eight, feeling unwell.

5 days the nation spent, saying goodbye to the pple's president of s'pore. 2 days later, we'll be celebrating the much awaited day for mothers. this is the best example that life can be. showing that no matter what happens, life has to go on. regardless of the grief, the pain, the sorrow and the misery, time stop for noone. even a much loved, much respected man.

his death brought about memories. memories of my grandma's death on mother's day on my first high school year. memories of her not able to see the millennium. memories of how much she resembles the late Dr Wee. loved and respected, kind and caring, patient and generous... feelings that u know are like ripping a wound before it heals. stories like this, will never be a legend.. at least to me.

was reading the papers and wondering. why am i not able to meet this wonderful man in the past? frankly speaking, i have the vaguest memory of him. i barely remembering him being a president, doing what the papers claimed that he did. but i just believe. that what they said is true. many head of states are being respected. but not many are loved by the people. that's true. so true. to touch the life of one is difficult enough. to touch the lives of thousands and thousands. it's barely possible. but he showed, that miracles happen.

and where can you find someone who can send you 600 letters in ur lifetime? who is able to rank and remember ur 10 favourite songs? someone who is able to sustain love for 69 years? in this lifetime, the pple of s'pore is fortunate. we witnessed magic. and fantasies that come true.

when i'm gone, if i'm able to touch the lives of 5 pple, i'm contented. if 10 strangers attend my wake, it's good enough. so i'm asking myself. is it only when you're gone for good, den pple start remembering all that you've done? start appreciating what you did, start acknowledging your contribution for their change for the better? and is that the only time when pple really forgive what they can never forget when u're still alive and kicking? is that really the time when grudges are gone with the wind like ash?

reading about great things by great man. what good can that be? it's like reading about how someone broke the world record in olympics. we cant fully understand what goes behind the scenes.. we see the glam and glory. only.

只想给自己一个 Happy Day.

只想给自己一个 Happy Day.

and i did it!

went yum cha with eve, jo and tina. had such a fun time laughing and crapping and eating and ordering and gosipping and joking..

the queue was long but the place was surprisingly nice, despite it being in the middle of nowhere and above so many similar shops in chinatown.. i like the layout of the restaurant. it's not like xingfuyingcha whereby the whole place seemd "open."

the Chrysanthemum tea was nice and the bao (pi) was nice.. the dimsum was good. haha.. very long nv had such a fun time le. plus the table calling equipment was working great.

walked ard the small shops of chinatown. and wasnt i amazes to find so many fascinating stuff. things that u wont be able to find in paragon and heeren. not even in far east. lolx..

standing in the middle of chinatown while enjoying coconut water was a total different experience.. the juice taste juz great with the blazing sun.

walked ard the area (cant name the places) and had a shooping trip totally different from the usual walkwalk ard town. our last stop was at OG. called home and my dad fetched me home frm the train station. came home to find my mom cooking pepper crab!!! well, what a feast.

that's why i said i did it.

tml will be back to makeup, uniform, bun hair, stockings and court shoes. bleahz. =(