it was my bro's birthday. on the 28th may. 3 years ago, on the exact same date, i sat for the O level chinese papers. 3 years later, i'm witnessing my siblings studying for the chinese paper on monday. kiss goodbye to memories..
logged on to friendster just now. realised a lot of changes. maybe i've drifted from the world. from my world. or maybe from the world of my friends.
i've learnt that apologising does no help, and what is done is done.
i cant say sorry to those people whom i HAVE NOT been in contact for donkey years.. i cant seem to find a valid reason to attach to this bo-xim-ness personality of mine. or rather, a valid excuse. if i cant even convince myself, what good can it do for others..
to elaborate on that, i've decided to bring in a very appropriate example: my old pal jas.
there's this saying " You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself." this applies. maybe not hate but rather, intense dislike.
i've been bearing this "grudge", sometimes even to the extent of putting the extire blame on her for not keeping in touch after so long, for always disappointing me during the outings with either ching or char and spoiler by bringing tempura maki along, plus forever ditching us if she got other plans.. used to dislike it so much i can feel my blood boil.
and silly me realised, today, that actually i hate that aspect of her becoz i see it in me. take away the tempura maki part and it's me over again.
some friends are no longer in contact bcoz i haven put in any effort to maintain the friendship. on my part, i did nothing except putting blame on others like decorating the xmas tree. i know it's a super bad habit of mine to juz take a sit back and relax attitude and wait for all good things to drop from the sky, to wait for all nice people to take the initiative when i could have easily done that myself. i never. i think i am able to live my life that way forever, waiting only for friends who think i am worthy of their friendship to keep in touch. but i was wrong. i CAN live my life THAT way, but do i? am i willing to do so?
now, i face a mega challenge. sch started last week and most of my friends are on SIP. maintaining a friendship needs constant effort on the part of both parties. do i have the energy to sustain that vast amt of effort that is needed, desperately? am i able to even complete my SIP AND meet up with friends on a consistent basis? the only thought i have when my off day is near is to juz have a good rest so i'm all ready to go again the next working day. i try not to be tired coz that's when the mood swing periods hit. and if i'm nt in tip-top condition, how am i able to live my life?
back to the topic. there are times where i live my day without thinking or feeling the need to contact pals.. often, it's because 5 years ago seemed like last week and yesterday seemed like 5 years ago.. i have a problem with time perception. some memories i hold dear, the time period that they are in seems nearer. memories that are vague, the time period seems so long ago..
i need constance reminder on keeping in touch. i dun think i need self help books. they dun really help.. i need to revamp my wardrobe together with my life.
i was PJ, now PK.
for friends who keep a lookout for new entries in my blog, thank you very much for updating urself with my life. (sounds like pj all over again.. -_-"') if i've nt been keeping in contact with u, pls yell at me the next time u have the chance to. THANKIE!!
Everything starts with yourself. with you making up ur mind abt what you're going to do with your life..
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