anything u resist, persist

came across this before and thot it makes no sense [anything u resist, persist] . now it does.

has been 2 weeks after concierge and more than one and a half months into SIP. had some really enjoyable times, some not-so-terrible occurances and i get along with the pple well... overall, it's okay but somehow, something is not right.

was thinking if i didnt pay as much attention to that inner voice, or i'm juz doing another of that closing-in acts.. came to a conclusion that it's all becoz of insufficient rest and repressed impulses.. so i did some changes to my life.. spent money without feeling anything. i carry the words of "heartache" on my mouth yet i cant feel any pain. i thought the more i spend, the more guilty i'll feel. but i was wrong. usually when i go on a shopping spree, i'll unpack all the things and tk a look at everything again. this time, i juz chuck them in the cupboard. things dont seem to matter.

slept for close to 14 hours. wake up feeling normal. went shopping with my mom at chinatown and walked to SGH to visit my grandpa. since that day i've been trying to remember his age but i couldnt recall. is it 80? 82 or 85... making trips to the hospital makes me feel sick. mom met her cousin there. her cousin's husband dying of cancer. last stage. incurable..

to me, it's nth. pple come, and go. it's juz a matter of time. and the strange feeling is still there. the methods i tried didnt help.

we put them on. it doesnt help us to be a better person. only more self-centered. sometimes, we must have less in order to be more.