i calculated.. i'm 23 weeks and 2 days into my attachment.. that means i would have ended my SIP after this period of time, IF i didnt start early.. BUT too bad i did.

i've always love this picture. it's a picture of one of the skins from www.blogskins.com...
somehow it reminds me of me in a crowd...
been down to do alot of things recently.. and my recent e-log is so long that i couldnt believe the amount of crap i can generate. i juz sat there for hours and type away.. that explains the decrease in number of posts in blogger.. not only that, sth my cousin said sets me thinking.. pple are paying dearly for their freedom of speech on blogger.. being suspended from school, law cases and so on.. so really, if a private space is all we want to vent our anger and blogging provides for all of this and more, why are there pple out there trying to kill this anti-depression tool by which others are using to keep themselves sane? maybe it's the works of the psychologists and psychiatrists.. due to this increasing popular tool to de-stress, fewer pple are scheduled for visits to see personnels of mental health... seriously i wonder, is the world such a tough place to live in??

There's so much i want to say, and so many things i want to do today.

Simple things like waking up early and get out of the house for breakfast, going for a swim coz of this horible weather, cutting my hair coz it's too long, singing at the top of my voice (that would be considered as screaming then, wouldnt it?), going for an eveining jog, meeting up with some friends for tea and a good chat, clearing my cupboard...

It's not that i am procrastinating. I'm not giving excuses here ya. It's just that there are things more important in life than these.. Dont we often read about trying not to miss the little things in life??

To tell the truth, i'm actually dreading going back to work.. So all i want to do today is to slack. slack my day away before i go steamrolling ahead for my last week at reception.

In the confort of my home, i sit watching shows the whole day, waking up late, enjoying brunch without worrying about being late for work, make-up-irritance-free for the whole day, and able to do whatever i like in slow-mo..

Indulgence-Life's greatest pleasure.

~Once in a purple moon sharing time~

I always find myself thinking about other things.
That kinda stuff that would drift into my mind,
then it would grow and take off in a million directions.
After a while,
I noticed that the only thing that had gone by was the time.

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A long long time ago, I've decided to live in a treehouse, or logcabin, or a small hut at some countryside when i grow old without knowing the reason behind that decision. Now that I am old enough, i finally realise why. All thanks to a particular author who said this:

I needed only to be at someplace where i could think straight, remember, and properly invent.
I needed the blessed emptiness of mind that comes from birgsong and dripping trees.
I needed to sleep at night in a square box made of chestmut trees who died of natural causes.

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I used to suffer a great deal thinking I was the only one in the world so lonely and troubled.
Then, I opened the door to myself and discovered there are millions of people just like me.
It isn't lonely anymore..
But it's miserable to be so ordinary.

-There's a hole in my sidewalk by Portia Nelson-

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Soon we became afraid of being punished
and also afraid of not receiving the reward.
The reward is the attention that we got from people.
We soon develop a need to hook other people's attention
in order to get the reward.
The reward feels good, and we keep doing
what others want us to do in order to get the reward.
With that fear of being punished and the fear of not getting the reward,
we start pretending to be what we are not,
just to please others, just to be good enough for someone else.
We pretend to be what we are not because we are afraid of being rejected.
The fear of being rejected becomes the fear of not being good enough.

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Fire is generated by emotions that come from fear. Whenever we feel the emotions of anger, jealousy, envy or hate, we experience a fire burning within us. We are living in a dream of hell.

felt like one of those trick candles that will ignite again after being blown off..

time and again i set my mind to do things that i thought i am capable of doing,
time and again i let myself down.

feel like giving up once and for all. time-sth that i love to read and think abt..

passing time, passing time.. it matters coz i'm always passing through time. backwards.

they say that the star u see at night existed 300 years back. that got to do with the speed of light and what not. right now i going thru time to see for myself this myth.

situations- they're the same everywhere, anytime. they dont change. we do.

crap

- Celestial visitants, flying on spiritual not material opinions.
- Don't have individual names.
- Have intelligence and emotions.
- No gender, no soulmates.
- Telepathic speaking
- No sense of humour, but great joy and wonderful ability to laugh.
- Name itself defies darkness.
- Come to us in groups of 10 or more.
- Read our thoughts if we give permisson
- They are personal. Unless we ask, we won't receive.
- Ask for assistance from others.
- Can help with insomia and even fates.

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the feel of his spirit was too old for most pple to understand and when he walked by they would look up and say O, the sun went behind a cloud, or, the moon must be full. and so he walked for a long time by himself with no one to talk to. pple were so used to seeing him as someone to look up to that he thought they never really saw him.

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did some personality quiz thru the link in ken's blog to find that i am:

introverted, irritable, feels invisible, observer, depressed, does not enjoy leadership, reveals little about self, dislikes large parties, feels undesirable, does not like to stand out, submissive, suspicious, emotionally sensitive, not a thrill seeker, solitude loving, likes silence, fragile, second guesses self, negative, unadventurous, fearful, weird, focuses on people's hidden motives, paranoid, phobic, dependent, cautious, avoidant, semi intellectual..

lolx.

The ones closest to us, are the ones who get the full impact of fluctuating emotions.
It's always like that.

Life has a way to turn the innocent parties into victims.
Maybe that's why they say it's always better to give than to receive.

So no matter how i see it, life's a joke. Live with it.

hello kitty polaroid pics 

QY's bdae celebration today.. at Plaza Parkroyal, as usual, for as long as i remember.. since Sec 2 i think..

food is fantastic, fruits extremely sweet. had my cup of cappaucino, as usual.. now that they've renovated the place, they added a chocolate fountain.. so i had a sinful lunch.. lots of pictures, fun and food...

QY's dad was telling me not to go into F&B or reception nxt time.. if i really want to go into the hotel line, try room sales.. good idea actually.. it's sth like front desk, minus the high chance of contact with nasty guests..

tried Chef Ho's newest creation, some sherbet.. it's fabulous!!! had the pineapple, lemon, orange and coconut one.. hehe.. plus the creampuff with chocolate mousse... arrrr~~ and the drunken prawns.. yummy~

all thanks to QY, it's another day full of laughter and fun.. the rest of the grp entertain us with their stories working as an extra.. and we were sharing horror stories with QY's mom.. and we were the last table to leave.. hehe.. plus we had extra food straight from the kitchen.. hehe.. :)

her birthday prezzies are all colour coded. used to be pink and white. this year it's purple. so she says that i was the one who influenced all of them.. isnt that great? it's such a mysterious emotional colour.. maybe that's why i love it.

another year has passed. send the pics to meow juz now and was looking at the pics we took last year at the same place for her 18th bdae celebration. we've changed. all of us. young then, youthful now. after her, it's me. next year we'll all be 20. another foot into a new phase of ourlives.

juz wanna take this chance to thank whoever staying upstairs for my wonderful life. good life, great family and friends. what more can a person ask for?

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out wif ching ytd.. first to chinatown, then to art museum, the to suntec for the foodfair thingy.. once in a blue moon, i get into the artistic mood.

the things that matter, are usually subtle. juz like a whirlpool underneath a calmy sea, impact undetermined by what we see.

food fair sux, pple everywhere. i'm afraid i'll knock into an old lady, or into a young kid. i'm scared someone will knock into me and splash their bowl of soup or tipped their plate of beehoon on me. and everywhere i turn, i see litter. overflowing rubbish boxes, toothpicks and plastic bags on the floor, empty comtainers at everycorner. not to forget how bad the attitude of the pple was. tsk tsk tsk was all i hear. pple giving the why-u-bang-into-me-yet-nv-apologise dirty look when they're the ones who wasnt moving. this shows that they've nv heard of the phrase-you'll get run over if u remain still.. or was it u'll get knocked down if u stay still. watever it is, i'm iritated. but like what ching says, this is SINGAPORE. how can we ever avoid crowd?
anyway, i missed FoodHotelAsia. if i have the chance, i'll go again. but i doubt so

to add on, i was at the customer service counter in bugis this morning and heard this lady exclaiming that "how can u give customer service when u're so slow in attending to customers." so what she says irritates me to the max. so i told meow and BL that at my workplace, s'poreans are the fussy ones and most likely to complain.. so they want efficient AND excellent service.

i got no complaints abt the staff's service. polite, efficient and the gift is nicely wrapped. the lady is impatient and fussy. demanded for a free wrapper, and when the staff passed it to her, she juz snatched it without a word of thanks and demanded for the scotchtape, all the while grumbling abt how slow the staff there were and their service. so tell me. how can a customer blame the staff when the customer didnt know that patience is a virtue ad that it's obvious to everyone there that the staff were putting their best comforting a lost ger, locating her parents while attending to a queue of pple? y cant she juz wait for a few freaking minutes? our time is as precious as hers. juz because she bought some kid's presents last minute doesnt mean that everyone got to accommodate to her needs. she should buy things in advance to prevent such incidents from happening. when u're in a bad mood, dun blame it on others. especially the service staff. it's bad karma. what goes ard comes ard. GOOD luck to her.