~Once in a purple moon sharing time~

I always find myself thinking about other things.
That kinda stuff that would drift into my mind,
then it would grow and take off in a million directions.
After a while,
I noticed that the only thing that had gone by was the time.

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A long long time ago, I've decided to live in a treehouse, or logcabin, or a small hut at some countryside when i grow old without knowing the reason behind that decision. Now that I am old enough, i finally realise why. All thanks to a particular author who said this:

I needed only to be at someplace where i could think straight, remember, and properly invent.
I needed the blessed emptiness of mind that comes from birgsong and dripping trees.
I needed to sleep at night in a square box made of chestmut trees who died of natural causes.

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I used to suffer a great deal thinking I was the only one in the world so lonely and troubled.
Then, I opened the door to myself and discovered there are millions of people just like me.
It isn't lonely anymore..
But it's miserable to be so ordinary.

-There's a hole in my sidewalk by Portia Nelson-

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Soon we became afraid of being punished
and also afraid of not receiving the reward.
The reward is the attention that we got from people.
We soon develop a need to hook other people's attention
in order to get the reward.
The reward feels good, and we keep doing
what others want us to do in order to get the reward.
With that fear of being punished and the fear of not getting the reward,
we start pretending to be what we are not,
just to please others, just to be good enough for someone else.
We pretend to be what we are not because we are afraid of being rejected.
The fear of being rejected becomes the fear of not being good enough.

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Fire is generated by emotions that come from fear. Whenever we feel the emotions of anger, jealousy, envy or hate, we experience a fire burning within us. We are living in a dream of hell.