yeah~ raining heavily now.. juz now drizzling... den when i on the fan coz it's too hot, the rain gets heavier and heavier.. hmm.. now indulging in the whole too-"cool"-to-be-true weather.. den drinking sth warm.. haha.. the feeling is great! think i dun need to eat the kinder bueno liao.. haha...

hmm.. raining days are great.. cool calming effect sia.. the world seems to slow down.. but now ar.. thinking if ayer rajah there the pple how.. coz if it's raining island-wide, den the evacuation will slow down too.. den the pple "unaccounted for" would have to wait longer to be rescued.. den maybe the soil in that area will be less stable or sth.. den maybe more accidents?? *choy~

pray hard bah.. coz i'm at home slacking and ya.. can only pray for them, hope for the best, trust in the pple at the site, that they will do their best.. and believe that the pple tt are trapped or what has strong willpower to hang on till they're being found.. the rain willl calm them down..

thurs 29 bah

hmm.. i was right in my previous entry.. needed the kinder bueno for other reasons.. instinct? psychic? i dunno.. watever the reason, it's true.. think ltr i go eat that choco.. and ya.. bueno means gd..

hmm.. a brand new day, a brand new start.. aiyo~ juz now den realise why i'm tired always.. coz i dream in the night.. tt's y nv slp properly sia~ ytd oso.. so many diff scenes in my dreams.. cannot keep up with them.. den cannot rem any of them leh.. sian~ coz rem tt they're all quite interesting.. den can have story telling session mah.. nice day leh~ not too hot, not too cold.. can slack ard..

actually wanted to go out with my frens one.. den in the end we decided to go to JB and eat the beef noodles and some other dishes another day... yippee!!! really looking forward to it sia~ den can go malaysia see see.. hmm.. dunno whether there's training this sat leh~ if it's hot day den sian 1/2 sia.. better rain HEAVILY lor.. coz den the weather will be so much nicer~

hmm.. woke up so late today.. like pig lidat.. slp till 1.30.. den my fone woke me up.. Rie msg lah.. cant rem wat the msg says either.. lazy to check anyway.. haha.. gd day for slacking and all.. think it's high time i go back to watching episodes and episodes of slam dunk again,.. and laughing my head off coz of the anime.. hehe.. aiya.. but if i watch den will lost track of time de.. haha.. always lidat.. but gd lah.. the holidays so long.. muz watch b4 i pass it to TJ.. he oso wanna watch.. =)

education & history~ wed 28 apr

i know why the world is turning into an ugly place.. it's coz of education and history.. with these factors come knowledge and experience. thru that, we're able to know and learn more and i began to realise that i'm turning into the person that i dun wanna become.. a few yrs back, i used to keep my mouth shut even though i've views that werent heard.. but slowly, i've getting outta that stay-out-of-trouble shell.. why shld i bother? i've freedom of speech anyway..

well, tried to be a smart alec (or watever u all call).. telling my dad that he's been drinking wine the wrong way even though i'm nt too sure entirely.. juz bcoz i've learnt about wine & i ASSUME that i'm wise enuff to "teach" others.. hmm.. sounds bad huh~ see, when u've a little knowledge abt sth, u tend to "fire away" wat u think, esp when that thing doesnt seem to be "correct." but how u define "correct" and what's not? hee.. yeah~ juz trying to sound great & clever.. actually dunno much de.. by doing this hey-i'm-better-den-u behaviour, aint i irritating my dad? imagine he actually loves drinking wine the "wrong way". that's more impt den drinking it the right way right? anyway, who am i to tell him how to enjoy himself when he himself knows best? in addition, who determines the "right" way to drink wine? you? me? or some freak tt prob has some prob with his or her tastebuds?

it's funny how human minds work.. geehz.. think i'm toking outta point liao.. anyway, see.. this proves how education and history makes the world an ugly place.. with education, we think tt we're way smarter and better den others, making us proud and arrogant beings.. with history, those nonsense crap and "valuable" info gets passed down generations and generations. but who gives a damn anyway? i do things the way i like, the way i want to.. not by following strict rules and guidelines frm some1 that's six feet under for maybe 6 million yrs.. anyway, aint we encouraged to be flexible in the society now? throw away or burn those history records..

WE'RE HERE AT THE PRESENT TO CREATE HISTORY FOR THE FUTURE.. oh my~ that actually rhythms..

~Paranoia?? Wed Apr 28

hmm. .watched dawn of the dead today.. not too bad.. managed to scare myself at the beginning.. but this show not like other horror movies whereby it'll make my heart beat faster thru the whole show.. it's not those sudden-bang-i-scare-u-*haha kinda show.. more like using a future possibility to instill fear in pple and make us reflect? dunno.. think u muz watch the show b4 u understand what i'm saying..

realised tt i'm being quite paraniod nowadays.. keep having the feeling tt i'll sprain my ankle and twist it quite badly.. so dun dare to go jogging and jump abt.. coz even though i'm standing with my 2 feet, i can "imagine" pain.. sian sia.. lidat ar.. like distracted when i walk... den not only tt..

during trainings' warm up and cool down neck exercises, i always have the feeling tt sth sharp will "fly" over and slash my throat... maybe a bird will peck on it or sth.. if not is a blade of leave? i dunno.. sth tt can slip open my throat and blood will splurt out.. damn gross sia.. den very careful not to stretch it fully in case sth really cut my throat and together with the "stretching effect", i'll tear my throat unknowingly.. besides tt, the unknown factor oso makes me uncomfy~

abt 2-3 at night ar.. i'll feel weird.. like abit uncomfortable.. den when i brush my teeth in the washroom, i sort of imagine tt either a female face will pop up behing mine and wave, or when i pull open the shower curtain, someone will be standing there, smiling and saying hi.. worse thing is tt even when i slp, i close my eyes and imagine tt if i open them, there'll be either 1)someone floating on top of me and smirking, 2) someone sleeping beside me (feel the pressure beside the queen size bed i'm slping on and asking for a share of the blanket) or 3) standing IN the wall and i see "it" thru the mirror.. think i imagine too much sia... esp ard 2-3 am.. will feel as if sth is watching wat i'm doing at the com... den Tina and Claire still muz tell those experience thingy ytd.. even worse.. haha.. hmm.. think i better go switch off my brain for a few moments.. ltr i start seeing things den not too gd sia..

Mon Apr 26, 11 AM

wanted to use the "i miss you" blogskin.. but realised that there's no point in using it.. really..
hmm.. i know he wont be reading it.. so.. even if he somehow managed to, i dun think tt he'll know who i'm referring to.. sad case lah.. anyway, it's my fault all along.. and didnt really wanna tok abt it.. but here i am blogging..

well, i thot tt i'm always the "sensible" one amongst my frens.. and most of them think so too.. had been toking to them abt moving on and all... but maybe the one who shld move on is me.. really.. coz i realised tt everytime something happened, if they come to me, i'll say stuff that're quite similar.. i only know how to be there, listen and input once in a while.. but maybe those comments aint needed by them anyway.. coz it's from me..

hmm.. maybe i want to live in the past so tt i dun have to deal with the present, which is quite true.. hiding away from reality.. too bad it somehow always managed to find me.. and "wake me up". dunno why i'm in such a mood today.. but guess it's normal.. been a bit cranky since the exams.. it isnt stress, i know.. coz it drag on till now.. even my parents and relatives are saying tt i'm siao~ haizz.. dunno.. gonna enjoy my M day with my grp of poly frens~ hope the outing turns out fine..

ourselves?

Most pple, in fact everyone, love toking abt themselves.. we often try to interest pple by toking abt things tt we are keen in, frequently bringing ourselves into the picture.. and when during a period of time you feel as if although everybody hears, no one's really listening; or that u think u need a larger pool of audience, u'll most probably turn to other ways of communicating to the world abt yourself.. u pray & tok to God(he'll always be there..), you play & tok to ur pets(they'll listen, you think so..), you'll write a diary... HEY! that's what a blog is for right?? see the link?

oh my~ my linking and crapping skills are getting better.. we "penned" down our feelings & thoughts & keep a record of wat we did, felt and thought of, gave pple our blog add so that they are sort of "encouraged" to read.. but why are we doing so? aint we "promoting" ourselves or sth? Gd qn huh.. or are we juz trying to gain more attention and sympathy in the hope tt one of our "readers" will read and tok to you abt you? well, amybe the other side of the picture is true - u're keeping a record of ur life so tt u can refer to in the future..

however, both ways show the nt so gd side of pple.. it's nt tt i wanna be pessimistic and negative abt the whole issue.. it's juz tt.. well... maybe i'm lost in the little unimportant bo liao details tt i often missed out on the overall situation? the big picture? yeah~ maybe~ this again proves how humans are self-centered.. i'm 1 gd example aint i? hmm.. aint gonna continue liao lah.. till nxt time~

self-centered humans?

gonna reflect on wat Nino said ytd.. well, humans are weird.. or rather, difficult to understand.. you see, when we go out, we search for nice things to buy so that we can use and wear them. the next time we go out wearing the nice things, we search for nice things again.. so tt we can wear them for the next outing..

think: are we really in neeed of them? are we juz searching for nicer things coz we like it or are we tired of our ususla stuff? coz it's not new anymore? get my point? and who are we doing tt for?

most pple on the stretts wont prob wont notice it anyway unless u wore sth outrageous, inappropriate or damn skimpy.. even so, it'll only get stashed somewhere in their short-term memory, only to be forgotten the next half a day or so.. and they WONT remember you..

so if we assume tt we dun dress up for pple, den who are we trying to impress? ourselves? maybe bah.. tt's why humans are weird.. we try so hard to gain attention and recognition from those ard us and in the end, maybe all we're doing is for ourselves. this brings us to the conclusion that we're self-centered.. or put it in a nicer way~ self-conscious.. see..

pple are too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them to really notice you.. and face it.. u know this is true.. we think for ourselves.. not the other way round.. and you and i are no exception..

smiling and frowning..

Smile and the world smiles with you.. Frown, get more wrinkles and the world laughs at your stupidity..
why do pple always say tt a smile brighten up the day and a frown can crumples the whole world? That juz doesnt make sense does it? A smile is not a star nor a lamp.. So how can it brightens up? So if u use it as a metaphor and relates it to "twinkle"-in-the-eye smile kinda thing, den maybe it's true.. and abt frowning..It only makes ur day a bit worse, a little darker.. It doesnt crumples.. Unless its again used such tt the phrase creates an exaggerating effect.. den maybe the world dims..
to add on,laugh alone and the world thinks tt u're a nutcase and u're close to insanity.. but this is not true either.. the world cant think.. even if it can, we wont know.. it is the pple who think.. not the world, as in earth? haizz.. think i'm slowly driving myself nuts...

Life

life is fair.. dun u all think so? No? then let me explain why..

1stly, no one can question life, quarrels with it and still wins. so everyone is equal.

2ndly, life always saves the best till the last. look at how bad pple get their "ending" and gd pple get their sorta "gift". gd always triumph, in shows and real life..

3rdly, there is absolutely nth you can do even when it is unfair.. right? so the only option is to "leave things to fate" and hope for the best. coz life will make sure tt things are in balance.. and when certain things happen and there's not much hope for ya, smile and live on.. HOPE is the gift life has in store for ya.. it keeps u going doent it? and u'll learn & grow along.. so when things are better, u'll appreciate it more, even though u have less than what others own... isnt it? hmm.. and life's fair coz everyone's the same.. no one's a virgin.. life screws us all.. righto?? =>

start of the journey

hmm.. guess i'm a super duper newbie.. spent quite some time figuring the blogskin to change the colours, add tag board, change quite abit.. somemore all in alien language.. had fun trying out though.. well, i've been pondering for some time.. trying to make up my mind and see if i shld create one of those so-called blog.. well, here i am.. so if i've decided that i'm indecisive, den what am i?