I read about this somewhere:
"Silence was his escape, but silence is rarely a refuge."
I agree with this totally.. But I do know that it is one of my best survival tools so it is something i cannot do without. 150+ they used to remind me that I don't seem to have any emotions in the past. Not that I changed now, but they've learnt to accept me for who I am. They once suggested that I should try to be more like QY.. when I see them at the MRT station 3 cabins away, i should try to catch their attention by 1)waving frantically so that they'll notice me or 2)keep shouting their names... Sad to say, it's not something that PJ will do.. They know that if they see me doing that one day, it's either 1) the person is not me or 2) PJ has gone crazy..
So they asked for my reactions. 1) no reaction, continue my journey without letting them know my existence 2) use my phone and call them, duh.
Sometimes there's just no point in asking "u're going out ar?" when u see someone outside.. it's the same as asking someone "having lunch ar?" when u see them at the foodcourt or "u're using the toilet ar" when u see them in the washroom... for me, when there's no need to talk, just shut up. no harm's done. keeping quiet beats saying the wrong things.. and i always end up saying something that i dun really mean, wrong tone, or something that pple wont feel happy after hearing.. so i try to act upon this golden rule "There is no need to speak unless i can improve on silence."
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projeciton of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.. Still trying hard.. People don't come to see me be me. They come to see me be them.. and they never once put themselve in my shoes and see from MY point of view.. maybe i can expect people to be more like me...
There are 3 types of people in this world. there are those who have gd PR skills, those who always do PR halfway, and those without.. 150+ belongs to the first grp, JC is in the 2nd grp, and i'm in the last. Being in the wrong course has always been our fav topic for my TP buddies.. we all quite dislike socialising.. Personally, any exchange of information = gossip and can only be done when the correct mood sets in.. like after lunch or during gatherings..
and i hate the feeling of being expected to say something when i don't even feel like speaking..
hasnt been back to the temple to help out since before SIP last year. 2 things i learnt during the period:
1) You can't please everyone so you got to please yourself..
2) Not to walk in other people's shadows..
so just when i've been 'enlightened', i'm not going to compromise just because others are unhappy/dissatisfied with how i behave just because i am who i am..
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sorry Tina, for the endless grumbles this week and a BIG thank you for listening.. and can we set a date somewhere early Feb for Yum Cha with Jo and Eve?
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my conclusion for this week's reflections:
Need to enliven life with more anger.
Aggression is better than repression.
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