Friday, September 30
i've always love this picture. it's a picture of one of the skins from www.blogskins.com...
somehow it reminds me of me in a crowd...
been down to do alot of things recently.. and my recent e-log is so long that i couldnt believe the amount of crap i can generate. i juz sat there for hours and type away.. that explains the decrease in number of posts in blogger.. not only that, sth my cousin said sets me thinking.. pple are paying dearly for their freedom of speech on blogger.. being suspended from school, law cases and so on.. so really, if a private space is all we want to vent our anger and blogging provides for all of this and more, why are there pple out there trying to kill this anti-depression tool by which others are using to keep themselves sane? maybe it's the works of the psychologists and psychiatrists.. due to this increasing popular tool to de-stress, fewer pple are scheduled for visits to see personnels of mental health... seriously i wonder, is the world such a tough place to live in??
Monday, September 26
There's so much i want to say, and so many things i want to do today.
Simple things like waking up early and get out of the house for breakfast, going for a swim coz of this horible weather, cutting my hair coz it's too long, singing at the top of my voice (that would be considered as screaming then, wouldnt it?), going for an eveining jog, meeting up with some friends for tea and a good chat, clearing my cupboard...
It's not that i am procrastinating. I'm not giving excuses here ya. It's just that there are things more important in life than these.. Dont we often read about trying not to miss the little things in life??
To tell the truth, i'm actually dreading going back to work.. So all i want to do today is to slack. slack my day away before i go steamrolling ahead for my last week at reception.
In the confort of my home, i sit watching shows the whole day, waking up late, enjoying brunch without worrying about being late for work, make-up-irritance-free for the whole day, and able to do whatever i like in slow-mo..
Indulgence-Life's greatest pleasure.
Simple things like waking up early and get out of the house for breakfast, going for a swim coz of this horible weather, cutting my hair coz it's too long, singing at the top of my voice (that would be considered as screaming then, wouldnt it?), going for an eveining jog, meeting up with some friends for tea and a good chat, clearing my cupboard...
It's not that i am procrastinating. I'm not giving excuses here ya. It's just that there are things more important in life than these.. Dont we often read about trying not to miss the little things in life??
To tell the truth, i'm actually dreading going back to work.. So all i want to do today is to slack. slack my day away before i go steamrolling ahead for my last week at reception.
In the confort of my home, i sit watching shows the whole day, waking up late, enjoying brunch without worrying about being late for work, make-up-irritance-free for the whole day, and able to do whatever i like in slow-mo..
Indulgence-Life's greatest pleasure.
Friday, September 23
~Once in a purple moon sharing time~
I always find myself thinking about other things.
That kinda stuff that would drift into my mind,
then it would grow and take off in a million directions.
After a while,
I noticed that the only thing that had gone by was the time.
--------------------------------------------------
A long long time ago, I've decided to live in a treehouse, or logcabin, or a small hut at some countryside when i grow old without knowing the reason behind that decision. Now that I am old enough, i finally realise why. All thanks to a particular author who said this:
I needed only to be at someplace where i could think straight, remember, and properly invent.
I needed the blessed emptiness of mind that comes from birgsong and dripping trees.
I needed to sleep at night in a square box made of chestmut trees who died of natural causes.
------------------------------------------------
I used to suffer a great deal thinking I was the only one in the world so lonely and troubled.
Then, I opened the door to myself and discovered there are millions of people just like me.
It isn't lonely anymore..
But it's miserable to be so ordinary.
-There's a hole in my sidewalk by Portia Nelson-
-----------------------------------------------
Soon we became afraid of being punished
and also afraid of not receiving the reward.
The reward is the attention that we got from people.
We soon develop a need to hook other people's attention
in order to get the reward.
The reward feels good, and we keep doing
what others want us to do in order to get the reward.
With that fear of being punished and the fear of not getting the reward,
we start pretending to be what we are not,
just to please others, just to be good enough for someone else.
We pretend to be what we are not because we are afraid of being rejected.
The fear of being rejected becomes the fear of not being good enough.
----------------------------------------------
Fire is generated by emotions that come from fear. Whenever we feel the emotions of anger, jealousy, envy or hate, we experience a fire burning within us. We are living in a dream of hell.
That kinda stuff that would drift into my mind,
then it would grow and take off in a million directions.
After a while,
I noticed that the only thing that had gone by was the time.
--------------------------------------------------
A long long time ago, I've decided to live in a treehouse, or logcabin, or a small hut at some countryside when i grow old without knowing the reason behind that decision. Now that I am old enough, i finally realise why. All thanks to a particular author who said this:
I needed only to be at someplace where i could think straight, remember, and properly invent.
I needed the blessed emptiness of mind that comes from birgsong and dripping trees.
I needed to sleep at night in a square box made of chestmut trees who died of natural causes.
------------------------------------------------
I used to suffer a great deal thinking I was the only one in the world so lonely and troubled.
Then, I opened the door to myself and discovered there are millions of people just like me.
It isn't lonely anymore..
But it's miserable to be so ordinary.
-There's a hole in my sidewalk by Portia Nelson-
-----------------------------------------------
Soon we became afraid of being punished
and also afraid of not receiving the reward.
The reward is the attention that we got from people.
We soon develop a need to hook other people's attention
in order to get the reward.
The reward feels good, and we keep doing
what others want us to do in order to get the reward.
With that fear of being punished and the fear of not getting the reward,
we start pretending to be what we are not,
just to please others, just to be good enough for someone else.
We pretend to be what we are not because we are afraid of being rejected.
The fear of being rejected becomes the fear of not being good enough.
----------------------------------------------
Fire is generated by emotions that come from fear. Whenever we feel the emotions of anger, jealousy, envy or hate, we experience a fire burning within us. We are living in a dream of hell.
Monday, September 19
felt like one of those trick candles that will ignite again after being blown off..
time and again i set my mind to do things that i thought i am capable of doing,
time and again i let myself down.
feel like giving up once and for all. time-sth that i love to read and think abt..
passing time, passing time.. it matters coz i'm always passing through time. backwards.
they say that the star u see at night existed 300 years back. that got to do with the speed of light and what not. right now i going thru time to see for myself this myth.
situations- they're the same everywhere, anytime. they dont change. we do.
time and again i set my mind to do things that i thought i am capable of doing,
time and again i let myself down.
feel like giving up once and for all. time-sth that i love to read and think abt..
passing time, passing time.. it matters coz i'm always passing through time. backwards.
they say that the star u see at night existed 300 years back. that got to do with the speed of light and what not. right now i going thru time to see for myself this myth.
situations- they're the same everywhere, anytime. they dont change. we do.
crap
- Celestial visitants, flying on spiritual not material opinions.
- Don't have individual names.
- Have intelligence and emotions.
- No gender, no soulmates.
- Telepathic speaking
- No sense of humour, but great joy and wonderful ability to laugh.
- Name itself defies darkness.
- Come to us in groups of 10 or more.
- Read our thoughts if we give permisson
- They are personal. Unless we ask, we won't receive.
- Ask for assistance from others.
- Can help with insomia and even fates.
-------------------------------------------------------
the feel of his spirit was too old for most pple to understand and when he walked by they would look up and say O, the sun went behind a cloud, or, the moon must be full. and so he walked for a long time by himself with no one to talk to. pple were so used to seeing him as someone to look up to that he thought they never really saw him.
------------------------------------------------------
did some personality quiz thru the link in ken's blog to find that i am:
introverted, irritable, feels invisible, observer, depressed, does not enjoy leadership, reveals little about self, dislikes large parties, feels undesirable, does not like to stand out, submissive, suspicious, emotionally sensitive, not a thrill seeker, solitude loving, likes silence, fragile, second guesses self, negative, unadventurous, fearful, weird, focuses on people's hidden motives, paranoid, phobic, dependent, cautious, avoidant, semi intellectual..
lolx.
- Don't have individual names.
- Have intelligence and emotions.
- No gender, no soulmates.
- Telepathic speaking
- No sense of humour, but great joy and wonderful ability to laugh.
- Name itself defies darkness.
- Come to us in groups of 10 or more.
- Read our thoughts if we give permisson
- They are personal. Unless we ask, we won't receive.
- Ask for assistance from others.
- Can help with insomia and even fates.
-------------------------------------------------------
the feel of his spirit was too old for most pple to understand and when he walked by they would look up and say O, the sun went behind a cloud, or, the moon must be full. and so he walked for a long time by himself with no one to talk to. pple were so used to seeing him as someone to look up to that he thought they never really saw him.
------------------------------------------------------
did some personality quiz thru the link in ken's blog to find that i am:
introverted, irritable, feels invisible, observer, depressed, does not enjoy leadership, reveals little about self, dislikes large parties, feels undesirable, does not like to stand out, submissive, suspicious, emotionally sensitive, not a thrill seeker, solitude loving, likes silence, fragile, second guesses self, negative, unadventurous, fearful, weird, focuses on people's hidden motives, paranoid, phobic, dependent, cautious, avoidant, semi intellectual..
lolx.
Thursday, September 8
Monday, September 5
Sunday, September 4
QY's bdae celebration today.. at Plaza Parkroyal, as usual, for as long as i remember.. since Sec 2 i think..
food is fantastic, fruits extremely sweet. had my cup of cappaucino, as usual.. now that they've renovated the place, they added a chocolate fountain.. so i had a sinful lunch.. lots of pictures, fun and food...
QY's dad was telling me not to go into F&B or reception nxt time.. if i really want to go into the hotel line, try room sales.. good idea actually.. it's sth like front desk, minus the high chance of contact with nasty guests..
tried Chef Ho's newest creation, some sherbet.. it's fabulous!!! had the pineapple, lemon, orange and coconut one.. hehe.. plus the creampuff with chocolate mousse... arrrr~~ and the drunken prawns.. yummy~
all thanks to QY, it's another day full of laughter and fun.. the rest of the grp entertain us with their stories working as an extra.. and we were sharing horror stories with QY's mom.. and we were the last table to leave.. hehe.. plus we had extra food straight from the kitchen.. hehe.. :)
her birthday prezzies are all colour coded. used to be pink and white. this year it's purple. so she says that i was the one who influenced all of them.. isnt that great? it's such a mysterious emotional colour.. maybe that's why i love it.
another year has passed. send the pics to meow juz now and was looking at the pics we took last year at the same place for her 18th bdae celebration. we've changed. all of us. young then, youthful now. after her, it's me. next year we'll all be 20. another foot into a new phase of ourlives.
juz wanna take this chance to thank whoever staying upstairs for my wonderful life. good life, great family and friends. what more can a person ask for?
----------------------------------------------------
out wif ching ytd.. first to chinatown, then to art museum, the to suntec for the foodfair thingy.. once in a blue moon, i get into the artistic mood.
the things that matter, are usually subtle. juz like a whirlpool underneath a calmy sea, impact undetermined by what we see.
food fair sux, pple everywhere. i'm afraid i'll knock into an old lady, or into a young kid. i'm scared someone will knock into me and splash their bowl of soup or tipped their plate of beehoon on me. and everywhere i turn, i see litter. overflowing rubbish boxes, toothpicks and plastic bags on the floor, empty comtainers at everycorner. not to forget how bad the attitude of the pple was. tsk tsk tsk was all i hear. pple giving the why-u-bang-into-me-yet-nv-apologise dirty look when they're the ones who wasnt moving. this shows that they've nv heard of the phrase-you'll get run over if u remain still.. or was it u'll get knocked down if u stay still. watever it is, i'm iritated. but like what ching says, this is SINGAPORE. how can we ever avoid crowd?
anyway, i missed FoodHotelAsia. if i have the chance, i'll go again. but i doubt so
to add on, i was at the customer service counter in bugis this morning and heard this lady exclaiming that "how can u give customer service when u're so slow in attending to customers." so what she says irritates me to the max. so i told meow and BL that at my workplace, s'poreans are the fussy ones and most likely to complain.. so they want efficient AND excellent service.
i got no complaints abt the staff's service. polite, efficient and the gift is nicely wrapped. the lady is impatient and fussy. demanded for a free wrapper, and when the staff passed it to her, she juz snatched it without a word of thanks and demanded for the scotchtape, all the while grumbling abt how slow the staff there were and their service. so tell me. how can a customer blame the staff when the customer didnt know that patience is a virtue ad that it's obvious to everyone there that the staff were putting their best comforting a lost ger, locating her parents while attending to a queue of pple? y cant she juz wait for a few freaking minutes? our time is as precious as hers. juz because she bought some kid's presents last minute doesnt mean that everyone got to accommodate to her needs. she should buy things in advance to prevent such incidents from happening. when u're in a bad mood, dun blame it on others. especially the service staff. it's bad karma. what goes ard comes ard. GOOD luck to her.
food is fantastic, fruits extremely sweet. had my cup of cappaucino, as usual.. now that they've renovated the place, they added a chocolate fountain.. so i had a sinful lunch.. lots of pictures, fun and food...
QY's dad was telling me not to go into F&B or reception nxt time.. if i really want to go into the hotel line, try room sales.. good idea actually.. it's sth like front desk, minus the high chance of contact with nasty guests..
tried Chef Ho's newest creation, some sherbet.. it's fabulous!!! had the pineapple, lemon, orange and coconut one.. hehe.. plus the creampuff with chocolate mousse... arrrr~~ and the drunken prawns.. yummy~
all thanks to QY, it's another day full of laughter and fun.. the rest of the grp entertain us with their stories working as an extra.. and we were sharing horror stories with QY's mom.. and we were the last table to leave.. hehe.. plus we had extra food straight from the kitchen.. hehe.. :)
her birthday prezzies are all colour coded. used to be pink and white. this year it's purple. so she says that i was the one who influenced all of them.. isnt that great? it's such a mysterious emotional colour.. maybe that's why i love it.
another year has passed. send the pics to meow juz now and was looking at the pics we took last year at the same place for her 18th bdae celebration. we've changed. all of us. young then, youthful now. after her, it's me. next year we'll all be 20. another foot into a new phase of ourlives.
juz wanna take this chance to thank whoever staying upstairs for my wonderful life. good life, great family and friends. what more can a person ask for?
----------------------------------------------------
out wif ching ytd.. first to chinatown, then to art museum, the to suntec for the foodfair thingy.. once in a blue moon, i get into the artistic mood.
the things that matter, are usually subtle. juz like a whirlpool underneath a calmy sea, impact undetermined by what we see.
food fair sux, pple everywhere. i'm afraid i'll knock into an old lady, or into a young kid. i'm scared someone will knock into me and splash their bowl of soup or tipped their plate of beehoon on me. and everywhere i turn, i see litter. overflowing rubbish boxes, toothpicks and plastic bags on the floor, empty comtainers at everycorner. not to forget how bad the attitude of the pple was. tsk tsk tsk was all i hear. pple giving the why-u-bang-into-me-yet-nv-apologise dirty look when they're the ones who wasnt moving. this shows that they've nv heard of the phrase-you'll get run over if u remain still.. or was it u'll get knocked down if u stay still. watever it is, i'm iritated. but like what ching says, this is SINGAPORE. how can we ever avoid crowd?
anyway, i missed FoodHotelAsia. if i have the chance, i'll go again. but i doubt so
to add on, i was at the customer service counter in bugis this morning and heard this lady exclaiming that "how can u give customer service when u're so slow in attending to customers." so what she says irritates me to the max. so i told meow and BL that at my workplace, s'poreans are the fussy ones and most likely to complain.. so they want efficient AND excellent service.
i got no complaints abt the staff's service. polite, efficient and the gift is nicely wrapped. the lady is impatient and fussy. demanded for a free wrapper, and when the staff passed it to her, she juz snatched it without a word of thanks and demanded for the scotchtape, all the while grumbling abt how slow the staff there were and their service. so tell me. how can a customer blame the staff when the customer didnt know that patience is a virtue ad that it's obvious to everyone there that the staff were putting their best comforting a lost ger, locating her parents while attending to a queue of pple? y cant she juz wait for a few freaking minutes? our time is as precious as hers. juz because she bought some kid's presents last minute doesnt mean that everyone got to accommodate to her needs. she should buy things in advance to prevent such incidents from happening. when u're in a bad mood, dun blame it on others. especially the service staff. it's bad karma. what goes ard comes ard. GOOD luck to her.
Tuesday, August 23
If life had a remote control, which button would you rather hit?
- Pause
- Record
- Rewind
- Fast forward
- Eject
============================================
i have been single for so long i dont know if i wll remain unattached for the rest of my days... (haha)
============================================
i'm plodding thru life in black and white while everyone else is joyously dancing around in garish multicolours.. =(
============================================
the 4 Cs i want:
Curiosity
Confidence
Courage
Constancy
- Pause
- Record
- Rewind
- Fast forward
- Eject
============================================
i have been single for so long i dont know if i wll remain unattached for the rest of my days... (haha)
============================================
i'm plodding thru life in black and white while everyone else is joyously dancing around in garish multicolours.. =(
============================================
the 4 Cs i want:
Curiosity
Confidence
Courage
Constancy
Saturday, August 20
has been a long time since i started blogging.. used to love my entries so much i'd read them over again just to make myself contented. set up archives link so that others who missed out can catch up. wanted to do some serious reflection but realised i cant seem to blog about interesting things anymore. i'm nt saying that the entries were interesting but at least they're nt all about work, work, tired, work, sian, haizz, and watever. at least i'm able to say and express. somehow, words mean nothing and a blog is juz an empty space. i cant convince myself to let emotions form in nothingness and how am i supposed to tangiblise feelings? okay.. paragraphing prob again..
the two ways i can differentiate between an okay mood and a bad one is through the use of CAPS and exclaimation marks(!!!!!) and the other without caps and lots of (....).
so if i'm unhappy i can say "WATEVER! MAKE USE of the trainees!!!!!!!"
if i'm fine, i can say "watever lah~ it doesnt matter....."
so somehow, i can only imagine u pple having 2 images of me while reading my blog. no kidding.
so today's entry lack of "!!" and "THIS ONE". so there's no need to further elaborate on how i am today.
the two ways i can differentiate between an okay mood and a bad one is through the use of CAPS and exclaimation marks(!!!!!) and the other without caps and lots of (....).
so if i'm unhappy i can say "WATEVER! MAKE USE of the trainees!!!!!!!"
if i'm fine, i can say "watever lah~ it doesnt matter....."
so somehow, i can only imagine u pple having 2 images of me while reading my blog. no kidding.
so today's entry lack of "!!" and "THIS ONE". so there's no need to further elaborate on how i am today.
Monday, August 15
i guess most of the time, i dunno how to be a friend. but anyway, dig up one of my quote books today.. realised that the quotes that i took down are those than i can relate to, somehow or another.. words that impact.. but maybe nt anymore.. watever it is, time waits for no one. the world moves on.
i'm nt trying to make everyone see my point of view.. i'm trying hard to convince myself too.. most of the time i dunno what i shld do, so long as i do sth... coz i know that change is the only constant. in order to move on, am i supposed to be changing or shld i be standing still? if i'm stationary, the world moves on, so things are changing. if i'm changing and the world is changing, maybe we'll always be the same..
saw this horoscope thingy that i think is true:
[all will be well if Librans dont insist on explanations]
it's true.. but why is it so?
i'm nt trying to make everyone see my point of view.. i'm trying hard to convince myself too.. most of the time i dunno what i shld do, so long as i do sth... coz i know that change is the only constant. in order to move on, am i supposed to be changing or shld i be standing still? if i'm stationary, the world moves on, so things are changing. if i'm changing and the world is changing, maybe we'll always be the same..
saw this horoscope thingy that i think is true:
[all will be well if Librans dont insist on explanations]
it's true.. but why is it so?
Monday, July 4
July 5, 2005
It would seem that your sensitivity is in slight conflict with your actions, peijun. You continue to go through the daily motions and do what you planned on doing, but it seems as if your heart isn't in it anymore. Don't ask yourself why. It's just that you have worked hard and have been thinking hard lately. You have reached your limit and it is time for you to rest.
all i did today was stare at the computer and type the whole hotel standards into soft copy!! and i'm left wif 2 more depts... she told me what she intended to do.. that is, to compare the hotel ISO standards with the standards i typed, den make comparisons and what not.. i didnt faint on the spot.
been typing, typing and typing away.. rather reluctant to blog actually.. but realised i need to update.. arbo cobwebs will start to form.. plus i'm soooo EXCITED to say this... M6 shld go, ASAP. i cant stand him.. but well, he muz understand that u cant possibly make everyone like you. juz like i now some pple couldnt stand me.. well, if u cant stand, den sit.
firstly, i need to give a bit of backgrd.. watched that superstar show last week.. and that person sang A*Mei's song!!!! is he a gay or what? why cant he choose some GUY singer that sounds a little like a female? why muz he choose a singer like A*Mei, who used to have such a powerful voice? and he totally ruin it!! if u wanna sing a song by a diff gender, pls keep it to the karaoke room or ur own house.. plus, he looked like Jerry Yan plus Sun He Yao Shan. and his smile reminds me of that SLY. OMTG~!! isnt he a walking disaster? we have 3 individual locals in the entertainment industry that CMI.. so here comes a 3 in 1.. isnt it like instant coffee or what? how i wished he's like instant maggi. juz 3 minutes and it's time to say sayonara..
been spending quite alot lately.. the clsrm session on sat was so-so.. still having communication breakdown with zhang wei... but the gathering after that was great. went cartel for lunch, den some window shopping, den kbox, and lastly to wach war of the worlds.. spent alot.. but real fun.. at this rate, i'm nt able to get the watch i'm looking for, the pair of birkenstock, new bags, jeans and more clothes.. i bought another pair of court shoes ytd.. plus another top.. and i feel at the top of the world.. frankly speaking, i do think i'm abit crazy.. why are humans so easily contented? when we're easily contented, we wont hav the drive to continue to strive for the things we want.. i'm getting more materialistic.. and bitchy.. i think if i let my 5 yrs ago self witness this moment, she'll faint..
and i'm starting to blabber nonsense.. this is what happens when u lose touch communicating with a computer after starting SIP, logging in only to post journal.
so is this a gd sign or what??
It would seem that your sensitivity is in slight conflict with your actions, peijun. You continue to go through the daily motions and do what you planned on doing, but it seems as if your heart isn't in it anymore. Don't ask yourself why. It's just that you have worked hard and have been thinking hard lately. You have reached your limit and it is time for you to rest.
all i did today was stare at the computer and type the whole hotel standards into soft copy!! and i'm left wif 2 more depts... she told me what she intended to do.. that is, to compare the hotel ISO standards with the standards i typed, den make comparisons and what not.. i didnt faint on the spot.
been typing, typing and typing away.. rather reluctant to blog actually.. but realised i need to update.. arbo cobwebs will start to form.. plus i'm soooo EXCITED to say this... M6 shld go, ASAP. i cant stand him.. but well, he muz understand that u cant possibly make everyone like you. juz like i now some pple couldnt stand me.. well, if u cant stand, den sit.
firstly, i need to give a bit of backgrd.. watched that superstar show last week.. and that person sang A*Mei's song!!!! is he a gay or what? why cant he choose some GUY singer that sounds a little like a female? why muz he choose a singer like A*Mei, who used to have such a powerful voice? and he totally ruin it!! if u wanna sing a song by a diff gender, pls keep it to the karaoke room or ur own house.. plus, he looked like Jerry Yan plus Sun He Yao Shan. and his smile reminds me of that SLY. OMTG~!! isnt he a walking disaster? we have 3 individual locals in the entertainment industry that CMI.. so here comes a 3 in 1.. isnt it like instant coffee or what? how i wished he's like instant maggi. juz 3 minutes and it's time to say sayonara..
been spending quite alot lately.. the clsrm session on sat was so-so.. still having communication breakdown with zhang wei... but the gathering after that was great. went cartel for lunch, den some window shopping, den kbox, and lastly to wach war of the worlds.. spent alot.. but real fun.. at this rate, i'm nt able to get the watch i'm looking for, the pair of birkenstock, new bags, jeans and more clothes.. i bought another pair of court shoes ytd.. plus another top.. and i feel at the top of the world.. frankly speaking, i do think i'm abit crazy.. why are humans so easily contented? when we're easily contented, we wont hav the drive to continue to strive for the things we want.. i'm getting more materialistic.. and bitchy.. i think if i let my 5 yrs ago self witness this moment, she'll faint..
and i'm starting to blabber nonsense.. this is what happens when u lose touch communicating with a computer after starting SIP, logging in only to post journal.
so is this a gd sign or what??
Monday, June 27
horoscope:
[June 28, 2005
In your attempts to always be ''Ms. Nice Gal,'' peijun, you might find that you are compromising some of your own inner values. Know that balance and harmony is a wonderful thing, but it is not always worth the price of self-sacrifice. Don't become someone you aren't just so you can maintain the peace. Your powers of tolerance are apt to be tested today. Don't feel bad if you suddenly feel the urge to fight. Go with it.]
lolx.... hahahahahahaha...
counting down to payday..
===================================================
我们用尽一生追求物质享受. 但到达人生某个阶段, 我们往往发现, 最珍惜的也许是无法上标上价钱的琐碎事物. 像最初的交谈, 最后的拥抱, 最坚定的眼神, 最灿烂的微笑... 最美好的回忆..
最近读了两本张小娴的书.. 那时候的我才发现, 世上没有永远. 一般来说, 当一个人用"永远" 两个字,想表的是在那一刻, 煞那就是永恒...
==================================================
生活没什么大变化. 也许是我适应能力强.. 又或许自己是处于一个极度缺乏感觉的精神内.. haizz
[June 28, 2005
In your attempts to always be ''Ms. Nice Gal,'' peijun, you might find that you are compromising some of your own inner values. Know that balance and harmony is a wonderful thing, but it is not always worth the price of self-sacrifice. Don't become someone you aren't just so you can maintain the peace. Your powers of tolerance are apt to be tested today. Don't feel bad if you suddenly feel the urge to fight. Go with it.]
lolx.... hahahahahahaha...
counting down to payday..
===================================================
我们用尽一生追求物质享受. 但到达人生某个阶段, 我们往往发现, 最珍惜的也许是无法上标上价钱的琐碎事物. 像最初的交谈, 最后的拥抱, 最坚定的眼神, 最灿烂的微笑... 最美好的回忆..
最近读了两本张小娴的书.. 那时候的我才发现, 世上没有永远. 一般来说, 当一个人用"永远" 两个字,想表的是在那一刻, 煞那就是永恒...
==================================================
生活没什么大变化. 也许是我适应能力强.. 又或许自己是处于一个极度缺乏感觉的精神内.. haizz
Monday, June 20
after june 18
Yesterday was good, today even better.
Forgotten alot abt ytd, juz remembered that i woke up feeling terrible..
Went back to sch for the ceremony, den my parents brought me to plaza parkroyal for buffet lunch.. v^.^
Saw a couple of my cousemates: huiping, eileen, huihui, patrick, trevor, qiuqun, evangeline, jasmine etc... and 2 of my sec sch mates like leesiah and joanne.. Almost fell asleep before the whole thing begins..
Totally didnt expect the marketing thing.. And i'm still wondering if i heard wrongly.. Izzit really marketing??!!! If it is, i'm extremely amazed. Marketing is one of the least subject i enjoyed. I could have sworn i fell asleep in EVERY SINGLE lecture and tutorial. Except once when i was chatting with eve over sth real amusing..
Seriously speaking, i loathe the projects. I hate the 4 Ps. So i have absolutely no idea why it's that subject and none other. And Mr Ram would know how sleepy a student i were coz he always caught me sleeping during his lessons, juz tt he's way too kind to embarrass me.
To think that i'm quite well-known for sleeping during lectures AND tutorials coz i have pple coming up to me and ask how i'm able to sleep thru the whole semester.. -_-"' How i know? It's a habit... Maybe tt's why they're shocked. i am too..
Went back to meritus for a trainees' meeting.. Waste my time.
Thought abt alot of things on my way home...
----------------------------------------------------------
Thought back abt how determined i was to choose the polytechnic route since day 1 in secondary school. The decision never waivers.
Thought abt how many of my wants becomes my needs hence they were like dreams come true.
Ms Teoh said "look for new beginnings when u reach dead end." This i think i have a lot to learn.
[There's a million things i feel like doing today, like cry]
Humans are humble by nature, that i believe. So ytd i allowed myself to feel proud, abt myself. Juz like i let my humble nature rest on the day i receivd my Os results, the day i received the best cadet award, the day i stood on stage for pistol, the day i was elected captain, the day i got my trophies and medals, the days i stopped arguments and quarrels, the days... Good, bad and ugly.. Days i cant seemed to forget.
Thru the years, i've steadily conqured hills then mountains.. Sometimes, i find that God is unfair. He's too good to me. I find Angels and Him giving me stronger wings to fly higher. Yet i realised maybe all they did was to cheer me on (i know who they are).. I made MYSELf stronger by exercising my muscles, spreading my wings and fly. It's sth like when u tasted heaven, u wont want to be down in the dumps, ever.
I was in the lousiest EM2 cls in Primary sch and being sort of looked down then and by the high and mighty counselors clique in secondary school. Maybe tt's why i dun want to be there again. Secondary 2 was THE year.. Pple recognised me for my consistent good results, sports excellence, CCAs achievements, equally talented bro and extremely popular friends.. And i'm a greedy person. I want to keep all that. Keep them forever, even if they're worth nothing- the titles, the wow~ factor.. Coz they made me who i am today..
In one of my very very old entries, i mentioned abt riding on pple's luck and fame. I'm still doing that. Maybe we all do. Some pple juz bring luck to u, it's as simple as ABC.
[Once in awhile, we need to let our wings rest and soar. Hence we ride on winds and glide.]
It's the same for me.
------------------------------------------------------------
Work was fantastic today. besides having a great treat at the lounge, i worked extra 1.5 hrs without OT pay, juz sitting there and chatting with them..
And i find that steph and i am the best partner. Everytime i work with her, i sure get tips.. haha.. Though it's nt alot.. Didnt realise till she told me abt it.. lolx.. So i really hope i get more chance to work wif her in the future.. :P
And today, i stood at the lounge watching this interview with MM Lee.. Was so inspirational that i was rendered speechless.. lolx..
he mentioned sth tt reminds me of life...
"we can only play with the cards that we have in our hands"
so i think: isnt tt a splendid example of luck?
isnt tt what we call destiny? aint tt adaptation?
so am i wrong when i say i think success is 95% luck and 5% hardwork?
he said sth like he is lucky to have Singapore. imagine being born in Africa. what can he do? that's the same case for many of us.. if u're born with a silver spoon in ur mouth, u can talk abt being entrepreneurial and starting a new business. if u're born having to worry abt ur next meal, would u still think of having a new concept restarant in paragon? or designing clothes for fashion shows? or even winning the lottery?
=====================================
END OF STORY.
=====================================
Forgotten alot abt ytd, juz remembered that i woke up feeling terrible..
Went back to sch for the ceremony, den my parents brought me to plaza parkroyal for buffet lunch.. v^.^
Saw a couple of my cousemates: huiping, eileen, huihui, patrick, trevor, qiuqun, evangeline, jasmine etc... and 2 of my sec sch mates like leesiah and joanne.. Almost fell asleep before the whole thing begins..
Totally didnt expect the marketing thing.. And i'm still wondering if i heard wrongly.. Izzit really marketing??!!! If it is, i'm extremely amazed. Marketing is one of the least subject i enjoyed. I could have sworn i fell asleep in EVERY SINGLE lecture and tutorial. Except once when i was chatting with eve over sth real amusing..
Seriously speaking, i loathe the projects. I hate the 4 Ps. So i have absolutely no idea why it's that subject and none other. And Mr Ram would know how sleepy a student i were coz he always caught me sleeping during his lessons, juz tt he's way too kind to embarrass me.
To think that i'm quite well-known for sleeping during lectures AND tutorials coz i have pple coming up to me and ask how i'm able to sleep thru the whole semester.. -_-"' How i know? It's a habit... Maybe tt's why they're shocked. i am too..
Went back to meritus for a trainees' meeting.. Waste my time.
Thought abt alot of things on my way home...
----------------------------------------------------------
Thought back abt how determined i was to choose the polytechnic route since day 1 in secondary school. The decision never waivers.
Thought abt how many of my wants becomes my needs hence they were like dreams come true.
Ms Teoh said "look for new beginnings when u reach dead end." This i think i have a lot to learn.
[There's a million things i feel like doing today, like cry]
Humans are humble by nature, that i believe. So ytd i allowed myself to feel proud, abt myself. Juz like i let my humble nature rest on the day i receivd my Os results, the day i received the best cadet award, the day i stood on stage for pistol, the day i was elected captain, the day i got my trophies and medals, the days i stopped arguments and quarrels, the days... Good, bad and ugly.. Days i cant seemed to forget.
Thru the years, i've steadily conqured hills then mountains.. Sometimes, i find that God is unfair. He's too good to me. I find Angels and Him giving me stronger wings to fly higher. Yet i realised maybe all they did was to cheer me on (i know who they are).. I made MYSELf stronger by exercising my muscles, spreading my wings and fly. It's sth like when u tasted heaven, u wont want to be down in the dumps, ever.
I was in the lousiest EM2 cls in Primary sch and being sort of looked down then and by the high and mighty counselors clique in secondary school. Maybe tt's why i dun want to be there again. Secondary 2 was THE year.. Pple recognised me for my consistent good results, sports excellence, CCAs achievements, equally talented bro and extremely popular friends.. And i'm a greedy person. I want to keep all that. Keep them forever, even if they're worth nothing- the titles, the wow~ factor.. Coz they made me who i am today..
In one of my very very old entries, i mentioned abt riding on pple's luck and fame. I'm still doing that. Maybe we all do. Some pple juz bring luck to u, it's as simple as ABC.
[Once in awhile, we need to let our wings rest and soar. Hence we ride on winds and glide.]
It's the same for me.
------------------------------------------------------------
Work was fantastic today. besides having a great treat at the lounge, i worked extra 1.5 hrs without OT pay, juz sitting there and chatting with them..
And i find that steph and i am the best partner. Everytime i work with her, i sure get tips.. haha.. Though it's nt alot.. Didnt realise till she told me abt it.. lolx.. So i really hope i get more chance to work wif her in the future.. :P
And today, i stood at the lounge watching this interview with MM Lee.. Was so inspirational that i was rendered speechless.. lolx..
he mentioned sth tt reminds me of life...
"we can only play with the cards that we have in our hands"
so i think: isnt tt a splendid example of luck?
isnt tt what we call destiny? aint tt adaptation?
so am i wrong when i say i think success is 95% luck and 5% hardwork?
he said sth like he is lucky to have Singapore. imagine being born in Africa. what can he do? that's the same case for many of us.. if u're born with a silver spoon in ur mouth, u can talk abt being entrepreneurial and starting a new business. if u're born having to worry abt ur next meal, would u still think of having a new concept restarant in paragon? or designing clothes for fashion shows? or even winning the lottery?
=====================================
END OF STORY.
=====================================
Saturday, June 18
this is what i love about the reception area.. the mirrors!! it's tinted.. lolx.. take a close look at the "vase" of "plant" at the extreme left.. it's what the DESIGNER came up with.. anyway, the pink and white vase and the round plate on the right is also by the same designer.. wonder why the decor is so diff.. 
Friday, June 17
many things in life are fated
i seriousy think that electronic devices and i cant get along well. in fact, we cant even co-exist.
the keycard laptop is down, the fax machine got prob, i kept forgetting to charge my hp, the plasma tv in the lounge cant change channel coz the control is missing, and the com at home hates me.. everyone else in my family seems to be able to operate the com but not me. there is a time limit of abt 10 mins b4 the com "hangs itself" and usually it happens when i'm the one using.. so i cant check mail and cant blog for days.. but that's as well.. work is taking up too much of my time.
btw, i lost the anklet char and jas gave to me last yr.. wore it to work and took it off.. i cant find it in my bag nor the locker so it's sayonara i guess.. too bad..
called jas to ask for my blazer back coz my cousin wants to borrow from me. i "politely and conveniently asked" her abt the money she owed me. and was kinda pissed with her reply..
i dun like money talk coz it strains the frenship (provided if there is any left) and it's quite an awkward topic to end with.. she told me she can return me the blazer and shoes the following night coz she can go over to timo's house to collect but the money she got to contact her friend to get the money to return me!!! like wth lor.. freaking irritating.. it's already quite embarrassing for a friend to remind u that u have outstanding loans to be paid ASAP.. that shows how forgetful and irresponsible u are.. plus the "ask frm fren to return me my money so i can return u" part makes me wonder if she even have a "little" savings.. and if she's really broke, cant she borrow from her mom first? i really have NO idea.. she insisted that she return me the blazer and shoes FIRST, den talk abt money later.. but i aint gonna do that.. coz i got a VERY strong feeling that later means never.. so i told her to return me ALL 3 items TOGETHER, the blazer, shoes and money.. but she was reluctant.. by then i was freaking irritated.. i told her to contact her fren, and get back to me latest by friday and i wanna hear from her by then. loathe it when pple do the damn disappearing act on me time and again, den give a whole load of excuses and crap. and i'm nt sorry to bring up past incidents while dealing with the present situation. watever it is, i'll get EVERYTHING from her by next week. case closed.
met shini at the train station on my way home today. it's already abt 12 midnight when we reached Hougang.. the 1st thing she said when she saw me was to comment that i look fairer.. of course i am, 2 months without vitamin D takes a whole lot of pigment off my skin..
right now, i juz want to get those damn mgtmnt faces out of my mind.. they're somehow haunting me coz i kept thinking how much i dislike them and why they're not among the 200 to go.. and i see them everyday, coz when they hav nth to do, they come to the new lounge. when they hav things to do, they come to the lounge too.. and when they're there, they make life difficult for all of us. they pinpoint things that are not soothing to THEIR eyes, they give sugegstions that we ALREADY THOUGHT OF, and make remarks that we have NO CONTROL over.. i think most of them sort of hate me but i dun blame them. i dun like ALL of them either..
and i got a feeling i'm going to get diabetes at the rate i'm eating mentoes.. and i got to go back for a trainees' meeting with the front office manager on my off day!
and i'm so fortunate the management works during office hours.. this is the first time i'm SO grateful to be in the afternoon shift!! talking abt this, it's the 1st time in a month that i'm working afternoon shift!!! say goodbye to the rush hour..
the keycard laptop is down, the fax machine got prob, i kept forgetting to charge my hp, the plasma tv in the lounge cant change channel coz the control is missing, and the com at home hates me.. everyone else in my family seems to be able to operate the com but not me. there is a time limit of abt 10 mins b4 the com "hangs itself" and usually it happens when i'm the one using.. so i cant check mail and cant blog for days.. but that's as well.. work is taking up too much of my time.
btw, i lost the anklet char and jas gave to me last yr.. wore it to work and took it off.. i cant find it in my bag nor the locker so it's sayonara i guess.. too bad..
called jas to ask for my blazer back coz my cousin wants to borrow from me. i "politely and conveniently asked" her abt the money she owed me. and was kinda pissed with her reply..
i dun like money talk coz it strains the frenship (provided if there is any left) and it's quite an awkward topic to end with.. she told me she can return me the blazer and shoes the following night coz she can go over to timo's house to collect but the money she got to contact her friend to get the money to return me!!! like wth lor.. freaking irritating.. it's already quite embarrassing for a friend to remind u that u have outstanding loans to be paid ASAP.. that shows how forgetful and irresponsible u are.. plus the "ask frm fren to return me my money so i can return u" part makes me wonder if she even have a "little" savings.. and if she's really broke, cant she borrow from her mom first? i really have NO idea.. she insisted that she return me the blazer and shoes FIRST, den talk abt money later.. but i aint gonna do that.. coz i got a VERY strong feeling that later means never.. so i told her to return me ALL 3 items TOGETHER, the blazer, shoes and money.. but she was reluctant.. by then i was freaking irritated.. i told her to contact her fren, and get back to me latest by friday and i wanna hear from her by then. loathe it when pple do the damn disappearing act on me time and again, den give a whole load of excuses and crap. and i'm nt sorry to bring up past incidents while dealing with the present situation. watever it is, i'll get EVERYTHING from her by next week. case closed.
met shini at the train station on my way home today. it's already abt 12 midnight when we reached Hougang.. the 1st thing she said when she saw me was to comment that i look fairer.. of course i am, 2 months without vitamin D takes a whole lot of pigment off my skin..
right now, i juz want to get those damn mgtmnt faces out of my mind.. they're somehow haunting me coz i kept thinking how much i dislike them and why they're not among the 200 to go.. and i see them everyday, coz when they hav nth to do, they come to the new lounge. when they hav things to do, they come to the lounge too.. and when they're there, they make life difficult for all of us. they pinpoint things that are not soothing to THEIR eyes, they give sugegstions that we ALREADY THOUGHT OF, and make remarks that we have NO CONTROL over.. i think most of them sort of hate me but i dun blame them. i dun like ALL of them either..
and i got a feeling i'm going to get diabetes at the rate i'm eating mentoes.. and i got to go back for a trainees' meeting with the front office manager on my off day!
and i'm so fortunate the management works during office hours.. this is the first time i'm SO grateful to be in the afternoon shift!! talking abt this, it's the 1st time in a month that i'm working afternoon shift!!! say goodbye to the rush hour..
Monday, June 6
anything u resist, persist
came across this before and thot it makes no sense [anything u resist, persist] . now it does.
has been 2 weeks after concierge and more than one and a half months into SIP. had some really enjoyable times, some not-so-terrible occurances and i get along with the pple well... overall, it's okay but somehow, something is not right.
was thinking if i didnt pay as much attention to that inner voice, or i'm juz doing another of that closing-in acts.. came to a conclusion that it's all becoz of insufficient rest and repressed impulses.. so i did some changes to my life.. spent money without feeling anything. i carry the words of "heartache" on my mouth yet i cant feel any pain. i thought the more i spend, the more guilty i'll feel. but i was wrong. usually when i go on a shopping spree, i'll unpack all the things and tk a look at everything again. this time, i juz chuck them in the cupboard. things dont seem to matter.
slept for close to 14 hours. wake up feeling normal. went shopping with my mom at chinatown and walked to SGH to visit my grandpa. since that day i've been trying to remember his age but i couldnt recall. is it 80? 82 or 85... making trips to the hospital makes me feel sick. mom met her cousin there. her cousin's husband dying of cancer. last stage. incurable..
to me, it's nth. pple come, and go. it's juz a matter of time. and the strange feeling is still there. the methods i tried didnt help.
we put them on. it doesnt help us to be a better person. only more self-centered. sometimes, we must have less in order to be more.
has been 2 weeks after concierge and more than one and a half months into SIP. had some really enjoyable times, some not-so-terrible occurances and i get along with the pple well... overall, it's okay but somehow, something is not right.
was thinking if i didnt pay as much attention to that inner voice, or i'm juz doing another of that closing-in acts.. came to a conclusion that it's all becoz of insufficient rest and repressed impulses.. so i did some changes to my life.. spent money without feeling anything. i carry the words of "heartache" on my mouth yet i cant feel any pain. i thought the more i spend, the more guilty i'll feel. but i was wrong. usually when i go on a shopping spree, i'll unpack all the things and tk a look at everything again. this time, i juz chuck them in the cupboard. things dont seem to matter.
slept for close to 14 hours. wake up feeling normal. went shopping with my mom at chinatown and walked to SGH to visit my grandpa. since that day i've been trying to remember his age but i couldnt recall. is it 80? 82 or 85... making trips to the hospital makes me feel sick. mom met her cousin there. her cousin's husband dying of cancer. last stage. incurable..
to me, it's nth. pple come, and go. it's juz a matter of time. and the strange feeling is still there. the methods i tried didnt help.
we put them on. it doesnt help us to be a better person. only more self-centered. sometimes, we must have less in order to be more.
Sunday, May 29
watched infernal affairs juz now... remembered i posted an entry about that last time.. so i retrieved it..
[ In the end, both the good and the bad died. they ended up killing each other.
fate makes it such that their lives are inter-linked.
pple who want to be good. they sacrifice to be bad so that they can be good.
black and white. scheming against one another. dont they know that there are grey areas? ]
till now, i still agree. i love the story line. i like tony leung even more.. the characters suit the actors so well that it is as though the scriptwriter customed a movie specially for them. and i cannot think of 2 other actors more suitable to act the younger version of andy and tony.. shawn yu and edison chen.. together, they make the transition between old and young so seamless.. and since that time i watched the show, i am in love with that cai qin's song..
good and bad. isnt it all on the surface? we see only the surface. and i wonder how sammi actually felt when she knew the truth about andy.. only he himself knows..
andy talks about choices.. zeng zhiwei said "you all are allowed to choose. choose the life you all want." he followed. so is he good or bad when he worked for him for close to 10 years but killed his "boss" with his own hands in the end?
or maybe he's scared. when we're afraid, we do things that we dun think we will under normal circumstances.. and when we lie, maybe we're saying the truth.
and i still think infernal affairs is so much better than dou yu (part 1)..
tml is the start of a new department.
gdluck to myself.
[ In the end, both the good and the bad died. they ended up killing each other.
fate makes it such that their lives are inter-linked.
pple who want to be good. they sacrifice to be bad so that they can be good.
black and white. scheming against one another. dont they know that there are grey areas? ]
till now, i still agree. i love the story line. i like tony leung even more.. the characters suit the actors so well that it is as though the scriptwriter customed a movie specially for them. and i cannot think of 2 other actors more suitable to act the younger version of andy and tony.. shawn yu and edison chen.. together, they make the transition between old and young so seamless.. and since that time i watched the show, i am in love with that cai qin's song..
good and bad. isnt it all on the surface? we see only the surface. and i wonder how sammi actually felt when she knew the truth about andy.. only he himself knows..
andy talks about choices.. zeng zhiwei said "you all are allowed to choose. choose the life you all want." he followed. so is he good or bad when he worked for him for close to 10 years but killed his "boss" with his own hands in the end?
or maybe he's scared. when we're afraid, we do things that we dun think we will under normal circumstances.. and when we lie, maybe we're saying the truth.
and i still think infernal affairs is so much better than dou yu (part 1)..
tml is the start of a new department.
gdluck to myself.
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