i used to be patient
i used to be kind
i used to be tolerance
i used to care.
now,
i'm irritable
i'm easily angered
i'm impatient
i'm rude
i'm self-centered
.
.
.
.
.
.
the list goes on and on and on and... ... ... ...
finally POM done... wat's the big deal? the difference between the grp with the highest mark and the lowest mark is 0.5... i knew his marking patterns frm last sem and it didnt bother me.. and if reassurance didnt help, den i think i shld've kept my mouth shut.
as usual, training is my negativity dump. watever.. i can imagine my arrows OUT of the board, 30m.. OUT, way UP... and i simply couldnt understand why the rest of them could hold, peservere, aim, try their best, and go for it. i cant.
always lose control. but it doesnt matter. it's no big deal. i've learn to deal with that feeling of absolute hopelessness. doesn feel gd of course, but that M&Ms help..
tt time i wondered if i have an inferiority complex. now it doesnt seem so. i'm juz inferior.
and, tt short chat wif karene is gd.
we're all looking for short-term happiness. i mean we all want happiness to stay long term but bcoz we know it's impossible, we try to satisfy that desire to be cheerful, to be contented, all these made possible with materialistic posessions. but the thrill of ownership is short-lived. we aim to accumulate these wants so that they can fulfil our ultimate need. and that is, happiness. everything we want. yes, even lasting happy relationships. they are all but temporary.
i know some of u muz be shaking ur heads and thinking "why si this idiot talking crap? happiness matters nt forever but in that moment.." i know it's the "point-in-time" that matters but who doesnt want to be immersed in happiness and indulge in that "out-of-the-world" feeling for a longer period of time?
we want to keep sadness, hurt and negativities at bay but can u do so 24/7?? i doubt so. there'll be a time and place where u let go and juz collasp. or, find an outlet or 2. like her, one of my major outlets is my family. they always get the nonsense and what not. i've said this once and i'm saying it again. i couldnt help it if in this part of my jounrney in life, the need for an outlet exceeds the level of passion i have for this cca. read in the yahoo post. this junior. he claims that he loves archery and would get everything sorted out BUT he has something on so will be missing a FEW more trainings. by then, exams are here and he'll miss more trainings. skipping trainings doesnt matter but what makes me "a little" irritated is that someone claims that he loves something but doesnt have the time to do it. so what is passion WITHOUT discipline? tell me?
pple see archery as a cool sport. i see it as a comfortable outlet to do what i want, regardless of other pple. sometimes i can feel that my attitude irritates them but hello, i cant even control myself. if i could, i wont be there "showing attitude", so to say. and isnt that gd, i feel comfortable enuff to show how i feel and nt hide in one of the masks full of false pretenses..
aiya.. watever.. recently i dunno wat i'm saying or doing. i dunno why i'm explaining. i dun need to explain, but i did. my mind is outta control...
and, do i REALLY look very tired? pple have been commenting yet again that i'm looking very tired. i am.
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