2005 is coming to an end. we each have slightly more than a day to enjoy before we step into a new year...

raining, raining... ... before the new year...

went plaza parkroyal for buffet lunch for the birthday cum anniversary celebration today.. the most exciting part of the whole meal is seeing a lamborghini parked at the carpark.. imagine, a black, nicely waxed and stylo lambor parked outside some 4* hotel's entrance.. and the entrance is undergoing renovation.. imagine the contrast.. lolx..

went for acupuncture today..in total 9 needles, i have 6 needles on my face and 4 of them were on my nose.. felt totally like a voodoo doll waiting for doomsday.. the 'doctor' lit something on top of 3 of the needles and i can see SMOKE coming out.. not painful, but a rather weird experience.. i juz hope this will cure my sensitive nose..

met up with Judy and Aishah today.. turned out Didi wanted to intro some forever living thingy to us.. but we had a nice dinner over at some VERY ulu part of clarke Quay and fun times talking abt archery crap.. i sorta 'weigh' myself with this Tanita machine.. it's so high tech the readings tell me info like my BMI, fat %, calories needed, Fat mass, total bodywater, predicted weight and fat mass, plus how much fat u need to lose or gain.. lolx... fascinating.. and i'm still trying to register that i have a total of about 26 kg of water inside my body, plus a horrendous of about 9 kg of fat mass.. i can already visualise 9 1 litre bottles of ice-mountains floating around me.. juz that they're filled with lipids instead of water.. lolx...

but after seeing all thse funny figures, i'm relieved that i'm within the healthy range.. *phew.. sweat...

i swear this scale is evil.. harmful to a person's psychological wellbeing.. even a non-health conscious person like me start thinking about all the above crap.. imagine someone who is DYING to lose weight, or become slimmer.. they'll go crazy analysing all these.. lolx..

i got to work tomorrow and i'm still waiting for the manager's reply for the survey.. it's bad enough that i belong to a low performance group.. it's even worse when the group is using my stupid proposal for this AND the fact that it's my proposal, i have to liase with the stupid company and COME UP with intelligent questions and sugestions.. damn it! and i AM the one doing the freaking surveys! just becoz the stupid organisation sets so many 'rules'.. and my grpmates cant contribute in this aspect coz it's my SIP company.. why the hell do they want to use my suggestion in the first place.. why do i let them convince me to let them do on my proposal? juz bcoz others dont want to go back to their company doesnt mean that i am very willing to.. alright... watever.. deadline in 3 weeks and i have no right to complain at this point in time.. CPM kinda sucks...

couldnt resist not posting another entry.. this always happen at th most inconvenient timings, like when i'm tired and preparing to go to bed, or during the study week, even when i NEED to rush for some assignment.

it's my parents' 20th anniversary today, and my youngest sis' 10th birthday.. aint it sweet? to have ur wedding anniversary on the same date as one of your kid's birthday.. makes it even more worthwhile for some celebration...

and the fact that Xmas is just over and new year is coming adds on to the already overflowing happiness..

i have lots of things to share, but only 3 people to tell to. Me, myself and I..

please let me know if u're in need of some chinese inspirations, aka crap.. coz i have backup..

I know why i like animes... love them in fact.. not all, but most..

Even animes like Sailormoon. dont remember hating it in Primary 5..

Sailor moon is so lucky to be a cartoon character. If i were a cartoon character, i'm sure i would not have any of the problems i'm having right now.. (NOT literally right NOW, but well, certain days of the year/s)
Even if i did, they would all be solved by the end of the episode..

and THAT, is exactly what i love about animes.. besides the part about being able to exaggerate everything in their lives and being absolutely nonsensical, making decisions with their hearts instead of their minds, being totally impractical.. and being allowed to do whatever that is socially NOT acceptable in real life... (like kicking down your bedroom door when u're pissed and jumping out of your window when u're late for school.. lolx)

In the event that any of you starts thinking that PJ is an absolute idiot at this point in time, i assure you i'm perfectly fine.. there is no need for me to visit the hougang chalet anytime soon.. thanks for volunteering to book appointment ya..

okie.. change topic. was listening to 93.3 this morning and heard this :
有些缘份是注定要失去的..

so to all my friends out there who are still nursing wounds, old and new, i hope that by the year 2006 comes, things will start looking brighter.. i know being pessimistic wont kill, but it doesnt hurt looking at things from a nicer perspective..

i know i'm not exactly a 'sharing' type of person.. but personally, i feel that since i've made up my mind to let go of certain things, should i just 'let them go' without harping on them time and again? i've been trying real hard to stop walking backwards OR staying stationary in life.. it's difficult.. i haven give up.. so i hope everyone out there wont..

okie.. so back on track.. why am i sprouting nonsense again? after slacking for so long? it's juz becoz 2 am seems like the perfect time for sharing, or trying to act smart.. lolx.. i haven been reflecting since ages ago.. xmas is like the best time to 'glance' backwards before i take a deep breath and jump.. into a new year.. i dunno about you, but i certainly wish for abundant happiness for all for this coming year.. and i hope good karma stays...

helped YP with her work as a backstage person with the M&M shows last saturday.. the aussies love s'poreans guy.. they cant stop saying "he's so cute".. they seemed to think that s'porean guys are cute, cool and romantic.. alright.. i'm trying hard not to roll my eyes here.. they like this 'cute' chef who can cook, with horrendous hair colour and tatoo on his hand.. and they want to bring the guy back to australia just because he gave them discounts, and wrote some 'sweet' poem and send it to one of them.. one of the girls ask me.. 'are all s'porean guys so sweet?' hmm... at that moment, i have the urge to intro maurice to them.. lolx.. they'll be swept off their feet... and they'll bring him back to australia without a doubt.. lolx.. so they were telling me that guys who speak English cant write poems for nuts.. but they forgotten something.. that chef can speak english.. if not how else can he come up with some nice 'angelic' poem in that language? they repeated that poem for an entire hour.. -_-"'.. some winged thingy, halo tingy, angel thingy, pretty thingy, haven thingy.... it'll be sweet if they know each other for some time.. but for a guy to send it to a girl whom he knows barely for a week, there's somehting weird.. and well, THEY think that the guy is the best thing that happened to them in the entire singapore, for the entire month!! oh my.. looks like all the campaigns, advertisements and attractions that the govt came up with cant compare to some ah beng chef.. lolx...

okie... paragraphing problem, as usual.. but watever.. btw, the blue is not my whole head duh.. arbo i'll look like an alien.. it's one of the highlighted strands.. and i was told it'll turn to ash color after a while.. PJ is not as siao as u think i've become.. lolx

I have had enough of the word 'calendar'.. almost everyone has been asking me about that since two weeks ago. I have one standard reply. 'Burn it!'

I've decided to intro some minor changes to my very (extremely)... peaceful... life. so i changed my hairstyle, dyed and highlighted my hair. then i realised that the only good thing about this change is that i haven change at all. i look different, but i'm still pretty much the same.. now i say tell pple not to judge by appearance.

should have decided on green instead of blue as the color inside. should have more purple and lighter shades.. regret being scared of my hair turning out like 3 years ago. should have sth really different.. whatever la.. i just have to add those choices in when i do touch up the next time..

PJ is not in her right mind. the dyes have gotten into her brain, causing intoxication. so she's poisoned.

Here again.

Christmas is coming. 2005 isn't prepared for the season of joy. No magical feeling, no love in the air, nothing. I am used to the feeling of magic fading into nothingness after Xmas every year. This year, it's horrible. It's as if fireworks turning into stardust before they light up.. okay. i'm not making sense again..

I hate this feeling, this void at this time of the year when i should be happy, contented and sensible. Xmas should be the perfect end to this year and a great start to the next. that's why it's always special. the magic is gone.. or maybe it's just me that's not forward looking.. me that's reluctant to move on.

growing up, growing up. i am ageing, but will i be matured?

newspaper reading during breakfast is fast becoming a bad start to my day. i dont understand why i am still flipping thru the newspapers when i know that i dont need an insight to what's what's happening to the world to move on in my life. everyday, they have bad news.. they are mostly horrible things that run through my mind first thing in the morning. seldom will i see happy news.. they are merely reports of some successful marketing strategies.. if the papers talk about some foreigners having a wonderful marriage here, somehow i see it as a successful marketing feat that has been implemented by whatever companies or part of the govt's plan to attract tourists or create awareness.. you may think that i'm crazy, but i absolutely dislike all these crap. but i still read them nonetheless. so maybe i'm crazy afterall.

so, i dun really know why i'm posting this when i should start on my edu trip reflection. yeah.. procrastinating as usual.. and reluctant to sleep.. if tml never come..

I have only 1 paper for mid-sem. This is luxury compared to all the other semesters.. 14 hours of lessons per week is haven if i have done 30 hours in the past.. it's like slacker by more than half..

and i have no idea why i agreed to use my proposal for the grp proj in the first place.. i'm going crazy contacting the company.. pple giving empty promises, they dont care what i am doing and i feel as if everything THEY provided me with (especially info) is like they're obliged to help me and that i SHOULD feel thankful.. maybe i'm wrong, but my grpmates saw the DM 'very nice' attitude towards me when i asked her something.. and that stupid George cant be contacted.. he's either out of the office, or out of the office. damn. then the secretary has to apologise and ask me to call back time and again, until she recognises me.. =X this is getting worse..

i have yet to ask ching for a session of KBOX, after wanting to for like MONTHS, and i haven watch that damn harry potter movie, after waiting for the show for like weeks.. and i haven got down to completing my stupid edu trip reflection, after making my mind for like days.. so the edu trip reflection cost me a dear $1200 worth of 1500 words and it's due in like 2 days time.. dun get me wrong.. the trip is still fun, but the reflection part is much loathed.

okie.. i complain too much. SHUT UP Peijun!

Rushing or Resting? Many things may not be what they seem to be.

Many people may think that I am so laidback in my day-to-day life that the word indifferent is no longer suffice to describe my attitude.
To many others, I am rushing through life as if there is no tomorrow, making it clear that I have no intentions to slow down and take a breather. Don't ask me "rushing for what sia" because everything I do (or we all do) have a reason, even though we might not know it. So now that I've got my thoughts sorted out (some of them anyway), I’ll be 'documenting' them before I forget and also for the benefit of those who have been confused (or maybe not).

Basically, I've a slack personality. If everything can be put till tomorrow, I'll do so as I believe in living life to the fullest (meaning ENJOYING day by day) and partly if tomorrow never come, my duties and responsibilities never come as well (I wont have to do my work ever again. It's a selfish thought but well.. )…

Precisely because of this very relaxed attitude of mine, I've been through so many ~whatever~ days. So heck care that nothing matters so everything is no big deal. After a prolonged time, I realized I'm always feeling tired and that no matter how long more I slack, I never seem to get enough rest. So the most logical thing is to WANT to slack around more due to this odd weariness that is unidentifiable. Hence, I gave myself many a long holidays, to rest and rejuvenate (so call). However, no matter how long I take a break (no matter where I go, what I do), I don't have the feeling of comfort, peace, energy and liveliness.

So as usual, PJ waved this problem off as crap that she normally thinks about. Until I realized that for a person who is already resting, how can I rest more? It's as in I use white chalk and draw on a piece of white paper, totally not able to see the difference. Hence my conclusion is IF I want to have a proper, GOOD rest, I must first make sure my life is not in 'resting' mode all year round.

And I did it. My 'rushing' days are so, because I take into considerations that my 'resting' days are able to compensate. I am not rushing through life or school. I am just preparing myself for better quality rest in the near future. =D

how many times must i repeat? I am NOT a foreigner!

Working life would have been better IF guests don't try to determine my nationality by assumption.

So, why am I saying this? Yesterday, this guest said: "You are very pretty."
(Basic courtesy) I replied "Thank You."
Then he went on to say "You MUST BE from China!"
so, when I told him I am a local, a true blue Singaporean, he said (as usual) "Really?!"
and because he looked as if he's expecting some very brilliant reply from me, I added "Oh, i got an oriental face." He seemed satisfied with the answer, so i quickly SIAM.

If only he can say "Are you from China?" instead. That'll make a whole lot of difference.

So, what if i really am from China, would they give an approving or disapproving nod? Or would i fit perfectly into the stereotype of 'foreign talent'? Talents who are 'imported' to do what locals do not want to.

was trying to find the post that i remembered posting(i think) regarding this (i feel)more like me than me girl. but i couldnt, coz blogger only allows viewing up to 300 entries(i confirm). so the earliest ones get cut off, and i die die dun wanna set back the archiving(i refuse).. hmmmph.

wanted to see what i reflected regarding it but i guess i wont be able to do it.. anyway, my entries are getting boring.. so i'm seriously considering whether to stop or not to stop this irritating habit.. give me till the end of the semester. if i continue, that means bo liao pple can still get updates from my even boring-er life.. if i dont, that means i either disappear from the face of the world, or want to disappear..

will be back to work tml. to earn my allowance, and TRY my best to save enough because new year is coming, and i guess i'll have to find money somehow, to at least get a new top if i dont need anything else.. grandpa and sis's bdae coming too, haven give my mom any money since my last attachment pay, and haven get to changing my phone.. and i'm planing for trips, after graduation! and dont i need to save up for other purposes? like take up an insurance plan or something? coz i guess at the rate i'm planning my life, i better start investments soon. lolx.

so tell me. where do i get all the money that i need?! part time aint enough. i reckon even a full-time job cant cover half the expenses i've mentioned.

there i go again. crazy PJ. some day i'll drive myself to insanity.

CRAP, as usual

had some sharing sessions during HTseminar lec today.. this tourism ger attached to contiki, was posted to Barcelona, Spain for her OSIP!!!!!!!!!!!!! imagine how jealous i was at the moment.. totally green with envy.. but well, i can always go sometime in future right.. but that makes the diference.. she WENT, for half a year and had a bonus of 14-day-tour of EUROPE!! seriously speaking, i felt like sprouting something close to @#$@^%$R but didnt. i really dislike comparison.. but it's like a once-in-a-blue-moon chance. once it's gone, it's gone, forever.. well, i just wasnt so independent to be able to work overseas alone YET. so OSIP hasn't been a choice right from the start.

well, the Macau sharing session makes me wonder (for a split second) whether i've really been to macau or not.. i know it sounds stupid.. but all i have is a recollection of memories, photo-taking sessions to be exact. not much of the WOW factor. so that explains why the average length of stay is only 1.22.. lolx.. so, back to s'pore context.. uniquely s'pore. how exactly are we unique?

tall buildings? nope. there are tallER buildings elsewhere.

rich culture? not really. the new generation wont be able tp upkeep the traditional festivals and what not..

multi-racial? even more NOT so. dubai has like 65% (or is it 75%) of the pple 'imported'. s'pore's 25% is peanuts compared to them.

uniquely shaped architectures like esplanade and icons like merlion? HAHA. pple have upcoming projects like The Palm and The World. icons like the 7* hotel. s'pore Raffles is insignificant.

dunno lah.. think until so cham i guess s'pore only wins in terms of great variety of food? hmm.. something to think about huh.. Macau has Macanese food! Malacca has Peranakan food, westerners have their fish N chips, HK has dim sum and cantonese food,... but S'pore has cleverly bring all these together and a whole lot more.. food paradise... yummy.that means pple come here to be well fed, when they're well-fed, they feel contented (provided they're not health freaks and super diet-conscious pple), they'll naturally feel happy.. when they're happy, they'll spend more, PLUS take back a wonderful memory. when they return home, of course by positive word of mouth, they'll share what a wonderful trip they have in S'pore. and wont that attract more tourists? lolx.. i guess i must be out of my mind, typing such nonsense in the middle of the night.. but watever~ i cant be bothered to make sense.. not now anyway..

watever. my fingers work faster than my mind today. guess it's from the intensive training of rushing a portfolio. all thanks to SIP.

i'm so sorry.. PJ can offer you words of wisdom no more. I've left my old selves behind..

3 more major points to go before i announce my portfolio complete. i've been harping on the same old issues over and over again. i wonder if the lecturere get bored reading all those crap that i'm going to submit. and most of us have the same things dont we? improve this, improve that, learnt this, acquire that.. so boring.. *yawnz..

was telling my aunt, cuzzie and mom over lunch that i've been coming up with such nice wonderful and as-if-oh-so-great issues for my reflections and portfolios that i feel like puking myself.. so pple, in the IDEAL learning environment that the school has provided for me, i NEVER fail to improve and have PERFECT time management.. in fact, in words, i feel like 25 or maybe even 52.. so i haven been getting around to thanking my grandparents, my parents, my siblings, my facilitators, my managers, my colleagues and the nice weather.. even the doggie that bark at me is wonderful.. *rolling eyes*

but well, i do have a portfolio that i got a grade 'C'. my guess would be that the lecturer is honest enough to know that it's all crap that i've included.. but well, to show appreciation for myself, at least i bother thinking of what i THINK i have learnt, or OUGHT to learn to include in my reflections k.. so my craps are justifiable. okay. watever.

and i haven been to the movies for so long that i can hardly remember the taste of nachos and popcorn. plus i promised my sis that i'll bring her to the movies sometime soon. so how soon is soon.. am so prepared to die after meeting the DEADlines so i guess any other plans would have to be postponed.