Here again.

Christmas is coming. 2005 isn't prepared for the season of joy. No magical feeling, no love in the air, nothing. I am used to the feeling of magic fading into nothingness after Xmas every year. This year, it's horrible. It's as if fireworks turning into stardust before they light up.. okay. i'm not making sense again..

I hate this feeling, this void at this time of the year when i should be happy, contented and sensible. Xmas should be the perfect end to this year and a great start to the next. that's why it's always special. the magic is gone.. or maybe it's just me that's not forward looking.. me that's reluctant to move on.

growing up, growing up. i am ageing, but will i be matured?

newspaper reading during breakfast is fast becoming a bad start to my day. i dont understand why i am still flipping thru the newspapers when i know that i dont need an insight to what's what's happening to the world to move on in my life. everyday, they have bad news.. they are mostly horrible things that run through my mind first thing in the morning. seldom will i see happy news.. they are merely reports of some successful marketing strategies.. if the papers talk about some foreigners having a wonderful marriage here, somehow i see it as a successful marketing feat that has been implemented by whatever companies or part of the govt's plan to attract tourists or create awareness.. you may think that i'm crazy, but i absolutely dislike all these crap. but i still read them nonetheless. so maybe i'm crazy afterall.

so, i dun really know why i'm posting this when i should start on my edu trip reflection. yeah.. procrastinating as usual.. and reluctant to sleep.. if tml never come..