had a great slp last night, prob due to exhaustion.. coz of the blackout, i did my accounting tut very late at night..
went to my grandpa's house after sch and reached there abt 7+.. my dad came back from a meeting and i reached home abt 10.05.. was preparing to bathe when everything turned into darkness.. so my 1st reaction was to reach for my handphone to provide light.. lolx.. and it proved to be one of utmost use in this kinda emergency.. used the hp light source to search for torchlights.. lolx..
it was a fun experience.. the power restored only abt 2 hrs later, and i was joking with alyssa that hougang pple gotta wait so long coz of workers' party.. lolx.. and she was telling me that we got to teach them service quality coz they were so inefficient.. all jokingly of course..
it's surprisingly quiet ard here last night.. and cooling.. the feeling this blackout brings is somewhat like the 4-5 am effect.. peaceful.
no kids shouting and no no cars zooming.. think some families slp le.. the candles and torches.. gave the neighbourhood an awesome effect, compared to the usual lights we had in the household. alyssa was also telling me that there was an ah beng gathering near her block.. they were shouting things like sibeh sian, gong xi fa cai and dunno wat.. lolx.. *pengz
i waited for abt an hr b4 deciding to bathe.. with candles.. haha.. the feeling is great initially.. very nice feeling.. but after awhile, my thoughts began to wander and guess what? yes.. i discovered a new horror scene.. candlelight gave reflections that would somehow move? and the colour and all produced a spooky feeling.. was washing my face and i realised that my shadow is damn big and it moves! coz i'm moving.. lolx.. and was thinking what if i see another shadow of a hand behind me and it pull my hair or sth.. lolx.. den i'll be found dead like an hr later, died from unnatural cause.. haha..
my bro was the most funny.. i woke him up coz he haven had his dinner and the electricity's off.. so he woke up, walked ard the house and all.. but whehn he next returned to his room, he tried to switch on the lights.. was laughing at him.. and asking him wat he was trying to do.. think he realised his blunder and told me "nth".
think most parts of s'pore blackout ytd. as far as i know, bukit merah, tiong bahru, woodlands, yishun, dover, holland, gim moh, hougang, punggol, sengkang, ang mo kio and bishan all tio.. den over the radio broadcasts, i realised hougang pple most likely to complain and hao lian.. all call ins were made by this area de.. lolx..
my 2 sis fell asleep.. so my bro was fanning the youngest one in my room ytd.. my neighbour came over with a lightstick! and i think, due to the power failure, the adults wont let the kids come out and play../ that's y it's so quiet ard here.. coz this area, the pple not so ba gua one.. den they juz came out to check and see if anyone's asking for help.. den went back home..
6 of us sat in the living room with only 1 candle.. juz listening to FM.. luckily i charged my phone the night b4.. so put loudspeaker den everyone can hear abt the updates..
it was abt 12+ that i buay tahan coz i'm feeling real tired and my tut haven do yet that i decided to use the candle light as a light source.. but who knows? viola.. like magic, everything turns on by itself.. tv, lights, radio, computer, fridge and so on.. and suddenly, my world feels bright, too bright and cluttered.. coz in the dark, u cant really see everything clearly..
actually we shld have more power failures.. den that will teach us to be prepared.. and in turn save alot of resources and money!! my cousin was telling me that holland experienced the blackout for abt 10 mins only.. see what i mean? the rich will get better services coz they got the money!! and hougang pple got to wait for like 2 hrs!! but newer estates like punggol and sengkang also quite fast.. but nvm.. i like this blackout experience.. so not so bad.. aiyah.. gotta prepare to go to sch le.. today gotta wear suit.. dying soon!!
Wednesday, June 30
Monday, June 28
by a 15-yr-old ger
was searching for sth and found this instead.. copied a part that i think is relevant and pasted it here to share.. this is by a 15-yr-old ger..
[I believe in something but I can't really believe anything for sure. My ideas are just like one big mass of colors trapped in a sphere. As the sphere turns new images and the old ones fall away. Since everything is turning, nothing is stable and I can't count on anything being true tomorrow. Everything is changing. It always had although today I it feels like it's changing more rapidly than before, like the tension rising before a storm. I only wish it didn't have to change all of my believes because when the storm hits I'd like to have something to hold on to.
As I learn it's like peeling away layers of an onion. It's like when you first learn in school that your body isn't just one big thing; it's made up of organs. Then you learn that the organs are made up of cells, which in turn are made up of smaller particles and so on. You go deeper and deeper never to find the exact root of the issue. You never know if you know the center truth or if it's just another layer.
Change. I guess that's what life is. It's change. Like how things die and new things take their place. I always was fascinated by that and how human's evolved from tiny one celled creatures struggling for life in a hostile land. Maybe now, it's my time to change, and grow. Maybe, what I have to do, is find someway to enjoy the change, so its like I'm drifting down the river, instead of drowning.]
somehow, i think i feel the same way she does.. that's y i read the entire story b4 deciding to extract a part out and put in in my blog.. it's those qns we often ask ourselves and wonder out loud..
[I believe in something but I can't really believe anything for sure. My ideas are just like one big mass of colors trapped in a sphere. As the sphere turns new images and the old ones fall away. Since everything is turning, nothing is stable and I can't count on anything being true tomorrow. Everything is changing. It always had although today I it feels like it's changing more rapidly than before, like the tension rising before a storm. I only wish it didn't have to change all of my believes because when the storm hits I'd like to have something to hold on to.
As I learn it's like peeling away layers of an onion. It's like when you first learn in school that your body isn't just one big thing; it's made up of organs. Then you learn that the organs are made up of cells, which in turn are made up of smaller particles and so on. You go deeper and deeper never to find the exact root of the issue. You never know if you know the center truth or if it's just another layer.
Change. I guess that's what life is. It's change. Like how things die and new things take their place. I always was fascinated by that and how human's evolved from tiny one celled creatures struggling for life in a hostile land. Maybe now, it's my time to change, and grow. Maybe, what I have to do, is find someway to enjoy the change, so its like I'm drifting down the river, instead of drowning.]
somehow, i think i feel the same way she does.. that's y i read the entire story b4 deciding to extract a part out and put in in my blog.. it's those qns we often ask ourselves and wonder out loud..
Sunday, June 27
gong toot dai
my gong toot dai pic that monique took last week during NUS indoor.. LOVE IT! i look so idiotic sia.. but guess the split-of-the-moment kinda feeling being captured on camera at that instant is special.. so much so that i dun mind being silly.. lolx..
sam was online today.. in aust.. saw my display pic and asked me if i became fatter.. so sad sam!! yeah.. am much chubby now compared to the last time u saw me.. like sec 3? lolx.. anyway, muz take care k.. like wat u told me, u're now more matured, independent, dong shi and all.. geez.. think muz return the "senior title" back to u soon huh.. :P
real boliao now.. sending rie songs.. so cannot slp yet.. actually is cannot slp also.. super sian... argh!!!
Saturday, June 26
SAT- changed my ragim.. sad~
accompanying me tonight is this cup of hot tea.. perfect for this rainy weather..
training was tiring for me, especially when i switched my ragim to 28 lbs samick bow..
that's GW's previous bow and well, it's harder to pull, the string gave a weird sound when i release and it's so much heavier den my seasoned "partner". this one has not been touched for awhile, hence the grip and limbs are abit sticky and the feeling aint the same..
48 arrows with the 24 lbs ragim and 36 arrows with the 28 lbs samick.. did the bow exercises with the higher poundage bow, after which i had to run 2 rounds as punishment, although i managed to hold for 30 s... Grrr...
didnt go for dinner with them.. went home instead.. today buses ar.. the frequency all so long de.. i took more den 1 hr to get home.. went to the hospital immediately after i had my shower.. was feeling darn tired and hungry.. upon reaching the ward, i saw my relatives and all.. no place to stand.. so i went to the patients' day room to sit ard.. who knows.. my 3 cousins were playing inside and they gave me a headache..
think the rain helped alot.. soothing and calming effect.. great way to end off my day..
training was tiring for me, especially when i switched my ragim to 28 lbs samick bow..
that's GW's previous bow and well, it's harder to pull, the string gave a weird sound when i release and it's so much heavier den my seasoned "partner". this one has not been touched for awhile, hence the grip and limbs are abit sticky and the feeling aint the same..
48 arrows with the 24 lbs ragim and 36 arrows with the 28 lbs samick.. did the bow exercises with the higher poundage bow, after which i had to run 2 rounds as punishment, although i managed to hold for 30 s... Grrr...
didnt go for dinner with them.. went home instead.. today buses ar.. the frequency all so long de.. i took more den 1 hr to get home.. went to the hospital immediately after i had my shower.. was feeling darn tired and hungry.. upon reaching the ward, i saw my relatives and all.. no place to stand.. so i went to the patients' day room to sit ard.. who knows.. my 3 cousins were playing inside and they gave me a headache..
think the rain helped alot.. soothing and calming effect.. great way to end off my day..
Friday, June 25
FRIDAY!
changed my blogskin ytd.. after so long..spent quite some time changing the template stuff coz it's a new kinda HTML code.. diff frm my previous blogskin..
anyway, not gonna tok abt things that happened ytd.. fri came.. and abt to go..
saffron early in the morning. all 15 of us doing culi sci look so cartoon.. we spent abt 2 hrs doing intro and toking abt grooming.. then we had a break, collected our knife set and safety boots, den went back to cls again.. okay.. with the boots, we look even funnier.. but soon, all of us got used to it..
i tell u.. saffron is way tooooo cool.. the equipment they have inside the kitchen is.. awesome!! it's a great kitchen, with ample space to move ard and all, lighting gd, user friendly and all..
was amazed with the induction and electrical stove that can be insert in and pull out or exchanged, change height and such.. didnt expect the equipment to be like that.. and those amazing things that i never see in sakae's kitchen.. we have one of the best kitchen ard i can say.. compared to restaurants.. can fight with les amis..!!
charlene saw guang today.. she waved to him.. but dunno whether is he never see or he pretend cannot see.. i asked her what, she said "nvm", den i also sua.. until i saw him walked past coz he was blocked by the pillar initially..
had the bus etiquette and service excellence lec today.. last lec of the wek.. nxt week's tut gotta wear bus suit le.. sian.. budden i'm looking forward to nxt fri's lec.. shiseido coming.. to teach us how to put on makeup!! my makeup skills so lousy. finally can learn abit sia..
anyway, on the way home i saw siew wen.. she's in SP.. got to know that sch starts on 5th july for them.. so good!!
anyway, not gonna tok abt things that happened ytd.. fri came.. and abt to go..
saffron early in the morning. all 15 of us doing culi sci look so cartoon.. we spent abt 2 hrs doing intro and toking abt grooming.. then we had a break, collected our knife set and safety boots, den went back to cls again.. okay.. with the boots, we look even funnier.. but soon, all of us got used to it..
i tell u.. saffron is way tooooo cool.. the equipment they have inside the kitchen is.. awesome!! it's a great kitchen, with ample space to move ard and all, lighting gd, user friendly and all..
was amazed with the induction and electrical stove that can be insert in and pull out or exchanged, change height and such.. didnt expect the equipment to be like that.. and those amazing things that i never see in sakae's kitchen.. we have one of the best kitchen ard i can say.. compared to restaurants.. can fight with les amis..!!
charlene saw guang today.. she waved to him.. but dunno whether is he never see or he pretend cannot see.. i asked her what, she said "nvm", den i also sua.. until i saw him walked past coz he was blocked by the pillar initially..
had the bus etiquette and service excellence lec today.. last lec of the wek.. nxt week's tut gotta wear bus suit le.. sian.. budden i'm looking forward to nxt fri's lec.. shiseido coming.. to teach us how to put on makeup!! my makeup skills so lousy. finally can learn abit sia..
anyway, on the way home i saw siew wen.. she's in SP.. got to know that sch starts on 5th july for them.. so good!!
Tuesday, June 22
nth better to do..
went to sch early coz of sporting culture.. decided it's a total waste of my time actually.. they dun need me there and i juz sat ard stoning.. like an extra yeah..
by the time i was there, abt 1+, there was already abt 90 odd pple signed up for archery, plus ytd de.. and not to forget those that we "ignored" ytd, and those that we juz gave them the piece of paper coz we're all too lazy to explain and ask them to write down their names so we'll contact them??
actually, i dun get why so many pple are interested in archery.. ask me? i also dunno.. they dunno wat's in for them.. and by then, most of them would regret and quit.. and *poof, the team becomes smaller and smaller..
in 1 yr's time, the seniors would have left and archery would be handed over to the 6 of us.. tf, jk, kv, eg, ki and me.. then a new batch would be in and who knows.. maybe it'll be the fall of tp archery..
went home with an ex-clsmate today.. and all we tok abt was sch, sch and sch.. abt how terrible our timetables are.. had the feeling of travelling with a fren that u're not very familiar with and yet had to try hard to start and maintain a conversation and realised how tiring it is..
would rather go home alone actually.. at least i wouldnt feel as awkward while sitting beside her and making a fool of myself by saying stupid things like complaining abt this sem's schedule when i knwo everyone else is suffering from it and that i'm perfectly fine with it actually coz i've come to terms with this fate..
then i reached home feeling terrible coz of my throat that juz seem to get worse by itself.. or maybe coz i've not been taking care of myself that it juz refuses to be alright since 2 weeks ago?
sat in front of the tv for so many hrs.. flipping thru channels and watching watever that's on tv..all the way till 11.. and drinking bottles and bottles of water.. till i feel so bloated..
i'm sick and tired of the com.. of this virtual world that is not within my reach.. i dunno wat to do online besides the usual things like msn, check mails, blog.. i dun even listen to music anymore.. let alone surfing the net.. i dun.. i go online.. only coz it's become a habit.. a sickening habit that i can't kick.. a stupid dependent and hopeless prodct that i have no clever control over..
if not, i'll find myself staring at the monitor and doing nth, or else i'll open the blog window but not typing anything.. until someone msgs and the msg pops up indicating that i shld wake up frm my enclosed world.. and when pple ask me what i'm doing.. many a time, i really dunno wat to say.. i cant possile say that i'm stoning in front of the com right? pple would think that i'm some weirdo or freak.. but maybe i am.. but in reality, that's not the standard answer.. at least not one that pple would expect to hear.. that's y i'm not telling the truth.. maybe my nose will grow longer or sth.. and that's gd..
seriously, i need to get a life.. no need other pple to tell me.. i know it.. but the side effects outweight the pros by a great margin.. so i'm staying put.. aint moving, aint changing, aint doing wat i'm supposed to do.. cant say that i'm fine with it.. but that's the best option ut of the whole lot that i can choose from.. gotta take the best of the worse right? survival of the fittest.. only occurs in textbk.. nowadays, u dun need to be the "fittest" to be the "best".. get the looks 1st.. brains can come later.. that's wat i see and observe ard me.. so basically, u can say that the world is turning into a mega beauty pageant.. with all the new line of products coming out, more health stuff to keep pple looking younger for longer, all those slimming centres and products, makeovers, surgeries getting more common and popular, branding and so on.... long list.. and if it's not a mega beauty pageant, den it's an upcoming fashion world.. watever it is, .... * u fill in the blanks urself*
gotta rest soon, den remove some of my previosu posts, again..
by the time i was there, abt 1+, there was already abt 90 odd pple signed up for archery, plus ytd de.. and not to forget those that we "ignored" ytd, and those that we juz gave them the piece of paper coz we're all too lazy to explain and ask them to write down their names so we'll contact them??
actually, i dun get why so many pple are interested in archery.. ask me? i also dunno.. they dunno wat's in for them.. and by then, most of them would regret and quit.. and *poof, the team becomes smaller and smaller..
in 1 yr's time, the seniors would have left and archery would be handed over to the 6 of us.. tf, jk, kv, eg, ki and me.. then a new batch would be in and who knows.. maybe it'll be the fall of tp archery..
went home with an ex-clsmate today.. and all we tok abt was sch, sch and sch.. abt how terrible our timetables are.. had the feeling of travelling with a fren that u're not very familiar with and yet had to try hard to start and maintain a conversation and realised how tiring it is..
would rather go home alone actually.. at least i wouldnt feel as awkward while sitting beside her and making a fool of myself by saying stupid things like complaining abt this sem's schedule when i knwo everyone else is suffering from it and that i'm perfectly fine with it actually coz i've come to terms with this fate..
then i reached home feeling terrible coz of my throat that juz seem to get worse by itself.. or maybe coz i've not been taking care of myself that it juz refuses to be alright since 2 weeks ago?
sat in front of the tv for so many hrs.. flipping thru channels and watching watever that's on tv..all the way till 11.. and drinking bottles and bottles of water.. till i feel so bloated..
i'm sick and tired of the com.. of this virtual world that is not within my reach.. i dunno wat to do online besides the usual things like msn, check mails, blog.. i dun even listen to music anymore.. let alone surfing the net.. i dun.. i go online.. only coz it's become a habit.. a sickening habit that i can't kick.. a stupid dependent and hopeless prodct that i have no clever control over..
if not, i'll find myself staring at the monitor and doing nth, or else i'll open the blog window but not typing anything.. until someone msgs and the msg pops up indicating that i shld wake up frm my enclosed world.. and when pple ask me what i'm doing.. many a time, i really dunno wat to say.. i cant possile say that i'm stoning in front of the com right? pple would think that i'm some weirdo or freak.. but maybe i am.. but in reality, that's not the standard answer.. at least not one that pple would expect to hear.. that's y i'm not telling the truth.. maybe my nose will grow longer or sth.. and that's gd..
seriously, i need to get a life.. no need other pple to tell me.. i know it.. but the side effects outweight the pros by a great margin.. so i'm staying put.. aint moving, aint changing, aint doing wat i'm supposed to do.. cant say that i'm fine with it.. but that's the best option ut of the whole lot that i can choose from.. gotta take the best of the worse right? survival of the fittest.. only occurs in textbk.. nowadays, u dun need to be the "fittest" to be the "best".. get the looks 1st.. brains can come later.. that's wat i see and observe ard me.. so basically, u can say that the world is turning into a mega beauty pageant.. with all the new line of products coming out, more health stuff to keep pple looking younger for longer, all those slimming centres and products, makeovers, surgeries getting more common and popular, branding and so on.... long list.. and if it's not a mega beauty pageant, den it's an upcoming fashion world.. watever it is, .... * u fill in the blanks urself*
gotta rest soon, den remove some of my previosu posts, again..
Sunday, June 20
NUS indoor team event!
finished the NUS invitatonal indoor with a silver medal.. was quite glad actually.. the team that bypass - NTU7, actually got knocked out by us.. at 1st we competed with PSRC and won by a huge margin.. den 2nd end we compete with NTU coz we got the highest scores amongst the teams that shot during the 1st roung.. den we won by 20 points.. the gold medal match is the most exciting part of today.. i didnt know i cant be so nervous yet so relaxed at the same time..
scored some really gd shot today.. but some of them.. ahem.. haywire.. hee.. was so nervous that my bow hand kept getting sweaty, den my bow kept slipping.. haha.. so i grip the bow.. but that's not suppsoed to be.. haha.. watever.. i did it my way today..
actualy thot we cant make it coz karin is gone.. monica moved up cls, den with no reserve in our team, den ytd my scores so lousy.. our team isnt really doing very well..
so thot we'll get kicked out very soon..
who knows we get to compete in the gold medal match..
coz most of the time is karin saving us
with her yellow scores, she helped to pull up the team's points by alot
even though we didnt perform well or not on form, we can still count on her more or less, thus not being so anxious.. now she's gone..
furthermore the 1st 2 rounds vs prison and NTU7, the guys and ken they all still competitng oso den no "audience" to look at our scores over my shoulders..thus not so scared.. after tt is another case.. today TOTALLY not able to block out wat others are saying behind me while shooting..
these aint excuses.. juz wat i feel.. i think that i did my best, given the circumstances.. coz judy and aishah aint coming for trainings regularly and didi's scores are erm.. not very ideal.. miss quite abit.. but she also got gd shots today.. yellow and red.. so overall, i think luck is by our side.. the gold medal match cant be avoided.. i already know the outcome b4 i start.. so thanks whoever that wishes me luck for the com..
scored some really gd shot today.. but some of them.. ahem.. haywire.. hee.. was so nervous that my bow hand kept getting sweaty, den my bow kept slipping.. haha.. so i grip the bow.. but that's not suppsoed to be.. haha.. watever.. i did it my way today..
actualy thot we cant make it coz karin is gone.. monica moved up cls, den with no reserve in our team, den ytd my scores so lousy.. our team isnt really doing very well..
so thot we'll get kicked out very soon..
who knows we get to compete in the gold medal match..
coz most of the time is karin saving us
with her yellow scores, she helped to pull up the team's points by alot
even though we didnt perform well or not on form, we can still count on her more or less, thus not being so anxious.. now she's gone..
furthermore the 1st 2 rounds vs prison and NTU7, the guys and ken they all still competitng oso den no "audience" to look at our scores over my shoulders..thus not so scared.. after tt is another case.. today TOTALLY not able to block out wat others are saying behind me while shooting..
these aint excuses.. juz wat i feel.. i think that i did my best, given the circumstances.. coz judy and aishah aint coming for trainings regularly and didi's scores are erm.. not very ideal.. miss quite abit.. but she also got gd shots today.. yellow and red.. so overall, i think luck is by our side.. the gold medal match cant be avoided.. i already know the outcome b4 i start.. so thanks whoever that wishes me luck for the com..
Saturday, June 19
brain"less" stuff
went out with jas and ching, plus timo today.. for more info, pls refer to ching's blog..
well, didnt really know wat to say nowadays except grumbles and crap stuff.. except when i'm very ji dong den another story lah..
sibeh sian.. frenster pple msg again.. for a period of time i thot pple bo hue me liao.. budden now the msgs asking to be frens are back.. i thot that once i put the 'in a relationship" status, pple will stop msging me.. but well, i was wrong..
the most mafan thing is when my frens saw my profile and start asking qns.. pris did it again last night.. after like asking me 1 week ago.. ask me why.. as if i know why.. i dunno.. den she thot i bluffing her somemore.. i cant explain any further le..
tml competition AGAIN.. one yr dunno how many coms.. i sian liao.. so early wake up.. double sian.. even my frens are sian when they ask abt my programs for the weekend and i told them i got competition..
it's tiring when i repetitive do the same things without using my brain.. yeah.. tired coz i never use my brain..
was walking home juz now and listening to FM.. juz walking ard aimlessly, towards home.. i didnt even know wat i'm doing coz it's when i reached the lift den i realised that i'm close to home.. it's the feeling like u receive a phone call or sms in the morning,replied but after that when u woke up, u realised that u cant recall the details..
that shows me 1 thing.. i'm so used to switching on and off my brain, stoning as and when i want, that it becomes an easy task.. so easy that i dun even need to feel it consciously.. and i wonder wat i'm doing.. coz it seems as if frm the time i call home till the time i reach home, time moves slower den normal.. and it feels weird.. as if the world left me behind while it moves on at the speed of lightning, bringing everyone else with it and i didnt hurry to catch up.. maybe that's true.. i'm living life at my own speed that the rest of the world juz cant wait for me any longer.
pls wait. while i catch up. pls dun leave me behind.
well, didnt really know wat to say nowadays except grumbles and crap stuff.. except when i'm very ji dong den another story lah..
sibeh sian.. frenster pple msg again.. for a period of time i thot pple bo hue me liao.. budden now the msgs asking to be frens are back.. i thot that once i put the 'in a relationship" status, pple will stop msging me.. but well, i was wrong..
the most mafan thing is when my frens saw my profile and start asking qns.. pris did it again last night.. after like asking me 1 week ago.. ask me why.. as if i know why.. i dunno.. den she thot i bluffing her somemore.. i cant explain any further le..
tml competition AGAIN.. one yr dunno how many coms.. i sian liao.. so early wake up.. double sian.. even my frens are sian when they ask abt my programs for the weekend and i told them i got competition..
it's tiring when i repetitive do the same things without using my brain.. yeah.. tired coz i never use my brain..
was walking home juz now and listening to FM.. juz walking ard aimlessly, towards home.. i didnt even know wat i'm doing coz it's when i reached the lift den i realised that i'm close to home.. it's the feeling like u receive a phone call or sms in the morning,replied but after that when u woke up, u realised that u cant recall the details..
that shows me 1 thing.. i'm so used to switching on and off my brain, stoning as and when i want, that it becomes an easy task.. so easy that i dun even need to feel it consciously.. and i wonder wat i'm doing.. coz it seems as if frm the time i call home till the time i reach home, time moves slower den normal.. and it feels weird.. as if the world left me behind while it moves on at the speed of lightning, bringing everyone else with it and i didnt hurry to catch up.. maybe that's true.. i'm living life at my own speed that the rest of the world juz cant wait for me any longer.
pls wait. while i catch up. pls dun leave me behind.
Thursday, June 17
extra
i have no life.. and i can confirm it.. spent yet another day at the pool as some audience, juz slacking there and "warming up" under the sun.. it's like a burning furnace in the morning.. and as usual, i get tanned.. double sian..
sat with the "parents" and well, gd for me.. no need to keep shifting ard like last week.. the food doesnt taste as bad.. brought my sis and her frens along coz peiliang needs 5 gers and he only managed to find 2 coz the rest got orientation and work..
the pay is miserable.. 30 odd.. from 7 till 7.. with lunch break and transportation time.. we reached there at 8+ instead of 7.. lolx.. and set off.. the trip from mediacorp to toa payoh there was quite long.. coz i slack and slack.. den after reaching there, the sun was already high up.. so frm 9+ till 1+ i've been under the scorching sun.. drying up my eyes and drawing water frm my skin.. but 1 lucky thing.. i applied sunblock!! lolx..
it's really a slacking day.. juz sit there till my bum hurts.. until the point whereby no matter how u shift, it's still the same and that u'd rather stand and walk abt, changin places.. so i juz sat there hour after hour, toking to yiping, allan and wei lun.. the 2 i dun really know.. peiliang's frens..
was feeling so tired after slacking that i didnt even want to go and have dinner outside.. but overall, i think that it's a gd experience.. at least i know how pple make shows and movies by faking all the scenes.. =)
sat with the "parents" and well, gd for me.. no need to keep shifting ard like last week.. the food doesnt taste as bad.. brought my sis and her frens along coz peiliang needs 5 gers and he only managed to find 2 coz the rest got orientation and work..
the pay is miserable.. 30 odd.. from 7 till 7.. with lunch break and transportation time.. we reached there at 8+ instead of 7.. lolx.. and set off.. the trip from mediacorp to toa payoh there was quite long.. coz i slack and slack.. den after reaching there, the sun was already high up.. so frm 9+ till 1+ i've been under the scorching sun.. drying up my eyes and drawing water frm my skin.. but 1 lucky thing.. i applied sunblock!! lolx..
it's really a slacking day.. juz sit there till my bum hurts.. until the point whereby no matter how u shift, it's still the same and that u'd rather stand and walk abt, changin places.. so i juz sat there hour after hour, toking to yiping, allan and wei lun.. the 2 i dun really know.. peiliang's frens..
was feeling so tired after slacking that i didnt even want to go and have dinner outside.. but overall, i think that it's a gd experience.. at least i know how pple make shows and movies by faking all the scenes.. =)
Wednesday, June 16
got this off a test i did online..
The Love Doctor Prescribes More Solo Time
You are absolutely, 100%, not ready to be loved. You may not even be ready to be liked! Your self-esteem, your ability to take compliments and your willingness to let another person into your life are all seriously impaired. If you really desire to have a strong, deep relationship in the future, you're going to have to change your ways, big time!
It's as clear as can be: If you don't feel lovable, you won't attract love. After all, if you don't believe you're worthy, how could someone worthwhile be interested in you? It's an endless, bad cycle — unless you break free by learning how to appreciate yourself. Whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself, do it! Otherwise, you will stay lonely.
You aren't giving your relationship a shot when you deny your partner full knowledge of what's bothering you. Even though keeping upset feelings to yourself seems like the best strategy, it prevents your guy from getting closer to you. Likewise, angry defensiveness is a sure sign that you're being self-protective, which makes intimacy almost impossible. If you're afraid that you'll be less lovable if you let your partner know what's really going on, then you don't trust your relationship enough to let it deepen. Being in love and being loved requires vulnerability — the ability to share the sad, sorry aspects of your psyche, not just the joyousness and triumphs.
Why wouldn't your guy think you're simply breathtaking? You're attracted to him, aren't you? You are aware of his good features — inside and out — and think he's great to look at. Is it surprising that he feels the same way about you? If you can't imagine that a man could honestly find you beautiful, then you probably don't feel worthy of love and aren't really ready to be in a fully realized relationship. Need a confidence boost? Make a mental list of the men who have cared about you and the men who have merely flirted with you. Don't dismiss the attention you've received from men just because the relationships ended — or never began. Keep these positive thoughts tucked in your brain and avoid focusing on the times when you felt inadequate or someone didn't find you attractive. When you are ready to be loved, you'll know that your man can think you're breathtaking — even though you won't be on the cover of Vogue (lolx.. that's true..) anytime soon.
If your blood runs cold as soon as a man turns up the romantic heat, you're putting up love roadblocks. You've got a psychological aversion to commitment that probably has nothing to do with the guy who is baring his heart. Perhaps you're worried about being trapped — losing your hard-won independence or not attaining your personal goals. Or maybe your family was a model of unhappiness (or the opposite: Your parents were so perfect that you don't think any relationship could match theirs). If you go into a deep freeze every time a guy's heart heats up, you have an emotional problem you need to understand and amend. If you don't work to change it, perfectly wonderful men will be turned off, and you may miss the man with whom you were meant to be. Whatever the nature of the roadblock in your heart, pretending to be available and capable of love when you're unable to follow through is a dangerous strategy that will hurt others — not to mention you. You need to get to the root of your reluctance to let go — and work on opening up yourself to love.
You are absolutely, 100%, not ready to be loved. You may not even be ready to be liked! Your self-esteem, your ability to take compliments and your willingness to let another person into your life are all seriously impaired. If you really desire to have a strong, deep relationship in the future, you're going to have to change your ways, big time!
It's as clear as can be: If you don't feel lovable, you won't attract love. After all, if you don't believe you're worthy, how could someone worthwhile be interested in you? It's an endless, bad cycle — unless you break free by learning how to appreciate yourself. Whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself, do it! Otherwise, you will stay lonely.
You aren't giving your relationship a shot when you deny your partner full knowledge of what's bothering you. Even though keeping upset feelings to yourself seems like the best strategy, it prevents your guy from getting closer to you. Likewise, angry defensiveness is a sure sign that you're being self-protective, which makes intimacy almost impossible. If you're afraid that you'll be less lovable if you let your partner know what's really going on, then you don't trust your relationship enough to let it deepen. Being in love and being loved requires vulnerability — the ability to share the sad, sorry aspects of your psyche, not just the joyousness and triumphs.
Why wouldn't your guy think you're simply breathtaking? You're attracted to him, aren't you? You are aware of his good features — inside and out — and think he's great to look at. Is it surprising that he feels the same way about you? If you can't imagine that a man could honestly find you beautiful, then you probably don't feel worthy of love and aren't really ready to be in a fully realized relationship. Need a confidence boost? Make a mental list of the men who have cared about you and the men who have merely flirted with you. Don't dismiss the attention you've received from men just because the relationships ended — or never began. Keep these positive thoughts tucked in your brain and avoid focusing on the times when you felt inadequate or someone didn't find you attractive. When you are ready to be loved, you'll know that your man can think you're breathtaking — even though you won't be on the cover of Vogue (lolx.. that's true..) anytime soon.
If your blood runs cold as soon as a man turns up the romantic heat, you're putting up love roadblocks. You've got a psychological aversion to commitment that probably has nothing to do with the guy who is baring his heart. Perhaps you're worried about being trapped — losing your hard-won independence or not attaining your personal goals. Or maybe your family was a model of unhappiness (or the opposite: Your parents were so perfect that you don't think any relationship could match theirs). If you go into a deep freeze every time a guy's heart heats up, you have an emotional problem you need to understand and amend. If you don't work to change it, perfectly wonderful men will be turned off, and you may miss the man with whom you were meant to be. Whatever the nature of the roadblock in your heart, pretending to be available and capable of love when you're unable to follow through is a dangerous strategy that will hurt others — not to mention you. You need to get to the root of your reluctance to let go — and work on opening up yourself to love.
sianz
these few days, i feel more or less like an outcast.. especially when i'm with a grp of pple.. when i speak, pple willl listen out of politeness and den change the topic when i finished toking.. and most of them will treat me as if whether i'm there or not doesnt matter.. or maybe they think that i'm independent enuff to takecare of myself?
to me, it seems as if everything i say is crap and so uninteresting that they dun even want to offer a tiny bit of attention.. dunno y.. but i'm starting to feel as if pple are getting tired of me.. true.. there's nothing very interesting or different abt me.. but i DO need attention from time to time.. and this sux.. feeling as if noone would know and care if i hurt myself or passed away suddenly.. bsides my family of course..
sometimes it juz doesnt make sense to me.. what's the point of appreciating the gd in ur life when bemoaning at every misfortune seems more right in some ways??
if we appreciate wat we have, den we wont be able to recognise the negativities in our lives and when we're not able to recognise them, how are we going to improve on the situation?
or maybe i seem too quiet in front of them that's y they choose to have a conversation with others? or they think that i wont mind? or maybe coz i always seem so far away.. lost somewhere in space.. suddenly, lily pop up in my mind.. missed the days where the few of us crap and slack in the lounge.. with ah sok, jaz and ess..
i hate the lonely feeling that i get when i am down.. but it doesnt make sense does it? coz i'm alone for so long that actually i shld be used to it donkey yrs ago? or maybe i'm too used to it that the feeling juz grows stronger everytime i fall? and bcoz there hasnt be anyone there to break the fall, that's y i've been landing harder and harder each time?
this sux this sux this sux... wat elaine told us on sun makes sense suddenly.. now i understand y steph can boast abt herself.. and makes it sounds like such a big thing.. and i began to suspect if my determincation will hold.. or maybe it's juz time testing me coz i've been leading a somewhat monotonous life till now? nothing really different from wat i used to have.. that's y minor stuff affects me.. coz minor problems affects minor minds.. i haven been thru alot.. that's y i'm weak? i dunno.. seriously, i think i shld live in the 1950s.. maybe i'll be more suitable in that era than this.. i feel abit out of place in this modern world.. feeling old, feeling tired, feeling slow..
to me, it seems as if everything i say is crap and so uninteresting that they dun even want to offer a tiny bit of attention.. dunno y.. but i'm starting to feel as if pple are getting tired of me.. true.. there's nothing very interesting or different abt me.. but i DO need attention from time to time.. and this sux.. feeling as if noone would know and care if i hurt myself or passed away suddenly.. bsides my family of course..
sometimes it juz doesnt make sense to me.. what's the point of appreciating the gd in ur life when bemoaning at every misfortune seems more right in some ways??
if we appreciate wat we have, den we wont be able to recognise the negativities in our lives and when we're not able to recognise them, how are we going to improve on the situation?
or maybe i seem too quiet in front of them that's y they choose to have a conversation with others? or they think that i wont mind? or maybe coz i always seem so far away.. lost somewhere in space.. suddenly, lily pop up in my mind.. missed the days where the few of us crap and slack in the lounge.. with ah sok, jaz and ess..
i hate the lonely feeling that i get when i am down.. but it doesnt make sense does it? coz i'm alone for so long that actually i shld be used to it donkey yrs ago? or maybe i'm too used to it that the feeling juz grows stronger everytime i fall? and bcoz there hasnt be anyone there to break the fall, that's y i've been landing harder and harder each time?
this sux this sux this sux... wat elaine told us on sun makes sense suddenly.. now i understand y steph can boast abt herself.. and makes it sounds like such a big thing.. and i began to suspect if my determincation will hold.. or maybe it's juz time testing me coz i've been leading a somewhat monotonous life till now? nothing really different from wat i used to have.. that's y minor stuff affects me.. coz minor problems affects minor minds.. i haven been thru alot.. that's y i'm weak? i dunno.. seriously, i think i shld live in the 1950s.. maybe i'll be more suitable in that era than this.. i feel abit out of place in this modern world.. feeling old, feeling tired, feeling slow..
tuesday..
cut my hair today.. and waited for abt 2 hrs till my bro's done with the com..
watched smallville, meet my kids.. super sian.. now my hair's shorter.. my mom say not much diff.. but it's definitely much lighter sia.. can feel it this time.. tie up oso not so thick.. anyway, met my objective - to cut my hair..
waiting for the 93.3 love diary thingy.. i THOUGHT it's on tonight.. but it's not.. great disappointment.. it's the same as that time where my fren dedicate song for me on my bdae and told me to go tk note if i'm free... feel idiotic with the FM on and waiting for sth that u dunno whether is there or not..
btw, i was browing thru the pics elaine sent me.. the house warming pics.. there's this pic that i took with her, olivia and yiping.. my mom happened to past by the com and told me that elaine looks like my kindergarden school fren,...
and guess what? yeah.. we're in the same kindergarden.. same cls.. my mom even can state that she lives in 301 last time.. got a sis.. mom quite small sized.. and primary sch from charlton..
she can remember and list out.. i dont even REMEMBER!! like hello!! who really take note of their kindergarden school frens.. it's been like more den 10 yrs?? i only rem a couple of them.. NEVER thot that elaine and i were in the same cls.. taught by mrs lee.. and how the hell would i know that she can remember the teacher's name too??!!
it's amazing.. for yrs.. i've only know her as qianyi and boling's fren.. their clsmate.. never thot that i'll have any tiniest bit of connection with her.. and here i am.. after knowing that this person exist for 4-5 yrs, den thru a blunder and coincidence, i got to know that we actually met like 12 yrs ago??
it's fate.. it's really fate.. and suddenly, i realised that in life, there're alot of things that will reveal when u least expect it to be.. like this.. sometimes, the things that u want to know will forever be a mystery when u're looking for the answer.. and yet when u gave up, everything will unravel? maybe that's y most pple are living a tough life..
watched smallville, meet my kids.. super sian.. now my hair's shorter.. my mom say not much diff.. but it's definitely much lighter sia.. can feel it this time.. tie up oso not so thick.. anyway, met my objective - to cut my hair..
waiting for the 93.3 love diary thingy.. i THOUGHT it's on tonight.. but it's not.. great disappointment.. it's the same as that time where my fren dedicate song for me on my bdae and told me to go tk note if i'm free... feel idiotic with the FM on and waiting for sth that u dunno whether is there or not..
btw, i was browing thru the pics elaine sent me.. the house warming pics.. there's this pic that i took with her, olivia and yiping.. my mom happened to past by the com and told me that elaine looks like my kindergarden school fren,...
and guess what? yeah.. we're in the same kindergarden.. same cls.. my mom even can state that she lives in 301 last time.. got a sis.. mom quite small sized.. and primary sch from charlton..
she can remember and list out.. i dont even REMEMBER!! like hello!! who really take note of their kindergarden school frens.. it's been like more den 10 yrs?? i only rem a couple of them.. NEVER thot that elaine and i were in the same cls.. taught by mrs lee.. and how the hell would i know that she can remember the teacher's name too??!!
it's amazing.. for yrs.. i've only know her as qianyi and boling's fren.. their clsmate.. never thot that i'll have any tiniest bit of connection with her.. and here i am.. after knowing that this person exist for 4-5 yrs, den thru a blunder and coincidence, i got to know that we actually met like 12 yrs ago??
it's fate.. it's really fate.. and suddenly, i realised that in life, there're alot of things that will reveal when u least expect it to be.. like this.. sometimes, the things that u want to know will forever be a mystery when u're looking for the answer.. and yet when u gave up, everything will unravel? maybe that's y most pple are living a tough life..
Sunday, June 13
WARRIOR house warming..
hmm.. warrior house warming today at han xiang's house near TP.. didnt realise that i'm the only one in poly.. the rest either waiting to get in or having their Os..
the house ar.. something like mine, but it's smaller and the layout abit diff.. and 1 look can guess that it's occupied by teenagers like us.. magazine clippings and posters on the walls, den most of their "interesting" stuff all "stolen" from dunno where.. it's amazing where they managed to get all those stuff from..
on top of the tv: --> [not for hire] taxi sign from the top of the taxi when the driver forgot to take off one night..
below the air-con: --> [danger] sign.. those construction site big big metal warning signs that ask pple to keep away..
on the sliding door oof the study room: --> [close] sign.. those salon sign on the door where they flip over to show that "we're open" and "we're closed" sign..
in lotti's room {study room}: --> the no smoking, no eating and no durians sign, if not fine $1000.. it's from those single-deck buses.. dunno how they managed to get it..
on the wall near the staircase: --> [no food and drinks beyond this point] obviously from some place coz got logo on top of the cert..
outside the bathroom: --> some piece of legal paper.. cant rem wat it says.. but i roughly know that it's from some F&B place..
on the bedroom doors also got stuff.. but i nv look closely enuff.. lolx.. and the living room!! damn zai.. there's this built in shelf thingy.. den they put bottles of carlsberg and other beer!! and below the tv there's the more ex range.. remy, martell, and so on.. lolx..
overall, it's a cosy place.. juz right for a bunch of frens to share and enjoy...
and ya.. today xian xiang's bdae.. happy bdae mouse!! although i know that he doesnt have my blog.. juz say for the sake of saying? lolx.. mingling brought chocolate cake from 717 durian.. her dad's factory!!! imagine!! chocolate cake from the famous 717 durian shop!! what!! but still not too bad!!
oh ya.. this part MUST SAY!!
we were playing water games at some public badminton court in the late afternoon.. and guess what? some idiot threw eggs down.. yeah.. u never read wrongly!! someone threw eggs down!! and the aiming not to bad sia.. hit the court.. heez.. but missed us.. 4 eggs sia.. wat a waste!!
and that elaine extra sia.. she called the police.. and two of them came down.. never investigate.. juz call us to go somewhere else and play.. sianz.. extra sia.. was thinking forget it lor.. the police wont care.. and i'm right..
and huixian came too.. that guy from gugucc...
they filmed down the "kidnapping" process.. spent abt an hr.. lolx.. abt us kidnapping him and asking gugucc pple for money.. lolx.. very lame lor.. but very crap.. coz they use alot of dialect and it's like watching show.. the funniest part.. he use the phone cord to tie himself, plus someone's towel to cover his eyes.. very lame.. all those spur of the moment stuff.. haha.. very long never crap le..
went home earlier den the rest.. they staying over.. budden i left with olivia.. coz dun think got enuff place and i never bring my contact lens stuff, specs and so on.. very mafan.. so decided to go home.. heez.. oh.. and someone's wallet damn nice.. haazz..
olivia came to a conclusion that it's proven that holy high produced not so gd looking guys.. and it's always true that when they left school, they look much better... lolx.. dunno true anot.. coz so far only saw a few of them.. haha..
and ya.. i hate it when pple greet me with a cigarette stick in the mouth and toking to me.. i dun care if it's lighted or not.. juz loathe it.. and ya.. slamming the door!! haizz.. i was in the washroom and i heard the door bang.. after tt they told me someone slammed the door.. wow~ not his house leh!! so i'm glad i'm home.. smelling gd and feeling cozy!!
last thing.. juz remembered.. they took the wood thingy from spotlight.. and painted it.. and it reads warrior with an inverted V as the A.. painted blue and glues to another wood as base... placed on top of the main door.. outside.. so izzit officially the warrior's house?
the house ar.. something like mine, but it's smaller and the layout abit diff.. and 1 look can guess that it's occupied by teenagers like us.. magazine clippings and posters on the walls, den most of their "interesting" stuff all "stolen" from dunno where.. it's amazing where they managed to get all those stuff from..
on top of the tv: --> [not for hire] taxi sign from the top of the taxi when the driver forgot to take off one night..
below the air-con: --> [danger] sign.. those construction site big big metal warning signs that ask pple to keep away..
on the sliding door oof the study room: --> [close] sign.. those salon sign on the door where they flip over to show that "we're open" and "we're closed" sign..
in lotti's room {study room}: --> the no smoking, no eating and no durians sign, if not fine $1000.. it's from those single-deck buses.. dunno how they managed to get it..
on the wall near the staircase: --> [no food and drinks beyond this point] obviously from some place coz got logo on top of the cert..
outside the bathroom: --> some piece of legal paper.. cant rem wat it says.. but i roughly know that it's from some F&B place..
on the bedroom doors also got stuff.. but i nv look closely enuff.. lolx.. and the living room!! damn zai.. there's this built in shelf thingy.. den they put bottles of carlsberg and other beer!! and below the tv there's the more ex range.. remy, martell, and so on.. lolx..
overall, it's a cosy place.. juz right for a bunch of frens to share and enjoy...
and ya.. today xian xiang's bdae.. happy bdae mouse!! although i know that he doesnt have my blog.. juz say for the sake of saying? lolx.. mingling brought chocolate cake from 717 durian.. her dad's factory!!! imagine!! chocolate cake from the famous 717 durian shop!! what!! but still not too bad!!
oh ya.. this part MUST SAY!!
we were playing water games at some public badminton court in the late afternoon.. and guess what? some idiot threw eggs down.. yeah.. u never read wrongly!! someone threw eggs down!! and the aiming not to bad sia.. hit the court.. heez.. but missed us.. 4 eggs sia.. wat a waste!!
and that elaine extra sia.. she called the police.. and two of them came down.. never investigate.. juz call us to go somewhere else and play.. sianz.. extra sia.. was thinking forget it lor.. the police wont care.. and i'm right..
and huixian came too.. that guy from gugucc...
they filmed down the "kidnapping" process.. spent abt an hr.. lolx.. abt us kidnapping him and asking gugucc pple for money.. lolx.. very lame lor.. but very crap.. coz they use alot of dialect and it's like watching show.. the funniest part.. he use the phone cord to tie himself, plus someone's towel to cover his eyes.. very lame.. all those spur of the moment stuff.. haha.. very long never crap le..
went home earlier den the rest.. they staying over.. budden i left with olivia.. coz dun think got enuff place and i never bring my contact lens stuff, specs and so on.. very mafan.. so decided to go home.. heez.. oh.. and someone's wallet damn nice.. haazz..
olivia came to a conclusion that it's proven that holy high produced not so gd looking guys.. and it's always true that when they left school, they look much better... lolx.. dunno true anot.. coz so far only saw a few of them.. haha..
and ya.. i hate it when pple greet me with a cigarette stick in the mouth and toking to me.. i dun care if it's lighted or not.. juz loathe it.. and ya.. slamming the door!! haizz.. i was in the washroom and i heard the door bang.. after tt they told me someone slammed the door.. wow~ not his house leh!! so i'm glad i'm home.. smelling gd and feeling cozy!!
last thing.. juz remembered.. they took the wood thingy from spotlight.. and painted it.. and it reads warrior with an inverted V as the A.. painted blue and glues to another wood as base... placed on top of the main door.. outside.. so izzit officially the warrior's house?
IF
sometimes.. whether a person stays in ur life for long or not doesnt matter..
was thinking abt this on my way to the station this afternoon..
if the person has stayed on, wat will happen..
if the person has never been a part of my life, wat will happen..
if the person left long ago, wat will happen..
if the person was never whom i think is, wat will happen..
if it's not for the person, wat will happen to me..
if it's not for me, wat will happen to the person..
if it's not for us, wat will happen to the 3rd party..
and i realised that the answer is NOTHING will happen.. coz it doesnt matter..
if it's not for my crap in the middle of the night, wat will happen to the poor soul reading my boring blog at this time of the day sia?
if it's not for my crap, wat will entertain these sianz pple who are blog surfing?
if it's not for me, wat will happen to u..
and lastly,
if it's not for this blog, would i even know i can crap so much?
was thinking abt this on my way to the station this afternoon..
if the person has stayed on, wat will happen..
if the person has never been a part of my life, wat will happen..
if the person left long ago, wat will happen..
if the person was never whom i think is, wat will happen..
if it's not for the person, wat will happen to me..
if it's not for me, wat will happen to the person..
if it's not for us, wat will happen to the 3rd party..
and i realised that the answer is NOTHING will happen.. coz it doesnt matter..
if it's not for my crap in the middle of the night, wat will happen to the poor soul reading my boring blog at this time of the day sia?
if it's not for my crap, wat will entertain these sianz pple who are blog surfing?
if it's not for me, wat will happen to u..
and lastly,
if it's not for this blog, would i even know i can crap so much?
Saturday, June 12
tired
i'm tired of forever answering pple's qn abt life, abt real and fake pple.. i dun mind discussing them.. but every msn conversation oso the same topic ar.. i answer until very pek cek.. coz everything i say the other party sure got sth to say back.. like.. u ask for MY opinions and yet when i offered them, u tried to tell me that it's wrong.. den in the 1st plaace, dun ask.. if u cant take what u think is coming, den forget it.. dun even bother in the 1st place..
ask me if gd looking pple are more fake.. den continue saying that "nobody is real".. and that "cos nobody likes to be a fake n nobody like fake pple".. somemore what "life isn't tt beautiful anymore".. fine.. watever.. u can continue thinking..
and ya.. i hate it when everytime i use the word "watever", u come and ask me if i know that it's rude.. of course i do.. that's y i'm using it! and when i say that i know that it's rude, u ask again and again why den i use it? and sicne u already know that i knew, den y u keep asking? dun tell me u keep forgetting.. it's tiring to answer the same type of qns to the same pple..
i mean, y cant i use it? y cant i be rude? it makes no sense lor.. and it's not as if i know u for a long time.. and i fed up le.. tt's y i took away my josh display pic.. and i dun care if someone i dunno does something tt i dun have any interest in.. and y are u telling me things that doesnt even concern me? ur fren's fren's bro? like i care? it's not as if it's my own siblings or my fren..
ask me if gd looking pple are more fake.. den continue saying that "nobody is real".. and that "cos nobody likes to be a fake n nobody like fake pple".. somemore what "life isn't tt beautiful anymore".. fine.. watever.. u can continue thinking..
and ya.. i hate it when everytime i use the word "watever", u come and ask me if i know that it's rude.. of course i do.. that's y i'm using it! and when i say that i know that it's rude, u ask again and again why den i use it? and sicne u already know that i knew, den y u keep asking? dun tell me u keep forgetting.. it's tiring to answer the same type of qns to the same pple..
i mean, y cant i use it? y cant i be rude? it makes no sense lor.. and it's not as if i know u for a long time.. and i fed up le.. tt's y i took away my josh display pic.. and i dun care if someone i dunno does something tt i dun have any interest in.. and y are u telling me things that doesnt even concern me? ur fren's fren's bro? like i care? it's not as if it's my own siblings or my fren..
Friday, June 11
extra
it's freaking hot today and i spent a freaking boring day as an extra in some stupid show with freaking boring team names.. hai ou is the name.. seagull.. stupid sia!! and that 2 words are wat i'm supposed to remember for the whole day..
damn.. it's like training all over again,.. juz tt this feels more like a competition, where i got to wake up damn early in the morning and reach home late at night, with my skin red as charcoal left on the grill after everyone finished bbq-ing.. and it HURTS!! i applied aloe vera gel FREELY on my sun-KISSED skin and it feels much better.. juz that my face-that-looks-normal-but-in-actual-fact-is-damn-painful sux... and i didnt know that the sun is somewhat like a bee.. it STINGS!! (my poor face)
i'm the WORSE there.. the rest all became tanned nia.. den some of them sunburnt.. but i'm the worst!! i dunno why.. and tiffy said "ur skin eats up the sun very fast".. i was like thinking.. what??
josh and peter actually fell asleep!! that i couldnt believe.. it's terribly hot there lor..
anyway, the best thing was that there's this REALLY cute and GREAT LOOKING "lifeguard".. most of us was like... ohhhhhh... wow~ look at him!!! really head turner!! but his legs muscles too scarey le.. the rest is GOOD~!.. lolx.. even when yan hsing shu came, that duan chen feng from MVP valentine or sth.. erm.. we dun really giv a damn u see... lolx..
anyway, that xiao qiao from R&B was filming too.. erm.. she's not too bad looking but she doesnt have the X-factor.. it's like if u see her on the streets and nobody points out, u wont know it's her kinda ger.. so ya.. fiona xie, however, is much much better den on tv.. oh ya.. and the pple aka gals there all skinny like dunno wat.. damn small sized and slim..
oh ya.. saw that rachel from that eye for a guy show.. erm... from the back, erm.. not that chio lah.. so she's not a bei duo fen kinda person.. coz her rebornded hair grow out le.. den her hair damn messy lor.. from the front her hair is alright.. but she's sitting in front of me.. so ya.. her "new" hair erm.. needs help? or maybe they shld style it for her or sth..
felicia(if i get the name right) on the other hand, though most of u would think that there's no way that she could "win" xiao qiao.. but tell u.. real person, i think maybe can.. lolx.. even some ger from dunno where from that fiona and xiao qiao's grp i oso think she's quite pretty (provided she's wearing her own clothes and comb her hair coz while filming, her hair oso very messy compared to the other more "famous" actresses..)
too long to include everything.. so juz cut short..
after the horrible day of filming, where they keep "yu bei bei, action... cut...," yiping, qianyi and i took a cab down to plaza parkroyal to have the buffet there.. a treat from qianyi's dad.. lolx.. saw moo-moo and xiang there.. so cute!! anyway, the dinner was SUPERB!! world class food compared to the fried rice we had for lunch.. had soft shell crab, sashimi, oysters (although i still dun like them), crab, fish, meat, sharksfin omelette (special order coz her dad's the big-shot chef), durian rice, maki, prawns, special flavoured prata, cappaucino(es?), fruits (the watermelon and pineapple there real sweet and juicy!!), desserts (some raspberry stuff and some thai stuff) den cannot really rem the rest.. lolx.. overall great dinner.. den in fact, we're supposed to leave at ard 11 i think, but her dad extended the time to 12 midnight so that we can continue chatting.. so while the staff busied themselves, our big table wasnt cleared and we were sitting there, sipping cappaucino and coke (yucks.. but her dad offered us.. so have to take right?) ... den tk bus 107 home with yp.. hahhahaha..
TML going for international buffet with alyssa and eve they all, celebrate sa's bdae.. lolx.. GREAT!! another buffet!! lolx.. oh ya.. in plaza parkroyal, when we're walking to the toilet, we saw zhou chu ming, MC king and hua xing you fa.. lolx..today really a great day.. and not to mention christopher lee, lin xiao pei, and other stars at mediacorp.. actually nothing de.. they're juz like us.. juz that they have more priviledges.. sianz...
tiffy was asking me when/if she can change her life with fiona xie.. coz in that show, that "lifeguard" (sorry..cant rem his name) "saved" and carried her!! damn lucky ar she.. lolx.. so ya.. i told her maybe next life? hee.. anyway, he damn fit sia.. even the guys buay tahan.. lolx.. and not to forget how gd looking he is.. damn shuai(4)... oh ya.. realised how useless some of us are.. heard one of the guys grumbling that he's a bai jia zi.. have to eat lunch at 12 arbo he'll die.. den needs the fan blowing at his face constantly.. and the mom would giv him money if he stays at home instead of going out, den he's seriouly considering relying on the bro coz "he will look after me de".. was thinking.. wah.. u wait long.. lolx..
i muz say that this is a rather terrible experience.. coz the 1st time i went to be an extra aka cale-faye?? i was inside the air-con hall for the whole time.. got quite alot of rest time and got food to eat.. drinks available easily!! so different from this time.. that time was spotlight.. compared to this scorching sun, not much breeze.. and more sun!! can't seem to get out of the sun de.. oh shit! now my face feels as if it's tearing.. damn.. better go apply something on it AGAIN!! b4 it really tears.. nightmare!!
damn.. it's like training all over again,.. juz tt this feels more like a competition, where i got to wake up damn early in the morning and reach home late at night, with my skin red as charcoal left on the grill after everyone finished bbq-ing.. and it HURTS!! i applied aloe vera gel FREELY on my sun-KISSED skin and it feels much better.. juz that my face-that-looks-normal-but-in-actual-fact-is-damn-painful sux... and i didnt know that the sun is somewhat like a bee.. it STINGS!! (my poor face)
i'm the WORSE there.. the rest all became tanned nia.. den some of them sunburnt.. but i'm the worst!! i dunno why.. and tiffy said "ur skin eats up the sun very fast".. i was like thinking.. what??
josh and peter actually fell asleep!! that i couldnt believe.. it's terribly hot there lor..
anyway, the best thing was that there's this REALLY cute and GREAT LOOKING "lifeguard".. most of us was like... ohhhhhh... wow~ look at him!!! really head turner!! but his legs muscles too scarey le.. the rest is GOOD~!.. lolx.. even when yan hsing shu came, that duan chen feng from MVP valentine or sth.. erm.. we dun really giv a damn u see... lolx..
anyway, that xiao qiao from R&B was filming too.. erm.. she's not too bad looking but she doesnt have the X-factor.. it's like if u see her on the streets and nobody points out, u wont know it's her kinda ger.. so ya.. fiona xie, however, is much much better den on tv.. oh ya.. and the pple aka gals there all skinny like dunno wat.. damn small sized and slim..
oh ya.. saw that rachel from that eye for a guy show.. erm... from the back, erm.. not that chio lah.. so she's not a bei duo fen kinda person.. coz her rebornded hair grow out le.. den her hair damn messy lor.. from the front her hair is alright.. but she's sitting in front of me.. so ya.. her "new" hair erm.. needs help? or maybe they shld style it for her or sth..
felicia(if i get the name right) on the other hand, though most of u would think that there's no way that she could "win" xiao qiao.. but tell u.. real person, i think maybe can.. lolx.. even some ger from dunno where from that fiona and xiao qiao's grp i oso think she's quite pretty (provided she's wearing her own clothes and comb her hair coz while filming, her hair oso very messy compared to the other more "famous" actresses..)
too long to include everything.. so juz cut short..
after the horrible day of filming, where they keep "yu bei bei, action... cut...," yiping, qianyi and i took a cab down to plaza parkroyal to have the buffet there.. a treat from qianyi's dad.. lolx.. saw moo-moo and xiang there.. so cute!! anyway, the dinner was SUPERB!! world class food compared to the fried rice we had for lunch.. had soft shell crab, sashimi, oysters (although i still dun like them), crab, fish, meat, sharksfin omelette (special order coz her dad's the big-shot chef), durian rice, maki, prawns, special flavoured prata, cappaucino(es?), fruits (the watermelon and pineapple there real sweet and juicy!!), desserts (some raspberry stuff and some thai stuff) den cannot really rem the rest.. lolx.. overall great dinner.. den in fact, we're supposed to leave at ard 11 i think, but her dad extended the time to 12 midnight so that we can continue chatting.. so while the staff busied themselves, our big table wasnt cleared and we were sitting there, sipping cappaucino and coke (yucks.. but her dad offered us.. so have to take right?) ... den tk bus 107 home with yp.. hahhahaha..
TML going for international buffet with alyssa and eve they all, celebrate sa's bdae.. lolx.. GREAT!! another buffet!! lolx.. oh ya.. in plaza parkroyal, when we're walking to the toilet, we saw zhou chu ming, MC king and hua xing you fa.. lolx..today really a great day.. and not to mention christopher lee, lin xiao pei, and other stars at mediacorp.. actually nothing de.. they're juz like us.. juz that they have more priviledges.. sianz...
tiffy was asking me when/if she can change her life with fiona xie.. coz in that show, that "lifeguard" (sorry..cant rem his name) "saved" and carried her!! damn lucky ar she.. lolx.. so ya.. i told her maybe next life? hee.. anyway, he damn fit sia.. even the guys buay tahan.. lolx.. and not to forget how gd looking he is.. damn shuai(4)... oh ya.. realised how useless some of us are.. heard one of the guys grumbling that he's a bai jia zi.. have to eat lunch at 12 arbo he'll die.. den needs the fan blowing at his face constantly.. and the mom would giv him money if he stays at home instead of going out, den he's seriouly considering relying on the bro coz "he will look after me de".. was thinking.. wah.. u wait long.. lolx..
i muz say that this is a rather terrible experience.. coz the 1st time i went to be an extra aka cale-faye?? i was inside the air-con hall for the whole time.. got quite alot of rest time and got food to eat.. drinks available easily!! so different from this time.. that time was spotlight.. compared to this scorching sun, not much breeze.. and more sun!! can't seem to get out of the sun de.. oh shit! now my face feels as if it's tearing.. damn.. better go apply something on it AGAIN!! b4 it really tears.. nightmare!!
Monday, June 7
LOVE
LOVE makes everything lovely; hate concentrates itself on the thing hated.
when distress doesnt show on the face, it lies in the heart.
all that is in the heart is written on the face.
when a young man complains tt a young lady has no heart, it is a certain sign that she has his...
you know, a heart can be broken but it keeps on beating just the same..
to love is to suffer. to be loved is to cause suffering..
if there is bitterness in the heart, sugar in the mouth won't make life sweeter..
when u love someone, don't expect that person to love u back the same amount. one of you will be ahead, the other behind. it's either u catch up or the other waits.
how can i say goodbye to someone i never had? why do tears fall for someone who was never mine? why is that i miss someone i was never with and i ask why i love someone whose love was never mine?
love may leave your heart like shattered glass, but keep in mind that there's someone who'll be willing to endure the pain of picking up the pieces so you could be whole again..
your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
i'd rather be hateed for who i am rather than loved for who i pretend to be
-these quotes are taken from numerous resources.. cant rem from where exactly.. but it's part of the pile from my files.. enjoy reading-
when distress doesnt show on the face, it lies in the heart.
all that is in the heart is written on the face.
when a young man complains tt a young lady has no heart, it is a certain sign that she has his...
you know, a heart can be broken but it keeps on beating just the same..
to love is to suffer. to be loved is to cause suffering..
if there is bitterness in the heart, sugar in the mouth won't make life sweeter..
when u love someone, don't expect that person to love u back the same amount. one of you will be ahead, the other behind. it's either u catch up or the other waits.
how can i say goodbye to someone i never had? why do tears fall for someone who was never mine? why is that i miss someone i was never with and i ask why i love someone whose love was never mine?
love may leave your heart like shattered glass, but keep in mind that there's someone who'll be willing to endure the pain of picking up the pieces so you could be whole again..
your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
i'd rather be hateed for who i am rather than loved for who i pretend to be
-these quotes are taken from numerous resources.. cant rem from where exactly.. but it's part of the pile from my files.. enjoy reading-
Sunday, June 6
crap...
i got frens who ask me why i'm always so pessimistic and negative (as if one characteristic isnt enuff).. and when i ask why.. they told me coz my msn nicks and frenster profile always seem as if i'm down.. and to them, i dont look at the bright side of life.. if not never den it's seldom.. to such an extent that some of them even think that i'm always unhappy.. like *ahem~ when was i ever always unhappy?
and the funniest thing.. apart from these majority, there's the minority who claims that i always got sth positive to say and will tend to look at the bright side of life, to an extent that my "advice" is asked for.. when they need sth inspiring..
plus, i'm not hard to convince.. it's juz tt when i have alot of doubts, it's quite hard for me to agree wif wat i'm told straightaway without having second thoughts..
and, i dun call this stubborn.. i'm juz being practical?
at 1st i doubt the words of others.. and when a few frens say similar things, i'll den begin to doubt myself.. and sometimes, it's not a matter of trust.. it's a matter of who's right and who's wrong.. what if both parties are right? or both wrong? den how?
thinking of the song: ni zui zhen gui by chen xiao dong and a ger.. cant rem her name.. sth jun i think..
anyway, i dun think i can change the way pple "see" me.. so not bothering le.. juz crap abit coz like quite sometime nv blog.. den abit sian.. boling asked me y i always blog den not sian de.. haha.. ya.. now i sian liao.. nv update as often as i used to coz some things are better left unsaid..
and the funniest thing.. apart from these majority, there's the minority who claims that i always got sth positive to say and will tend to look at the bright side of life, to an extent that my "advice" is asked for.. when they need sth inspiring..
plus, i'm not hard to convince.. it's juz tt when i have alot of doubts, it's quite hard for me to agree wif wat i'm told straightaway without having second thoughts..
and, i dun call this stubborn.. i'm juz being practical?
at 1st i doubt the words of others.. and when a few frens say similar things, i'll den begin to doubt myself.. and sometimes, it's not a matter of trust.. it's a matter of who's right and who's wrong.. what if both parties are right? or both wrong? den how?
thinking of the song: ni zui zhen gui by chen xiao dong and a ger.. cant rem her name.. sth jun i think..
anyway, i dun think i can change the way pple "see" me.. so not bothering le.. juz crap abit coz like quite sometime nv blog.. den abit sian.. boling asked me y i always blog den not sian de.. haha.. ya.. now i sian liao.. nv update as often as i used to coz some things are better left unsaid..
Friday, June 4
[make more guy frenz..afterall..they r oso human...wait pple think u les]
my fren told me tt after asking me for a new quote.. lolx.. funny sia..
coz i seem to always hang out with gers.. lolx.. coz i can get along better with them mah.. and coz more things to tok abt..
"cos u dun like guys"
"except josh"
"cos u always mix wif female"
"u might becum 1"
lolx.. pple worrying for me sia.. worry tt i'll turn into a les.. haha.. wait till he hears abt my 30 plan.. haha
my fren told me tt after asking me for a new quote.. lolx.. funny sia..
coz i seem to always hang out with gers.. lolx.. coz i can get along better with them mah.. and coz more things to tok abt..
"cos u dun like guys"
"except josh"
"cos u always mix wif female"
"u might becum 1"
lolx.. pple worrying for me sia.. worry tt i'll turn into a les.. haha.. wait till he hears abt my 30 plan.. haha
Wednesday, June 2
a long and "thankful" entry.. :)
finished watching the vcd ching lend me.. :)
learnt alot from there.. btw, thanks for lending me the show.. at least there's sth i can do for a day.. hee
in life, there are alot of things that we dun express and say out loud.. we juz assume that if we ourselves know, it's more den enuff.. but more often den not, this kinda i-appreciate-wat-u've-done(in my heart) concept doesnt mean anything..
ever hear this b4?
[Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone]
if u appreciate or enjoyed wat others have done for you, you shld make it clear to the other party(ies) that you value watever stuff they did to make u feel happy, touched or wat-so-ever.. or at least show that u're glad and thankful that they're there by your side at that point in time.. the past and future doesnt matter that much..
dun tk pple for granted.. we all hate being taken for granted isnt it? and y muz we let others go thru wat we all hate to experience if a little action or gesture could make a whole lot of difference? u may think that there is no need for such little acts.. coz if u tell others, it's like asking for an acknoledgement and by doing so, that is a form of reward and to many pple, doing that will make u "seem" shallow as real feeling shldnt be made known.. if not u might be laughed at, jeered or watever.. more often den not, our "proud" nature stands in our way of juz saying the simple word "thanks"..
izzit really that hard to get that word out? it doesn even take alot of time.. so now, i'm trying to get out of that oh-well-i-am-not-like-those-proud-pple-who-tell-everyone-how-they-feel-coz-they-haolian shell..
coz i realised how nice it feels when someone juz mentioned that they enjoyed my company.. those small small things.. it's more den enuff.. that's y i wanna say thanks to ching, for "teaching" me that the simple act of showing that the word "thanks" mean alot and can make a whole lotsa diff.. (actually teach = i read from ur blog de..)that even a n insignificant person like me can do my bit for a fren.. and coz i read, i learn and as i learn, i got alot to say.. tt's y i so boliao sit here in the middle of the night type this very long entry juz to express wat i feel that learning to say thanks is very impt.. lol
and thanks to eve, sam, ade for enlightening me at critical times.. to ching, tina, viy, yp and YOU for listening (or seeing) me bitch and grumble abt stuff..
to my family, who always suffer my rants, bad temper, ill-mattered behaviour, crazy moments, loud moments, rude and bad personality, stubborn nature, selfish and that die-die-oso-muz-win mindset at home.. my single track mind, never-to-give-in-if-i'm-right attitude, impatient and easily agitated
temper, my ever so high irritability level, arrogance, hao-lian character, esp to my family.. my super boasting nature in front of them that makes them roll their eyes.. all those moments, gd AND bad.. i thank all of these pple.. that they can tolerate me for all my life and yet is still there.. thank them for giving me a chance to say that i'm thankful that i met them in my life..
if u nv say out, not only u'll nv have the chance again, the other party might not know that u felt this way at that particular point in time.. put away all those oh-i-am-so-embarrassed-to-do-that-kinda-thing-behaviour and JUST DO IT! coz if u nv every say, what use izzit to anyone right? it's as gd as not feeling anything aint i right? den might as well dun be grateful and thankful in the 1st place if u're the only one who'll ever know it..
okie.. end of my very long speech.. dunno how to end of this thing.. so well, juz rem.. silent gratitude isnt much use to anyone.. take the 1st step.. go on.. :)
i also began to realise that actually i dun care if there's anyone reading my blog.. better still if noone does.. coz at 1st, i wonder if my entries are boring and whether pple think tt i'm too loh soh.. and slowly, indirectly, i made this blog into an entertainment site.. true.. blogging itself isnt tt intersting.. but blog surfing is.. so i tried to include more "interesting" stuff so tt pple may enjoy reading..
now i heck.. it doesnt matter if others are not interested to hear wat i've got to say or think that i say too much.. maybe i do.. much more den others.. but it's a kinda outlet for expression isnt it? call me a blog chatterbox.. it doesnt matter.. as long as i'm happy and contented blogging now, who cares abt wat others think in the past, present or future? hee.. hope u all enjoyed all those crap tt i've said so far..
oh.. as this is a "thankful" entry, muz end off with: THE END
THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND ATTENTION.. =D
learnt alot from there.. btw, thanks for lending me the show.. at least there's sth i can do for a day.. hee
in life, there are alot of things that we dun express and say out loud.. we juz assume that if we ourselves know, it's more den enuff.. but more often den not, this kinda i-appreciate-wat-u've-done(in my heart) concept doesnt mean anything..
ever hear this b4?
[Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone]
if u appreciate or enjoyed wat others have done for you, you shld make it clear to the other party(ies) that you value watever stuff they did to make u feel happy, touched or wat-so-ever.. or at least show that u're glad and thankful that they're there by your side at that point in time.. the past and future doesnt matter that much..
dun tk pple for granted.. we all hate being taken for granted isnt it? and y muz we let others go thru wat we all hate to experience if a little action or gesture could make a whole lot of difference? u may think that there is no need for such little acts.. coz if u tell others, it's like asking for an acknoledgement and by doing so, that is a form of reward and to many pple, doing that will make u "seem" shallow as real feeling shldnt be made known.. if not u might be laughed at, jeered or watever.. more often den not, our "proud" nature stands in our way of juz saying the simple word "thanks"..
izzit really that hard to get that word out? it doesn even take alot of time.. so now, i'm trying to get out of that oh-well-i-am-not-like-those-proud-pple-who-tell-everyone-how-they-feel-coz-they-haolian shell..
coz i realised how nice it feels when someone juz mentioned that they enjoyed my company.. those small small things.. it's more den enuff.. that's y i wanna say thanks to ching, for "teaching" me that the simple act of showing that the word "thanks" mean alot and can make a whole lotsa diff.. (actually teach = i read from ur blog de..)that even a n insignificant person like me can do my bit for a fren.. and coz i read, i learn and as i learn, i got alot to say.. tt's y i so boliao sit here in the middle of the night type this very long entry juz to express wat i feel that learning to say thanks is very impt.. lol
and thanks to eve, sam, ade for enlightening me at critical times.. to ching, tina, viy, yp and YOU for listening (or seeing) me bitch and grumble abt stuff..
to my family, who always suffer my rants, bad temper, ill-mattered behaviour, crazy moments, loud moments, rude and bad personality, stubborn nature, selfish and that die-die-oso-muz-win mindset at home.. my single track mind, never-to-give-in-if-i'm-right attitude, impatient and easily agitated
temper, my ever so high irritability level, arrogance, hao-lian character, esp to my family.. my super boasting nature in front of them that makes them roll their eyes.. all those moments, gd AND bad.. i thank all of these pple.. that they can tolerate me for all my life and yet is still there.. thank them for giving me a chance to say that i'm thankful that i met them in my life..
if u nv say out, not only u'll nv have the chance again, the other party might not know that u felt this way at that particular point in time.. put away all those oh-i-am-so-embarrassed-to-do-that-kinda-thing-behaviour and JUST DO IT! coz if u nv every say, what use izzit to anyone right? it's as gd as not feeling anything aint i right? den might as well dun be grateful and thankful in the 1st place if u're the only one who'll ever know it..
okie.. end of my very long speech.. dunno how to end of this thing.. so well, juz rem.. silent gratitude isnt much use to anyone.. take the 1st step.. go on.. :)
i also began to realise that actually i dun care if there's anyone reading my blog.. better still if noone does.. coz at 1st, i wonder if my entries are boring and whether pple think tt i'm too loh soh.. and slowly, indirectly, i made this blog into an entertainment site.. true.. blogging itself isnt tt intersting.. but blog surfing is.. so i tried to include more "interesting" stuff so tt pple may enjoy reading..
now i heck.. it doesnt matter if others are not interested to hear wat i've got to say or think that i say too much.. maybe i do.. much more den others.. but it's a kinda outlet for expression isnt it? call me a blog chatterbox.. it doesnt matter.. as long as i'm happy and contented blogging now, who cares abt wat others think in the past, present or future? hee.. hope u all enjoyed all those crap tt i've said so far..
oh.. as this is a "thankful" entry, muz end off with: THE END
THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND ATTENTION.. =D
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