The Love Doctor Prescribes More Solo Time
You are absolutely, 100%, not ready to be loved. You may not even be ready to be liked! Your self-esteem, your ability to take compliments and your willingness to let another person into your life are all seriously impaired. If you really desire to have a strong, deep relationship in the future, you're going to have to change your ways, big time!
It's as clear as can be: If you don't feel lovable, you won't attract love. After all, if you don't believe you're worthy, how could someone worthwhile be interested in you? It's an endless, bad cycle — unless you break free by learning how to appreciate yourself. Whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself, do it! Otherwise, you will stay lonely.
You aren't giving your relationship a shot when you deny your partner full knowledge of what's bothering you. Even though keeping upset feelings to yourself seems like the best strategy, it prevents your guy from getting closer to you. Likewise, angry defensiveness is a sure sign that you're being self-protective, which makes intimacy almost impossible. If you're afraid that you'll be less lovable if you let your partner know what's really going on, then you don't trust your relationship enough to let it deepen. Being in love and being loved requires vulnerability — the ability to share the sad, sorry aspects of your psyche, not just the joyousness and triumphs.
Why wouldn't your guy think you're simply breathtaking? You're attracted to him, aren't you? You are aware of his good features — inside and out — and think he's great to look at. Is it surprising that he feels the same way about you? If you can't imagine that a man could honestly find you beautiful, then you probably don't feel worthy of love and aren't really ready to be in a fully realized relationship. Need a confidence boost? Make a mental list of the men who have cared about you and the men who have merely flirted with you. Don't dismiss the attention you've received from men just because the relationships ended — or never began. Keep these positive thoughts tucked in your brain and avoid focusing on the times when you felt inadequate or someone didn't find you attractive. When you are ready to be loved, you'll know that your man can think you're breathtaking — even though you won't be on the cover of Vogue (lolx.. that's true..) anytime soon.
If your blood runs cold as soon as a man turns up the romantic heat, you're putting up love roadblocks. You've got a psychological aversion to commitment that probably has nothing to do with the guy who is baring his heart. Perhaps you're worried about being trapped — losing your hard-won independence or not attaining your personal goals. Or maybe your family was a model of unhappiness (or the opposite: Your parents were so perfect that you don't think any relationship could match theirs). If you go into a deep freeze every time a guy's heart heats up, you have an emotional problem you need to understand and amend. If you don't work to change it, perfectly wonderful men will be turned off, and you may miss the man with whom you were meant to be. Whatever the nature of the roadblock in your heart, pretending to be available and capable of love when you're unable to follow through is a dangerous strategy that will hurt others — not to mention you. You need to get to the root of your reluctance to let go — and work on opening up yourself to love.
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