saturday

blessed, fortunate and contented, for the day.

training was great.. wont be blogging on that, coz it's all technical
terms, with formwork and all. went off early coz i'm meeting yp they
all to go to wq's bdae..

it was only when i ws eating his bdae cake at ard 10+ that i realised
things that i've never know for more den 6 yrs.. i used to dislike him,
not exactly dislike, but juz that i dun really like the way he portray
himself? his behavior? i dunno..

was sitting on the floor with only F3-1 in the room, someone was asking
where his mom is.. den the qn of his dad and grandma pop up.. it was
then that i know that his dad got cancer.. yrs ago.. and his grandma is
now staying with his aunt. besides that, all the things that he had,
his playstation, his laptop, his hi-fi, all his things... he bought it
with his own money.. worked hard and save for them..

and suddenly, 180 degrees turn of perception.. i used to think that
this smart-alec's behavior is intolerable.. now then i realised that
actually F4E1 together for so long, he's already part of the gang,
unknowingly.. and that my past attitude towards him is bad, real bad,
and i'm ashamed of it.. he's the 1st person whom i openly show that i
dun wanna tok to.. hostility..

looking at how his sis and him get along reminds me of how i play with
my sis, how yang orh the younger ones are and how as the elder sibling,
we unknowingly show how much we love them thru our actions and body
language..

the young kids he invited were complaining that his house got no air
conditioned.. and again, that set me thinking of how fortunate all of
us present are.. compared to him, i'm like so insignificant.. my
"contributions" to my family is nth more than harsh words, raised
voice, unmeaningful debates abt crap, complaints and all.. all words,
no actions.. nth tangible...

i cant imagine myself going thru all that.. contributing to sjab like
it's his life.. his tima and effort again and again.. the juniors no
doubt benefitted alot from his hard work.. the extra mile he go juz for
them..

brains aint everything.. pple used to tell me that i got brains.. but
besides that little "xiao cong ming", i got nothing.. nothing at all..
what's the use of reading all those self-help books if i cant even be
compared to one tenth of them? pple who are actually faced with such a
situation and yet go thru the normal life routine like i do plus a
whole lot more? ans they dun read those motivational self help books,
inspiring books and all.. they're most prob the ones who wrote or
will be writing them!!

i took EVERYTHING for granted. my family, my friends, my material
possessions and all. got an aircon in my room, and yet i'm complaining
that sometimes water will leak and all.. had a com, and yet i'm forever
grumbling that my siblings are fighting to use also. i got so much more
than him, yet i'm always complaining.. compare.. of course i do.. who
doesnt? when i do that, of course i always put myself with pple who
APPEAR TO BE better than me. i THINK they are better.. that's y i
compare.. and more often than not, i missed out those who are less
fortunate.. they're less fortunate in my definition.. but i know that
to some of them, they are as rich as millionaires.. coz of their
attitudes..

my sis, the older of the younger one, spoil my mood. ruined my entire
reflective and appreciative mood. aint gonna blog it down. like
they say, we shldnt air our dirty linens outside or sth lidat lidat..

got abit irritated. ytd lidat. today also lidat. i cant help but feel irritated. twice. fine. gd.

they were asking me why i'm in such a gd mood this afternoon. i guess
it was the book. i even bought vitagen from the auntie.. most of the
time i dun. esp when i hav a tight budget.

for the past 10 days or so, i've been flipping thru TODAY and cutting
out the singtel touching hearts saving lives fund heart. for evey heart
i fold and put inside the postbox, singtel will contribute 1.25 to the
fund coz it's their 125 anniversary.. i missed the last "campaign", so
i decided to put in extra effort for this one. i cut and fold, my bro
will drop the heart in the psotbox on his way to sch. whether the thing
is tru or not i'm not sure.. but i'm willing to do it. ytd was the last
day, but i still got 1 at home, so i posted today. hope my minimal
contributions can help. not only me, my bro saw it, and i think his
friends also doing it.. spreading it ard helps.. it ended ytd.. now i'm
waiting for the report..

tml's the children's fund thingy. and again, i think i'll donate. juz
like last week. and this time round, i've already set my mind on
returning my dad the amount i donated. coz usually when i donate, he
pays when the bill comes.. this time it's diff.. i want to contribute
with my own money, although the money is still allowance given by my
mom.. i want to substitude things i can purchase (material possessions)
with a little act.