guess sth doesnt want me to post that entry juz now..
NTU-IVP today.
misses, more misses and more misses again...
shot real lousy. comparing my scores at the same grounds a yr ago, i DE-proved by abt 70 marks bah..
no excitement. nothing.
guess i'm a jinx. if only i nv shoot that end against NTU. we might stand a chance for the gold medal match. HahA, Didi and krystle performing well today. 162:175.. only 12.. if i didnt shoot that 3 arrows, we stand a chance.. if only aishah went in my place instead.
the bronze medal match against NUS. they aced and finished the com with a nice 219.. it's upon 270.. about what we used to score when karin was wif us..
i tyco got a medal. again. 6 competitions all by luck i guess. today was the worse. no happy thoughts, no excitement, nothing. prepared to return home empty-handed.. but i carried a little sth else with me. sth heavy.
the scoring rounds i did so badly that it's even worse den during normal trainings.. 30m.. and i missed, again and again.. my mind was blank.. up to a point i felt scared coz of the void. put some music in my head. felt slightly better but den, the sound drained out again. guess i went into the wrong zone.
and to think that today's weather was good. the sun is still out, but not glaring.. plus, it's quite breezy.. dun hav the iritated mood when the hot sun burns me. but i still.... screw up. individual scoring is nothing. i dun feel ashamed, nor guilty. to me it's juz another scoring end. juz like in school. but the team event. i am proud, that they did well, very well. glad for them.
i got a medal. that's an undeniable fact. but i dun recognise it. i dun earn it. i dun deserve it. so it doesnt deserve a place to be with the others of its kind.
1st com i didnt stay for dinner with the team. went home. tired? maybe. i dunno. couldnt sit ard with them and laugh with them talking abt things that i hav no idea about. if i force myself to go, all i'd do is polite conversations and give short replies. it's so unfair. there are so many others in the team that deserves the medal much more than me. and i'm refering to those pple who put in effort and hard work. and even the blind can feel their passion in the sport and the will to do well..
but that person is not me. and i got it. luck. that's the only logical reason i can come up with.
goal setting, setting goals. SMART goals aint any use. it doesnt work on me. maybe i didnt try hard enough?
i finally know what pple meant by dreams. i see their faces light up and glow. but sadly, i didnt see it in me.
saw yiping and lotti at kovan on my way home.. plus jerome and his gf.. reminded me of this:
[Go away~ i have enough friends]
it was till i reached home den i realised how tired and horrible i look today. totally yucks.. but watever.. i care. but i cant do anything abt it.
if the archery pple see this but i dun think they will, i want to say:
congrats to aishah for winning the std cls women and TF for C cls.. and the pple tt won the bronze medals.. altogether 3 teams.. luck surfaced once again. plus the yr ones.. continue with their improvemetn rate and they'll bag the prizes for the next com. all the best to the rest of the team who showed how discipline they are thru the results of their hardwork.. all the best.
next com. when is it? i think that falls during SIP..
heart is drained... wont be on my mind... for forever?
the girl got on innocent. i finished mine a few days ago. how i miss it..
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