2005 is coming to an end. we each have slightly more than a day to enjoy before we step into a new year...

raining, raining... ... before the new year...

went plaza parkroyal for buffet lunch for the birthday cum anniversary celebration today.. the most exciting part of the whole meal is seeing a lamborghini parked at the carpark.. imagine, a black, nicely waxed and stylo lambor parked outside some 4* hotel's entrance.. and the entrance is undergoing renovation.. imagine the contrast.. lolx..

went for acupuncture today..in total 9 needles, i have 6 needles on my face and 4 of them were on my nose.. felt totally like a voodoo doll waiting for doomsday.. the 'doctor' lit something on top of 3 of the needles and i can see SMOKE coming out.. not painful, but a rather weird experience.. i juz hope this will cure my sensitive nose..

met up with Judy and Aishah today.. turned out Didi wanted to intro some forever living thingy to us.. but we had a nice dinner over at some VERY ulu part of clarke Quay and fun times talking abt archery crap.. i sorta 'weigh' myself with this Tanita machine.. it's so high tech the readings tell me info like my BMI, fat %, calories needed, Fat mass, total bodywater, predicted weight and fat mass, plus how much fat u need to lose or gain.. lolx... fascinating.. and i'm still trying to register that i have a total of about 26 kg of water inside my body, plus a horrendous of about 9 kg of fat mass.. i can already visualise 9 1 litre bottles of ice-mountains floating around me.. juz that they're filled with lipids instead of water.. lolx...

but after seeing all thse funny figures, i'm relieved that i'm within the healthy range.. *phew.. sweat...

i swear this scale is evil.. harmful to a person's psychological wellbeing.. even a non-health conscious person like me start thinking about all the above crap.. imagine someone who is DYING to lose weight, or become slimmer.. they'll go crazy analysing all these.. lolx..

i got to work tomorrow and i'm still waiting for the manager's reply for the survey.. it's bad enough that i belong to a low performance group.. it's even worse when the group is using my stupid proposal for this AND the fact that it's my proposal, i have to liase with the stupid company and COME UP with intelligent questions and sugestions.. damn it! and i AM the one doing the freaking surveys! just becoz the stupid organisation sets so many 'rules'.. and my grpmates cant contribute in this aspect coz it's my SIP company.. why the hell do they want to use my suggestion in the first place.. why do i let them convince me to let them do on my proposal? juz bcoz others dont want to go back to their company doesnt mean that i am very willing to.. alright... watever.. deadline in 3 weeks and i have no right to complain at this point in time.. CPM kinda sucks...

couldnt resist not posting another entry.. this always happen at th most inconvenient timings, like when i'm tired and preparing to go to bed, or during the study week, even when i NEED to rush for some assignment.

it's my parents' 20th anniversary today, and my youngest sis' 10th birthday.. aint it sweet? to have ur wedding anniversary on the same date as one of your kid's birthday.. makes it even more worthwhile for some celebration...

and the fact that Xmas is just over and new year is coming adds on to the already overflowing happiness..

i have lots of things to share, but only 3 people to tell to. Me, myself and I..

please let me know if u're in need of some chinese inspirations, aka crap.. coz i have backup..

I know why i like animes... love them in fact.. not all, but most..

Even animes like Sailormoon. dont remember hating it in Primary 5..

Sailor moon is so lucky to be a cartoon character. If i were a cartoon character, i'm sure i would not have any of the problems i'm having right now.. (NOT literally right NOW, but well, certain days of the year/s)
Even if i did, they would all be solved by the end of the episode..

and THAT, is exactly what i love about animes.. besides the part about being able to exaggerate everything in their lives and being absolutely nonsensical, making decisions with their hearts instead of their minds, being totally impractical.. and being allowed to do whatever that is socially NOT acceptable in real life... (like kicking down your bedroom door when u're pissed and jumping out of your window when u're late for school.. lolx)

In the event that any of you starts thinking that PJ is an absolute idiot at this point in time, i assure you i'm perfectly fine.. there is no need for me to visit the hougang chalet anytime soon.. thanks for volunteering to book appointment ya..

okie.. change topic. was listening to 93.3 this morning and heard this :
有些缘份是注定要失去的..

so to all my friends out there who are still nursing wounds, old and new, i hope that by the year 2006 comes, things will start looking brighter.. i know being pessimistic wont kill, but it doesnt hurt looking at things from a nicer perspective..

i know i'm not exactly a 'sharing' type of person.. but personally, i feel that since i've made up my mind to let go of certain things, should i just 'let them go' without harping on them time and again? i've been trying real hard to stop walking backwards OR staying stationary in life.. it's difficult.. i haven give up.. so i hope everyone out there wont..

okie.. so back on track.. why am i sprouting nonsense again? after slacking for so long? it's juz becoz 2 am seems like the perfect time for sharing, or trying to act smart.. lolx.. i haven been reflecting since ages ago.. xmas is like the best time to 'glance' backwards before i take a deep breath and jump.. into a new year.. i dunno about you, but i certainly wish for abundant happiness for all for this coming year.. and i hope good karma stays...

helped YP with her work as a backstage person with the M&M shows last saturday.. the aussies love s'poreans guy.. they cant stop saying "he's so cute".. they seemed to think that s'porean guys are cute, cool and romantic.. alright.. i'm trying hard not to roll my eyes here.. they like this 'cute' chef who can cook, with horrendous hair colour and tatoo on his hand.. and they want to bring the guy back to australia just because he gave them discounts, and wrote some 'sweet' poem and send it to one of them.. one of the girls ask me.. 'are all s'porean guys so sweet?' hmm... at that moment, i have the urge to intro maurice to them.. lolx.. they'll be swept off their feet... and they'll bring him back to australia without a doubt.. lolx.. so they were telling me that guys who speak English cant write poems for nuts.. but they forgotten something.. that chef can speak english.. if not how else can he come up with some nice 'angelic' poem in that language? they repeated that poem for an entire hour.. -_-"'.. some winged thingy, halo tingy, angel thingy, pretty thingy, haven thingy.... it'll be sweet if they know each other for some time.. but for a guy to send it to a girl whom he knows barely for a week, there's somehting weird.. and well, THEY think that the guy is the best thing that happened to them in the entire singapore, for the entire month!! oh my.. looks like all the campaigns, advertisements and attractions that the govt came up with cant compare to some ah beng chef.. lolx...

okie... paragraphing problem, as usual.. but watever.. btw, the blue is not my whole head duh.. arbo i'll look like an alien.. it's one of the highlighted strands.. and i was told it'll turn to ash color after a while.. PJ is not as siao as u think i've become.. lolx

I have had enough of the word 'calendar'.. almost everyone has been asking me about that since two weeks ago. I have one standard reply. 'Burn it!'

I've decided to intro some minor changes to my very (extremely)... peaceful... life. so i changed my hairstyle, dyed and highlighted my hair. then i realised that the only good thing about this change is that i haven change at all. i look different, but i'm still pretty much the same.. now i say tell pple not to judge by appearance.

should have decided on green instead of blue as the color inside. should have more purple and lighter shades.. regret being scared of my hair turning out like 3 years ago. should have sth really different.. whatever la.. i just have to add those choices in when i do touch up the next time..

PJ is not in her right mind. the dyes have gotten into her brain, causing intoxication. so she's poisoned.

Here again.

Christmas is coming. 2005 isn't prepared for the season of joy. No magical feeling, no love in the air, nothing. I am used to the feeling of magic fading into nothingness after Xmas every year. This year, it's horrible. It's as if fireworks turning into stardust before they light up.. okay. i'm not making sense again..

I hate this feeling, this void at this time of the year when i should be happy, contented and sensible. Xmas should be the perfect end to this year and a great start to the next. that's why it's always special. the magic is gone.. or maybe it's just me that's not forward looking.. me that's reluctant to move on.

growing up, growing up. i am ageing, but will i be matured?

newspaper reading during breakfast is fast becoming a bad start to my day. i dont understand why i am still flipping thru the newspapers when i know that i dont need an insight to what's what's happening to the world to move on in my life. everyday, they have bad news.. they are mostly horrible things that run through my mind first thing in the morning. seldom will i see happy news.. they are merely reports of some successful marketing strategies.. if the papers talk about some foreigners having a wonderful marriage here, somehow i see it as a successful marketing feat that has been implemented by whatever companies or part of the govt's plan to attract tourists or create awareness.. you may think that i'm crazy, but i absolutely dislike all these crap. but i still read them nonetheless. so maybe i'm crazy afterall.

so, i dun really know why i'm posting this when i should start on my edu trip reflection. yeah.. procrastinating as usual.. and reluctant to sleep.. if tml never come..

I have only 1 paper for mid-sem. This is luxury compared to all the other semesters.. 14 hours of lessons per week is haven if i have done 30 hours in the past.. it's like slacker by more than half..

and i have no idea why i agreed to use my proposal for the grp proj in the first place.. i'm going crazy contacting the company.. pple giving empty promises, they dont care what i am doing and i feel as if everything THEY provided me with (especially info) is like they're obliged to help me and that i SHOULD feel thankful.. maybe i'm wrong, but my grpmates saw the DM 'very nice' attitude towards me when i asked her something.. and that stupid George cant be contacted.. he's either out of the office, or out of the office. damn. then the secretary has to apologise and ask me to call back time and again, until she recognises me.. =X this is getting worse..

i have yet to ask ching for a session of KBOX, after wanting to for like MONTHS, and i haven watch that damn harry potter movie, after waiting for the show for like weeks.. and i haven got down to completing my stupid edu trip reflection, after making my mind for like days.. so the edu trip reflection cost me a dear $1200 worth of 1500 words and it's due in like 2 days time.. dun get me wrong.. the trip is still fun, but the reflection part is much loathed.

okie.. i complain too much. SHUT UP Peijun!

Rushing or Resting? Many things may not be what they seem to be.

Many people may think that I am so laidback in my day-to-day life that the word indifferent is no longer suffice to describe my attitude.
To many others, I am rushing through life as if there is no tomorrow, making it clear that I have no intentions to slow down and take a breather. Don't ask me "rushing for what sia" because everything I do (or we all do) have a reason, even though we might not know it. So now that I've got my thoughts sorted out (some of them anyway), I’ll be 'documenting' them before I forget and also for the benefit of those who have been confused (or maybe not).

Basically, I've a slack personality. If everything can be put till tomorrow, I'll do so as I believe in living life to the fullest (meaning ENJOYING day by day) and partly if tomorrow never come, my duties and responsibilities never come as well (I wont have to do my work ever again. It's a selfish thought but well.. )…

Precisely because of this very relaxed attitude of mine, I've been through so many ~whatever~ days. So heck care that nothing matters so everything is no big deal. After a prolonged time, I realized I'm always feeling tired and that no matter how long more I slack, I never seem to get enough rest. So the most logical thing is to WANT to slack around more due to this odd weariness that is unidentifiable. Hence, I gave myself many a long holidays, to rest and rejuvenate (so call). However, no matter how long I take a break (no matter where I go, what I do), I don't have the feeling of comfort, peace, energy and liveliness.

So as usual, PJ waved this problem off as crap that she normally thinks about. Until I realized that for a person who is already resting, how can I rest more? It's as in I use white chalk and draw on a piece of white paper, totally not able to see the difference. Hence my conclusion is IF I want to have a proper, GOOD rest, I must first make sure my life is not in 'resting' mode all year round.

And I did it. My 'rushing' days are so, because I take into considerations that my 'resting' days are able to compensate. I am not rushing through life or school. I am just preparing myself for better quality rest in the near future. =D

how many times must i repeat? I am NOT a foreigner!

Working life would have been better IF guests don't try to determine my nationality by assumption.

So, why am I saying this? Yesterday, this guest said: "You are very pretty."
(Basic courtesy) I replied "Thank You."
Then he went on to say "You MUST BE from China!"
so, when I told him I am a local, a true blue Singaporean, he said (as usual) "Really?!"
and because he looked as if he's expecting some very brilliant reply from me, I added "Oh, i got an oriental face." He seemed satisfied with the answer, so i quickly SIAM.

If only he can say "Are you from China?" instead. That'll make a whole lot of difference.

So, what if i really am from China, would they give an approving or disapproving nod? Or would i fit perfectly into the stereotype of 'foreign talent'? Talents who are 'imported' to do what locals do not want to.

was trying to find the post that i remembered posting(i think) regarding this (i feel)more like me than me girl. but i couldnt, coz blogger only allows viewing up to 300 entries(i confirm). so the earliest ones get cut off, and i die die dun wanna set back the archiving(i refuse).. hmmmph.

wanted to see what i reflected regarding it but i guess i wont be able to do it.. anyway, my entries are getting boring.. so i'm seriously considering whether to stop or not to stop this irritating habit.. give me till the end of the semester. if i continue, that means bo liao pple can still get updates from my even boring-er life.. if i dont, that means i either disappear from the face of the world, or want to disappear..

will be back to work tml. to earn my allowance, and TRY my best to save enough because new year is coming, and i guess i'll have to find money somehow, to at least get a new top if i dont need anything else.. grandpa and sis's bdae coming too, haven give my mom any money since my last attachment pay, and haven get to changing my phone.. and i'm planing for trips, after graduation! and dont i need to save up for other purposes? like take up an insurance plan or something? coz i guess at the rate i'm planning my life, i better start investments soon. lolx.

so tell me. where do i get all the money that i need?! part time aint enough. i reckon even a full-time job cant cover half the expenses i've mentioned.

there i go again. crazy PJ. some day i'll drive myself to insanity.

CRAP, as usual

had some sharing sessions during HTseminar lec today.. this tourism ger attached to contiki, was posted to Barcelona, Spain for her OSIP!!!!!!!!!!!!! imagine how jealous i was at the moment.. totally green with envy.. but well, i can always go sometime in future right.. but that makes the diference.. she WENT, for half a year and had a bonus of 14-day-tour of EUROPE!! seriously speaking, i felt like sprouting something close to @#$@^%$R but didnt. i really dislike comparison.. but it's like a once-in-a-blue-moon chance. once it's gone, it's gone, forever.. well, i just wasnt so independent to be able to work overseas alone YET. so OSIP hasn't been a choice right from the start.

well, the Macau sharing session makes me wonder (for a split second) whether i've really been to macau or not.. i know it sounds stupid.. but all i have is a recollection of memories, photo-taking sessions to be exact. not much of the WOW factor. so that explains why the average length of stay is only 1.22.. lolx.. so, back to s'pore context.. uniquely s'pore. how exactly are we unique?

tall buildings? nope. there are tallER buildings elsewhere.

rich culture? not really. the new generation wont be able tp upkeep the traditional festivals and what not..

multi-racial? even more NOT so. dubai has like 65% (or is it 75%) of the pple 'imported'. s'pore's 25% is peanuts compared to them.

uniquely shaped architectures like esplanade and icons like merlion? HAHA. pple have upcoming projects like The Palm and The World. icons like the 7* hotel. s'pore Raffles is insignificant.

dunno lah.. think until so cham i guess s'pore only wins in terms of great variety of food? hmm.. something to think about huh.. Macau has Macanese food! Malacca has Peranakan food, westerners have their fish N chips, HK has dim sum and cantonese food,... but S'pore has cleverly bring all these together and a whole lot more.. food paradise... yummy.that means pple come here to be well fed, when they're well-fed, they feel contented (provided they're not health freaks and super diet-conscious pple), they'll naturally feel happy.. when they're happy, they'll spend more, PLUS take back a wonderful memory. when they return home, of course by positive word of mouth, they'll share what a wonderful trip they have in S'pore. and wont that attract more tourists? lolx.. i guess i must be out of my mind, typing such nonsense in the middle of the night.. but watever~ i cant be bothered to make sense.. not now anyway..

watever. my fingers work faster than my mind today. guess it's from the intensive training of rushing a portfolio. all thanks to SIP.

i'm so sorry.. PJ can offer you words of wisdom no more. I've left my old selves behind..

3 more major points to go before i announce my portfolio complete. i've been harping on the same old issues over and over again. i wonder if the lecturere get bored reading all those crap that i'm going to submit. and most of us have the same things dont we? improve this, improve that, learnt this, acquire that.. so boring.. *yawnz..

was telling my aunt, cuzzie and mom over lunch that i've been coming up with such nice wonderful and as-if-oh-so-great issues for my reflections and portfolios that i feel like puking myself.. so pple, in the IDEAL learning environment that the school has provided for me, i NEVER fail to improve and have PERFECT time management.. in fact, in words, i feel like 25 or maybe even 52.. so i haven been getting around to thanking my grandparents, my parents, my siblings, my facilitators, my managers, my colleagues and the nice weather.. even the doggie that bark at me is wonderful.. *rolling eyes*

but well, i do have a portfolio that i got a grade 'C'. my guess would be that the lecturer is honest enough to know that it's all crap that i've included.. but well, to show appreciation for myself, at least i bother thinking of what i THINK i have learnt, or OUGHT to learn to include in my reflections k.. so my craps are justifiable. okay. watever.

and i haven been to the movies for so long that i can hardly remember the taste of nachos and popcorn. plus i promised my sis that i'll bring her to the movies sometime soon. so how soon is soon.. am so prepared to die after meeting the DEADlines so i guess any other plans would have to be postponed.

Back from HK!!!

5 days i spent overseas, 3 in Macau. 4 days i spent, having brinjal for meals.. but my table did well, we were the loudest out of the 7 tables, and we managed to finish all the dishes at all meals, except one. we cleaned out all food, even the eggplant. i am so proud to be living in S'pore when we dont depend on SEASONAL fruits and vegetables for meals. NO LONG-TERM EGGPLANT, CORN AND TOMATOES.

healthy living, but in a polluted environment. the amount of pollution is horrible. seeing haze is common. almost everyone smoke in HK and Macau. they get most of their pollution from smoke. they even get a free packet of cigarettes when they buy newspapers. nightmare for me.

the Macau tourguide is great. she's 56 and as bubbly and full of life as us. i've lots of things to say, like the heritage places we visited, and the buildings, plus the HK tour guide that the rest of bus 2 went googoo-gaga over, and of course the photos we took, the MTR we tried, the walking uphill, the weather conditions, the traffic.. but well, i guess there's no point in doing so here. so girls, i shall continue in the yahoo forum. see ya there. :)

Was on my way to work today and these random thoughts pop into my mind:

"There wont be any social unrest here, at least not in the next century, because we have come to realise that whatever we cant get by asking, we wont get by rioting."

"We have great leaders, citizens with extreme potential, talents who are creative and innovative.. pple with that special something in them, who all choose to believe in FUTURE technology. "

i swear i dunno what's wrong with my body system. isnt it a season of love, joy, and what not? all those fuzzy warm feeling that we all should have. i didnt know they meant something like a gift of flu or a season of sneezes.

i have a million things to do but my brain seems to have a mind of its own. the only thing it serves to funciton is : S-L-E-E-P. wth lor.. i only have 24 hours a day, i spent 1/3 sleeping and the rest of the 2/3 feeling tired. so i'm asking my brain. "w-t-h"

and i knwo why i'm tired. coz i'm still working. working in order to pay for my expenses in Macau and Hong Kong, working to save for my monthly allowance. have decided not to get money from my parents unless needed, coz i'm already like what, 19 and still asking for foreign aid. i feel so not independent. but independence comes at a high price. and i've traded social, physical and emotional wellbeing for it. what a nice way to start off the semester.

i feel that sometimes, the only way i can express myself through this channel is by posting an empty entry.

其实我根本不能确定我以为的爱情存不存在.
说不定那只是我的想像.
... 所以你担心自己多年来一直在追求一样不存在的东西.
为了避免落空, 就先和他在一起是吗?
如果你以为的爱情这时侯出现了, 该怎么样?

finally, back to school.

i missed school life, not school. i missed the days whereby we'll jio each other to jups for a drink.. or biz park for snacks.. and ice-cream after lessons.. journey 72 home, talking and laughing non-stop...

simply love my timetable this semester. finally, one day off from school. those pple would love to change with me. thursday off. how nice for THEM to go clubbing. so slack that i really dunno how i managed to survive for the past 5 semesters.

anyway, our school sports complex is REALLY lousy, horrible as in they dun have lockers. they do, but limited. only a few, some were spoilt. all VERY small.. so if i want to do sports, of course i will bring a bigger bag. make sense? then they DO NOT provide BIGGER lockers. what's their problem man.. and noone can help to look after our bags for a short while, not even in the office. like wth. we pay so much for miscellaneous fees, then cannot get lockers. and we're willing to pay okay! so irritating. waste my time. complain to who? SAAD?

saw kevin at one-stop and he told me that they handed over. so i guess that means i am not supposed to go back anymore, or it goes to show that i no longer belong. (As if i ever was)

watever it is, i'm glad i joined, for even a short time. even when others are putting in 100X extra effort than me, even when i felt guilty of sharing their achievement. till the point that i felt luck running out.

this attachment brought me into a different phase. another part in life that makes me realise and NOT take for granted all the things that happened. maybe it's juz the passing of time, not the completion of SIP.

planning for the future. sometimes i wonder why we should. future comes one day at a time, and tomorrow comes, regardless whether i think about it or not. it doesnt make sense. or maybe i juz sprouting nonsense.

recently, i kept hearing Twinz (si xing bu gai) and William Soh (jiu ai hai shi zui mei).. used to love to sing them but i stopped. too much of somthing is irritating. juz like happiness, AND pressure.

Ms Ng called me to ask me to work this week. so they cant find anyone who is willing to work this week. so they turn to me. i'm nt willing to help if i dun feel up to it. why should i? money is something that i can never finish earning and my well-being cant be bought with cash. so why should i make myself tired, irritable and miserable?

i'm planning to eliminate unhappy things about my life from this nonsense blog. but i cant think of any happy stuff to write. be prepared to see many more empty posts in the near future, till the day i graduate.

3 more days to the end of MY attachment.. FINALLY.. after 27 weeks..

haven been updating since last week due to the split shifts that cause the long working hours..

so, i celebrated my bdae (again) with Eve, Jo and Tina.. Thanks gers.. the cake was delicious and the prezzie a surprise (raise eyebrows). =P definitely made my day especially after kanna scolding by the mngr during the brunch..

today, work = tired. work 4-12 but i get to go off earlier to catch the last train. speaking of that, i am so lucky to NOT miss the last train at somerset for like 4 times within the past 3 weeks.. thanks to the one staying upstairs, or whoever(whichever, watever) it is..

did abt 50 pax for dinner, rev abt $5000. the turnover for today was so fast that i felt overworked. the table left, i clear, reset, then the host bring in new guests.. it's like never ending work and endless guests... there's 2 guests who came for CRABS! i was like o_O"'.. so we don't serve crabs unless it's the Sunday champagne brunch, which is a sky-high price for high-tea.. so the guest asked for their bill, which comprised of beverage order only. one S'pore sling, one beer and an evian water totaled to abt $45.. i was going like dots.dots.dots.dots.dots.dots.dots... you have to kill me to ask me to pay 45 bucks for water.

and i was so shocked, not becoz guests didnt tip, BUT HE GAVE A 5 CENT COIN! guests from LONDON give 5cents as tips.. *shrug
another dots.dots.dots.dots.dots... but i guess tiping was gd today.. definitely more than $35 for my station.. at the rate we're going, i PRAY HARD that i get like $25 for my next tip.. that'll end off my SIP nicely.. coz $25=1 day's pay=8 hours work=12 hours at the hotel.