Sunday, August 29

thankie =D

thank god(which ever god that is there) for everything.. had a gd day SO FAR.. went for the prize presentation thingy.. didnt expect to get any medal for this compey.. but i did. TEAM event, as usual. the weather is hot, dry, draining. as if all the energy i got back frm my long slp is slowly seeping away..

the team did well, i can say. we got at least a medal for every category we participated in. i didnt realise it until ken told us so. feel proud of the team suddenly, not that i wasnt proud of them in the past.. juz "PROUDer"..

all of them did real well, all, including the juniors boon ping and yeow sheng, who took part in the D cls.. 1st and 4th... their scores are amazingly fantastic for beginners... i think of my 1st competition, at the same range, and i feel like smacking myself.. lolx..

new competitior = CDANS.. i WAS part of CDANS when i was is sec 2... for air pistol.. went there for training every friday for a few months and after 1 pistol competition with a TEAM silver medal, i quit! lolx.. and that is sayonara to pistol forever, i think..

sports are dangerous, coz of the injuries.. my cousin, despite all her medals and trophies and certs, and badges and all in air pistol, her results are great.. featured in newspapaers for a few times.. chinese AND english.. she suffered injuries, went to the chinese physician every few months last time, complains every now and then... but she still continued, for abt 6 yrs or so... even though air rifle and air pistol wasnt that popular amongst gers.. she went for trainings, at least twice weekly, do weight trainings with 1.5L bottles... see liao i also shake head... haha..

but looking back, my father side all quite enthu in sports de, except my sis.. lolx.. my eldest cousin-air pistol. my cousins- two in athletics, another in life saving team (or was it swimming too?), my bro in atheletics and soccer.. all these requires commitment and long training hours, plus sweating and exertion... lolx.. or maybe we're pple with no life... pple without much plans and activities? that's y we can afford the time and effort? lolx.. *shrugs

Saturday, August 28

after pesta sukan

back frm AAS range. all i need now is some water, aloe vera gel, and lots of breathing space..

shooting's alright today.. was actually thinking whether i shld be disappointed or not.. den i come to a conclusion- if i have the power to decide whether i SHOULD be let down by my own scores, y shld i even try?

did worse than the feb 8 competition.. my 1st competition scores recorded in my AAS book.. it's been half a yr, yet i'm getting from bad to worse.. but i say to myself : my scores for the 2 ends differ by only 7 points.. so that means i'm maintaining.. and personally, i feel that it's not too bad especially under the scorching sun that i loathe, feeling it gets hotter and drier.. when i look up, all i see is a clear blue sky. i'd hav appreciate that clear sky normally, but this is juz not one of the days whereby i can juz stand and tk in the beauty of nature..

slowed down alot.. maybe coz of the dry weather.. aishah was saying that i look tense.. but i'm not.. coz i didnt even feel any excitement.. that look might be due to my frown.. loony and monica very tense.. or maybe i think they're too focused, as loony put it.. up till the point that if they didnt do as well as their average, they feel sad. monica teared. i saw it. didnt know wat to say. afraid that i'd say sth wrong coz of i nv think b4 i speak. partly coz i was afraid that she'll snap at me, saying sth like "of course lah.. u forever watever, how would u know how i feel?!" so i juz kept my mouth shut.

i want to do well. who doesnt? maybe all i need is confidence. but with that, i need to up my tolerance level, and my easily affected attitude.. plus faith, and not to forget, luck..

actually i wans t really THAT pissed with the organisers.. i am irritated, but not to that GREAT extent.. i think one of the reasons for my frustrations is that i only got to realise the importance of calming myself down and taking enough rest during the shoot.. and the desire to do well.. basking in the glory of tp clinching lots and lots of medals, i too, want one. and with that, i fully understand the amount of effort the rest of them put in, their "correct" mindset and attitudes, that i am ever so envious of, their commitment, them doing their best. and this is what i see only. i do not know how much time and energy they put into archery.. is this call passion?

doing your best, giving your best shot. does it simply mean trying? i'm afraid it's much more than that.. it is more like maximising outcome, with what u have, what u are.

and it all boils down to the individual. all these requires discipline. and although i was in a uniform grp where discipline is strongly enforced, i am sad to say that my self-discipline is way below average..

i admire those with strong will, and a high nAch. coz with that, the phrase "when there's a will, there's a way" comes into effect. but unfortunately, that doesnt apply to me, and i dunno y. i think i am more of the kinda person with a high nAff...

although the 2 scoring rounds are not that fantastic( draining i can say, and torturing), i thoroughly enjoyed the team event today.. no time for knockout.. so we juz proceeded with the ranking.. we got 1 less point than one of the teams.. i'm not very affected with that. i wasnt prepared for this competition at all.. i know i am not up to the standard at all, mentally& physically. the team is great.. i can somehow feel them being supportive, and i can say that tp 3 is the most relaxed team.. we were joking, laughing, chatting, slacking and the air around me turned light-hearted despite the glaring rays without any breeze.

aishah shld be moving up to C class by the end of this yr, and judy is thinking of moving up, not so soon, but thinking of.. without aishah, we wont be able to form any team.. =( without the 2 of them, i'll be all alone.. =(

they were saying that i can move up also.. and i had a gd laugh over it.. i look at myself, and i look at C class archers, and in me is the big word 'defeat,' clear as the sky today.

they were saying get a clicker.. but with that, come the need for arrows, new fletches, more commitment, less time for my own things.. am i willing to give my best? am i really up to it? i'm afraid not. or maybe i shld say i'm nt that willing to part with a sum of money in order to buy somethings that i dunno if i can so called "scale new heights" with it.. if i'm nt able to achieve wat i set for myself after putting in time, money and effort, i think i'll be worse than wat i THINK monique and looney are feeling today.. and i am such a person.

my friends are envious of my high SEAL points, and that is the only thing i can fall back on.. saying "even so, i can gain SEAL points" has become a common excuse for my lousy performance that i am ashamed. yes. i am.. pple are envious. but do they not see the saturdays i give to archery for abt 10 months? they dont. do they see the many wednesdays that i stayed back after class for the whole of yr 1 for training? do they not see the many sundays that i went for archery competition? do they not see the heavy bag that i carry around, see how tough being out in the sun is compared to sleeping or shopping in air-conditioned areas? see how tanned i am coz of the frequent exposure to the sun? they dont. they'll juz say "wah lao. ur SEAL points so high. kill u lah." or "wah.. so black now.. wat happened? competition again? archery again? y so black? " then they'll give the roll-eyes-yucks-it's-so-horrible-to-be-tan-coz-it's'-ugly-look.. but i dun dislike it in particular.. i feel ugly yes, but vice versa i think that their i-hate-sweating-gers-shld-look-nice-and-stay-away-from-the-sun-except-from-the-beach-attitude stinks.. not really stinks, but i dun really like.. they stay away from any form of exertion except when they want to lose weight. like how obsess can u be about losing weight and being slim?
and my SEAL points high? maybe they shld take a gd look at the rest of the team. then they'll know what is really HIGH.

this entry feels more like a reflective essay. more like wat i'd say to myself, in my mind. not something that i'd blog down. but somehow or another, i like to see wat went thru my mind in my template, in IE instead of in a book or in preview form.. somehow, it feels more real, more me.

Friday, August 27

mom asked me to take the basic highway code a few days ago, when i'm of age.. suddenly i realised tt i've no interest in that. i dun want to. i juz dun want to.

have been think about stuff and i realised that i may well be the kind of person that i try to shun, as well as the kind of person my friends dislike. was chatting with viy over lunch a few days ago and we commented that hospi pple are juz so fake and today, another fren brought up the boot-licking issue that she observed (or rather we agree on) abt hospi pple.. and well, we're all at the losing end.. maybe not. all hopes are not lost, YET..

i noticed certain unmistakable "traits" in some hospi peeps that i nv really see as dominant in pple of other courses.. but true enough, this course that i am in requires us to be lidat.. a mould that we have to try and fit into.. those unfortunate ones outside of the mould would be trimmed away, sooner or later..

was telling them wat i feel.. those pple that can "pai ma pi" will get to the top sooner, but it's the ones that do their jobs well that will stay at the top.. anyone can get to the top. and fate isn the only factor that determines who get to stay..

i used to think that if u have a nice peresonality (seemingly) with a great attitude to serve, u'll definitely do well in the service sector.. and now lets see.. almost every job is part of the service sector.. or shld i say all? our existence are such that we affect one another, whether u like it or not.. and if u link back, if u are in the service sector, making ur customers happy thru providing excellent services, wat has nice personality got to do with all these? a nice personality only allows pple the right to abuse their power in the workplace to give u more tasks to complete while they eat snake.. and the boss only wants to see results.. we're all living in a world where ends justify means.. who cares wat kind of person u are when u achieved the outcome u want? and more often than not, the pple ard you can only see one side of you.

being the "devil" is a great stress reliever.. it channels all your negativities and such to an outlet where u can say "danger! keep out!" it enables pple to fully let down their guard against this evil foul world where we have to put up our armour, prepare our shield and get ready for battle..

if we advance, we'll get bruised and hurt, only to find ourselves facing yet another battle, and another, and another.. the fights are neverending yet the victories are limited.. and if we can once try to be the "greatest of all" who controls this lose-lose game, we'll win.. so y not? nice personality aint get u anyway u want to go.. we always see it in shows, in games, in books and all.. the innocent always end up getting killed, taken hostage, and even risk the brain being blown up..

wat's worse is that there isnt any elixir that we can find in our treasure maps, nor secret compartments whereby the shortcut leads to the "princess," nor the super power that we can choose to use against ememies during emergencies.. the only thing available is those weapons that other pple left beside the bush, and the only choice u can make is either to take it and discard your own weapon, or leave it where it is (some dog might have pissed on it, or it might be some pre-activated bomb that'll explode upon contact.)

i so much wanted to break out of this mental state.. i dunno wat i'm saying now.. shit. think it's time to let my mind rest.. and i remember.. shit is the word that Mrs Tey used to forbid us to say in sec 4.. ok.. wat am i thinking now.. shutting down..

*pple, wish me luck. i'm running out of them..
*b4 i say so, i'd like to thank watever that's been with me.. through the nightmare that night.. i think i've exhausted all my luck for that desperate help needed at that point in time.. did i say sth wrong since last monday? i hope not..
saffron day. being the stewart is way too taxing on my weak health.. but the food taste great!! especially the chicken wrapped with bacon pasta.. yummy~

the breaded fish with the sauce is awesome too!! not to forget the tuna potato thingy, abit too sality to my liking, but when i'm hungry, everything is fine.. my hand becomes like ah mah skin.. wrinkled... yucks! touched all horrible things ever possible imagined on dirty plates.. food, sauces, oil, vineger, chilli, chololate, and so on..

i broke a cup. was holding it and it broke. in mid air. i haven even put it on the tray to load into the dishwasher.. think i too rough le.. threw away the big trash bag, alone.. super sian..imagine carrying the trash bag down to 1st floor den ask ard to find the rubbish dump.. -_-"'

pple kept throwing things to me for washing.. coz "chef says send for washing.." those that ask me to help still not so bad.. those that juz throw to me without saying pls, thanks, or can you help, or anything, juz throw to me and assume that the stewart is supposed to wash everything, ought to be shot.

luckily i'm nt afraid of getting my hands dirty.. use my bare hands to take food off from the sink, from the plates, from the inserts... i imagine some hospi gu niang that grimanced at the sight of using their precious manicured fingers to touch such er xing stuff and i feel like laughing to myself..

time passed super slowly today.. didnt have my break in the end.. suffered the whole long day from 8-5, surviving with 3 sips of water. and i mean sips.. didnt even managed to quench my thirst.. now my throat hurts like mad.. drinking water as if i've been in a desert for days..

OB proj almost done.. left with the role play thingy.. my grp shld be the fastest.. and i am ever so glad of it.. no more days whereby i'm stuck between 2 grp meetings at the same time.. and hearing things like "the grp takes priority".. wat a whole load of crap.

muz thank huimin also.. without her, my station sure jam de.. luckily the chefs know how to assign tasks.. 2 stewarts. 1 frm culi sci, 1 frm service.. of course service side do the wiping dry lah.. while culi sci side wash and get into contact with dirty dishes..

junyuan didnt come, again.. this time, he's sure gona be debarred frm this subject.. imagine taking it all over again next sem.. wat a nightmare..!!

the whole operation has become more smooth.. maybe coz we're no longer as scared, nor confused as to where the thingsa re placed, wat to do, wat not to do, and when to siam when the chefs are angry..

eve scare us all today.. chef phua wanted to see nixon, eve and grace when we were clearing up, in her office.. when they came back, karene was telling me that the chef told eve that we had to change our whole menu.. and i was soooo stunned! we spent so long doing that and we muz change again.. the menu is fabulous, and i am unsure that we can reach that standard if we change again... in the end, i realised that she was bluffing us... we need not change.. think eve juz want to "test" and see if the rest would be affected, or what when they hear the news... haizz.. wat a thing to do..

i think i cut my hand, somewhere.. a few places. small cuts.. but watever.. it'll heal, somehow....

tml competition.. b4 the com and i'm feeling lethargic.. went to applied research lec after saffron.. whole LT less than 20 pple.. maybe abt 15 bah.. and i slept, thru... only waking up when it was about to end, and to take sweets frm huihui.. lolx.. the rest i slp.. until my neck very "suan."

k lah.,. damn tired.. no strength to type le..
bye pple..

Wednesday, August 25

money factor

did i mention i was irritated? by pple who claim that they dun hav money or on a very tight budget, cant fork out a mere 5 bucks but willingly spend like 150 on clothes for their significant other or some very lame reasons that i think are not valid at all?!

if u can affford to spend multiple times more, y not contribute $5 for a fren's 18th bdae? if u're having financial difficulty, i can understand. but those lousy excuses? how can u explain? izzit true that the older we get, the less impulsive we are so the amount we spent on pple's bdae presents gets smaller? the spending power increases, but the willingness to spend decreases.. what's with that?

and to think that the 2 of us, after a long day doing a proj that can never be completed, went sourcing for the present, thinking that pple will be willing to pay, coz they dun hav to shop for the present separately.. worse come to worse, there'll at least be 10 of us.. who knows? those that are not as close are willing to share..

maybe i am frustrated not only bcoz of the few individuals.. think mainly coz of the proj thingy, and in addition, these stupid excuses and acts reminded me of HER. what she did and say sometime in March.. how i feel, what i think, everything.. juz sort of link back although i am very unwillingly to do so. when all these happen together, ask whether i get affected? of course i am.. end up me and eve divide the balance and fork out more. think this suits me better.. saves trouble, saves time..

anyway, report done. finally..down to the last hr we're still doing costings, editing coz the service side forgotten to tell us they'll be using sugar and some other stuff.. a 30-pple theme team project end up only abt 8 main pple doing work.. nt only culi side pek chek, svc side also, if i'm nt wrong.. other cls can work so well together.. dunno y my cls lidat.. *shake head.. think there's a major prob.. but cannot determine wat it is exactly..

my saviour song is on. feeling alright now.. and my feet need a rest. nt only that, my mind needs a break and my body needs a holiday.

Tuesday, August 24

reached home like half an hr ago.. damn.

stayed in sch after lec. passed tina her prezzie!! den went to the lab to do some last minute editing coz culi sci deadline tml.

well, when we stepped in, all i hear was "how now? the cost how? over budget how? wat to do? are we supposed to tk the cost frm u all? i asked mr neo... laundry cost how? minus from where? mocktail cost how? P&L how? u all got sponsorship right? den extra money liao right? dry ice fre or not? flyers how? promotions how? what to do? menu how? we lost the menu! what to do with the letter? food cost 160 right? den u all giv us 70. so u all use 90. right? 40% meh? thot it's nt that way. i dunno, i dunno, i dunno.. how, how how?!!!!"

as if we culi sci pple are super humans.. yeah.. we know EVERYTHING. was trying to shut off.. den eve pek chek le, changed the desserts to another one.. cutting the cost from 72 to 27 so that THEY can have more money. in the end, eileeen and i got to edit the WHOLE damn report. plus the misen-place, den eve did the costing...

it's a prob with my cls pple i think.. anyway, i dunno, i dunno and i dunno.. now i know how eve feels.. the kinda BKL feeling.

alot of things.. dun wanna say le.. too tired to type anyway. gotta do my damn accounting after a long day in the freaking cold lab.

it's 1240 am now.. couldnt balance my balance sheet.. dunno wat i did also.. fell asleep doing my accounting. gave up, so decided to prepare tml's bese den slp. at the rate i'm going, my results are going to suffer.. slept in every lec so far, plus doze off every tut.. stupid sia.. den hw all last minute, arbo anyhow do. lidat how can? stupid lah.. tml still muz be in sch earlier for culi sci.. dun feel tooo gd leaving the 2 of them doing the report alone for culi side.. haizz... gooa turn in le. nitez pple. rest well ya.. we all need it..

* i seriously need more sleep. if not, it'll be contented with 12 hrs more each day. i look like a walking zombie cum siao char bo now.. couldnt even stand myself.. sickening me.

Sunday, August 22

sunday craptimes

the moment i switched on the tv to watch the table tennis match, i saw li jiawei's face.. and i know that all hopes of clinching that bronze medal dashed. see how suay i am? lolx..

but i really admire team s'pore. they got the passion, the motivation, the aspirations, the strong mental conditioning, not to foget all the hardwork they put in and all the other things in life that they sacrifice...

li jiawei.. no matter wat the outcome is, she'll still be criticised.. if she had gotten the bronze medal, pple will say things like "she shld hav gotten the gold. shldnt hav lose the previous match.." and since today's defeat, i think pple will start saying things like "she shld hav at least gotten a silver IF she beat whoever the last match.. "

but there'll still be those more understanding pple who'll continue to support and encourage team s'pore.. and i hope there're more of them than the former..

listened to more den half an hour of PM lee's national day rally (or the PM speech).. so interesting... but stopped for supper.. lolx.. think the new PM will continue to lead s'pore well.. i am confident of that. =D alot of things he said makes sense. and he's able to address certain issues with a touch of amusement, making the whole thing lighthearted, like the duck and hippo story. *laughs...

*hippo-vehicle without the top. sth like a bus.
my qn is: is the hippo a bus? if it isnt, den it cannot stop at a bus stop. lolx

ok. enuff of my crap, for now.

Saturday, August 21

saw this on tv and i "adopt" one phrase to elaborate on.

[当眼前一片黑暗时,我只有靠我自己摸索方向. 如果当时有人肯在我那漆黑世界里带给我一点光茫,指引我方向, 那我就不会需要那么害怕,也不需要一而在再而三的跌倒,受伤. 此外,那光茫也会带给我希望, 在看不到前方的路时让我有活下去和不放弃的理由]

doesnt that makes sense? apply to to your life and see if it's true.. sometimes, all we want is a vision and all we need is hope. can life be any simpler?

1 gd news: i found my cap.. it's with shini !!! yipee... =D

Friday, August 20

i dunno y TP introduce the FAST system when all the subjects listed are not offered.. or that some courses are so popular that it's terribly hard to get in.. and when they wanna implement the system, they shld at least plan properly the time slot that the window for selection opens.. let it be on a weekend when it's "fair" to all students.. at least it wont clash with lessons mah..

and the 1st come 1st serve basis i think is bullshit.. coz if it clashes with our timetable, we wont be able to hav it anyway.. plus, the system is so sucky that u dunno whether the allocation is just. sianz sianz sianz sianz...

and they're not offering sociology for nxt sem.. nor human behaviour in the workplace..
does this mean that if my course includes Organisational Behaviour, then iwould nt be able to tk sociology and human beh in wkplace as CDS??

i was looking at the courses available and almost wanted to take water technology, or some chinese culture PRC thingy.. see how limited the choices are? until i make such "brilliant" decisions? but i didnt in the end.. chose jap and french instead.. lolx.. no matter what, languages sound so much better than water treatment plant and doing bizness wif china.. right? lolx..

chose my cds in the lab.. 1st time i rushed thru the selection.. usually i took longer.. much longer.. juz by staring at the screen and thinking abt my "future".. lolx.. this time round, after saffron, rushed to lab to do, den close the window and rushed to lec.. was late for lec.. but i dun care lah.. her lessons are ever so boring anyway.. lolx

anyway, i juz remember my clsmate saying sth tt i think is quite dumb. my fone rang and the ringtone is my sis's voice.. they want to hear so i play it again.. 1st he said it was weird, then he said dunno wat my sis is saying, den he commented that it is very scary, esp if my fone rings at night.. i wanted to say "siao ar.. u think too much.. the voice u are toking abt unfortunately belongs to my SIS.. and y would i be scared to hear my sis voice in MY house?" dumb comment anyway.. *shrugs

think 7th month he thinks too much..

My Friday Life

i skipped training coz of the weather.. ^-^v

saffron was good.. great team dynamics i can say? lolx.. i was the butcher, saucier, stewart, sweeper, and food taster all in 1 day.. lolx.. the only gross thing was the beef shanks.. i strained it in a coriander, looking at all the blood flowing off.. after which i feel so uneasy coz beef is not supposed to be washed with water, so i got to make do with handling bloody beef shanks with my bare hands!! cut into dice.. imagine trimming away the fats, and beef is much more diff to cut compared to fish fillet!! the beef is sticky, due to the blood and the meat, and i can feel the tissues and blood in my nails!!! the niam niam feeling, and i got to "hold" the beef tight enuff so that i can cut.. it's like sinking my nails deep into the raw beef.. it sux lah..

helped saucier today.. got the hang of it after awhile.. know wat to do and wat not to do.. new order=put portion into inserts and ginger on top. wait. pick up=put insert into overn, set timing, on. after which=take out souffle cup and prepare rice. overturn souffle cup at the red line. let huishan pass so that she can out her spinach and asparagus. then wait for the "ding", open oven slightly to let the steam escape. use tourchon tk insert. remove ginger. den let huihui prepare. remove souffle cup. soak in water. wait for next order.. it was interesting!! much better than being pattisier and juz slacking ard waiting for pple to order desserts.. the 7 pax one really fun.. all at once order 7 portions of fish.. so fun!!

only a bit of food left for testing.. the beef stew was fantastic, plus the potato!! awesome stuff!! not to forget the fried dumplings with wasabi mayonnaise!! argh~ superb!! the dessert pudding ws great too, the vanilla sauce complements the pudding well. wow~

today wasnt as tired as past saffron trainings.. maybe coz i busied myself with alot of stuff, until i enjoyed wat i was doing.. i told others to relax.. lolx.. that's sth new!! hehe

had great fun working with them.. QQ is an outstanding aboyer... her orders are clear and loud, minimising miscommunications, think the service side kanna "confronted" by her a few times.. lolx.. a great help to the sauciers!!

1 table commented that the fish is too salty.. think i shldnt be that generous with the salt ya.. haha.. shld be more generous with the wine instead.. saw chef Ng insert.. flooding with wine.. lolx.. and chef Phua still told us not to put that much as it is only for flavouring.. lolx..

volunteered to sweep the floor, again. coz noone seems to like sweeping.. as usual, karene did the mopping.. this this becomes a fixed duty for me and karene le.. lolx.. after food tasting, everyone was slacking ard so i go clean up 1st.. became the assistant stewart.. lolx.. anyway, nxt week my turn also.. fruitful day.. saffron is always so comfy.. nice and snug.. lolx.. plus nice smell.. hehe.. i didnt even know outside was raining cats and dogs until someone came in and told the rest of us.. once i stepped out of that kitchen, i was freezing.. lolx.. the wind ar.. half numbs my feeling and my hands and toes are icy cold.. think blood circulation not gd lah.. haha..

slept thru the 2 lectures.. and by now, i think alot of pple know that it is the norm for me to slp during lecs.. to the point that shini told me that she heard frm pple de.. lolx.. of course lah.. it IS the norm. and pple noticed.. coz the lecs are too boring,.... pple chatting away and looking ard.. sianz.. even Nair slept!!! haha.. imagine lecturers slping.. waste of my time.. shld hav gone home earlier..

cold cold day. gd gd *rub hands together..

gonna slp early tonight.. tml is a brand new day.. weather would most prob be hot and humid, coz of the rain tonight.. and practically no clouds.. so tml muz apply sunblock ya.. keep away the UVA and UVB rays.. lolx..

ok.. hope nxt week's training is as smooth sailing and fruitful as today's.. but as usual, chef phua's flare ups are also considered a norm as the weeks go by.. so getting used to it le.. =D

saw this ger at the bus stop today.. quite pretty.. but when she took out her cigarette.. hmm.. impression TOTALLY changed... didnt want to seem rude so i didnt fan my face, nor did i make it very obvious that i was dying to get out of there, although i really feel like walking to the side where the wind wasnt blowing.. lolx.. so far succeeding at controlling my temper.. so ya.. ^-^v

haha. that's all.. my fri life.

Thursday, August 19

mizuno distribution rights taken over by either royal sporting house or world of sports.. so my lifetime supply of mizuno sports goods gonna end soon.. there goes all my cheaper sports alternatives.. sianzzzzzz....

anyway, gd news is that SAA giving us FILA shirts.. coz of gd performance.. that set me thinking "are we really that gd?" and "NO" is the answer.. we have a longgggg way to go.. and y would they giv shirts to us? walking advertisement? ltr the shirts got prob again den i laugh.. i anything.

anyway, saw familiar faces in the poly search thingy at some mediacorp webbie.. saw a ger frm holy high, QQ my clzmate, qianyuan and his gf, guang, alvin, and some more familiar faces but dunno the name... i didnt even know such a website existed.. until shini shouted for me to go and see qianyuan's pic.. my sis also told me abt it.. she was using the com in sch and saw his pic so she asked me if i know abt it.. juz got to know it today.. shini was saying that he looks very diff.. i dunno lah.. nv see him in sch de.. lolx..


some DJ was saying this..

..no courage to face the truth even when it's right in our faces..
.. means too much..
.. didnt want to lose it all..

doesnt want anything to change bah i think.. or too scared to try.. suddenly yukino's face flashed in my mind and arima's shy expression became clear in the council meeting scene..

scared.. y shld we be afraid? y muz we succumb to fear? human nature? i'm afraid it's not..

didnt want to say anything.. not because i'm stupid or ignorant.. yes i am, but not to all things.. it's nt as if i dun care.. i did, but time wasnt on my side..

was browsing thru pple's blogs and i saw this :

[ there will always be the things in life that we are afraid of, the things that will hurt us... that still isn't a good enough reason to live in fear... you asked me for my heart... i told you it was yours... but i wasn't brave enough to give it all away... i should have been, you gave me everything i could imagine... we were in that bliss if only for a moment... and i am still the guilty one... i was standing at the edge and you told me it was ok to jump... i stood there looking over for so long...
we wept for all the suffering in my fearful choice... you took me by the hand and we went together to find an answer...]

applicable to all couples out there ya?

pple always say "u are wat u eat.." and i always wonder.. "if i eat junk food, am i juz trash?"
it sux lah.. like someone toking in my brain, totally oblivious to MY thoughts.. saying funny things tt i dun even know i am capable of thinking.. the kinda feeling is as if ur phone line crossed someone else's and u end up listening to their conversation but no matter wat u do, they cant hear u..i muz be out of my mind.. juz ignore me.

Wednesday, August 18

jinx or jinx not?

darn.. really dun feel like typing the same content twice.. but i want to confess..

i think i am a jinx.. really. jinx to team s'pore..

u know y ronald susilo lost to that thailand guy? coz i was watching the competition on tv mobile during the journey home.. and it's a terrible ending.. to lose by a point is still alright.. but 1-15?

service over too many times i think.. until the opponent made him real tired.. adn the speed they play is very different.. the thailand guy very "fierce" in "attacks" i think, while susilo quite weak at "defending".. the game also very draining, with them running all ard the court.. and the thailand guy's backhand quite zai.. he even "flew" to save a "shot".. sounds like volleyball ya?

anyway, i dun like what the stupid commentator says.. abt s'pore govt million dollar reward for an olympics gold medal and so on.. kept harping on the whole stupid monetary benefits.. make the govt seems so in need of recognition and the player so desperate for money, which is not the case...

remember a few yrs back when the table tennis team almost got into top 3 and the whole nation was hoping for our 1st gold medal in either the SEA games or olympics.. the time when jing jun hong became famous overnight? yeah.. she got 4th coz i was watching thw whole competiton that time, live.. same to susilo.. i was watching the show LIVE tonight, so he lost..

but cannot blame him also.. the whole nation anticipating and keeping our hopes high for the 1st olympics gold medal ever possible.. newspapers with his news everyday, nt to mention radio stations and tv progs with his latest news.. high media coverage sia.. of course stressed coz of the pressure the whole nation, not to mention the world, put on him.. coz no matter what, he beats the world's no. 1..

and u know y susilo won lin dan? yeah.. coz i aint watching thruout.. i missed abt half of the 2nd round to the ending.. see.. these kinda LIVE events i better stay away.. arbo sure giv them bad luck de.. feel so unlucky suddenly.. it's as if the world's spotlight dimmed..

ok.. i think i seriously need a break.. can never get enuff of slp, work is piling up, training performance stagnant, and not to forget my face seem as though it'll never get a chance to heal!! i need more rest, more water, more exercise, more sleep... and i think my wisdom tooth giving me a prob now.. it's super irritating.. cant chew properly sia.. feels like half a granny.. haizz.. and the time i spend in sch seems more than the time i stay at home.. sianzzzz...

ok. i'm so tired that i even forgotten to be grateful and happy.. until juz.. got back accounting mid-term paper.. didnt do VERY well, but still, one of the highest in the cls.. and i still loathe those pple who goes "u get so high, dun friend u already" or "dun tok to u liao lah" when pple score higher.. what is their problem seriously? someone can tell me? hear that kinda thing, sieh sian de.. like primary skl kids sia.. want to get high marks, pray harder and work harder.. dun flash the killer eyes only after we get back the paper.. or point fingers.. cannot stand it..

and i also almost forgotten to be disappointed and note the negative things.. BESE presentation today.. didnt do well.. too nervous.. dunno wat the hell i'm doing.. after so many presentations i still so nervous.. dunno for what.. i know there's nothing to be scared of.. but in a cls, no confidence at all.. damn! anyway, some probs in the cls.. between the pple and diff grps.. sian... diff pple in the grp pissed at diff pple in other grps, wat happened, wat went wrong, at themselves, at others and all.. stupid nair.. didnt tell us earlier.. his fault lah.. if he told us earlier, or at least try out, den we'll save alot of trouble, alot of bad mood and alot of untold discomfort amongst the class, plus elimimate the weird air that hung ard after that.. damn. another stupid thing.. waste time sia.. spoiler.

Tuesday, August 17

too tired to blog recently.. after typing 1 sentence, i gave up..

learnt grp dynamics in OB today.. the part abt the 5 stages of grp development caught my attention..

stage 1:
Forming- individuals are courteous and cautious. members are testing each other to see how compatible they are.
these 2 points are real true.. is that the acting that we always say? and wat abt making judgements? if we judge based on 1st impression or the first few encounters, we might draw certain conclusions that tend to be untrue.. like wat Mr. Nah said, grp proj, one person quiet.. it may be social loafing, due to shyness, and not that the person doesnt want to contribute.. i dunno.. seems like me..

culi sci meeting like not going very smoothly.. so many things to cover and so few pple doing it.. many thanks to eve, karene, eileen and those who helped in some way or another.. the menu that karene came up with is fabulous.. i love the idea and concept.. simple with the "wow" factor.. love it, love it, love it!!

sorry eve for letting u down.. my cls cannot make it de.. and i didnt help much either.. end up u like did 3/4 of the proj urself, tiring urself out.. rest more k..

listening to songs that guowei sent me a few days ago.. very nice songs.. pri sch partner.. i thot wont get the chance to tok to each other again.. but who knows so heng his gf is my best pal..

so here are 3 recommend songs:
1) [chong dong] by zhang ke fan
2) [Ai ren hao lei] by Zhong Jian Fen Zhi
3) [till i get over u] by michelle branch

raised my voice this morning.. coz of sth that someone told me.. the tone was wrong, all wrong.. and the things the person say.. couldnt stand it, esp after a bad morning.. bus packed, pple gave me the "buay song" face and all.. sianz..

muz learn to control... anyway, saw fifi's nick.. i like it

"The walls i build around me to keep out the sadness also keeps out the joy.."

ya hor.. barriers to entry.. :|

saw siew wen today.. some blue house junior in sec sch.. she's in hospi also.. couldnt rem her name at 1st.. didnt even know she's in tp.. much less the course she is in.. think junior i only got keep in contact wif mark.. sports day and the ceremony b4 the events happened like 2 yrs ago? and i feel so old? old but not of age to go to the 3rd brewery organised for hospi students.. sianz...
thinking abt it hor.. i'll finish half of my poly education b4 i turn 18.. lolx.. that's like super young? and within 2 yrs i'll be out in the workforce... contributing to s'pore's economy, yadda yadda..

Monday, August 16

couldnt believe i stayed up to watch olympics.. lolx.. susilo is leading!! hope he wins.. every point he leads, i'll have the "yeah, woo hoo" feeling.. lolx..

go s'pore go~

on my way home in the afternoon, caught in the rain, feeling wet and cold... couldnt run across meihui's block to the next den to my block.. so i decided to wait at the void deck for the rain to get smaller.. there's a tv at the recre corner over at the next block.. and i stood there and watched the gymnastics, tuning in to tv mobile and listening to the commentary with my phone.. lolx.. think anyone who walked past would be thinking that i'm crazy..

by the event was really great! saw one of the near-perfect "performance"... that bar is sooo super thin.. how they do backflips, cartwheels and flips on that small piece of woood? wonders of the world sia.. haha

and in the morning i watched abit of the dance... latin dance bah.. i dunno the category.. haha.. they look as if their waist is so flexible that can turn 360 degrees.. haha..

the swimming categories.. phelps.. WC.. den the aust team events also WC sia..!!! so li hai... s'pore wont be able to catch up.. ever.. haha.. nt that i dun hav confidence.. but, well, we're super small for a small country.. lolx..

enuff said. gotta go back to my tv le. nitey peeps~

Saturday, August 14

~Soliloquy~

i didnt know what this word means before thurs..
now i do.

meanings:
-A dramatic or literary form of discourse in which a character talks to himself or herself or reveals his or her thoughts without addressing a listener.
-A specific speech or piece of writing in this form of discourse.
-The act of speaking to oneself.

all these i confirm can relate to. so ya. soliloquy... in blogger.. sounds so literature ya? so pro~ so chim~

eve suggested using the word as the proj theme.. the explanation is so ~ heavenly~ ...
heaven's soliloquy.. sounds perfect ya?

i realised i fell in love with the word.. couldnt get it out of my mind.. soli, solilo, soliloquy...
"wat would u do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be 10 moments of sadness?"

i thot of this before.. i know that when i am happy, i ought to cherish the moment.. but sadness after happiness is quite unbearable.. the only way to stop this is to be neutral.. neutral in almost everything.. only then would u be able to control your emotions... however, by doing so, u'll deprive urself of experiencing, of feeling...

it has been ages since i last laugh.. laugh not as in grin, nor smile.. but laugh, without sound effects.. that's the thing i missed most..

look at it this way.. if we go thru the 10 moments of sadness first, then the period would seem too long compared to the 1 moment of happiness.. and after that 1 moment of happiness, u'll start to feel cheated because the length of happiness that u experienced is much shorter than the sadness...

anyway, it's a lose-lose situation.. alot of thoughts.. cant blog it down.. forget it.

Friday, August 13

smokers.. go away lah...

darn pissed now.. those smokers!! ok. qY told me tt wq's dad died of lung cancer, coz of second hand smoke. SECOND-HAND SMOKE!! y not let those idiotic brainless morons smoke themselves to death and NOT make others suffer? coz of their stupidity?? this is juz so damn unfair..

smokers.. sux. y cant they juz go to some inhabited island to live, away from us, all of them, and smoke themselves to death there? inhale all those toxins, all those chemicals, and affect one another? may they get lung cancer and die in polluted air. darn buay song now.. coz of that 1 sentence. ARGH!!! smokers juz go away.. u all aint helping the environment.. the govt is doing so much to make everything environmental friendly and those spoilers juz smoke 1 packet of cigarette per day and there goes all our effort!! all those ozone-layer CFC-free labels.. WTH!! juz let all the smokers die, den we can save trees coz less trees would need to be cut down for the producton of cigerettes (the packaging and the cigerette itself), save manpower, direct them to other more meaningful departments, lower crime rates, "healthier" citizens, present a better image of s'pore coz our pple wont all look like drug addicts wif the craving for smoking, yellow teeth, and the stance!! pungent and chocking smell.. get rid of all that.. if we can eliminate all these "black sheeps" in our society, den i think we can do without the save-the-world campaign for like 3 yrs.. and may even grant special permission to pentel to produce liquid paper WITHOUT the green label..

my grandparents WERE smokers.. y cant others do the same? juz QUIT.. we hav so many hotlines helping others to quit, go into any hospital or polyclinic to find out more info as to how to seek help, wat u can do, how others can help etc.. tk the 1st step.. losers shldnt complain..they dun hav the right to anyway..

ok. i sound like some ignorant brat.. but who cares man, seriously.. watever.. i say wat i like.. lalaa.. and smokers can jolly well *siam one side.. dun dirty the air around me. thank you for your kind act.. ur generousity and courtesy will be remembered. and i will jolly well pass this act of kindness on.. pass it on, pass it on, pass it on... so u can siam one side, siam far far, go away.. ;D
received the news on my way to SGH this afternoon.. boling msg and asked if i'm free this sunday.. if i am then we'll all go and visit weiqiang coz sth happened to him.. 1st thing that comes into my mind "pls no.. dun tell me he's in the hospital too.." i called bl, and she told me that his dad passed away.. F4 E1... it feels like ages ago..

took 65 to harbourfront den change train to outram.. dun ask me y i chose that route, i juz did.. stayed in the hospital till 8.. and reached home at 9..

caught the last 15 mins of the 9pm show.. xiaoyan was saying sth that i can relate to.. on the surface, we seem to live a very fruitful life with busy schedules and exciting plans.. but dun u find that after awhile, u dunno y u are so busy with wat u're doing?? u dunno y u do wat u did? u feel empty?? u all it loneliness? 寂寞的常客, i am, too..

my cousin juz came back from some island in thailand and was chatting with me abt how nice the island is.. and i feel the need to get away.. away from everything.. juz somewhere for me to not be me..

wat do i want out of life? enjoyment? happiness or sheer torture? i guess most of us chose the last option so that we can enjoy our happiness when days get better?? i dunno..

alot of thots.. but i cant seem to blog them down.. all i do nowadays is to blog down my day to day activities.. as if everyone is interested in this boring life of mine..

for now, let me rest.

dim sum dollies..

watched dim sum dollies today.. it rox!!!!!!!

Emma can really dance.. haha.. twist i mean.. hehe.. and the different songs are great!! set me laughing again and again..

LOVE the theme song.. and the action of the 喝茶,吃点心,点心点心 gestures!!

Bigger is better and larger is good.. so upsize ur life... lolx..

and the giggling girls!!! really reminds me of last time.. gigggles till cant stop.. at the slightest things.. when a bunch of gers is together, we'll chat and gossip.. cant stop us frm giggling.. hahaha

and the palace prisoner from tokyo... real funny i tell u... coz mother theresa appeared and when the crying ger tried to say sth, mother T said sth like "i haven finish" lolx..

and the today no go home... hahahahahahaha.... old pple in no go home old folks home.. one called ah Mm, one called ah soh and one called ah ger... lolx

think the stand up, nip tuck sucks, upper crust, OTT not so good..

part 2 is great!!!!!!!!

from the parking pontianak, to maid in heaven (the male dancers wear wings and act like angels cleaning cotton clouds... lolx.. so cute!! "see the statistics" hahahahaa.. think only those who watched will know wat i'm saying.. lolx..), and the SQ and s'pore girl!!!! so cool!!! it's very local!! very easy to relate to.. and it's english plus abit of dialect, chinese.. cham cham mix... so rojak.. like singlish!!! it is singlish!!!! and the finale, the 6 male dancers wore sarong kebya, walked out of the fake airplane they set up, wore heeld, and dance like women!!! budden ending they took off their heels, put them nicely in front, and did the "tell a name u do a stunt" thingy.. never hav i seen guys dancing lidat... graceful as gers but yet aggressive at times also.. aiya.. hard to explain.. it's nice.. lolx..

the applauding at the end was soOOOoooOOOOooOOoooOOoooOOoooOOooOOoooOOooo long that they kept bowing... lolx.. we juz wont stop... and they did an encore.. before tt, the show ended with those concert style.. the fireworks behind and some popping of long silvery strands of things.. hahaha.... didnt expect them to do such things indoor.. in the durian!!!

there's this part they sang spore songs that we hear during NDP.. den they joked abt the show "sex in the city", say sth abt the cabinet affairs.. den towards the end they took out their spore flags( small ones, we're also given one each) and waved.. that moment i looked ard, the feeling is soooo s'pore.. as if we're all soo patriotic.. waving flags and singing spore songs.. hahaha....

hmm.. it's so local that i juz couldnt help not enjoying every moment of it.. regretted not watching forbidden city last time.. wanted to watch it.. but didnt..coz tt yr i participated in NDP.. so very busy.. heard edelina said that it was great!! sadden~

after the show we revert back to the old days.. excited abt taking photos.. we took abt 30 shots!! haha.. all weird poses, funny actions, crazy spur-of-the-moment thingy.. lolx... actually i say so much also no use.. nvm.. forget it.. hahahaha

okie.. i had so much fun in the eving that i almost forgot to mention.. meeting at 9.. i reached at 845.. waited till 915.. called and msg.. some juz woke up, others NEVER reply.. didnt want to get mad, so i went o the library to slack.. read some books.. the system is down.. sian.. turned out tt some woke up late, some THOT the meeting was supposed to be at 10, some didnt even care.. good.. i dun either..

Wednesday, August 11

is this coincidental??

was in blogger mainpage when i clicked on the recent blog updated link and found these.. i think it's fate that i juz so happened to come across this person's blog.. s'porean...

----------------------------------------------

It would have been easier ... if my mistake affects only myself.

But as with most mistakes, the repercussions are felt by others too. The "sorry" spoken at the end of every major mistake is always weak. It repairs nothing and undo nothing.

Sometimes you wonder, why you say it anyway.

But undernealth it, lies some personal struggles.

*Sigh

---------------------------------------------------

One must not cease to find one's purpose in life. Everything that ever happen in your life is merely part of a larger design. One does not live in isolation. The choices we made everyday carries repercussions far further we will ever comprehend. We must make it a point to do all things in love.

Love is more than a feeling.

It is a choice.

-------------------------------------------------------

(Preview from Singapore Idol 3)

Dick Lee; eyes burning with rage, shouting at one of the contestants.

"You think you are something? Now you are NOTHING ! GET OUT !!!"

Somehow, it sounded like God ... shouting at me.

--------------------------------------------------------------

and this :
Here is my world of thoughts. Nothing more then the randomness that hits me day to day and of course, with a spin on what I believe. All I ask, is that if you don't like what I write, click the little X in the upper right hand corner.

someone wrote this in his or her blog, and it juz so nice coincides with wat i posted last time.. the last sentence.. this is amazing~

and i saw my bro's fren's blog!! so heng.. clicked on a couple of them only.. saw his pic.. looked familiar.. lolx.. this is soooo funny...

term break.. no use.

went to panpac wif steph ytd.. den to suntec.. bought a presentation skirt and ate sakae.. broke le.. training today.. was in a good mood at first.. den after tt dunno y back to usual.. shot the small target face at 1st.. den after that round 2 we shot the 122 target face.. after like months of not shooting big target face.. of course score better.. but still not ideal.. sianz...

i realised that after shooting for awhile, when i am tired (that's what ken says), i'll start to see 2 sight.. and i cant aim, cant anchor, so i juz anyhow watever~

bow training better than previous weeks.. was kinda sian.. we were told to reach tembusu at 1230.. budden we're not supposed to shoot till those pple in LTC go some ALP or APL thingy.. watever that is.. so we juz sit ard and wait.. wait for them to finish their lunch and siam.. so sian.. set up everything den cannot shoot..

was asked to lead the jog today.. heard someone behind saying "run so slow".. and i was thinking.. maybe i shld juz turn ard and tell him tt the coach asked me to keep to that pace.. and it isnt very fair for those who can run faster to cut ahead of others and leave the slower ones behind, with leaving lesser time for them to rest before the shoot..

k. it's impossible to like everyone in this world.. so i shall juz keep quiet..

hmm.. 1st impression does make a difference.. juz by the way a person speaks.. perception..

anyway, i realised that i'm operating on the self-serving bias theory.. tendancy to attribute gd results and performance to internal factors and failures to external causes like luck.. like i always say during training, it's a heng suay thing...

tml will be a LONGGGGggGGGgGGGgggggGgggggg day... 9 o'clock meeting for BESE, den 1 o'clock meeting for culi sci.. den evening going to watch dim sum dollies... hope it's nice.. lolx..

saw carol in suntec sakae ytd.. she transferred from kovan to suntec.. told me that business there is bad.. old outlet's staff almost all gone le.. kelvin going to NS soon, the rest all left, left jeff.. there goes the old times.. the blast-chinese-songs-during-duty, the hand signals and the conference at night... shu yue promoted to supervisor.. ah feng auntie got breast cancer, wah eng auntie's husband passed away... william in east point after being transferred to OUB.. so many things happened in 1 yr.. jeff got a daughter le.. the only person i think doesnt change much is suijing.. saw her sometime back with her bf.. she didnt see me.. good..

shot 2 rounds, plus team, plus bow exercises, plus lots of jacks!! i did like 44 counts of 8 jumping jacks in total today.. plus pumpings... didnt feel much.. like usual, i think my body is there, soul somewhere there, mind somewhere else..

Sunday, August 8

回到未来

someone told me this today: 回到未来

and suddenly, i feel weird.. the person who told me that is a nun.. i saw her in the temple.. i dunno y she said that to me, but i didnt ask.. was telling my mom abt it and she told me that i shld asked.. if i didnt, i wont know. but to me, certain things are not meant to be known.. to me..

sunday morning... stupid alarm..

Don't go around saying that the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

You must not sit around all complacent and wait for an exceptional life to find you. Taking no action IS an action. If you are doing nothing to move your life forward, you are still doing something, by making the decision to remain in the same place. So indirectly, inaction IS an action. You must act or be acted upon.

I knew ALL these.. Yet i am NOT doing anything to improve.. it doesn't make sense does it??

I think people can be divided into 2 kinda. those who think about what happened, and does nothing, and those who doesn't wonder but does the things that need to be done.. and sadly, i belong to the first group.. Thinking doesn't make anyone better.. It sort of creates the feeling of staying at square 1, even though we might not be..

Friday, August 6

amazingly, the 1st prayer i include is correct.. this is a new one.. never hear b4 de..

Guardian Angel from heaven so bright,

Watching beside me to lead me aright,
Fold thy wings round me, and guard me with love,
Softly sing songs to me of heaven above

Dam Bo Siao

blog music: Richard_Clayderman_-_Ballade_Pour_Adeline

nice right??

anyway, after OB today, culi meeting was______... steph, peiling and tina all going crazy waiting for me, nixon and huihui.. wanted to go klunch at 1st de.. budden coz we drag and drag, no time le.. when we reached orchard, another nightmare.. it's pple mountain pple sea.. sea of red, sea of agony, full of pple wearing red, the NATIONAL colour!!

kbox full.. muz book.. so in the end we went to eat edo buffet.. aint commenting on their service and food.. anyway, i sae ZY and i think that's her bf.. twice in a day.. when i was rushing to the test venue coz i was late, and when i was eating with the 5 of them.. they were planning to eat in edo also, den she saw me, den the 2 of them hide behind the big menu for quite long, den they took the escalator up.. think she told him sth.. coz he looked into the outlet.. after awhile den they came back to eat.. haha.. am i a monster or sth?? y muz hide??

anyway, met up with aining and esther in the evening... we wanted to watch ella enchanted at 1st but the tix all sold out... den aining suggested The Village.. but steph watching tml wif her bf.. and den i told them i'll be watching with my fren.. so in the end the movie plan was cancelled.. went to swensens... damn full by then.. watch the 2 da xiao jie eat and we chat.. haha.. was laughing the whole time.. the 7 of us so much crap lor... making the most noise in the whole restaurant.. enjoyed the slacking time thoroughly..

the bunch of guys sitting at the table next to us kept eavesdropping.. and amongst themselves, they repeat wat we were saying.. damn irritating.. maybe coz i was sitting nearest to them tt's y i heard.. the rest of them still laughing away.. haha.. nv tell them.. dun wanna spoil their mood..

walked out of swensens full and contented.. aining suggested go far east walk walk.. so we went.. i resisted ALL temptations to eat my Fruit Flo.. in the end they managed to psycho my to eat the turkish ice-cream.. the place is located at some ulu part of far east that i NEVER even knew exsisted.. the ice-cream is fabulous.. NOT sweet, not filling.. juz gave me the contented feeling (again) after eating.. furthermore, that's ice-cream with an attitude, so i say, coz got entertainment also.. haha.. the few of us were having fun playing with the person.. haha.. or rather, he was having fun "performing"...

OB was a killer.. hope i pass.. went in late, very kan cheong.. den anyhow pong the answers.. hope i somehow managed to bluff my way thru... hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

it's nice to know that someone remember sth abt u that u didnt even notice.. nicey feeling.. haha.. k lah.. tt's all crap..

117715500

328975375-274

i siao liao lah.. going crazy soon..

Thursday, August 5

after accounting paper..

i feel so dumb today.. was telling myself that i got to reach sch b4 8.50 so i woke up at 6.. stupid me!! it was when i was on the bus that i realised that i am way too early for the test.. reached sch at 7.30.. only a few souls there.. so i sat somewhere and stare into space.. the weather is sooo cold again this morning.. maybe coz it's early, that's y it's cold.. i dunno..

accounting test ar.. i guess i'm quite lucky today.. at 1st my balance sheet couldnt balance.. no matter how i check, all my calculations and all correct.. so i gave up and did the other qns.. left the last 10 mins den i realised that my mistake is in my P&L statement... heng lor.. changed the things and juz nice hand in.. but dunno correct or not lor.. hopefully bah..

test and exam period i always abit eccentric de.. stress? dun think so.. i so relaxed sia.. stress what? this morning, i was wondering if dreams coincide with reality.. coz last night, i dreamt that i was in pain.. real pain, until i woke up.. budden when i was awake, i couldnt confirm if it was really a dream or i really was in pain, woke up and went back to sleep.. if dreams are real, then it shld be painless.. but if it's real, then y does it seem so much like a dream?? anyway, crap.. forgive me.. the crazy bacteria getting into my head..

here's some analysis thingy from birthdate: quite true huh??
You are Green Fawn, whose expression and attitude seems slow and lacks energetic action.
You are quiet and don't say much.
You will not show your inner feelings to people easily.
You have the heart of a young child, and although you may act bit selfish, you will not make enemies.
You are shy and reserved, and tends to be bit like dreaming little girl.
By depending on others you express yourself, and therefore people find it hard to hate you.
You are not very good at handling real world.
You are interested in emotional and mental fields.
And tend to study subjects like religion and mysterious things.
You have a tendency to be self satisfied, but you yourself do not mind that at all.
You actually enjoy that.
You are good at fending off other people's frustration and anger.
Therefore you don't get caught up in troubles, and are able to lead a quiet and peaceful life.
You can not stand difficult situations, and will easily give things up.
If you can work with those people who are gentle and kind, they can bring out your inner talent.

Tuesday, August 3

looking for recipes online for the fri culi sc meeting.. found sooooo many that i would like to try out and eat.. haha.. but i have to take into consideration the preparation time, cost, and all.. resisted the urge to include all raspberry-related dessert recipes.. haha.. coz i know that quite a number of pple doesnt really like raspberry.. haha..

dunno lah.. during the break still muz meet up for the try-outs and deciding on the ONE.. and Ron told me that we got to meet up during the break to prepare for BESE presentation during the 1st week of term 2.. haizz... sianz......

and i'm such a mega slacker that i dunno wat to do sia.. accounting less than half done.. but luckily i read thru OB ytd.. haha.. so not so bad..

A-Teens's song: hi and goodbye.. decided to include only the 1st part..

I see you walking down the street
I catch your eye before we meet
But you look down to check your feet
I wish I'd say are you okay?
You're looking better everyday
But I just smile to walk away


hahaha... hi but no goodbye... hahaha...

brotherhood

watched "brotherhood" today.. didnt expect the show to affect me, but it did.

went to cine, but we were late bt 8 mins (and my cousin didnt want to miss the show) so we went to causeway point to watch the later show..

ate at oodles, was enjoying my food until my cousin asked me to check the time.. we were almost late, but we didnt miss the show.. coz of the advertisements and all.. luckily~

my cousin was asking me y i so cold-blooded, as if i'm not affected by the show.. but little does she knows that i teared. i dun cry, i dun sob. i tear. my eyes was in it's "open" stage thru the show.. coz when u open ur eyes wider, tears dun fall that easily.. and bcoz i know myself (i hope), i know that when i start to cry, it's the end... i wont stop.. the show very touching at times, and sad...

the plot is damn good (to me), the director is very kiang, juz tt the cameraman abit lousy.. haha.. i sit middle row, then the screen abit too big, the camera jerks and movements abit hard to make out what the situation is..

war~ haizz.. too many comments to make, so little space to write... so i decided not to include my point of view... pple wont like it if u say sth that they dun wanna hear anyway..

never regret watching the show.. it's the same for behind enemy line(s)?? great shows!!!

Monday, August 2

alright at 1st, den mood dipped.. mood didnt exactly dipped.. juz tt when it's more of a one-to-one conversation, i'll tend to be unreasonable.. i AM.

i got this frm a fren's profile:

"i look fierce. "wat u see is wat u get" - doesnt work for my case. it takes time to know the real me. first impression counts but does not mean that's wad u get. luv the frens who have been by my side. trusting me. supporting me. u all know who u r. i hope so. hate to put on make-up. dey waste alot of time. thou makes one look prettier for only a period of time. cinderella before 12 mid-night."

and i TOTALLY agree with her!!!

sometimes, dun ask if u think u wont like wat i'm going to say.. and sometimes, entertainment can be so exhausting, esp if i'm the entertainer..

go ahead.. plan an outing for 4.. i know u'll not.. even if u somehow managed to, it will NEVER happen... and i dun wanna be there at that time to "witness a miracle".. i am NEVER the glue.. so count me out for this sticky, stinky job.. ur kind intentions are appreciated, although u never brought the whole idea up to me. luckily u didnt. i dun wanna start another big hoo-ha over nothing..

i dunno y i am affected by this useless kinda thing.. i ought to focus on more impt issues at hand.. call me stupid, go ahead.. but for ur info, i tried to change, i've changed, but i'm still me. the same person that i used to hate myself for being.. i cant think of anything to do abt myself.

someone plz tell me the meaning and definition of "me".

the sunday times

hmm... sunday came and went like wind sia.. and i haven start on any of my term papers.. sianz.. dun feel like starting anyway.. went out with yong and qi in the evening, to HM.. haha.. planning to watch brotherhood with them tml.. hmm... not very enthu abt the show sia.. but i'm DYING to go out... haha..

anyway, i quit my "job" as a housewife.. my mom's taking over now.. haha..

i dun think we need that many different kinds sia.. 1 each is more den enuff..

btw, i saw xiaowei on channel U ytd.. some looking for ou xiang show.. wah piang.. juz so happened to switch channel, den nv take note of the name, den i switched again, den i saw her face, looks familiar, but diff.. after awhile den i realised that it's her!! hmm.. bad luck for her sia.. didnt even get pass the 1st round.. hmm.. well, she's in TP design sch now.. hmm.. so "heng" sia.. when i told sam, she was laughing like dunno wat sia.. looks like fren's sis's fren doesnt really help much huh?? haha..

missed the times when we were so gam.. make noise, buay kia xia suay.. haizz.. guess i'll never have the chance to meet up with all of them again.. =(

pesta sukan end of august.. dont feel anything at all.. think the excited feeling gone liao.. or maybe coz it's still so far away.. and i haven submit my goals for pesta sia.. deadline near liao.. not that i dun wanna do but simply bcoz i absolutely have no idea wat to include and how to explain.. certain things are felt, not expressed in words.. and my vocab limited.. how to explain clearly and fully? i really dunno.. planning to tk 1 step at a time..

note of the day:
sometimes when u hesitate to cross the border, u'll miss the chance forever.. but if u somehow did, it's nearer to the end than u thought it is. either way, u're at the losing end. it's a lose-lose situation.. u'll never win.. so y bother? sianz.... hand me the time-turner pls...

Sunday, August 1

NOTICEBOARD:

[note.of.the.day]
to.all:
i.am.now.a.qualified.full.time.housewife.
pls.contact.me.if.there's.any.household.chores.to.do.for.a.tiny.amount.of.S11.
can.do.almost.everything.other.than.cooking.
specialise.in.sweeping.floor, washing.clothes.using.washing.machine, hanging.clothes, ironing.clothes, making.the.bed, feeding.pets, packing.things.
so.wait.no.more...give.yourself.that.long.deserved.break.from.the.routine.lifestyle.of.staying.in.the.house.and.busying.urself.having.no.life.at.all..
contact.me.for.more.details.. glad.to.be.of.help. 23.hr.service, meaning.i.dun.work.24/7.. bookings.available.
thank.you.