was reading blogs just now and somehow i managed to visualise images of me opening doors along a dark corridor, walking in, closing the door behind me and stood staring at the enclosed area for ages, feeling and understanding more of life alone, undisturbed. and when i'm done, i walk out, continue reaching out for the next door. when i'm done, maybe i'll find another corridor, maybe i'll juz turn around and reopen those doors to find the treasures within.
maybe that's the same logic as blog hopping.. sometimes u open a door and even though the room is empty, u can feel sorrow. sometimes u are able to peep into deeps thoughts that u cant call urs.. sometimes u feel strong emotions, sometimes u welcome watever that's inside with open arms.. sometimes u place ur hand at the handle and pause for a second before moving to the next.
many times, i dun even know what i'm blogging. i find myself juz typing on and on without knowing what i'm trying to say. and if u notice, most of my posts dun hav a title.
i got this from a fanfic.. one of the rare times i read fanfic..
"when u learn the world is all but a hollow place, ur depression increases as u realise everything disappears.. words, pple and feelings.. "
to some pple, this is crap but somehow i can relate and dun think that it's funny. took it down in my fone..
maybe it's the three things that caught my eye. coz of this NEL quote on 1st Nov
"three things in life once gone never comes back - time, words and opportunities."
if u put these 2 quotes togther, u'll realised that "words" is the only common factor.
coz unspoken words will lead to regrets, which in turn explains "feelings." and more often than not, those words are for certain "people." as the feelings accumulate and wont go away, u'll focus ur enerfy on these thigns and thus lose many "opportunities." lastly, when all these are happening, "time" passes u by.
for this holiday, there are a few things that i subconsciously say, or use rather. i like to express certain emotions with the words "maybe, juz maybe." and "dun ask me why, i juz do."
coz they carry with them a tinge of that "sth" that is quite impossible for me to put down in words.. ya.. that's all for "Crap of the day." stay tuned for tml's dosage. bye.
Thursday, November 25
Wednesday, November 24
walking backwards
oh freak.
i am such a professional archaeologist.
there's nothing better for me to do (or rather nth much to do) than keep digging up the past. viewing posts, looking at pics, reading journals, reminiscing..
and u know what, the problem with that is not that i dun want to get out of that habit of looking at things in past tense. but simply bcoz if i do, there's really nothing i can fill up my time with. nothing much. yes. i am THAT pathetic. sometimes. guess it's one of those days where i cant put a good value to myself.
that's y living at the present is so difficult. coz everything is subjected to last minute changes..
btw, living for the future is tough too. aint that easy. coz u need to hav the positive outlook towards a "brighter" future in order to live the present moment well. if all u can see ahead is dark clouds overshadowing, den life will be a drag.
thus the safest road to take is that of the past. follow the footsteps of an archaeologist. :)
i am such a professional archaeologist.
there's nothing better for me to do (or rather nth much to do) than keep digging up the past. viewing posts, looking at pics, reading journals, reminiscing..
and u know what, the problem with that is not that i dun want to get out of that habit of looking at things in past tense. but simply bcoz if i do, there's really nothing i can fill up my time with. nothing much. yes. i am THAT pathetic. sometimes. guess it's one of those days where i cant put a good value to myself.
that's y living at the present is so difficult. coz everything is subjected to last minute changes..
btw, living for the future is tough too. aint that easy. coz u need to hav the positive outlook towards a "brighter" future in order to live the present moment well. if all u can see ahead is dark clouds overshadowing, den life will be a drag.
thus the safest road to take is that of the past. follow the footsteps of an archaeologist. :)
new skin, hoping to throw away the old.
there u go. a new blogskin. i dunno wat makes me wanna change the old one. it's only a one month old baby but i did. maybe i hav too much time on hand today bah..
partly coz i happened to come across the one that u're looking at right now and fall in love with it instantly.
the fun part abt changing skins is the editing. preview, preview, and more previews! and of all things, the sense of satisfaction turning someone else's creation into sth more "me."
i miss my 1st blogskin.
anyway, gd news. no blog music this time round!
partly coz i happened to come across the one that u're looking at right now and fall in love with it instantly.
the fun part abt changing skins is the editing. preview, preview, and more previews! and of all things, the sense of satisfaction turning someone else's creation into sth more "me."
i miss my 1st blogskin.
anyway, gd news. no blog music this time round!
i totally jinx the vingcard machine. so from 545 till 11, not a single key was card. and i'm the culprit. the machine always spoils when i'm the last one using it. today is the 2nd time the machine goes cranky and both times i'm present. how lucky can i get?
walked to and fro. from drop off point too reception, to rooms, to ballrooms, to liftlobby, to taxi stand, to linkway. tired. dead tired. the reg cards pile was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo high that i cannot escape my fate from helping them modify.. ZZZZzzzzZZzzZZZzZZZz
stood at concierge desk for more den half an hr juz updating profiles and doing modifications.. and the worse thing, guests come up to me and say "my remote control cannot work. how?" "i need to put things in a safe. where?" "where is the public phone?" "where can i change money into coins?" and not to forget the many carpark tickets i redeem. really multitasking. den after that still muz bucket.. damn sia.
in the end i got off work at 0010. last train also dun hav liao.. at first wanna take the co. bus at 0030 wif my fren, but in the end she buay tahan take cab so i ended up calling my dad for help.
the most satisfying thing is when u receive compliments, or positive comments from guest, abt ur country, ur hotel, the service, etc..
i'm glad that on the 25th, i'm not working. heard frm my fren tt cedric told her tt on the 25th, panpac overbooked by 150 rooms. 150 ROOMS. okie. good luck FO pple.. say gdbye to ur good moods, ur smiling faces, ur patient temper, ur sanity level and ur positive energy zone. and the marcom mgr sure kanna scolded if there are no noshows, no washdown.. lolx.. watever. i'm nt working.. no shows amt also wont be as great as 150 rooms.. see how they die. reception sure long queue, guests sure pissed, complaints sure skyrocket.
and i'm not working. lalala. bye. i'm dead tired. as tired as an overworked buffalo. lolx.. watever..
walked to and fro. from drop off point too reception, to rooms, to ballrooms, to liftlobby, to taxi stand, to linkway. tired. dead tired. the reg cards pile was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo high that i cannot escape my fate from helping them modify.. ZZZZzzzzZZzzZZZzZZZz
stood at concierge desk for more den half an hr juz updating profiles and doing modifications.. and the worse thing, guests come up to me and say "my remote control cannot work. how?" "i need to put things in a safe. where?" "where is the public phone?" "where can i change money into coins?" and not to forget the many carpark tickets i redeem. really multitasking. den after that still muz bucket.. damn sia.
in the end i got off work at 0010. last train also dun hav liao.. at first wanna take the co. bus at 0030 wif my fren, but in the end she buay tahan take cab so i ended up calling my dad for help.
the most satisfying thing is when u receive compliments, or positive comments from guest, abt ur country, ur hotel, the service, etc..
i'm glad that on the 25th, i'm not working. heard frm my fren tt cedric told her tt on the 25th, panpac overbooked by 150 rooms. 150 ROOMS. okie. good luck FO pple.. say gdbye to ur good moods, ur smiling faces, ur patient temper, ur sanity level and ur positive energy zone. and the marcom mgr sure kanna scolded if there are no noshows, no washdown.. lolx.. watever. i'm nt working.. no shows amt also wont be as great as 150 rooms.. see how they die. reception sure long queue, guests sure pissed, complaints sure skyrocket.
and i'm not working. lalala. bye. i'm dead tired. as tired as an overworked buffalo. lolx.. watever..
Monday, November 22
learnt a great lesson from the little things in life.
ever heard this saying that sometimes, the smallest thing matters most? Try sleeping with a mosquito in the room and u'll know how it feels..
when i first saw that, i totally agree. and i experienced it today.
the thing that irritates me the most during training is not the sun, not the strained muscles and not the sweat. it's the field, the different flies all over the field. and it's irritating when i try so hard to anchor, to pull more den there's this little thing flapping around, somehow it totally destroys every single ounce of patience and endurance i intend to have.
and i used to think that my alignment muz be correct coz the feeling is there and that the arrow is roughly at where i want it to go. today i realised i've been living in a lie i fabricated for more den a yr. everything is totally wrong. all those positive self talks are useless. and now i dunno if i shld believe in myself anymore. blehz.
all the things that i used to think that is correct or ideal are wrong. so wrong. there is no such thing as correct. damn. anchoring at the center is the ideal place for most pple. not all. minorities exist and maybe i'm one of them. i never or seldom see others having as MUCH problems as me, or even complaining half as often as i do. and y do i seem to have double the amt of endless supply of problems compared to others? i think coz they trade in hardwork and sheer exhaustion for it..
and it's terribly UNmotivating to see urself still at such a super duper noobz stage stuck for so long. watever~ it all boils down to motivation, attitude and the willigness to work hard to achieve better results.
closing in.
ever heard this saying that sometimes, the smallest thing matters most? Try sleeping with a mosquito in the room and u'll know how it feels..
when i first saw that, i totally agree. and i experienced it today.
the thing that irritates me the most during training is not the sun, not the strained muscles and not the sweat. it's the field, the different flies all over the field. and it's irritating when i try so hard to anchor, to pull more den there's this little thing flapping around, somehow it totally destroys every single ounce of patience and endurance i intend to have.
and i used to think that my alignment muz be correct coz the feeling is there and that the arrow is roughly at where i want it to go. today i realised i've been living in a lie i fabricated for more den a yr. everything is totally wrong. all those positive self talks are useless. and now i dunno if i shld believe in myself anymore. blehz.
all the things that i used to think that is correct or ideal are wrong. so wrong. there is no such thing as correct. damn. anchoring at the center is the ideal place for most pple. not all. minorities exist and maybe i'm one of them. i never or seldom see others having as MUCH problems as me, or even complaining half as often as i do. and y do i seem to have double the amt of endless supply of problems compared to others? i think coz they trade in hardwork and sheer exhaustion for it..
and it's terribly UNmotivating to see urself still at such a super duper noobz stage stuck for so long. watever~ it all boils down to motivation, attitude and the willigness to work hard to achieve better results.
closing in.
Thursday, November 18
bad news. no more pls.. dun add on to my collection..
the worse news someone can tell me on a day like this came from yiping. olivia suffering from cancer.. it's scary.. scary how the illness robs a young ger of her life, all her life. i shudder juz thinking abt the side effects of the treatments and all.. and to think that a fren is undergoing all that.. i know i am bad, but i find myself wondering if qianyi is guilty now that those "childish bickering" of the past is almost never going to happen again..
the cancer cells hav spread to the whole body. 3rd stage.. they not only take away her vibrant life, but also her dreams and aspirations.. and her hair. 1st thing that comes into my mind when i link olivia and chemo is her precious hair..
she got such a long way ahead of her.. i pray that she can overcome this and be reborn again.
i find myself not able to get happy after knowing this, despite going out and enjoying myself for today. suddenly all the other things in life seem so insignificant than to be healthy.. someone add me in frenster and i log in. all the profiles, captions, testimonials inside are so useless, so unimportant, so comical that i couldnt help but laugh. laugh at the stupidity of mankind and the fools in all of us.
been hoping to find the meaning in life, of life, abt life and all.. maybe the real reason why we're here is simply to get it over and done with.
i feel so small suddenly.. as if the whole world except me is being put under a magnifying glass. the horrors of nature. we cant escape its clutches and there's nowhere to hide.
the cancer cells hav spread to the whole body. 3rd stage.. they not only take away her vibrant life, but also her dreams and aspirations.. and her hair. 1st thing that comes into my mind when i link olivia and chemo is her precious hair..
she got such a long way ahead of her.. i pray that she can overcome this and be reborn again.
i find myself not able to get happy after knowing this, despite going out and enjoying myself for today. suddenly all the other things in life seem so insignificant than to be healthy.. someone add me in frenster and i log in. all the profiles, captions, testimonials inside are so useless, so unimportant, so comical that i couldnt help but laugh. laugh at the stupidity of mankind and the fools in all of us.
been hoping to find the meaning in life, of life, abt life and all.. maybe the real reason why we're here is simply to get it over and done with.
i feel so small suddenly.. as if the whole world except me is being put under a magnifying glass. the horrors of nature. we cant escape its clutches and there's nowhere to hide.
Wednesday, November 17
off day after working for 5 consecutive days, meaning i stand for abt 40 odd hrs on heels..
no work. training at tembusu. spaced out, as usual. i dunno wat the rest were talking abt.. i feel as if i walk ard wif this invisible armor, seperating me and the rest of the world. no doubt i was bored, and the boredom sort of made me more tired den i shld be after a long rest. feeling left out is one thing. feeling detached is another..
i shut off after listening to their gaming strategies, characters, the diff levels and secret places and what not.. i am contented waxing the string alone, away from the crowd. was able to feel where i went wrong, wat i need to do in order to improve.. i guess the solemn mood helps.. enables me to focus and thus my body reacted favourably..
is this why pple say i'm dao? coz i dun juz mix ard tt easily? coz i dun go ard chatting wif anyone as if they are my long lost frens? i'm nt anti-social. i hope not. i'm juz operating on a different frequency as them. *shrugs
so looking forward to tml.. movie and shopping.. finally able to spend the money i earn. i wanna get so many things now tt i sit down and think.. and my nxt pay day is ard the corner.. i guess this is what keeps me going.. and of course other reasons..
i shut off after listening to their gaming strategies, characters, the diff levels and secret places and what not.. i am contented waxing the string alone, away from the crowd. was able to feel where i went wrong, wat i need to do in order to improve.. i guess the solemn mood helps.. enables me to focus and thus my body reacted favourably..
is this why pple say i'm dao? coz i dun juz mix ard tt easily? coz i dun go ard chatting wif anyone as if they are my long lost frens? i'm nt anti-social. i hope not. i'm juz operating on a different frequency as them. *shrugs
so looking forward to tml.. movie and shopping.. finally able to spend the money i earn. i wanna get so many things now tt i sit down and think.. and my nxt pay day is ard the corner.. i guess this is what keeps me going.. and of course other reasons..
a very considerate guest did and say sth tt i really appreciate today. he came when i was abt to knock off, waiting to check in.. i admit i did grumble and was thinking why the heck the cab didnt juz go straight to the departure side... but noone was "available" at that time so i went up and help. esther helped me print reg cards and get the key ready. by the time i went back, james was chatting wif him and that guy was smoking. okie. cigarette again.. did the "questioning" at the drop off point. asked him to check the details and he took the file away from me and said that "u might be allergic to smoke. it's okie.. i check and give back to you." stun is the word. :)
wanted to greet the night shift pple b4 i go home but was way too tired.. my engine died-ed. need to recharge.. fri another day.. plan to meet jas and buy char's present.. as usual, i initiate the whole planning thingy and wat not.. already damn tired yet this kinda stupid thing.. sieh sian..
she didnt even know i work in panpac, well, her life revolves ard timo so expected lah.. she was saying that so gd she wants to work there.. too bad. watever~
NEL quote for 161104 was "to err is human, to forgive is divine." maybe humans shld learn tt..
working in this line enables me to meet lots of funny pple.. not that other jobs couldnt offer tt kinda experience.. this guest i serve today got a call frm his credit card company saying that his credit card number has been stolen and asked him not to use the card for the time being.. but we had to collect a deposit from him.. so i went to FO and got the official reciept. Wai asked me to get $700 or $600 at least from the guest, i was prepared for the guest not having enuff to cover the 600 bucks.. but well, i was soooo wrong. he asked if he could juz give a $1000 coz he doesnt hav smaller change.. well, i couldnt refuse could i? lolx.. and wai said "the more the merrier.." funny pple..
and i realised tt the combi of the lock need not be exact to open.. it's the same as the sch lock.. easy.. not like the first 2 days whereby i spent ages opening the stupid lock.. and my feet is in a terrible condition right now.. time to invest in another pair of court shoes.. there goes my pay... :( so sad sia.. but i compare myself to the bellboys and i feel soooo lucky.. their schedule got days whereby they work 2 shifts, meaning they work like from 7am till 11 pm.. if not, they work 3pm till 1 am... tiring sia.. so many hrs.. i cant even stand 8 hrs.. but they wear berms and sports shoes so much better den skirts, heels and stockings plus makeup plus bunhair.. ok. enuff of my daily report. i'm really tired to go into more details.. nite.
wanted to greet the night shift pple b4 i go home but was way too tired.. my engine died-ed. need to recharge.. fri another day.. plan to meet jas and buy char's present.. as usual, i initiate the whole planning thingy and wat not.. already damn tired yet this kinda stupid thing.. sieh sian..
she didnt even know i work in panpac, well, her life revolves ard timo so expected lah.. she was saying that so gd she wants to work there.. too bad. watever~
NEL quote for 161104 was "to err is human, to forgive is divine." maybe humans shld learn tt..
working in this line enables me to meet lots of funny pple.. not that other jobs couldnt offer tt kinda experience.. this guest i serve today got a call frm his credit card company saying that his credit card number has been stolen and asked him not to use the card for the time being.. but we had to collect a deposit from him.. so i went to FO and got the official reciept. Wai asked me to get $700 or $600 at least from the guest, i was prepared for the guest not having enuff to cover the 600 bucks.. but well, i was soooo wrong. he asked if he could juz give a $1000 coz he doesnt hav smaller change.. well, i couldnt refuse could i? lolx.. and wai said "the more the merrier.." funny pple..
and i realised tt the combi of the lock need not be exact to open.. it's the same as the sch lock.. easy.. not like the first 2 days whereby i spent ages opening the stupid lock.. and my feet is in a terrible condition right now.. time to invest in another pair of court shoes.. there goes my pay... :( so sad sia.. but i compare myself to the bellboys and i feel soooo lucky.. their schedule got days whereby they work 2 shifts, meaning they work like from 7am till 11 pm.. if not, they work 3pm till 1 am... tiring sia.. so many hrs.. i cant even stand 8 hrs.. but they wear berms and sports shoes so much better den skirts, heels and stockings plus makeup plus bunhair.. ok. enuff of my daily report. i'm really tired to go into more details.. nite.
Tuesday, November 16
sian-ed
this kinda life aint fun. i find myself nt knowing what i am living for. if i say i am living for myself, aint i a selfish pig? if i live for others, den wont life be meaningless for me?
pay day coming soon. glad tt i ask for 2 more off days.. wif this busy week, life at work aint slack. all of us feel tired as we do our best to serve every guest, but we cant do tt.. so it's physically and mentally draining. i can only make 1 guest happy at 1 time. den when i do tt, other guests wouldnt be happy.. now i think tt midnight shift is the best. much fewer guests compared to afternoon shift, and noone walking ard wif so many pairs of eyes starting outside the foyer and giving comments like wat we do, how we SHLD stand, wat we ought not to do and so on...
the pple there are friendly.. so much so tt i actually enjoy greeting internal guests den external ones.. okie wat am i doing? tml off. =)
this is wat i said in one of my entries abt posting abt work when i take up this job.. this is how boring my life can be. the only thing tt's gd out of this thing is tt i'll be able to earn money by myself, to not ask my mom for allowance during the holidays, to be able to waste and pass time without seeming like a poor soul wif nth better to do during the holidays than to stay at home and slack thru the 2 mths, like the past 2 sems..
pay day coming soon. glad tt i ask for 2 more off days.. wif this busy week, life at work aint slack. all of us feel tired as we do our best to serve every guest, but we cant do tt.. so it's physically and mentally draining. i can only make 1 guest happy at 1 time. den when i do tt, other guests wouldnt be happy.. now i think tt midnight shift is the best. much fewer guests compared to afternoon shift, and noone walking ard wif so many pairs of eyes starting outside the foyer and giving comments like wat we do, how we SHLD stand, wat we ought not to do and so on...
the pple there are friendly.. so much so tt i actually enjoy greeting internal guests den external ones.. okie wat am i doing? tml off. =)
this is wat i said in one of my entries abt posting abt work when i take up this job.. this is how boring my life can be. the only thing tt's gd out of this thing is tt i'll be able to earn money by myself, to not ask my mom for allowance during the holidays, to be able to waste and pass time without seeming like a poor soul wif nth better to do during the holidays than to stay at home and slack thru the 2 mths, like the past 2 sems..
aint feeling well. smoke in my head. busy day. close to 400 arrivals.. occupancy 78 or so but the hotel is fully booked.. afternoon briefing still left abt 250 arrivals.. i almost died today. it's non-stop hits.. i dun even hav time to rest. brain felt as if it's spliting by 2100 hrs and my feet CMI. my senses slowed down by alot, so much so tt i forgot to take card verification even though i went to front desk. so much so tt i write 1000 and thought it's 2200. so much so tt i dunno wat i was doing. but i really earn the $5.50/ hr. i deserve it. tml wont be any better coz arrivals also 370 or so.. hope tml more guests check in in the morning. den i'll hav less job to do.. today is the latest i went home. did modification until so late.. too many reg cards... was still in the uniform at 2330.. dad came to pick me up, and also send james home.. he saved on his cab fare and i save my feet from giving way..
switching to rest mode NOW. bye pple..
switching to rest mode NOW. bye pple..
Sunday, November 14
not really :) . :X
shorter temper. get irritated easily. unfair. cant stand it.. cant stand that feeling of unfairness.. like my world is tipping to one side.
my feet is the money generator and my mind is at the receiving end of the side effects.
3 more weeks to sch. not really looking forward to it. not reall not looking forward to it.
saw the self-intro. i thought the person only using the quote at the end but ended up pasting the whole chunk.. felt weird looking at a person saying sth "about" oneself yet u know that almost evry single word frm there comes from you. your thoughts, ur identity. it's like looking at myself frm a 3rd person point of view. i dunno how to describe the feeling, but it's definitely weird.
but i'm glad. glad tt someone can understand and stand on my side. am glad tt someone can accept things w/o the need to try to make me see more "sides of the coin." appreciate tt..
was chatting wif those pple at work and realised tt wat i earn is antz compared to those "pple at front desk." they "seem" rich. that's wat goh said. heard abt taking cabs almost daily, tailored-made suits and shirts, and dunno wat else. shut off after tt.. didnt want to compare, dun want to eben think abt it.
the number of guests i room in today adds up to more den the number of guests i room in for the past 2 days.. and for quite a long time, i totally forgotten all abt my feet hurting. my weak mind seems to block the nerves from sensing pain and feeling fatigue. almost fell asleep when taking a short break in the store. the captain woke me up and i decided to "go for a walk"... managed to upsell to a guest today. if i can get 8 more upsells, den i'll be able to earn abt $25 from the guest today.. but i doubt so.. to think tt i'm so excited coz i did juz 1 miserable upsell.
tired, as usual. waiting for wednesday to come. my off day, in sports shoe w/o the need to try to smile even though i'm not in the mood for it. w/o the fake hi-i-am-very-friendly-eager-to-serve-u-face. w/o needing to show tt i'm very willing to help others when all i want is to slack and get my pay.. job satisfaction has a limit. the only thing i want is to see guests appreciating wat i did, being as polite as i am to them, nt treating me as if tt's wat i ought to do. if tt's it, i need nt even go the extra mile juz so as to make them happier.
falling asleep in front of the com. nite pple. going off to bed now. my mind needs a break.
shorter temper. get irritated easily. unfair. cant stand it.. cant stand that feeling of unfairness.. like my world is tipping to one side.
my feet is the money generator and my mind is at the receiving end of the side effects.
3 more weeks to sch. not really looking forward to it. not reall not looking forward to it.
saw the self-intro. i thought the person only using the quote at the end but ended up pasting the whole chunk.. felt weird looking at a person saying sth "about" oneself yet u know that almost evry single word frm there comes from you. your thoughts, ur identity. it's like looking at myself frm a 3rd person point of view. i dunno how to describe the feeling, but it's definitely weird.
but i'm glad. glad tt someone can understand and stand on my side. am glad tt someone can accept things w/o the need to try to make me see more "sides of the coin." appreciate tt..
was chatting wif those pple at work and realised tt wat i earn is antz compared to those "pple at front desk." they "seem" rich. that's wat goh said. heard abt taking cabs almost daily, tailored-made suits and shirts, and dunno wat else. shut off after tt.. didnt want to compare, dun want to eben think abt it.
the number of guests i room in today adds up to more den the number of guests i room in for the past 2 days.. and for quite a long time, i totally forgotten all abt my feet hurting. my weak mind seems to block the nerves from sensing pain and feeling fatigue. almost fell asleep when taking a short break in the store. the captain woke me up and i decided to "go for a walk"... managed to upsell to a guest today. if i can get 8 more upsells, den i'll be able to earn abt $25 from the guest today.. but i doubt so.. to think tt i'm so excited coz i did juz 1 miserable upsell.
tired, as usual. waiting for wednesday to come. my off day, in sports shoe w/o the need to try to smile even though i'm not in the mood for it. w/o the fake hi-i-am-very-friendly-eager-to-serve-u-face. w/o needing to show tt i'm very willing to help others when all i want is to slack and get my pay.. job satisfaction has a limit. the only thing i want is to see guests appreciating wat i did, being as polite as i am to them, nt treating me as if tt's wat i ought to do. if tt's it, i need nt even go the extra mile juz so as to make them happier.
falling asleep in front of the com. nite pple. going off to bed now. my mind needs a break.
Saturday, November 13
A shift. love the timing and the workload but hate the weather.
hav u ever went to a place feeling fresh and well but returned feeling terrible? that place gave me that feeling. or maybe coz i'm dying to get off work. the renovation works are getting worser each day. the dust clouds my clear mind, the noise is absolutely disturbing and creates a ringing sound that seems to get trap at the back of my head, echoing on and on... wanted to hide in the foyer and enjoy the aircon and the music.. but outside way too hot, inside way too cold and i was on the border of 2 extremes, shivering despite the heat, sweating regardless of the aircon. felt weak.
hmm.. got a feeling i wont stay there for long.. okie. shant complain anymore. enuff of my bad attitude.. time to change things tt i can and accept those tt i cant...
hav u ever went to a place feeling fresh and well but returned feeling terrible? that place gave me that feeling. or maybe coz i'm dying to get off work. the renovation works are getting worser each day. the dust clouds my clear mind, the noise is absolutely disturbing and creates a ringing sound that seems to get trap at the back of my head, echoing on and on... wanted to hide in the foyer and enjoy the aircon and the music.. but outside way too hot, inside way too cold and i was on the border of 2 extremes, shivering despite the heat, sweating regardless of the aircon. felt weak.
hmm.. got a feeling i wont stay there for long.. okie. shant complain anymore. enuff of my bad attitude.. time to change things tt i can and accept those tt i cant...
Friday, November 12
tired. torturing weather outside the foyer.. i swear i'm going to fall sick soon if this continues.. and my poor feet.. *sigh
i work so as to earn some money to spend during this holiday. i received my pay today. didnt feel as happy as i thot i would be. i took the money and left. nothing special. the much anticipated feeling of working hard den receiving pay at the end of the month is gone. someone asked if i got a bf today again.. i dun, i dun, i dun, i dun. how many times do i hav to repeat it?
i'm tired. need to slp. bye.
i work so as to earn some money to spend during this holiday. i received my pay today. didnt feel as happy as i thot i would be. i took the money and left. nothing special. the much anticipated feeling of working hard den receiving pay at the end of the month is gone. someone asked if i got a bf today again.. i dun, i dun, i dun, i dun. how many times do i hav to repeat it?
i'm tired. need to slp. bye.
Wednesday, November 10
U know they always say 幸福是掌握在自己手上. I looked at my hands and sigh.
为什么没有人注意到双手五指间的那个东西?
开一扇窗还一个心情有那么容易吗?
在这种快速节奏的舞台上,为了不让自己摔倒, 我茆足了全力用力踩,
结果左脚的拌脚石是右脚.
虽然没有受伤,但却发现面向的不是蓝天, 脚踩的不是泥凝.
渴望幸福真的有那么难吗? 快乐就在那伸手可得的地方.
the only thing i have to do is to trust.
tml is a public holiday and i'm not working. the streets will be full of pple dying to get a break frm their lives and i dun wanna join the club. i need to be ard pple who can light up my life. pple who can make me smile, make me feel good. pple who can make me feel like i am proud to be myself. i opened my arms to welcome light but i embrace darkness.
why am i so afraid? what am i so afraid of? and how can anyone possibly know if i dun even know the answer myself? i admit i'm timid, i'm a coward in way too many fields to be listed. no qualms abt tt.. when can i ever grow up and out of the shell i so dislike?
a few things i wanna say but will leave till another day.
为什么没有人注意到双手五指间的那个东西?
开一扇窗还一个心情有那么容易吗?
在这种快速节奏的舞台上,为了不让自己摔倒, 我茆足了全力用力踩,
结果左脚的拌脚石是右脚.
虽然没有受伤,但却发现面向的不是蓝天, 脚踩的不是泥凝.
渴望幸福真的有那么难吗? 快乐就在那伸手可得的地方.
the only thing i have to do is to trust.
tml is a public holiday and i'm not working. the streets will be full of pple dying to get a break frm their lives and i dun wanna join the club. i need to be ard pple who can light up my life. pple who can make me smile, make me feel good. pple who can make me feel like i am proud to be myself. i opened my arms to welcome light but i embrace darkness.
why am i so afraid? what am i so afraid of? and how can anyone possibly know if i dun even know the answer myself? i admit i'm timid, i'm a coward in way too many fields to be listed. no qualms abt tt.. when can i ever grow up and out of the shell i so dislike?
a few things i wanna say but will leave till another day.
back frm panpac. i think i am crazy. yes i am insane.
back frm panpac.. stayed in the hotel last night wif May and Peiling coz they're working back to back so with abit of luck, i got to stay there FOC for 1 night. :) no need to rush for last train, no need to rush thru things.. and i guess it's fate. they sent this baggage to pac floor coz casper wasnt free at the moment and in the end they got $10 tips.. so we had cup noodles, ice-cream and chocolates at night for just $2 each.. lolx.. but the bad news, PL lost her fone.. her samsung camera fone.. :(
i guess in order to really feel how it is like to step into the hotel room and be awed, u have to really experience and note the kinda impression u get when u open the door in anticipation of what u think u're going to get... it's diff when u escort the guest and check them into their rooms.. u step in, put the key card and think "wow".. i like that. =)
the bathroom is the BEST of all!! no errie feeling even though there are 4 mirrors, the bathtub, standing shower and toilet bowl is seperated by those glass doors and the toilet itself can be locked with those wooden teak doors, giving pple a resort kinda feeling.. and the $1000 odd office chair.. i nv knew office chair can be so comfortable.. not warm, very "fitting"... the pillows! i absolutely LOVE them.. simon gave us a CT room at 0906 and we pushed the twin beds together to get a "king size" bed.. we got 2 pillows each and the pillows are really fantastic.. the toilet amenities are really classy with great packaging.. the shampoo, shower gel, conditioner, bosy lotion, soap, vanity pack and even the shower cap!! there are mroe den enuff towels, hand towels, face towels and so on.. the whole place is juz... great... the lighting is great, the instant coffee, red tea, green tea, plus creamer, sugar and the kettle.. not the kinda old, lousy quality kettle.. this one is good.. okie.. am i saying too much? yes i am.
overall, i love the bathroom the most.. it's SOOOOOOOOO much bigger and more spacious den all the other hotels i've been to and the layout is simple yet so elegant.. alright.. am i exaggerating here? lolx..
i escorted so many and checked in so many guest into diff guestrooms yet this is really diff.. if i dun hav this chance, i dun think i'll ever even notice how the washroom looks like... now i know why so many of them are return guests... u hav to go thru it to know it.. :)
now i'm dying to see the pac floor, the suites and the much talked abt duplex (dunno spelling correct anot) suite..
working was slack ytd.. arrivals low.. 100 odd when i started work.. 3 person went for break together but too bad we saw celine on the way den i gues nxt time sure kana frm her de.. but right now i dun care.. den night time the 3 of us went break again and kathy saw us.. gave that look. :( watever~ plus hideko and kathy both saw us chatting behind the bell desk and not to forget all the other managers who walked past or working at the pacific ballrooms.. heck.. we let so many cabs past den i lost count.
i didnt lie. when they ask if i got a bf, i juz smile. maybe i dun want them to know, or maybe i think there's no need for them to know anyway. but chatting wif some of the bell pple ytd night abt height, they say i quite tall, got 170.. and i laugh till pengz.. i took off my court shoes and wahla.. shortie.. so i'm called katik (dunno the spelling again.. as in short in malay)... lolx.. then they asked if my bf very tall.. and i luff and said how can my bf be tall when i dun hav 1.. and why they think i'm lying when i say i dun hav a bf.. izzit really that weird being single? *shrugs
and some of them asked why i dun wanna be an air stewardess.. i'm happy abt the "compliment" but there is a height criteria isnt it? and how can i be one. juz look at me. tt kinda pattern CMI de! and the funniest thing, a guest asked if i'm an air stewardess. HELLO! i'm working in panpac. how to work 2 jobs at a time? if i am one, i'll be somewhere over the globe by now! and not standing there and greeting guests!
but really happy.. will be collelcting my pay soon.. when i work, i spend less money coz i dun go out that often. when i work, i dun really hav time to go out anyway and the meals are provided. the only thing i spend is on transport and travelling time but it's a great way to spend time.
ytd den i realised alot of pple are dieting, taking slimming pdts like extrim and xando.. and i THOT those pdts dun come cheap? no? i dun exactly feel fat all the time, i know i'm not skinny either but i dun think i'll be like them, spending money on those small pills that dunno really work for u or not.. convincing advertisements and testimonials didnt really work for me. somehow they sound fake.
it is a high class low pay job. actually to put in nicer terms, it's a customer oriented job that requires alot of human and soft skills.. a job whereby if u can hide emotions, u'll be able to go far. a job where by if u hav patience, tolerance and an ever forgiving heart u'll be successful. this is a job that requires u to be equipped with a talent for enduring pent-up feelings. if u can fulfil all the above, u are cut out for the hospitality industry. too bad i hav none. maybe i'm in the wrong course. no doubt i dun mind serving guests and absolutely enjoy the satisfaction the job brings and the joy that follows. but my limits are low, so too bad. the industry got alot to offer but the opportunities are nt up for grabs for me.
actually i dun mind working back to back if i can stay in the room. it's definitely worth it.. enuff QUALITY rest is more impt den QUANTITY rest. right? ;)
k. enuff is enuff. i am boring pple but i like the idea. :)
i guess in order to really feel how it is like to step into the hotel room and be awed, u have to really experience and note the kinda impression u get when u open the door in anticipation of what u think u're going to get... it's diff when u escort the guest and check them into their rooms.. u step in, put the key card and think "wow".. i like that. =)
the bathroom is the BEST of all!! no errie feeling even though there are 4 mirrors, the bathtub, standing shower and toilet bowl is seperated by those glass doors and the toilet itself can be locked with those wooden teak doors, giving pple a resort kinda feeling.. and the $1000 odd office chair.. i nv knew office chair can be so comfortable.. not warm, very "fitting"... the pillows! i absolutely LOVE them.. simon gave us a CT room at 0906 and we pushed the twin beds together to get a "king size" bed.. we got 2 pillows each and the pillows are really fantastic.. the toilet amenities are really classy with great packaging.. the shampoo, shower gel, conditioner, bosy lotion, soap, vanity pack and even the shower cap!! there are mroe den enuff towels, hand towels, face towels and so on.. the whole place is juz... great... the lighting is great, the instant coffee, red tea, green tea, plus creamer, sugar and the kettle.. not the kinda old, lousy quality kettle.. this one is good.. okie.. am i saying too much? yes i am.
overall, i love the bathroom the most.. it's SOOOOOOOOO much bigger and more spacious den all the other hotels i've been to and the layout is simple yet so elegant.. alright.. am i exaggerating here? lolx..
i escorted so many and checked in so many guest into diff guestrooms yet this is really diff.. if i dun hav this chance, i dun think i'll ever even notice how the washroom looks like... now i know why so many of them are return guests... u hav to go thru it to know it.. :)
now i'm dying to see the pac floor, the suites and the much talked abt duplex (dunno spelling correct anot) suite..
working was slack ytd.. arrivals low.. 100 odd when i started work.. 3 person went for break together but too bad we saw celine on the way den i gues nxt time sure kana frm her de.. but right now i dun care.. den night time the 3 of us went break again and kathy saw us.. gave that look. :( watever~ plus hideko and kathy both saw us chatting behind the bell desk and not to forget all the other managers who walked past or working at the pacific ballrooms.. heck.. we let so many cabs past den i lost count.
i didnt lie. when they ask if i got a bf, i juz smile. maybe i dun want them to know, or maybe i think there's no need for them to know anyway. but chatting wif some of the bell pple ytd night abt height, they say i quite tall, got 170.. and i laugh till pengz.. i took off my court shoes and wahla.. shortie.. so i'm called katik (dunno the spelling again.. as in short in malay)... lolx.. then they asked if my bf very tall.. and i luff and said how can my bf be tall when i dun hav 1.. and why they think i'm lying when i say i dun hav a bf.. izzit really that weird being single? *shrugs
and some of them asked why i dun wanna be an air stewardess.. i'm happy abt the "compliment" but there is a height criteria isnt it? and how can i be one. juz look at me. tt kinda pattern CMI de! and the funniest thing, a guest asked if i'm an air stewardess. HELLO! i'm working in panpac. how to work 2 jobs at a time? if i am one, i'll be somewhere over the globe by now! and not standing there and greeting guests!
but really happy.. will be collelcting my pay soon.. when i work, i spend less money coz i dun go out that often. when i work, i dun really hav time to go out anyway and the meals are provided. the only thing i spend is on transport and travelling time but it's a great way to spend time.
ytd den i realised alot of pple are dieting, taking slimming pdts like extrim and xando.. and i THOT those pdts dun come cheap? no? i dun exactly feel fat all the time, i know i'm not skinny either but i dun think i'll be like them, spending money on those small pills that dunno really work for u or not.. convincing advertisements and testimonials didnt really work for me. somehow they sound fake.
it is a high class low pay job. actually to put in nicer terms, it's a customer oriented job that requires alot of human and soft skills.. a job whereby if u can hide emotions, u'll be able to go far. a job where by if u hav patience, tolerance and an ever forgiving heart u'll be successful. this is a job that requires u to be equipped with a talent for enduring pent-up feelings. if u can fulfil all the above, u are cut out for the hospitality industry. too bad i hav none. maybe i'm in the wrong course. no doubt i dun mind serving guests and absolutely enjoy the satisfaction the job brings and the joy that follows. but my limits are low, so too bad. the industry got alot to offer but the opportunities are nt up for grabs for me.
actually i dun mind working back to back if i can stay in the room. it's definitely worth it.. enuff QUALITY rest is more impt den QUANTITY rest. right? ;)
k. enuff is enuff. i am boring pple but i like the idea. :)
Tuesday, November 9
didnt feel like working today.. no mood totally.. serve guests half-heartedly except the 1st guest, and from 2130 onwards.. that 1st guest super nice.. very friendly and polite.. the 2139 one os coz the lady very funny.. very blur, very tired, very shagged.. lolx.. she reminds me of Mdm Woo and Mrs. Tey.. but worse.. lolx.. told me she's abit dizzy and muz be coz of work work and more work den the flight.. dunno lah.. den in the room she's worse.. was like half dead.. anyway, nice guest.. appreciated everything.. cool. partly also coz i stayed at FO and slack for some time.. looking for fax, credit card verification, putting the msg and giving to concierge, chatting wif agnes, looking at pics.. so wasted some time before getting back to bell desk, which is damn torturing.. den went for break wif Nov.. lolx.... watched some lame show which i predicted the plot correctly.. den went back to slack somemore.. did modifications today.. and dad came to pick me up frm work!!! so gd!!
yeap.. and agnes worked 2 shifts for 2 days.. so she's been there since 7am till over midnight for the past 2 days and she cant walk in a straight line plus she kept sprouting nonsense... lolx.. k enuff of my report.. till tml.
yeap.. and agnes worked 2 shifts for 2 days.. so she's been there since 7am till over midnight for the past 2 days and she cant walk in a straight line plus she kept sprouting nonsense... lolx.. k enuff of my report.. till tml.
Saturday, November 6
nosey
my fault. i can feel myself getting weaker the older i get.. falling sick, feeling tired, being useless..
my mind lose to my nose today. crumbling is the word. missed the bus on my way home and had to wait at the bus stop for ages.. and the weather decided to change for the better so the wind howls and the trees sway.. amd me? i feel myself being ever so pathetic dying to go home and my nose not giving me any chance to enjoy the weather i would hav enjoyed..
and the naive me thought home is the best place for a weary heart, mind and soul. who knows, the sneezing got worse, and i feel like cutting off my nose..
finally i got better. thank god.
sth kiang said during training struck me.. i realised it in the past but didnt expect others to notice it.. i somehow managed to convinced myself that i'm like that, and that wat i did is normal. now it seems as though i'm wrong. i'm trying but still quite hard to.. i know myself. i think i do. that's y i know it's beyond my power to change certain things but i'm trying.. i'm really trying.
i'm all alone at home. wat's the use of having a big family when u're left alone at home? and feeling horribly terrible at the same time? wat makes it worse is that it's a saturday night and that i ought to do something more meaningful than sitting in front of the com blogging and drinking water. wat makes it worse is that i cant get to slp.
i dun want to say anything abt jas and char. i got no energy to talk abt them now. it has been quite a long time since i felt like this.. weak body results in having less energy to do things that u otherwise can do and when that happens, u hav more time to think and unknowingly, u'll start the pessimistic cycle and hence feel useless and pathetic. how great. was juz thinking on my way home that if i juz collasped on the streets, maybe it's be better for me. but well, it's juz a thought. i'm well and alive at home doing boring stuff like this.
anyway, it's all my fault. i cant seem to handle life the way i would like to. so there.
my mind lose to my nose today. crumbling is the word. missed the bus on my way home and had to wait at the bus stop for ages.. and the weather decided to change for the better so the wind howls and the trees sway.. amd me? i feel myself being ever so pathetic dying to go home and my nose not giving me any chance to enjoy the weather i would hav enjoyed..
and the naive me thought home is the best place for a weary heart, mind and soul. who knows, the sneezing got worse, and i feel like cutting off my nose..
finally i got better. thank god.
sth kiang said during training struck me.. i realised it in the past but didnt expect others to notice it.. i somehow managed to convinced myself that i'm like that, and that wat i did is normal. now it seems as though i'm wrong. i'm trying but still quite hard to.. i know myself. i think i do. that's y i know it's beyond my power to change certain things but i'm trying.. i'm really trying.
i'm all alone at home. wat's the use of having a big family when u're left alone at home? and feeling horribly terrible at the same time? wat makes it worse is that it's a saturday night and that i ought to do something more meaningful than sitting in front of the com blogging and drinking water. wat makes it worse is that i cant get to slp.
i dun want to say anything abt jas and char. i got no energy to talk abt them now. it has been quite a long time since i felt like this.. weak body results in having less energy to do things that u otherwise can do and when that happens, u hav more time to think and unknowingly, u'll start the pessimistic cycle and hence feel useless and pathetic. how great. was juz thinking on my way home that if i juz collasped on the streets, maybe it's be better for me. but well, it's juz a thought. i'm well and alive at home doing boring stuff like this.
anyway, it's all my fault. i cant seem to handle life the way i would like to. so there.
actually i included boring tests results becoz i really dunno wat to say nowadays except u-know-what, which is ever so boring.. how would u all know even if i said it? imagination cant be trusted most of the time..
i realised i'm quite tall. ya. that's all. bye. boring entry. but that's all i got to say.
btw, congrats once again ching..
i realised i'm quite tall. ya. that's all. bye. boring entry. but that's all i got to say.
btw, congrats once again ching..
work didnt go smoothly today. woke up late and rushed all the way to find that they changed the training time to 1330. strolled suntec alone for an hr and a half juz to waste time.. reached home 0030. was out of the house for more den half a day.. =
dead tired. checked in mostly all VIPs.. that couple is the worse of all the guest.. their frens also.. huiping, Hideako and i had such a damn hard time trying to please them.. changed so many diff rooms but ended up in the 1st room i checked them in!!! argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FINALLY someone took NEL home wif me!!! was chatting and laughing all the way home.. that's gd.. can forget how tired i am actually..
took this online test juz now.. the results.. majority of it anyway..
ISFP: They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal.
ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. They are interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, and will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in.
They're original and independent, and need to have personal space. They value people who take the time to understand the ISFP, and who support the ISFP in pursuing their goals in their own, unique way. People who don't know them well may see their unique way of life as a sign of carefree light-heartedness, but the ISFP actually takes life very seriously, constantly gathering specific information and shifting it through their value systems, in search for clarification and underlying meaning.
ISFPs have no desire to lead or control others, just as they have no desire to be led or controlled by others. They need space and time alone to evaluate the circumstances of their life against their value system, and are likely to respect other people's needs for the same.
The ISFP is likely to not give themself enough credit for the things which they do extremely well. Their strong value systems can lead them to be intensely perfectionist, and cause them to judge themselves with unneccesary harshness.
The ISFP has many special gifts for the world, especially in the areas of creating artistic sensation, and selflessly serving others. Life is not likely to be extremely easy for the ISFP, because they take life so seriously, but they have the tools to make their lives and the lives of those close to them richly rewarding experiences.
dead tired. checked in mostly all VIPs.. that couple is the worse of all the guest.. their frens also.. huiping, Hideako and i had such a damn hard time trying to please them.. changed so many diff rooms but ended up in the 1st room i checked them in!!! argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FINALLY someone took NEL home wif me!!! was chatting and laughing all the way home.. that's gd.. can forget how tired i am actually..
took this online test juz now.. the results.. majority of it anyway..
ISFP: They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal.
ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. They are interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, and will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in.
They're original and independent, and need to have personal space. They value people who take the time to understand the ISFP, and who support the ISFP in pursuing their goals in their own, unique way. People who don't know them well may see their unique way of life as a sign of carefree light-heartedness, but the ISFP actually takes life very seriously, constantly gathering specific information and shifting it through their value systems, in search for clarification and underlying meaning.
ISFPs have no desire to lead or control others, just as they have no desire to be led or controlled by others. They need space and time alone to evaluate the circumstances of their life against their value system, and are likely to respect other people's needs for the same.
The ISFP is likely to not give themself enough credit for the things which they do extremely well. Their strong value systems can lead them to be intensely perfectionist, and cause them to judge themselves with unneccesary harshness.
The ISFP has many special gifts for the world, especially in the areas of creating artistic sensation, and selflessly serving others. Life is not likely to be extremely easy for the ISFP, because they take life so seriously, but they have the tools to make their lives and the lives of those close to them richly rewarding experiences.
Wednesday, November 3
more and more crap.
saw jeanette on TV after watching the school bella show.. so sweet... anyway, so stunned when i saw her.. she reminds me of my AJC experience and the memories came back.. lolx.. the bball player, zhonghua ger who always hang out wif jasmine, that sleepyhead who slps during chinese lessons, crap wif teacher, wif bo chap attitude.. lolx.. they showed her chinese name and i was thinking.. "this sounds familiar.." the look changed quite alot.. but her voice.. still so unique..
and suddenly i missed the 1st 3 mths pals.. Lily, Ester, Jazreel, Sok Ying, hwa san, lionel they all.. and of course cannot and will not forget the bunch of irritating pple like benjamin and his 2 lackeys.. lolx..
hope all of them are doing well in JC..
heard some news frm my mom and was thinking.. love.. how u know if someone loves u? how do u even define love? love can be anything, so it can also be nothing.. bearing that in mind, i think again. we all experienced some kinda love frm the moment we came to breathe. if we're alive and kicking, love will never cease to exist, and if that's the case, why so many pple are craving for it? for more of it? greed? y cant they be contented? ever? there is this poem that states "love is care, so full of life." and again, if love is care, den y muz they giv it so many "names?" they say "a person who is loved has many names" and so is that the reason why love has so many names? in so many forms? from so many ways? for diff times? if care is love, den why are there pple who still stubbornly refuses to acknowledge that pple do care? and so they are loved? and love. are we recieving it by the moment? or by instalment periods? and if pple at the receiving end can never be satisfied with the amount of love and care they receive, den how can they ever be overwhelmed wif love? how can they ever be able to experience that? is that even a possibility? or do those words belong to that of a easily contented person?
it's hard to believe that someone older den u can be so naive. yet i cant help but think that actually the naive one is me. i admit i dunno anything but i can see wif my eyes and feel with my heart.. anyway, it's none of my business.. so maybe i ought not to think and say so much. enuff of thoughts recorded for another day. that's all.. no more comments for the day.
and lastly, happy belated bdae to my sista, my 150+ pal.. finally all of us are over that 17 yrs old range.. hope u like the prezzie we gave.. =) cheers for a better future..
and suddenly i missed the 1st 3 mths pals.. Lily, Ester, Jazreel, Sok Ying, hwa san, lionel they all.. and of course cannot and will not forget the bunch of irritating pple like benjamin and his 2 lackeys.. lolx..
hope all of them are doing well in JC..
heard some news frm my mom and was thinking.. love.. how u know if someone loves u? how do u even define love? love can be anything, so it can also be nothing.. bearing that in mind, i think again. we all experienced some kinda love frm the moment we came to breathe. if we're alive and kicking, love will never cease to exist, and if that's the case, why so many pple are craving for it? for more of it? greed? y cant they be contented? ever? there is this poem that states "love is care, so full of life." and again, if love is care, den y muz they giv it so many "names?" they say "a person who is loved has many names" and so is that the reason why love has so many names? in so many forms? from so many ways? for diff times? if care is love, den why are there pple who still stubbornly refuses to acknowledge that pple do care? and so they are loved? and love. are we recieving it by the moment? or by instalment periods? and if pple at the receiving end can never be satisfied with the amount of love and care they receive, den how can they ever be overwhelmed wif love? how can they ever be able to experience that? is that even a possibility? or do those words belong to that of a easily contented person?
it's hard to believe that someone older den u can be so naive. yet i cant help but think that actually the naive one is me. i admit i dunno anything but i can see wif my eyes and feel with my heart.. anyway, it's none of my business.. so maybe i ought not to think and say so much. enuff of thoughts recorded for another day. that's all.. no more comments for the day.
and lastly, happy belated bdae to my sista, my 150+ pal.. finally all of us are over that 17 yrs old range.. hope u like the prezzie we gave.. =) cheers for a better future..
Tuesday, November 2
some thots after chalet
"we got to fight for the right to live, fight for the right to exist."
and i wonder if that's true.
we live in a world so full of grey areas.
maybe that's y pple love games. living in a virtual world seems almost too good or perfect to be true. in games, u can bend the rules. the machine is too inflexible to react in a suitable and challenging way. maybe that's y.. maybe tt's the reason why pple play games. and recreation is an excuse.
escaping from reality. aint we humans always doing that? ask urself this and ur decision hovers..
arent we constantly trying to show that we can do it? that goals are within our reach, targets are achieveable? but why are we doing it? to prove that we are clever enough to master all that in lifem or that we are more eligible to exist than many others? or to show that little worth u have. to hide ur insecurities, ur flaws, ur fears?
no? maybe that's y pple are so impractical? so NOT pragmatic? because we try to find a match between wat we see and what we want. and what we want is driven by what we need, or what we think we need, which in turn is "inspired" by things we "see" everyday, like games, media and so on. more often den not, we find ourselves asking why the world is so unfair. i find myself doing that too..
not because we are unaware of the many differences in life, of the gap between diff societies and lfiestyles, but simply bcoz it's hard to convice urself that such a world doesnt exist after "seeing" and "hearing" so much abt it, so much so that u start to fantasize, start to dream abt the PERFECT world to you. and it's all abt perceptions, abt ur own mindset, and who else can change it but you yourself? we succumb to these "temptations" so often that we find ourselves indulging in the fun of the whole seemingly fun "game." and as the quote from grandeur coffee goes, "indulgence - life's greatest pleasure" it is not difficult to understand y some pple refuses to get out of that stupid pit.
question is: am i one of them?
and i wonder if that's true.
we live in a world so full of grey areas.
maybe that's y pple love games. living in a virtual world seems almost too good or perfect to be true. in games, u can bend the rules. the machine is too inflexible to react in a suitable and challenging way. maybe that's y.. maybe tt's the reason why pple play games. and recreation is an excuse.
escaping from reality. aint we humans always doing that? ask urself this and ur decision hovers..
arent we constantly trying to show that we can do it? that goals are within our reach, targets are achieveable? but why are we doing it? to prove that we are clever enough to master all that in lifem or that we are more eligible to exist than many others? or to show that little worth u have. to hide ur insecurities, ur flaws, ur fears?
no? maybe that's y pple are so impractical? so NOT pragmatic? because we try to find a match between wat we see and what we want. and what we want is driven by what we need, or what we think we need, which in turn is "inspired" by things we "see" everyday, like games, media and so on. more often den not, we find ourselves asking why the world is so unfair. i find myself doing that too..
not because we are unaware of the many differences in life, of the gap between diff societies and lfiestyles, but simply bcoz it's hard to convice urself that such a world doesnt exist after "seeing" and "hearing" so much abt it, so much so that u start to fantasize, start to dream abt the PERFECT world to you. and it's all abt perceptions, abt ur own mindset, and who else can change it but you yourself? we succumb to these "temptations" so often that we find ourselves indulging in the fun of the whole seemingly fun "game." and as the quote from grandeur coffee goes, "indulgence - life's greatest pleasure" it is not difficult to understand y some pple refuses to get out of that stupid pit.
question is: am i one of them?
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