2005

ytd's consultation made everything clearer. and boy~ wasnt i shocked when i went in and saw Ram wearing the same colour as me and eve, he take a look at us, den at himself, den ask us to sit down.. lolx.. i was laughing real hard inside at his expression..

he's a good facilitator. one of the best i've encountered. the best in fact.

that big bear is the total opposite. i took my portfolio from him, finally.. on my way out, i saw this

[you cannot change the direction of the wind, but u can adjust the sails]

suddenly it hit me that this is the perfect quote to end and start my year.

happy 2005 to all. may we not take for granted every bit of happiness we have. relish in the fact that we are fortunate enough to see the new year. hope burns twice as bright this point in time so let love and compassion lead the way.

Because we believe the surface, we forget that surfaces arent who we are.

tsunami

i dunno if u all feel as i do.

i've been reading the papers and sort of keeping track of the death toll. on sunday when i first heard the news from my mom, i thought this is a SMALL case. turn out to be otherwise. with the number of corpses totalling up to 55000 and more, and still rising, i feel so useless. there's nothing much i can do to help. out there, people are dying, bodies decomposing on the streets, families separated, homes destroyed and hopes dashed. and here, in S'pore, pple are complaining that the weather is cold when we have warm food, snug clothing and adequate shelter. i AM a selfish person. we all are. in the confort of my home yesterday night, i was grumbling abt the weather, how i cant study when it's freezing cold, why my house doesn hav any snacks, and worrying over 2 stupid class tests that i haven prepared for. and somewhere not too far away, others are fighting to live. trying desperately to locate their families, bewildered coz the waves brought together with it grief and sadness, darkness and pain.

the media is calling out to the pple of s'pore for help. and it's only right that we should respond. cant the S'pore pools stop collecting bets just for a week, and donate the prize money? cant some companies give their workers a day off to help transport and help pack things that need to be send over and every little manpower is needed? our nation talks about doing all that we can to help. yet our national trade union congress (NTUC) is so stingy so as to come up with this (pay$10 and they'll send a bag of necessities worth $13+++) what the hell. if they're sincere, they shld juz donate those stuff. and not try to increase their inventory turnover. damn.

and war.. the thought of it makes me sick. those freaking countries buying amunition and weapons and what not juz so that they can torture each other, spending millions and billions so they can put up a wonderful show for the rest of the world. and the hell they broguth to their own pple. if all the contries can chip in and donate the money they set aside for national defense to aid pple frm sri lanka, frm indonesia, from maldives and so on, wont the world then be more appreciative of what humans, as a whole, do to help one another? wont there then be peace because war will cease to exist?

organisations are collecting donations and i see pple giving freely. this IS what i call the spirit of giving. reaching out to help. playing our part. when jas frm my cls told me abt how strongly karene feels abt this thing, i can understand. it's not juz another hooha that the media created. this is the REAL thing. fellow humans who deserve as much right as us to live needs help. and we, being fortunate enuff to be born in an ideal environment that pple frm other countries desire, shldnt we do more?

was listening to the radio station all the way to school today about the news. the DJs was saying "when u want to donate, think twice before pulling out that mere $2 for the sake of donating". they talked abt how pple are questioning if those organisations who claimed that they are helping those in need are really helping or they're juz finding a way to earn money. DONT THOSE IDIOTS HAVE A HEART? in times like this, why would those buggers EVEN THINK of such things? DUN QUESTION OTHERS" SINCERITY if they dun hav the same giving heart.

i feel so disappointed to see pple not being affected by this natural disaster. how could they not?
everywhere, pple are laughing, enjoying the last few days of this year, thinking of how to end it perfectly, treating this issue as if it's none of our country's concern.

the number of pple killed, injured and lost. is this too high a price to pay for a wake up call?

i see this, as a slap God gave, right in our faces. As a gift He bestowed upon us to remind us for the many things we ought to be grateful, and that we shld treat mother nature better. we've been abusing her for far too long. longer than his patience level, higher than his limit. we cut away her precious children forests, burnt her beloved grandchildren while polluting the earth.

the tsunami will be remembered for years to come. i hope by the time our nation ages gracefully, we can stand up and say that we are proud to be there to help when disaster strikes. that together, we help to rebuild these countries, building bonds lasting far stronger than diplomatic ties while strengthening compassion.

sometimes, counting blessings is not enough. we have to take the necessary actions.

ending off this entry with a prayer. maybe at this point in time God cant be bothered abt our pleas. but when He finally sees the wonders of human nature, i'm sure he'll step in to help. he'll relent, and give us another chance. i hope i live to see the day. please God, curb ur rage.

my grandpa's 80th birthday today..

ate that 8+2=10 course teowchew style meal. FULL sia.. 1st few course sharks fin and abalone. till the last few courses the dishes are totally unappetizing.. bleahz..

slept darn early ytd night yet woke up damn late this afternoon.

had some disturbing dreams again. they seem to ruin my waking moments..

Christmas is over.. the special day lost its magical touch last night. the feel disappears like stardust in the night sky, leaving behing emptyness.

new year is coming.. but i dun hav any high hopes for this coming year.. i've learnt that making resolutions dont work and wishes dun come true that easily..

my journal is almost filled. left a few pages.. juz nice.. a book a year.. comparing my last few books with the recent one, i can see how i've progressed and matured. sense of accomplishment.

giving gifts. gift of giving.

Basking in the magical feel of this Xmas festive season or watever u all call it, i cant help but feel amazed at how extravagent S'poreans' lives are. Christmas is a season of peace, love, joy and most of all, giving. Giving gifts is an art and few people possesses it. When Dec 25 draws nearer, we see malls packed with last minute shoppers looking for presents and a mad scramble for the cashier before the queue goes one round and meet at the start.

often we see pple standing ard shelves for ages trying not to pull out all their hair and racking their brains thinking of a suitable present they "think" the receiver will like and is within their budget. we see pple hardly managing with the many bags they have while looking for more gifts.

However, while selecting gifts, shldnt we take into consideration something else? Between Dec 26 till Dec 31 when we make our new year resolutions is the length of time the presents are valued. after the hype of goft-giving during this wonderful day, the presents stay somewhere at home often out of sight. when new year comes, we set resolutions like "spring cleaning" and "unclutter my life." then the gifts come to mind. shld we throw, donate or use the things that we received? wat if i hav no use for them? i dun like it? but i need to cut down on space and mess. aint we humans stupid in this way?

season of giving. isnt a nice warm big hug enuff? it's a gift, from the heart. aint a sincere sweet "i love you" enough to melt your heart? cant a twinkle in the eye and a big smile plus unspoken care and concern touch your heart? cant a call from a love one makes ur heart stop for a second enough to make your day?

if the heart skips a beat juz because u see the twinkle of a diamond, the heavenly scent of a branded perfume, the glamorous feel of branded goods, then i think Xmas has lost it's true meaning of giving. saw QY's cousin's reaction when she receives that VERY expensive watch from her god-mom.. she was so excited and was running screaming towards and hugging her god-mum saying she love her, juz coz she receives an ex watch which she show off to all her friends..

we're here to spread love, pass on joy, expand hope and embrace peace.
Let's indulge and place focus on the gift of giving and not the giving of gifts..

xmas

1st things 1st:
Merry Christmas to all.

spent another year at Qianyi's aunt's house.. and the few of us were soooo amazed by QY's cousin's room, which includes a shoerack that contains 26 pairs of shoes.. and she got more than that!

the night was good except for this 2 particular bugger.. damn.. make the whole situation so embarassing.. and that older one reminds me of maurice.. he said "i've known this guy for 3 years and i'm getting married next year. i cant be there for him forever so i guess it's time he go into a relationship. he saw U(qianyi) last year and likes you." all the while he was standing in the middle of the life door, preventing us to get down. he finished off with a grand exit by extening his hands to his friend and wishing him good luck and all the best. okay. did i mention that guy got pushed into the lift? anyway, me and YP wanted to say "she got a bf" but i kept quiet coz it's Xmas and i dun wanna sound rude when i'm the guest.

the happiest moment in the entire evening was the few minutes we got so excited over the letters.. they off all the lights and the function room was illuminated with candles.. went talking at the playground for ages.. all the day i feel young. younger than usual.

didnt go to town with them after the celebration at Normanton park.. Last year's wrong choice of venue turned into a nightmare and i dun wanna risk repeating history.. went home in the end and spent the last few moments of Xmas eve in the cab chatting with YP..

*yawnz.. tml's grandpa's bdae.. red is the colour. *bleahz

rather angry at myself. felt stupid juz now. guess i haven got back to the pre-sick period.. i'm such a weakie.. the sun was exceptionally unbearable.. i was wondering how i got past my secondary school education with 2 years of NDP participation and 4 years of uniform grp life.. i almost gave up on St. Johns if not for my bunch of buddies i met in secondary 2. NDP scares the "whites" out of me and i took years to reduce the tan..

i've got used to the heat, somehow or another but the sun at tembusu today was bad.. maybe the fengshui at tembusu is terrible, i dunno. but somehow that angle by which the sun comes shining happily right at your face makes me irritated. back then, even when i march under the sun, we wont get the sun right in front of our faces ALL the time. it's diff now. there is only 1 direction by which we face and the afternoon sun hurts.. lost is the word when i cant see the arrows, or where exactly to aim. it's like doing something without knowing what u want or what happened.. i feel so out of control.. i find myself as sort of a control freak. i NEED to feel in control.. if not i'll go bonkers.. life crumbles.. watever~ dun think u all understand. i'm nuts..

for a moment during training, i felt almost as if the sun is mocking me, and also giving me that it's-the-season-of-hope,joy&love-so-let-us-share-and-indulge-in-this-ever-growing-happiness-and-be-optimistic-about-the-coming-year.. damn.. makes it seem as if the sun wants to show its full glory before it sets, telling me oh-how-wonderful-life-is.. damn.

i dunno when i start hating the sun. i remember i'm a person afraid of the cold so i'm pretty much alright coexisting with it. now it's almost unbearable. intolerable.. or maybe i've turned into a spiteful, irritating and ungrateful brat.

someone asked me why i looked so sad. and that i shld smile more. do i? i mean look sad?

saw adeline juz now.. the ger who i chat at night with during the malaysia trip.. someone who i haven been keeping in contact with although back then we were both so enthu abt meeting up.. it's been at least 3 years le bah.. was juz thinking abt her sometime back and the things she said then. wat a coincidence.. slept in the bus, as usual. i'm glad i didnt fell off the seat. now i'm having a headache and my eyes hurt. i guess i need rest.

Mr Peter Knipp's talk

was discussing MEIT proj outside LT18 when Chef Ng came, pat me on my back and "invites" aka "orders" us to go for the talk by Mr. Peter Knipp.

i never regret. at least he kept me entertained for an hr and a half.. the 1st lec since sch starts that i never fall asleep.

his talk is great except the fact that he walks around way too much and had too many gestures. that made me unfocused every now and then, spacing off quite often before focusing on the topics he brought up. he's very intimidating, and i was sitting at the 2nd row praying that he wont call on my to ask some chim qns that i have no answer to with that tone and that stare.

but i gained so much.. shall blog them down and share before i forgot..

i love this: he said [i dun employ certificates. i employ attitudes] when he interviewed his employees. he never looks at certs and qualifications. he continued with [skills i can teach. attitudes i cant.] doesnt that sound awesome?

he talked about passion. "passion needs to be accompanied with discipline. without that, u're screwed" it's true. we often talk about how much we love somthing, a job or a desire. but what is true passion if u dun hav the discipline to do what u muz in order to achieve what u want? he went on to say that success comes from hard work and effort, not luck coz even when luck is required for u to be in the right place at the right time, u urself need to create that opportunity to be present.

in addition, he mentioned this that i've talked about in one of my previous posts..
[future is based on the present which is built on the past] so the past is as important as the future. some pple live in "lala land" so he said, forgetting how important it is to live in the present and reflect and learn from the past. this made me feel so "connected" during the talk..

is skills enough in order to be good? "u can have a driving liscense but does that makes u a good formula one racer? all u learn is to step on pedals and adjust the stirring wheel" this is where experience comes in, and a whole lot more..

bringing the topic to cuisines, Mr Knipp gave his views about Asians not sharing knowledge. chefs not sharing their "secret recipes." and that sharing is essential for evolution.. that is why chinese food never changes much..

and we all knwo this "smiling requires less muscles than frowning" but why are there so many pple giving "black faces?" someone in one of the sunday times column brought up the point "why is the hospitality industry the most UNhospitable one?" and he said that it is very relevant in S'pore context.. how often do we grumble that we got to work shift work, complains when our frens ask us out and we got to work, giving that SH** word? and how many pple actually clear their own trays when they visit McDonald's?

besides that, how many chefs/ cooks are being recognised? waiters aint being respected. servers are being treated like "servents" coz they serve. u pay, we serve.

this makes sense too: "the hospitality industry requires u to 1) work long hrs, 2) low pay, 3) get abused, 4) no respect, 5) little recognition etc.." those that are in the industry muz be nuts.. we do those things that others think anyone muz be crazy to do so, meaning we do all the shitty jobs that pple dun want.. service is also linked to uneducated. u fail ur exams, u go to work in service line. u work in service, u are a failure.. that is the direct relation pple think of.. think of cooks and chefs pple immediately relate to "loud swearing, nose-digging, rough, barbaric" pple.. it's wrong..
talking about music.. pple who love classical pieces will remember the famous bach.. and why we remember him? coz he wrote many famous classical music pieces..

NOW, name a famous chef in the 1700.. lolx.. who will actually remember? there are countless composers in that era and anyone with the passion for music will be able to name a few as and then.. but those who love cuisines, love food, the art of dining.. who can actually think of a handful of chefs that famous? this is why they say chefs doesnt hav any recognition..

talking about discipline, Mr Knipp recalled his "gd old days" whereby his seconf grade teacher have him a slap. he said that he needed one at that time and that "we all need wake up calls in life every now and then.." and i agree.. u fall, u get up. u lose sense of direction in life, get into the wrong sides, u need that "something" to bring u right back in track..

besides all the above mentioned issues, this topic he talked about is what i've thought about. regarding internal and external customers.. both are vital to a company, hotel, org. communication is crucial in order to reach success.. there is a need to share satisfaction. this part of the talk reminded me of panpac.. remember i once said that i actually enjoys greeting internal staff than external ones? not that i dislike guests, but the "feel" is different. u know when u greet them, give them acknowledgement that we are all enjoying what we're doing, that we are all working hard for some reasons or another, that we are dedicated in doing our jobs well, we work together to give guests the best that we can offer. it's like having a common goal and working towards it.. to me, that generates more satisfaction..

and talking about the past. how can we evr forget our famous edison? that lightbulb inventor? he succeed on his 10000th try. he doesnt think that he's failed for 9999 times.. those tries are just a step in order for him to reach success.. there is no failure so long as u learn from ur mistakes..

talking about high class hotels in s'pore.. how can we elave out Ritz carlton? their ever famous motto [we are ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen]
that is juz a way of instilling pride, reinforcing and giving recognition to staff but that message is so strong that every employee is proud to say that they work for the Ritz..

i've asked this qn a hundred and one time.. who determines what gd service is? the customers? in order to know, u muz first experience. and the fact that many s'poreans are stingy doesnt help the hospitality industry at all.. we dunno what is gd svc so we dunno how to provide gd svc actually..

when we say that hospi is a subset of tourism, does that mean that there are parts of tourism that doesnt include any hospitality component?

the chinese much talked about yin yang issue.. there is the ying and the yang, and the "ba gua" mirror.. the examples were to start off another topic.. they all boil down to "balance.." we muz achieve balance in life..
question: how we know if something is good?
answer is: when there is somehting bad to compare against.
without the bad, we wont know what is good. vice versa.

Mr Knipp told us that he once employed a degree holder. that young lady quits after about a yr, saying that he doesnt respects her degree at all.. he told us that he also employed a housewife who got no qualifications and when the young lady got so insulted over the "no respect" issue, he told her that in the university of life, the housewife got 3 ph.Ds.. and many of us are still stuck without even completing out primary 5 education.. life is not all about certs.. it's abt who u are..

do u have what it takes to survive in the industry? are you one of the many that wants to be a manager? are you one of the 9 out of the 10 that wants to own a business within the next 10 years? are you one who want to be in the hospi industry simple coz u love the interaction between and with pple? are you one who follows what ur parents say and want u to do?

all i can say now is, follow your heart. i did.

point to note: all quotations in this entry is NOT 100% accurate.. i recalled all these from memory so no doubt there will be some slight inaccurate information.. hope u enjoyed this entry as much as i did recalling the issues.. =)

blog entries..

blog hop a bit more and u'll realise a trend. most of us keeps harping on the same issues time and again. some blog about how the past and that they've got over things, forgotten about things and so on. compared to those that keeps stressing that they cannot seem to let go, these pple are those that really live in the past. because they cant get out of that vicious cycle of reminding themselves of what happened, they sort of bluff their minds to believe false truths.

these pple constantly feel a sense of guilt so they hav to keep emphasizing that they've already let go and move on.. this is to ensure that they keep the lie they live is convincing enough so that they can "mask" things and get on with normal life..

another type of pple is that they beat around the bush.. when u read, u'll hav to decipher alot of things and make alot of wild guesses that u dun even know if you're correct coz u cant ask anyway.. and those pple frequently drop so many subtle hints and some make no sense to u at all that u dunno which ones to believe.. and those posts are ever so confusing.. you dunno what mood the person is in and whether the perosn needs help or what.. these pple, they want to share but somehow, something is holding them back.. you know it but u cant help coz u dunno if that is a sensitive issue and the person might not want to let u in the secret..

some pple post entries as if they're giving a full report of their lifves. others flood their blogs with questions that pple other than themselves couldnt answer and u wonder why they even post it in the 1st place.. some leave feelings of extreme hatred or guilt in the things they say that make u wonder if life is really so bleak and that there is nothing good about life. more often than not, we talk about the past as if it's our present and future. we elaborate on memories and thoughts that might be irrelevant in the future..

and why do we hold fast to memories? for they give meaning to the future.. dont they?

after saying so much, haven u realised? all that i've said, i can relate to. can you? somehow or another?

temple etiquette onegaishimasu

i guess we should have temple etiquette.. went to "xie tai sui" today at a temple in east coast.. and it's horrible the way those aunties "cheong" and push to light the candles and joss sticks and all.. they should in fact, form 2 lines and queue up for their turn to light joss sticks and candles. form a line and wait for their turn when burning incense. it is so rude to cut queue. and there should be "keep quiet" and "no running in the temple" rules that children and adults should abide to. somehting like the library. and why those aunties so kiasu? it's not as if u go first then the dieties would look after you more.. AND i simple cant stand those pple who put their joss sticks soooo close to the side of the watever-u-call-that(joss container or sth).. the sticks are at an angle and the inner side is relatively empty.. y cant they just "station" their joss sticks nearer to the back when there is space and not simply stick them to the "outer rim" and blocking the way. when they do so, they prevent other pple from enjoying the luxury of offering joss sticks without burning their hands.. it is soooo unethical so to say..

choices..

when important decisions are to be made, more frequently than not, there'll be two or more important factors to be considered and usually u'll be in a dilemma..

thinking back about the 1st 3 months in AJ, i realised i have so many things i want to study, so many jobs i want to go into..

i want to study physiotherapy and be a physiotherapist in the future but that stupid course is only offered to A level holders.. and the thought of wasting 3 yrs (2 yrs plus 1 yr for waiting of results) deters me.. i'm not so nobel as to postpone my poly education..

i want to go into optometry coz there is a demand for optometrist in s'pore. when i graduate with the diploma, i'll definitely find a job with a higher-starting pay than normal jobs.. and that course is limited to only 28 places in the WHOLE OF SINGAPORE. i'm proud to say that i got in.. SP sent me the registration package but i rejected that offer coz i got into hospitality..

wanting to go into that 2 areas was something that i never thought about until the 1st 3 months time.. i had a chat with my chinese teacher in AJ and she gave me a lot of advice.. although she teaches in JC, she never once belittles pple who go to polytechnics, unlike some others.. she gave me alot of encouragement and support me in making that BIG decision as i was one of the VERY FEW that actually even THOUGHT of going to poly..

thinking abt physiotheraphy, i want to be able to spur pple on, help in making them well again. together with my effort, i hope i can contribute to pple in this small way. from kids to teens to the elderly.. it's a "grand" job to me.. i'll be able to cultivate patience and tolerance there and gain immense satisfaction in my job when the patients recover.. and when those pple feel like giving up, when they are at the edge of hope, i wish i could be there to motivate them to move on, slowly and steadily.. i hope to see the passion pple have for life, their struggle to fight for the right to be "right" again.. i will be abble to talk to patients and learn so much about life that i cant anywhere else.. it's not like i will be able to get such "magical moments" if i work in any other places..

for optometry, i gave up that idea coz i couldnt bear the thought of looking and studying eyes for 3 years, then working around "eyes" in research department in hospitals, or specs shops for my next 30 or so years, den when my eyesight is failing, i need OTHER optometrist to "look" at eyes AGAIN.. it's like a whole lifetime of eyes.. endless and routine.. but i dun mind routine jobs.. so that's not really a problem.. and sometimes, i WONER IF I SHOULD actually regret not taking that course.. my relatives and even friends of theirs made negative remarks about me not GRABBING the chance to study that subject.. they commented that it's stupid of me to give up that GOLDEN opportunity.. but i did. 2 yrs ago.. lolx.. if they really want it, why not ask THEIR children to study that?

but now, i'm happily ocntented in TP, studying hospitality.. i got into this industry when there is a recession and that all i could do is to be optimistic about MY future, looking forward to 3 years time when i get my diploma and my endless job prospect.. at that point in time, all i can do is to trust the leaders of s'pore to make our small island's economy get up after that great fall.. and i'm glad my "instincts" are correct coz it's picking up and i hope it'll peak soon.. lolx..

and hospi is great isnt it? it combines the element that is needed in all industry.. SERVICE.. haha.. okie.. who will actually convince themselves that their course is so lousy that noone wants to go in? lolx.. of course all of us are proud to be part of the course and feel happy about that.. i know i am..

choices.. if i did not take this road 2 years back, i wouldnt hav met so many of my frens and learn so many interesting things that i would not be able to in other courses( as if i am able to learn what they're learning.. :P) haha.. i couldnt be what i am today. and i'm pretty much happy with they way i turn out to be.. :) the future holds something that i dunno.. so there's no use worrying about that.. i am learning to NOT think so much.. "Fang kai" as they always say.. that's my problem.. :) learning, to change, for the better..

cleared an entry that i WANT to post juz now..

anyway, did i mention i love the sony handycam advertisement? the one that incorporates culture and hi-tech equipment? the one with the very "traditional" and "song" backgrd music.. to me, it's a *STAR advert.. most of the sony adverts are good.. like the "double ok" adverts that feature little girls doing those all-so-innocent-poses.. i love them..and the cyber-shots adverts.. somehow they got the "appeal" factor.. great job by the marketing department..

went for team meeting in school today.. and i'm so amazed with loony for even noticing that. he brought up things that made me wonder if he reads my blog.. lolx..

anyway, i find that pple shld actually exclude me from meetings coz i dun contribute.. i juz sit comfortably and waste time slacking.. so y bother to even hav me there when i cant help in any way.. lolx.. and i forget.. a meeting is the last place i would say sth that i really wanna say.. lolx.. and that defeats the purpose of having a meeting..

so many things happened in a day and i realised i got lost somehow, in my own thoughts..

from the meeting to panpac to palm gardens.. it's an eventful day.. right from the moment i opened my eyes till now.. so much so that i actually ALMOST forgotten all about having the archery meeting in the morning.. somehow my brain cells can only store things within an hr of the event happening.. and that's bad coz i cannot remember alot of stuff.. that i want to remember..

motivation.. to do well.. i am motivated mentally but physically i'm still not in par with my mental.. the drive force of my state of mind is unable to fuel the need to excel.. well, this is NOT a problem about commitment and passion and what not.. it's a problem of a body and mind struggle.. okie.. watever~ i dunno wat i'm saying.. too tired i guess, after a damn long day.. shall stop here.. so sorry there's NOTHING interesting abt this post and it's not entertaining.. watever~ i go write my journal le.. crap shall stop here.

the wonders of the brain

was talking to my mom juz now and we started on the topic abt MM Lee.. was on to the topic coz susan goh talked abt motivating staff by giving gala dinner and she gave the example abt having a dinner wif him coz it's priceless.. so there i was suddenly thinking of that topic and brought up the whole thing abt Lee..

from his younger days rallying that gave s'pore our history, till now, s'pore owes everything to him.. almost everything in fact.. arbo we'll now be a second malaysia with those lousy roadlamps and such.. he's what i call a "contributor" to the society.. a fabulous example.. in school we're always taught to "give back" what we have to the society. in chinese "qu zu yu she hui, yong zu yu she hui".. but how many of us can actually be like him?

from his past "contributions", till now, everyone respects him.. when u ask someone from other country who or what represents s'pore, our icon, i guess the majority if not all, would say Mr LKY.. i did this survey by a group of Japanese University studetns when i was working in panpac. the questionnaire includes these qns : 1)who do i think is the most famous japanese in s'pore and 2) who do i think is the most famous s'porean in japan.. without a doubt, i put LKY.. juz like another of my colleague.. he's so famous that i'm proud to say he'll DEFINITELY generates ALOT of revenue for our tourism industry and brings abt ALOT of free publicity for our small island when he kick the bucket.. delegates from all over the world would be here to pay respect and of course it is a high yield "situation" that brings abt large volume of revenue and spark off the ripple effect of our economy.. imagine the number of pple and reporters present, the service, the number of rooms that would be occupied in local hotels, the number of ancillary services they would need, the F&B revenue they bring... oh my.. the prospects and benefits are endless. but that is a pity.. coz the world would be short of one bright star...

but from the bottom of my heart, i really wish that i could be like him.. imagine from the day u CAN contribute to YOUR country, till the day u die, even AFTER u die, u'll bring about positive impacts to YOUR country's economy, contributing in a million and one ways, benefiting so many areas in the industry.. THAT is what i call a TRUE "contributor".

it's not that i wanna boast.. but how many pple besides MM Lee is able to bring about a "wonder" as great as this? we see examples like Princess Diana, Mother Theresa and of course Theresa Teng.. that's the only 3 examples i can think of.. i remember Theresa Teng's "grand affair" when she's gone.. i take a look at the news on TV and think:" how MUCH flowers are present at the memorial service alone? the florists are gonna be rich!"

okie.. think i'm digressing le.. shall keep quiet.. sounds bad though.. oh.. and imagine his autobiography.. will be reprinting so the companies doing publishing would earn quite alot.. den some more autors will be out with new books like "MM Lee, the pillar of S'pore" "The S'pore icon." and "What would we be today if there's no him back then?"

haha.. shant say anymore le.. *zip

loneliness and sickness

loneliness strikes on 2 occasions.
1) when u least expected
2) when u most anticipate

personally i prefer the former, and absolutely loathe the latter.. it's like registering in your mind what u already thought of before.. and it's irritating when the "truth" sinks in..

another thing. i dislike giving names to illness or sickness. for example, why call a flu a flu and a cold a cold? y muz we label the diseases causing bacteria and virus that are giving us hell? y muz we acknowledge their presence? do they even deserve to be properly named? we shldnt give them the honour shld we?? by giving them the "correct term", wont we be thinking "i am now suffering from a cold and thus i am sick." if we juz ignore the fact that we are obviously under the influence of some microorganisms, den wont we be simply "weak"? and isnt that so much nicer? maybe i'm so called "running away from the truth" but i cant deny the fact that i dun like "naming" "them."

juz like last wekk.. i had a "fever" and i keep thinking i am warm and my body was emiting heat.. and true enuff, i did and i feel cold coz i emit heat.. and it's darn irritating when that "fever" got worse and there i go thinking "i can almost feel my body temperature rising" and kept taking out the thermometer and measuring my temperature over and over again and true enough, my worse fears were confirmed.. everytime i "think" the degree got higher, i measure and my guesses never once fail me..

and that is bad coz i cant help but feel "what if i got dengue fever and got admitted into SGH?" "what if the doc says i muz stay at home for one week and cant go to sch?" "what if this fever damaged my brain somehow and i become stupid?" so many wat ifs..

fears: of tomorrow. of going to sleep and waking up with half the brain cells i have and half the ability to do what i can in the past. fear of never fully recovering and thus having to face with disabilities for the rest of my life.. and it's damn sad coz i cant help feeling bad and weak at the same time..

but 1 good thing out of this situation was that i revert back to a little kid.. what i ought to be when i was young.. :) and i am very happy abt that..

i sleep in lectures, i sleep in tutorials, i sleep when i'm tired and i sleep when i'm not. i sleep when i'm sick, when i feel tired when i'm well. i sleep on the way to school and i sleep on my way home. i am able to enjoy the shut-off-from-the-world-moment by taking naps.. so tired.. think i sleep too much le.. up to the point my frens dun even bother to wake me up when they see me sleeping.. and tutorials are such a bore.. 10 mins into the tutorials i sleep.. and wake up at intervals.. this has turned into a habit and habits aint that easy to change.. i've been thru this for the past 3 sems.. so it's difficult to change back... guess i'll stick to this lazy-pig-sleep-sleep-sleep routine till the end of this sem bah..

i'm tired. shall say nothing more. i feel sick reporting my life here. sicker still.

dying to get out.

being at home reminds me that i am sick and that i shld
1) drink more of that supposedly tasteless H2O
2) rest more

and that makes me feel so useless.. and the more i keep thinking i want to get well, somehow, my body cant work as hard to recover.. and i'm pissed coz even after taking the medicine and all, i dun see any improvement in my condition. and it certainly doesnt help not able to eat anything nice. no fried food, no tea, no chocolates, no sweets.. i cant only alternate water and water with chuan bei pi pa gao. sounds pathetic huh..

and i try not to cough coz my throat hurts so that means that even if i want, even if i'm bored, i cant sing! and i feel stupid coz the sickness is taking control over my body..

many ILLS are born of fatigue and loneliness. as much if not more den fears.

charlene gave me a purple dreamcatcher today. something she bought from Australia..

this is like my 4th or 5th dreamcatcher gift from friends. so why dreamcatcher i wonder.. did i tell them i like? coz i dun recall saying. but it's beautiful.

christmas is coming and it's the rainy season. there's nothing better in the world. chocolates, turkey, cocktails, fun, countdown, sleepover, talks..

i wonder how it feels like to decorate a christmas tree.. to buy the tree, the lightings, the decorations, and so on, den put them together and set everything up in one corner of the house and on it when the season is near. how it feels to off all the lights at home besides those on the tree and juz sit there and indulge in the festive mood and get the feel of magic in the air...

when i moved house 5-6 yrs back, i remember seeing one in my neighbour's house, not in recent years.. and what about the family a few blocks away who never fail to decorate the trees outside their house during the end of the year and will invite lots of pple for gatherings? i never see that anymore.. and it's a pity.. xmas is diff without chrismassy lightings..

i tell u what. i got to go rest somehow.. heaven sent so many signals down to advise me to rest well. and the thunder-signs got louder each time so i think i better go and occcupy myself with some activities that require minimal brain usgae. nite pple.. and gd luck to the archery team for the com.. too bad i cant join u all this yr.. will hav to wait for the next one.. :( see ya next nxt training..

i guess all i wished for thru that 4 days was for someone to ask "how are u?" lolx.. lame?

and i want to go for the com.. i want to shoot.. i miss the thrill of the event, the "picnic" mood, the dinner after that.. i guess it's a habit, a very comfortable routine that the team sticks to for as long as i remember.. shooting has never been as stress, or as easy and stress-free as during competition. i love the anticipation, everything. now the thought that i'll hav to lie in bed thruout the 2 days make me feel worse.. and my cough wont go away either.. someone plz help..

fever marathon.. the longest for as long as i remember

i've been lying in bed since sunday so much so that my body refused to slp last night.

the fever is driving me mad coz the temperature fluctuates.. everyday, it'll hit 39, 40 without fail.. and i hate the medicine.. i feel worse after taking it.. it gives me headache when it's supposed to cure it.. damn..

i've been going to sch looking so terrible that my frens couldnt recognise me from near.. and i'm so tired i juz feel like slping the whole day..

i dun even hav the energy to blog for the past few days, even at my cousin's house.. went to the polyclinic ytd.. did a full blood count, the doc told me if 3 days ltr my fever still doesnt go away, den i'll hav to go and do that blood test again.. i wasted more den 2 hrs there, feeling worse before going to my grandpa's house. luckily my cousin was there wif me.. arbo ltr i faint i also dunno who can help me sia..

i dunno wat the medicine's side effects are, but it sure is torturing..

these few days, i feel as if i am better off dead.. now i know why they say frens and family are impt especially when u're sick. coz when u're suffering alone on that big bed, feeling as terrible as can be, at least there is someone who comes to ur bedside, showing u wif lots of love, care and concern.. i think that is what keeps pple going.. that glimpse of hope.

went to see 2 diff docs.. the 2nd one told me i got a viral fever, watever that is, it sure doesnt sounds good.. coz virus is worse den bacteria mah.. i dunno why i got hit for sooooooooo many days.. was thinking the reason why i feel 10 times worser than my last time fever was becoz when u nv fall really sick for quite a long period of time, the effects, the pain, everything got maximised to give u hell.

i was sooo scared that the 40 degrees fever will burn my brain and i'll become stupid.. or i'll lose part of my memory or what.. luckily i didnt.. thank god.. or maybe it's too early to say..

up till now, i'm still wondering why i willingly agreed to work 10 hrs ytd, extending my time from 7 to 9 pm.. wat was i waiting for exactly? magic at 11 pm? or was it due to my relectance to leave?

and why do i feel sad when i leave and the bell side wished me all the best and good luck? i dun remember feeling like that when i leave sakae.

i guess part of the gloomy feeling is due to my need to be ard pple.. in search for sth that i dunno. i guess i need more friends, although i always disagree that one shld hav as many frens as possible.. working there allows me plenty of opportunities for interaction.. maybe i'm not so much of a C person. i hav more "I" characteristics than i think i have.

and so sorry if i give u the impression that my uniform is a suit. actually i'm wearing this horrible atik top with black skirt. it's so terrible that u wont recognise me even if u walk pass. maybe that's more of a plus point. :)

bad luck with electronic devices recently. that explains my blog block coz lots of thoughts didnt managed to get captured.

came to notice alot of things recently.. maybe work enables me to see it clearer. many expectations in the past are just useless hopes, insignificant and senseless criterias..

i enjoy work. not only from the satisfaction i get, but also the pple i mix ard with. they showed me another side of life, taught me so many new things that i am ashamed of myself.

many thanks to Hairul for sharing his interview experience. noone at work knows abt my blog. that makes it all the more better. anyway, i learnt so much from what he said that deep down, i have the need to share with the rest of you in the hope that u feel as much as i do about it.

wat is the thing you live your life by? your motto, the "rule" or whatever u all call it.. he told me for him, it's GST. GST in the sense that G=greet, S=smile, T=thanks.

example given by him was: if u see ur mom, u'll greet her (hi mom), and following that action comes the smile (it's natural) then when ur mom gives u sth, u'll automatically say "thanks".. isnt that wonderful. trapped between the 2 noisy renovation areas that are testing my sanity level and pushing and testing the limit, i became so awed by that simple "sharing session" that i felt so refreshed, so good after tt..

i see the wonders of friends. maybe that's what i call job satisfaction. not only by what you get out of work, but also what u learnt from the pple ard u.. Onran taught me the beauty of service, Maslan showed me the wonders of kindness, Faizal displayed that sunshine attitude thruout that makes even the "darkest" moments shine, hairul enlightened me with his constant little stories, and not to forget the rest of them. mohan for his wide knowledge abt the area, syed for his many actions that made the job fun, and many others who brighten up my day wif simple god sent words or actions that made my dread-y holiday job a fulfilling one. too many to list. juz wanna thank everyone for making my 1 and a half months so great. i dun feel that useless now.

and how can i forget Mr Tanaka and Mr Zhang? the 2 little bears and the angel clip? tml might be my last day. i dunno.. part of me wants to stay, part of me wants to leave. i want to stay coz i can get satisfaction from the job, i want to leave coz i want to concentrate on studies and put more effort in what i think i ought to do now coz work can leave till later. but i'm afraid my enthusiasm will run out. i'm afraid, afraid of repeating history, scared of facing the same thing twice. feel stupid wanting to do well in my studies now that i've been out in the working world and realised that the cert is juz a piece of junk. who cares how many Zs and As u have? noone. who cares how many Fs u get? noone. pple judge u by how well u work, not by how good your grades are. they dun care if u are an excellent student in school. they want to know if u can handle ur job well, help in service recovery and bring the company to greater heights.. who cares abt results by then? thse little slips the school send tu you..

my mnrgs, the recpetion staffs, the concierge staffs, reservation staffs, fellow associates. most of them are from shaltec.. and i used to think that pple who go there are mostly those that are not able to enrol in a course that they like that's y they go there in search of a better course in exchange with a little bit more money.. but they're juz like u and me. they can do a job as well if not better, they are good.

and i am more convinced that i can make it in the service sector. knowing this, i cant help but =]