loneliness and sickness

loneliness strikes on 2 occasions.
1) when u least expected
2) when u most anticipate

personally i prefer the former, and absolutely loathe the latter.. it's like registering in your mind what u already thought of before.. and it's irritating when the "truth" sinks in..

another thing. i dislike giving names to illness or sickness. for example, why call a flu a flu and a cold a cold? y muz we label the diseases causing bacteria and virus that are giving us hell? y muz we acknowledge their presence? do they even deserve to be properly named? we shldnt give them the honour shld we?? by giving them the "correct term", wont we be thinking "i am now suffering from a cold and thus i am sick." if we juz ignore the fact that we are obviously under the influence of some microorganisms, den wont we be simply "weak"? and isnt that so much nicer? maybe i'm so called "running away from the truth" but i cant deny the fact that i dun like "naming" "them."

juz like last wekk.. i had a "fever" and i keep thinking i am warm and my body was emiting heat.. and true enuff, i did and i feel cold coz i emit heat.. and it's darn irritating when that "fever" got worse and there i go thinking "i can almost feel my body temperature rising" and kept taking out the thermometer and measuring my temperature over and over again and true enough, my worse fears were confirmed.. everytime i "think" the degree got higher, i measure and my guesses never once fail me..

and that is bad coz i cant help but feel "what if i got dengue fever and got admitted into SGH?" "what if the doc says i muz stay at home for one week and cant go to sch?" "what if this fever damaged my brain somehow and i become stupid?" so many wat ifs..

fears: of tomorrow. of going to sleep and waking up with half the brain cells i have and half the ability to do what i can in the past. fear of never fully recovering and thus having to face with disabilities for the rest of my life.. and it's damn sad coz i cant help feeling bad and weak at the same time..

but 1 good thing out of this situation was that i revert back to a little kid.. what i ought to be when i was young.. :) and i am very happy abt that..