can someone just tell me how to build up confidence?

or where to get them in bulk?

i've tried most things.. from changing the colours i don, to positive self talk.. they juz didnt work.

and that silly anti-depression campaign failed so terribly that it just simply made me think and feel as if i'm suffering from depression and ought to seek help... and the more they screen the campaign advert and claim that it is normal and can be treated, the more i doubt their words.. but showing that, they're indirectly saying that "hey all those pple who're ill.. plz seek help if not u'll affect those around you and also the whole society.."

all i feel now is to want to give up. and i think being around my little cousins helps. in making me want to be mean. want to NOT be nice. want to juz heck and irritate others.. but will that seriously make me feel better? no. i wont. but that's a thought.

sometimes i think.. am i juz apathetic or am i subconsciously trying hard not to show that i care and i mind? or maybe i've been facing the world with an indifferent attitude that it somehow becomes a habit, a habit that no matter how hard i struggle, i cant seem to get out or break away..

seriously speaking, babies aint the only ones who need a change when things stink..

and i think i've a mega problem at hand. so i need a major change.. in what i dunno.. seek and u shall find.. so i shall keep searching.. for the darn answer that's hiding from me.. and the worse thing? it's sitting quietly in a corner mocking.. mocking at a stupid me who cant seem to find a clear direction to proceed and end up going about the same place.. mocking at someone who wants to find the truth and cant because she's looking down at her feet all these while instead of facing the sun. and it's darn right. i may fail this time yet again. but i will succeed, someday. because if i dun start now, i wont be able to. and hope is the only thing i will never give up. ever.