training. the CC's room is always cold.
during dinner, kiang and ken tok abt enjoying now and suffering ltr coz u wouldnt know if there's even a 'later'. it seems like the logical thing to do. but too bad i dun think that way.. i guess alot of logical things couldnt be explained clearly so i dun really take them as they are.
to me, suffering now and enjoying ltr is the more comfortable "rule." maybe it's character, maybe it's experience but no matter what, it appears as if this is the way life's journey shld be. pretty much a different point of view, or perception so to say.
wait. maybe it's my pessimistic nature. or the way i sort of assure myself when things go wrong that times will get better and the "fruit of labour" can be seen in the near future. contradictory huh? didnt i juz say pessimistic nature? yeah. i did. but when failing seems all so natural, it's essential that i come up with something to back up my "negative lifestyle and thoughts." not so that i become more optimistic, but it's a reassurance boost. if not, i think i'll be going straight to the dumps..
enjoying is great i know. but when u find urself basking in the abundunt joy and happiness, wont u reach a point in time whereby u start to wonder if u're using the happy times on credit and u'll hav to sort of "pay back" in the future? i dunno.. maybe it's juz me.. doom to a lifetime of suffering and stopping myself of enjoying life to the fullest i guess..
weird enuff, i know all these crap. i know how to string them into thoughts but i dunno how to ACT upon them. how to improve. i can list down wat i OUGHT to do but i cant DO. haha.. okie. enuff of crap.
my body procrastinating.. it is refusing to function now.. and i can taste anything again!! and eating my fav biscuit seems like a waste. but couldnt resist, so i ate quite a number plus crackers.. guess my nose will giv me hell tonight and tml will be worse coz of the lack of self-control.. and tml i'll be grouchy coz i didnt hav a great night slp. so sorry if i irritate u.. hahahaha.. couldnt do anything abt tt..
if there's one thing i can change, it'll DEFINITELY be my attitude. next den i'll consider personality and character, den others.. i guess if i list them out, i'll be better off dead and reborn again. :X
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