raining days~ really feel like going back to slp.. in my comfy bed.. budden got training.. woke up coz my dad actually wanted me to go and "see" my grandma.. hmm... it's been like... 5 yrs? since she passed away.. den everybody is like still going there and pray and what not every week or so.. i know she lives in our memory forever.. but how long can u tok to a urn of ashes and some wood pieces at a air-conditioned place that's nt very big? and they usually stay there for abt an hr or 2.. juz to tok to her and wat not..
i know she's a great person.. that ii cant deny.. but it's been soooo long already.. since 1999.. den here they are folding those paper thingy into "gold" and dunno wat to burn.. actually wanted to tell them that it's a waste of time.. coz when they start, they sit there and fold and fold and fold into bags and bags and bags.. den they burn and burn and burn.. i mean when there's an occasion like the death anniversary or what, i dun mind.. but like every now and then they will do this kinda things..
worse still, they simply love buying those stuff for her.. it's like.. i think she got more den 30 sets of clothes and more den 5 sets of teapots, and nt to forget tables, handphones, refrigerators, umbrellas and what not.. those stuff tt u can find in the "real" world, they can find in paper form..
they say by folding the paper into gold, it increases the value in the "other world".. and that she is rich enuff to open a bank there.. i mean.. how would they know she hasnt gone for her next life or what? and that the pple there who're in charge of "Delivering" those stuff to her aint corrupted? coz u see, there muz be some kinda delivering system.. mauybe like fedex or sth.. and coz the poor pple there need to work mah.. right?
i mean.. it's gd that they're filial, VERY.... budden sometimes i wonder y they're doing those things... think since 5 yrs ago, they've already make more den 50 bags of offferings.. and the bags right, are those big big recycle green bags or the black trash bags... and they fold the incense paper into small small "gold" and den fill up bags and bags and bags of it.. what's their point? i only go and "see" her abt 1/10 the times they do.. coz most of the days i nt free.. like sat or sch days.. and well, i always tell them that she lives in my memory and that having her in my heart is more den enuff, to me.. well, they always respect my decision, so nt so bad..
looney juz told me that training is at 3 instead of 1.. well, i woke up sooooo early for what sia.. waste my slping time.. if i know earlier, den i'll go wif them to "See" her.. coz juz now my dad told me abt the time they'd be back den it clashes with the time i'll be going for training.. den ususally after i come home frm there i would bathe and what not.. den muz prepare to go to sch.. so abit mafan..
well, dunno wat to say to her also.. see her picture there smiling, den really dunno wat to say.. tell her who i am, maybe a super summary of what i did, like my results or what.. ask her qns that she would nv be able to answer, and well, nth much le.. stand ard.. think of last time.. slack there while they take pleasure looking at other pple's pics and their death date and what not.. kids's pic or relatives' pics..
when someone is no longer ard, u'll hav flashback memory of certain pics and scenes from last time.. the way she hold her chopsticks the way she hold her bowl during dinner time.. the way she smiles when i help to sweep and mop the floor.. the way she smokes and laugh with my grandpa and " blow smoke" for us to catch.. and so on... it's like pieces of a dream.. yet it's real.. really did happen..
okay..y am i saying all these i oso dunno... maybe coz today is her death anniversary? actually i cant rem.. to me, she passed away on mothers' day.. coz it was 1999's mother's day.. and to me, it'll forever be that day, and nothing else..
anyway, it's really getting way toooo long for a blog entry... and most pple wont bother to read the whole long thing unless they're really bored like me.. coz i also skip my frens' long blog entries if i dunno wat he or she is toking abt, or when i know the things they're toking abt and there's no point in me reading them.. lolx.. well, so far so good.. heck.. the avg entry/day is like increasing... i can feel it... suddenly got the craving for fruit flo.. haizz... BL and YP going far east today leh... i cant go... damn sian.. stuck in sch shooting and carrying boards and stands on a raining day... den running on the muddy field.. and getting wet.. den coming home feeling real uncomfortable and stinky.. sianz~
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