fell asleep before 72 turns out of the interchange and didnt wake up till block 11..

sorry darren.. really didnt know that was you..

ate dinner wif the archery peeps.. PDP finally over.. the 1st batch.. most of them CMI.. i think i'm worse..

shot rather badly. my self-talk didnt work, esp recently. realised i have totally no drive to excel coz i know i can never beat myself. and no matter how i try, i can never be better than the rest.

for the whole training, i only shot 2 decent ends. one of which my prep tok works amazingly well coz i only hav 1 thot on my mind. the other time was when the rest of the team was selecting pple and there were only 2 other pple on the line, with TJ correcting GW and aishah. actually didnt want to shoot, but told myself that today is the last training b4 exams start so i have to make use of the time to shoot. and that was when YS asked me if i'm shooting again and i told him that is my last end. he replied that there IS NO last end. every end is the LAST end and suddenly wat he said makes sense. THAT is the correct mentality and i know it. juz tt i am nt able to act upon that state of mind.

concentration span darn short these few days. after awhile, i'll stone.

can someone motivate me? i need lots of motivation. in all areas of my life. someone was saying that in life, my power is 40. but i think that i only have abt 2? haizz..

being the eldest in a big family sometimes sux. certain things i have to consider long term. like purchases.. it's nt that i'm complaining, well i am, but i'm nt saying that i dun want to be who i am now. juz tt sometimes i couldnt help being tempted.

wat i can do with $1000? wat i can do with $2500? give me that sum of money and i see what i can do with it. was thinking of how i would spend the money IF i have it. and u know what? i got absolutely no idea. will i go all out and spend on sth that i really really like? i dun think so. plan. plan and plan.

ability, desire and willingness are not enough to explain why u must get something. consider other factors plz.

maybe this attitude made me into an indecisive person.

dental appointment in the morning. gotta book another time to extract that wisdom tooth. operation. frankly speaking, i wasnt as afraid compared to how irritated i was in the morning when the dentist told me that i cannot do consultation, polishing and operation in one day. muz fix another appointment. damn. wate of time. make me wake up so early, so tired.

saw this ger that looks like me on friday. didnt want to admit it at first. until viy saw her too and told me about it. looks like. even the feeling is similar. she feels like me. NO. correction. she feels more like me than me. dun think u all understand but well, juz wat i want to say.

i need to get into the correct mindset before i can improve. if i dun get out, i can never go on. i find myself in a hole. but i cant seem to stop digging. someone help?

no doubt i feel disappointed when i heard what they say last week, although i know that was the case. ma nah buay sad?

actually i am someone who is very easy to understand. it's juz tt others dun think so.
and i'm sick of myself.

sick and tired, sick and tired, sick and tired, of myself. of school, of things, of life.