stupidity is the real culprit!

feel naive, and stupid.

stupidity killed the cat but curiosity was framed.

watever~

thanks to Viy for indirectly showing me how idiotic i am to believe pple that easily and applying the phrase "Seeing is believing," while in actual fact it's not. didnt want to say much. dunno how to start either.

was thinking abt stuff juz now and suddenly, this came to my mind:
[actually the kinda person that i dislike most is the type of person i am, now]
dun ask me why. i wont explain.

i think my mind only works with a certain amount of energy. when i focus on somethings, i'll miss out on others. when i look at the positive side too often, seeing only pple's gd points and exclude their flaws, i think i've a blind spot. blind spot for my own flaws and theirs. that is when viy comes in and correct my perception errors.

many a time, i overlooked certain things, or ignore things that i am not comfortable with.. and that is a mega disadvantage. when i refuse to acknowledge that certain things are bothering me, i am operating on an ignorant self, a being that tries too hard to see things in beautiful light.

very long nv tok to cherrie le.. today, she came out of the gym to chat with me. chatting with an old friend is a good feeling. it brings back the comfortable topics, and how we react to each other's responses and all. straightforward gal, she is. and i like that. only from pple like her that i find that actually strangers aint that scary. they dun go ard with false pretenses (although most if not all pple does) and involving me in the game that i cant seem to get out. and i dun like it.

smiling when i dun want to is easy, but somehow it affects me. but i only have 2 choices. to affect myself or the pple ard me, and i choose the former. trying too hard has already became part of me, part of the "usual" self that pple see everyday. but beyond that facade, who knows? in OB lec, i learnt abt the 4 windows. and i think my hidden self is bigger than my open self. or maybe it's not. the fact that i'm willing to say all these here shows that i'm operating with my open self. but what is real? izzit some kinda thing that we train ourselves into? some pple say that we are most real when noone else is looking. but what am i when there is nobody ard me? i'm still me. simple as that. i think abt things and ponder similar stuff with and without pple ard. so that doesnt matter. maybe my true self and "fake" self are the same? or maybe i'm able to adapt to the different circumstances in life? or maybe i dunno.

came across this article about an interview with jolin cai.. used to think that she is juz some cutsey girl wannabe and dun really hav her own opinions and views. but i was so wrong. after reading that article, i see her in a whole new light. some of the things she says mirror what i feel. and i'm every so glad to realise that. it's as if i found some gold in the middle of a mag. it makes more sense reflecting on what she says than looking at the advertisements and thinking of when i would have the money to get those over-budget things that i want..

things happen for a reason. and i believe in that. is that some kinda hint that i shld continue with who i am without changing?

i'm a fickle minded person. i've juz decided to change my so-called "vision and mission."

i'm becoming rude-er. dun hate that and dun like that. shocked cetain pple, who juz opened their eyes real wide when i say or do certain stuff that i normally dun do in front of them. is that all? all it takes is some usual reaction and pple make a big hoo-ha out of it. if it doesnt concern u, juz ignore me.