LONE> ___ < SELF

alone at home, again. on a sunday. how great.

maybe i'm used to being in a big family that's y sometimes when i am alone for too long, i feel weird. lonely maybe?

no doubt i appreciate and love the serene type of environment but i guess humans need constant interaction in order to survive? in order nt to sink into depression? in order not to reflect and think too much such that we drive ourself crazy? i dunno..

of course i enjoy being alone sometimes.. away from the crowd, away from the hustle and bustle of city life and i indulge in that few precious moments whereby the world seems to stop. for me, juz for me.

sometimes i wonder if i am abit too anti-social. or maybe i am escaping.. from what? i dunno. frm life maybe. wanna find a place to hide although i know that it is impossible. and the closest thing i can find is solitary.

it scares me sometimes.. wondering if i am insane, thinking if i am extraordinary, contemplating if i (my personality, behaviour, actions, thoughts) am classified under normal or abnormal. sometimes i think i'm the former, most of the time the latter. sometimes both. never none.. =D

why is this is? is it coz i keep to myself too much when i was young, leaving everything to make-believe world, trapped in fantasies that i turn out to be who i am today? or bcause the world is changing and i am being forced to adapt, that's y i've so-called "matured and grown up?"

i think the older i get, the less qns i ask, the less things i wonder. what has happened? someone did sth to my mind? or i've restricted myself to that small area of imagination and thinking space? learning to speak up more ensures that we have lesser time to think and reflect. think that's true. when u speak, u hav less time for deep thoughts. u'll confine urself to that little space u created for analysing things during speech. u'll minimise ur concentration power and ur balance view.

is that y God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth? does it imply that speaking uses twice the amount of energy and effort than listening? and that bcoz of this 2 main factors, speaking is less productive? i dunno.. juz some thoughts on a rainy day..

worthless yet valuable. coz it is the kinda spur-of-moment thing. if u (or i rather) managed to capture it and even record it, it is such that luck is on my side. isnt it?

[like u do, i want the best for myself too. juz tt i dun get it most of the time. maybe that's what makes us different]