ytd's consultation made everything clearer. and boy~ wasnt i shocked when i went in and saw Ram wearing the same colour as me and eve, he take a look at us, den at himself, den ask us to sit down.. lolx.. i was laughing real hard inside at his expression..
he's a good facilitator. one of the best i've encountered. the best in fact.
that big bear is the total opposite. i took my portfolio from him, finally.. on my way out, i saw this
[you cannot change the direction of the wind, but u can adjust the sails]
suddenly it hit me that this is the perfect quote to end and start my year.
happy 2005 to all. may we not take for granted every bit of happiness we have. relish in the fact that we are fortunate enough to see the new year. hope burns twice as bright this point in time so let love and compassion lead the way.
Because we believe the surface, we forget that surfaces arent who we are.
Friday, December 31
Wednesday, December 29
tsunami
i dunno if u all feel as i do.
i've been reading the papers and sort of keeping track of the death toll. on sunday when i first heard the news from my mom, i thought this is a SMALL case. turn out to be otherwise. with the number of corpses totalling up to 55000 and more, and still rising, i feel so useless. there's nothing much i can do to help. out there, people are dying, bodies decomposing on the streets, families separated, homes destroyed and hopes dashed. and here, in S'pore, pple are complaining that the weather is cold when we have warm food, snug clothing and adequate shelter. i AM a selfish person. we all are. in the confort of my home yesterday night, i was grumbling abt the weather, how i cant study when it's freezing cold, why my house doesn hav any snacks, and worrying over 2 stupid class tests that i haven prepared for. and somewhere not too far away, others are fighting to live. trying desperately to locate their families, bewildered coz the waves brought together with it grief and sadness, darkness and pain.
the media is calling out to the pple of s'pore for help. and it's only right that we should respond. cant the S'pore pools stop collecting bets just for a week, and donate the prize money? cant some companies give their workers a day off to help transport and help pack things that need to be send over and every little manpower is needed? our nation talks about doing all that we can to help. yet our national trade union congress (NTUC) is so stingy so as to come up with this (pay$10 and they'll send a bag of necessities worth $13+++) what the hell. if they're sincere, they shld juz donate those stuff. and not try to increase their inventory turnover. damn.
and war.. the thought of it makes me sick. those freaking countries buying amunition and weapons and what not juz so that they can torture each other, spending millions and billions so they can put up a wonderful show for the rest of the world. and the hell they broguth to their own pple. if all the contries can chip in and donate the money they set aside for national defense to aid pple frm sri lanka, frm indonesia, from maldives and so on, wont the world then be more appreciative of what humans, as a whole, do to help one another? wont there then be peace because war will cease to exist?
organisations are collecting donations and i see pple giving freely. this IS what i call the spirit of giving. reaching out to help. playing our part. when jas frm my cls told me abt how strongly karene feels abt this thing, i can understand. it's not juz another hooha that the media created. this is the REAL thing. fellow humans who deserve as much right as us to live needs help. and we, being fortunate enuff to be born in an ideal environment that pple frm other countries desire, shldnt we do more?
was listening to the radio station all the way to school today about the news. the DJs was saying "when u want to donate, think twice before pulling out that mere $2 for the sake of donating". they talked abt how pple are questioning if those organisations who claimed that they are helping those in need are really helping or they're juz finding a way to earn money. DONT THOSE IDIOTS HAVE A HEART? in times like this, why would those buggers EVEN THINK of such things? DUN QUESTION OTHERS" SINCERITY if they dun hav the same giving heart.
i feel so disappointed to see pple not being affected by this natural disaster. how could they not?
everywhere, pple are laughing, enjoying the last few days of this year, thinking of how to end it perfectly, treating this issue as if it's none of our country's concern.
the number of pple killed, injured and lost. is this too high a price to pay for a wake up call?
i see this, as a slap God gave, right in our faces. As a gift He bestowed upon us to remind us for the many things we ought to be grateful, and that we shld treat mother nature better. we've been abusing her for far too long. longer than his patience level, higher than his limit. we cut away her precious children forests, burnt her beloved grandchildren while polluting the earth.
the tsunami will be remembered for years to come. i hope by the time our nation ages gracefully, we can stand up and say that we are proud to be there to help when disaster strikes. that together, we help to rebuild these countries, building bonds lasting far stronger than diplomatic ties while strengthening compassion.
sometimes, counting blessings is not enough. we have to take the necessary actions.
ending off this entry with a prayer. maybe at this point in time God cant be bothered abt our pleas. but when He finally sees the wonders of human nature, i'm sure he'll step in to help. he'll relent, and give us another chance. i hope i live to see the day. please God, curb ur rage.
i've been reading the papers and sort of keeping track of the death toll. on sunday when i first heard the news from my mom, i thought this is a SMALL case. turn out to be otherwise. with the number of corpses totalling up to 55000 and more, and still rising, i feel so useless. there's nothing much i can do to help. out there, people are dying, bodies decomposing on the streets, families separated, homes destroyed and hopes dashed. and here, in S'pore, pple are complaining that the weather is cold when we have warm food, snug clothing and adequate shelter. i AM a selfish person. we all are. in the confort of my home yesterday night, i was grumbling abt the weather, how i cant study when it's freezing cold, why my house doesn hav any snacks, and worrying over 2 stupid class tests that i haven prepared for. and somewhere not too far away, others are fighting to live. trying desperately to locate their families, bewildered coz the waves brought together with it grief and sadness, darkness and pain.
the media is calling out to the pple of s'pore for help. and it's only right that we should respond. cant the S'pore pools stop collecting bets just for a week, and donate the prize money? cant some companies give their workers a day off to help transport and help pack things that need to be send over and every little manpower is needed? our nation talks about doing all that we can to help. yet our national trade union congress (NTUC) is so stingy so as to come up with this (pay$10 and they'll send a bag of necessities worth $13+++) what the hell. if they're sincere, they shld juz donate those stuff. and not try to increase their inventory turnover. damn.
and war.. the thought of it makes me sick. those freaking countries buying amunition and weapons and what not juz so that they can torture each other, spending millions and billions so they can put up a wonderful show for the rest of the world. and the hell they broguth to their own pple. if all the contries can chip in and donate the money they set aside for national defense to aid pple frm sri lanka, frm indonesia, from maldives and so on, wont the world then be more appreciative of what humans, as a whole, do to help one another? wont there then be peace because war will cease to exist?
organisations are collecting donations and i see pple giving freely. this IS what i call the spirit of giving. reaching out to help. playing our part. when jas frm my cls told me abt how strongly karene feels abt this thing, i can understand. it's not juz another hooha that the media created. this is the REAL thing. fellow humans who deserve as much right as us to live needs help. and we, being fortunate enuff to be born in an ideal environment that pple frm other countries desire, shldnt we do more?
was listening to the radio station all the way to school today about the news. the DJs was saying "when u want to donate, think twice before pulling out that mere $2 for the sake of donating". they talked abt how pple are questioning if those organisations who claimed that they are helping those in need are really helping or they're juz finding a way to earn money. DONT THOSE IDIOTS HAVE A HEART? in times like this, why would those buggers EVEN THINK of such things? DUN QUESTION OTHERS" SINCERITY if they dun hav the same giving heart.
i feel so disappointed to see pple not being affected by this natural disaster. how could they not?
everywhere, pple are laughing, enjoying the last few days of this year, thinking of how to end it perfectly, treating this issue as if it's none of our country's concern.
the number of pple killed, injured and lost. is this too high a price to pay for a wake up call?
i see this, as a slap God gave, right in our faces. As a gift He bestowed upon us to remind us for the many things we ought to be grateful, and that we shld treat mother nature better. we've been abusing her for far too long. longer than his patience level, higher than his limit. we cut away her precious children forests, burnt her beloved grandchildren while polluting the earth.
the tsunami will be remembered for years to come. i hope by the time our nation ages gracefully, we can stand up and say that we are proud to be there to help when disaster strikes. that together, we help to rebuild these countries, building bonds lasting far stronger than diplomatic ties while strengthening compassion.
sometimes, counting blessings is not enough. we have to take the necessary actions.
ending off this entry with a prayer. maybe at this point in time God cant be bothered abt our pleas. but when He finally sees the wonders of human nature, i'm sure he'll step in to help. he'll relent, and give us another chance. i hope i live to see the day. please God, curb ur rage.
Saturday, December 25
my grandpa's 80th birthday today..
ate that 8+2=10 course teowchew style meal. FULL sia.. 1st few course sharks fin and abalone. till the last few courses the dishes are totally unappetizing.. bleahz..
slept darn early ytd night yet woke up damn late this afternoon.
had some disturbing dreams again. they seem to ruin my waking moments..
Christmas is over.. the special day lost its magical touch last night. the feel disappears like stardust in the night sky, leaving behing emptyness.
new year is coming.. but i dun hav any high hopes for this coming year.. i've learnt that making resolutions dont work and wishes dun come true that easily..
my journal is almost filled. left a few pages.. juz nice.. a book a year.. comparing my last few books with the recent one, i can see how i've progressed and matured. sense of accomplishment.
ate that 8+2=10 course teowchew style meal. FULL sia.. 1st few course sharks fin and abalone. till the last few courses the dishes are totally unappetizing.. bleahz..
slept darn early ytd night yet woke up damn late this afternoon.
had some disturbing dreams again. they seem to ruin my waking moments..
Christmas is over.. the special day lost its magical touch last night. the feel disappears like stardust in the night sky, leaving behing emptyness.
new year is coming.. but i dun hav any high hopes for this coming year.. i've learnt that making resolutions dont work and wishes dun come true that easily..
my journal is almost filled. left a few pages.. juz nice.. a book a year.. comparing my last few books with the recent one, i can see how i've progressed and matured. sense of accomplishment.
giving gifts. gift of giving.
Basking in the magical feel of this Xmas festive season or watever u all call it, i cant help but feel amazed at how extravagent S'poreans' lives are. Christmas is a season of peace, love, joy and most of all, giving. Giving gifts is an art and few people possesses it. When Dec 25 draws nearer, we see malls packed with last minute shoppers looking for presents and a mad scramble for the cashier before the queue goes one round and meet at the start.
often we see pple standing ard shelves for ages trying not to pull out all their hair and racking their brains thinking of a suitable present they "think" the receiver will like and is within their budget. we see pple hardly managing with the many bags they have while looking for more gifts.
However, while selecting gifts, shldnt we take into consideration something else? Between Dec 26 till Dec 31 when we make our new year resolutions is the length of time the presents are valued. after the hype of goft-giving during this wonderful day, the presents stay somewhere at home often out of sight. when new year comes, we set resolutions like "spring cleaning" and "unclutter my life." then the gifts come to mind. shld we throw, donate or use the things that we received? wat if i hav no use for them? i dun like it? but i need to cut down on space and mess. aint we humans stupid in this way?
season of giving. isnt a nice warm big hug enuff? it's a gift, from the heart. aint a sincere sweet "i love you" enough to melt your heart? cant a twinkle in the eye and a big smile plus unspoken care and concern touch your heart? cant a call from a love one makes ur heart stop for a second enough to make your day?
if the heart skips a beat juz because u see the twinkle of a diamond, the heavenly scent of a branded perfume, the glamorous feel of branded goods, then i think Xmas has lost it's true meaning of giving. saw QY's cousin's reaction when she receives that VERY expensive watch from her god-mom.. she was so excited and was running screaming towards and hugging her god-mum saying she love her, juz coz she receives an ex watch which she show off to all her friends..
we're here to spread love, pass on joy, expand hope and embrace peace.
Let's indulge and place focus on the gift of giving and not the giving of gifts..
often we see pple standing ard shelves for ages trying not to pull out all their hair and racking their brains thinking of a suitable present they "think" the receiver will like and is within their budget. we see pple hardly managing with the many bags they have while looking for more gifts.
However, while selecting gifts, shldnt we take into consideration something else? Between Dec 26 till Dec 31 when we make our new year resolutions is the length of time the presents are valued. after the hype of goft-giving during this wonderful day, the presents stay somewhere at home often out of sight. when new year comes, we set resolutions like "spring cleaning" and "unclutter my life." then the gifts come to mind. shld we throw, donate or use the things that we received? wat if i hav no use for them? i dun like it? but i need to cut down on space and mess. aint we humans stupid in this way?
season of giving. isnt a nice warm big hug enuff? it's a gift, from the heart. aint a sincere sweet "i love you" enough to melt your heart? cant a twinkle in the eye and a big smile plus unspoken care and concern touch your heart? cant a call from a love one makes ur heart stop for a second enough to make your day?
if the heart skips a beat juz because u see the twinkle of a diamond, the heavenly scent of a branded perfume, the glamorous feel of branded goods, then i think Xmas has lost it's true meaning of giving. saw QY's cousin's reaction when she receives that VERY expensive watch from her god-mom.. she was so excited and was running screaming towards and hugging her god-mum saying she love her, juz coz she receives an ex watch which she show off to all her friends..
we're here to spread love, pass on joy, expand hope and embrace peace.
Let's indulge and place focus on the gift of giving and not the giving of gifts..
xmas
1st things 1st:
Merry Christmas to all.
spent another year at Qianyi's aunt's house.. and the few of us were soooo amazed by QY's cousin's room, which includes a shoerack that contains 26 pairs of shoes.. and she got more than that!
the night was good except for this 2 particular bugger.. damn.. make the whole situation so embarassing.. and that older one reminds me of maurice.. he said "i've known this guy for 3 years and i'm getting married next year. i cant be there for him forever so i guess it's time he go into a relationship. he saw U(qianyi) last year and likes you." all the while he was standing in the middle of the life door, preventing us to get down. he finished off with a grand exit by extening his hands to his friend and wishing him good luck and all the best. okay. did i mention that guy got pushed into the lift? anyway, me and YP wanted to say "she got a bf" but i kept quiet coz it's Xmas and i dun wanna sound rude when i'm the guest.
the happiest moment in the entire evening was the few minutes we got so excited over the letters.. they off all the lights and the function room was illuminated with candles.. went talking at the playground for ages.. all the day i feel young. younger than usual.
didnt go to town with them after the celebration at Normanton park.. Last year's wrong choice of venue turned into a nightmare and i dun wanna risk repeating history.. went home in the end and spent the last few moments of Xmas eve in the cab chatting with YP..
*yawnz.. tml's grandpa's bdae.. red is the colour. *bleahz
Merry Christmas to all.
spent another year at Qianyi's aunt's house.. and the few of us were soooo amazed by QY's cousin's room, which includes a shoerack that contains 26 pairs of shoes.. and she got more than that!
the night was good except for this 2 particular bugger.. damn.. make the whole situation so embarassing.. and that older one reminds me of maurice.. he said "i've known this guy for 3 years and i'm getting married next year. i cant be there for him forever so i guess it's time he go into a relationship. he saw U(qianyi) last year and likes you." all the while he was standing in the middle of the life door, preventing us to get down. he finished off with a grand exit by extening his hands to his friend and wishing him good luck and all the best. okay. did i mention that guy got pushed into the lift? anyway, me and YP wanted to say "she got a bf" but i kept quiet coz it's Xmas and i dun wanna sound rude when i'm the guest.
the happiest moment in the entire evening was the few minutes we got so excited over the letters.. they off all the lights and the function room was illuminated with candles.. went talking at the playground for ages.. all the day i feel young. younger than usual.
didnt go to town with them after the celebration at Normanton park.. Last year's wrong choice of venue turned into a nightmare and i dun wanna risk repeating history.. went home in the end and spent the last few moments of Xmas eve in the cab chatting with YP..
*yawnz.. tml's grandpa's bdae.. red is the colour. *bleahz
Wednesday, December 22
rather angry at myself. felt stupid juz now. guess i haven got back to the pre-sick period.. i'm such a weakie.. the sun was exceptionally unbearable.. i was wondering how i got past my secondary school education with 2 years of NDP participation and 4 years of uniform grp life.. i almost gave up on St. Johns if not for my bunch of buddies i met in secondary 2. NDP scares the "whites" out of me and i took years to reduce the tan..
i've got used to the heat, somehow or another but the sun at tembusu today was bad.. maybe the fengshui at tembusu is terrible, i dunno. but somehow that angle by which the sun comes shining happily right at your face makes me irritated. back then, even when i march under the sun, we wont get the sun right in front of our faces ALL the time. it's diff now. there is only 1 direction by which we face and the afternoon sun hurts.. lost is the word when i cant see the arrows, or where exactly to aim. it's like doing something without knowing what u want or what happened.. i feel so out of control.. i find myself as sort of a control freak. i NEED to feel in control.. if not i'll go bonkers.. life crumbles.. watever~ dun think u all understand. i'm nuts..
for a moment during training, i felt almost as if the sun is mocking me, and also giving me that it's-the-season-of-hope,joy&love-so-let-us-share-and-indulge-in-this-ever-growing-happiness-and-be-optimistic-about-the-coming-year.. damn.. makes it seem as if the sun wants to show its full glory before it sets, telling me oh-how-wonderful-life-is.. damn.
i dunno when i start hating the sun. i remember i'm a person afraid of the cold so i'm pretty much alright coexisting with it. now it's almost unbearable. intolerable.. or maybe i've turned into a spiteful, irritating and ungrateful brat.
someone asked me why i looked so sad. and that i shld smile more. do i? i mean look sad?
saw adeline juz now.. the ger who i chat at night with during the malaysia trip.. someone who i haven been keeping in contact with although back then we were both so enthu abt meeting up.. it's been at least 3 years le bah.. was juz thinking abt her sometime back and the things she said then. wat a coincidence.. slept in the bus, as usual. i'm glad i didnt fell off the seat. now i'm having a headache and my eyes hurt. i guess i need rest.
i've got used to the heat, somehow or another but the sun at tembusu today was bad.. maybe the fengshui at tembusu is terrible, i dunno. but somehow that angle by which the sun comes shining happily right at your face makes me irritated. back then, even when i march under the sun, we wont get the sun right in front of our faces ALL the time. it's diff now. there is only 1 direction by which we face and the afternoon sun hurts.. lost is the word when i cant see the arrows, or where exactly to aim. it's like doing something without knowing what u want or what happened.. i feel so out of control.. i find myself as sort of a control freak. i NEED to feel in control.. if not i'll go bonkers.. life crumbles.. watever~ dun think u all understand. i'm nuts..
for a moment during training, i felt almost as if the sun is mocking me, and also giving me that it's-the-season-of-hope,joy&love-so-let-us-share-and-indulge-in-this-ever-growing-happiness-and-be-optimistic-about-the-coming-year.. damn.. makes it seem as if the sun wants to show its full glory before it sets, telling me oh-how-wonderful-life-is.. damn.
i dunno when i start hating the sun. i remember i'm a person afraid of the cold so i'm pretty much alright coexisting with it. now it's almost unbearable. intolerable.. or maybe i've turned into a spiteful, irritating and ungrateful brat.
someone asked me why i looked so sad. and that i shld smile more. do i? i mean look sad?
saw adeline juz now.. the ger who i chat at night with during the malaysia trip.. someone who i haven been keeping in contact with although back then we were both so enthu abt meeting up.. it's been at least 3 years le bah.. was juz thinking abt her sometime back and the things she said then. wat a coincidence.. slept in the bus, as usual. i'm glad i didnt fell off the seat. now i'm having a headache and my eyes hurt. i guess i need rest.
Tuesday, December 21
Mr Peter Knipp's talk
was discussing MEIT proj outside LT18 when Chef Ng came, pat me on my back and "invites" aka "orders" us to go for the talk by Mr. Peter Knipp.
i never regret. at least he kept me entertained for an hr and a half.. the 1st lec since sch starts that i never fall asleep.
his talk is great except the fact that he walks around way too much and had too many gestures. that made me unfocused every now and then, spacing off quite often before focusing on the topics he brought up. he's very intimidating, and i was sitting at the 2nd row praying that he wont call on my to ask some chim qns that i have no answer to with that tone and that stare.
but i gained so much.. shall blog them down and share before i forgot..
i love this: he said [i dun employ certificates. i employ attitudes] when he interviewed his employees. he never looks at certs and qualifications. he continued with [skills i can teach. attitudes i cant.] doesnt that sound awesome?
he talked about passion. "passion needs to be accompanied with discipline. without that, u're screwed" it's true. we often talk about how much we love somthing, a job or a desire. but what is true passion if u dun hav the discipline to do what u muz in order to achieve what u want? he went on to say that success comes from hard work and effort, not luck coz even when luck is required for u to be in the right place at the right time, u urself need to create that opportunity to be present.
in addition, he mentioned this that i've talked about in one of my previous posts..
[future is based on the present which is built on the past] so the past is as important as the future. some pple live in "lala land" so he said, forgetting how important it is to live in the present and reflect and learn from the past. this made me feel so "connected" during the talk..
is skills enough in order to be good? "u can have a driving liscense but does that makes u a good formula one racer? all u learn is to step on pedals and adjust the stirring wheel" this is where experience comes in, and a whole lot more..
bringing the topic to cuisines, Mr Knipp gave his views about Asians not sharing knowledge. chefs not sharing their "secret recipes." and that sharing is essential for evolution.. that is why chinese food never changes much..
and we all knwo this "smiling requires less muscles than frowning" but why are there so many pple giving "black faces?" someone in one of the sunday times column brought up the point "why is the hospitality industry the most UNhospitable one?" and he said that it is very relevant in S'pore context.. how often do we grumble that we got to work shift work, complains when our frens ask us out and we got to work, giving that SH** word? and how many pple actually clear their own trays when they visit McDonald's?
besides that, how many chefs/ cooks are being recognised? waiters aint being respected. servers are being treated like "servents" coz they serve. u pay, we serve.
this makes sense too: "the hospitality industry requires u to 1) work long hrs, 2) low pay, 3) get abused, 4) no respect, 5) little recognition etc.." those that are in the industry muz be nuts.. we do those things that others think anyone muz be crazy to do so, meaning we do all the shitty jobs that pple dun want.. service is also linked to uneducated. u fail ur exams, u go to work in service line. u work in service, u are a failure.. that is the direct relation pple think of.. think of cooks and chefs pple immediately relate to "loud swearing, nose-digging, rough, barbaric" pple.. it's wrong..
talking about music.. pple who love classical pieces will remember the famous bach.. and why we remember him? coz he wrote many famous classical music pieces..
NOW, name a famous chef in the 1700.. lolx.. who will actually remember? there are countless composers in that era and anyone with the passion for music will be able to name a few as and then.. but those who love cuisines, love food, the art of dining.. who can actually think of a handful of chefs that famous? this is why they say chefs doesnt hav any recognition..
talking about discipline, Mr Knipp recalled his "gd old days" whereby his seconf grade teacher have him a slap. he said that he needed one at that time and that "we all need wake up calls in life every now and then.." and i agree.. u fall, u get up. u lose sense of direction in life, get into the wrong sides, u need that "something" to bring u right back in track..
besides all the above mentioned issues, this topic he talked about is what i've thought about. regarding internal and external customers.. both are vital to a company, hotel, org. communication is crucial in order to reach success.. there is a need to share satisfaction. this part of the talk reminded me of panpac.. remember i once said that i actually enjoys greeting internal staff than external ones? not that i dislike guests, but the "feel" is different. u know when u greet them, give them acknowledgement that we are all enjoying what we're doing, that we are all working hard for some reasons or another, that we are dedicated in doing our jobs well, we work together to give guests the best that we can offer. it's like having a common goal and working towards it.. to me, that generates more satisfaction..
and talking about the past. how can we evr forget our famous edison? that lightbulb inventor? he succeed on his 10000th try. he doesnt think that he's failed for 9999 times.. those tries are just a step in order for him to reach success.. there is no failure so long as u learn from ur mistakes..
talking about high class hotels in s'pore.. how can we elave out Ritz carlton? their ever famous motto [we are ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen]
that is juz a way of instilling pride, reinforcing and giving recognition to staff but that message is so strong that every employee is proud to say that they work for the Ritz..
i've asked this qn a hundred and one time.. who determines what gd service is? the customers? in order to know, u muz first experience. and the fact that many s'poreans are stingy doesnt help the hospitality industry at all.. we dunno what is gd svc so we dunno how to provide gd svc actually..
when we say that hospi is a subset of tourism, does that mean that there are parts of tourism that doesnt include any hospitality component?
the chinese much talked about yin yang issue.. there is the ying and the yang, and the "ba gua" mirror.. the examples were to start off another topic.. they all boil down to "balance.." we muz achieve balance in life..
question: how we know if something is good?
answer is: when there is somehting bad to compare against.
without the bad, we wont know what is good. vice versa.
Mr Knipp told us that he once employed a degree holder. that young lady quits after about a yr, saying that he doesnt respects her degree at all.. he told us that he also employed a housewife who got no qualifications and when the young lady got so insulted over the "no respect" issue, he told her that in the university of life, the housewife got 3 ph.Ds.. and many of us are still stuck without even completing out primary 5 education.. life is not all about certs.. it's abt who u are..
do u have what it takes to survive in the industry? are you one of the many that wants to be a manager? are you one of the 9 out of the 10 that wants to own a business within the next 10 years? are you one who want to be in the hospi industry simple coz u love the interaction between and with pple? are you one who follows what ur parents say and want u to do?
all i can say now is, follow your heart. i did.
point to note: all quotations in this entry is NOT 100% accurate.. i recalled all these from memory so no doubt there will be some slight inaccurate information.. hope u enjoyed this entry as much as i did recalling the issues.. =)
i never regret. at least he kept me entertained for an hr and a half.. the 1st lec since sch starts that i never fall asleep.
his talk is great except the fact that he walks around way too much and had too many gestures. that made me unfocused every now and then, spacing off quite often before focusing on the topics he brought up. he's very intimidating, and i was sitting at the 2nd row praying that he wont call on my to ask some chim qns that i have no answer to with that tone and that stare.
but i gained so much.. shall blog them down and share before i forgot..
i love this: he said [i dun employ certificates. i employ attitudes] when he interviewed his employees. he never looks at certs and qualifications. he continued with [skills i can teach. attitudes i cant.] doesnt that sound awesome?
he talked about passion. "passion needs to be accompanied with discipline. without that, u're screwed" it's true. we often talk about how much we love somthing, a job or a desire. but what is true passion if u dun hav the discipline to do what u muz in order to achieve what u want? he went on to say that success comes from hard work and effort, not luck coz even when luck is required for u to be in the right place at the right time, u urself need to create that opportunity to be present.
in addition, he mentioned this that i've talked about in one of my previous posts..
[future is based on the present which is built on the past] so the past is as important as the future. some pple live in "lala land" so he said, forgetting how important it is to live in the present and reflect and learn from the past. this made me feel so "connected" during the talk..
is skills enough in order to be good? "u can have a driving liscense but does that makes u a good formula one racer? all u learn is to step on pedals and adjust the stirring wheel" this is where experience comes in, and a whole lot more..
bringing the topic to cuisines, Mr Knipp gave his views about Asians not sharing knowledge. chefs not sharing their "secret recipes." and that sharing is essential for evolution.. that is why chinese food never changes much..
and we all knwo this "smiling requires less muscles than frowning" but why are there so many pple giving "black faces?" someone in one of the sunday times column brought up the point "why is the hospitality industry the most UNhospitable one?" and he said that it is very relevant in S'pore context.. how often do we grumble that we got to work shift work, complains when our frens ask us out and we got to work, giving that SH** word? and how many pple actually clear their own trays when they visit McDonald's?
besides that, how many chefs/ cooks are being recognised? waiters aint being respected. servers are being treated like "servents" coz they serve. u pay, we serve.
this makes sense too: "the hospitality industry requires u to 1) work long hrs, 2) low pay, 3) get abused, 4) no respect, 5) little recognition etc.." those that are in the industry muz be nuts.. we do those things that others think anyone muz be crazy to do so, meaning we do all the shitty jobs that pple dun want.. service is also linked to uneducated. u fail ur exams, u go to work in service line. u work in service, u are a failure.. that is the direct relation pple think of.. think of cooks and chefs pple immediately relate to "loud swearing, nose-digging, rough, barbaric" pple.. it's wrong..
talking about music.. pple who love classical pieces will remember the famous bach.. and why we remember him? coz he wrote many famous classical music pieces..
NOW, name a famous chef in the 1700.. lolx.. who will actually remember? there are countless composers in that era and anyone with the passion for music will be able to name a few as and then.. but those who love cuisines, love food, the art of dining.. who can actually think of a handful of chefs that famous? this is why they say chefs doesnt hav any recognition..
talking about discipline, Mr Knipp recalled his "gd old days" whereby his seconf grade teacher have him a slap. he said that he needed one at that time and that "we all need wake up calls in life every now and then.." and i agree.. u fall, u get up. u lose sense of direction in life, get into the wrong sides, u need that "something" to bring u right back in track..
besides all the above mentioned issues, this topic he talked about is what i've thought about. regarding internal and external customers.. both are vital to a company, hotel, org. communication is crucial in order to reach success.. there is a need to share satisfaction. this part of the talk reminded me of panpac.. remember i once said that i actually enjoys greeting internal staff than external ones? not that i dislike guests, but the "feel" is different. u know when u greet them, give them acknowledgement that we are all enjoying what we're doing, that we are all working hard for some reasons or another, that we are dedicated in doing our jobs well, we work together to give guests the best that we can offer. it's like having a common goal and working towards it.. to me, that generates more satisfaction..
and talking about the past. how can we evr forget our famous edison? that lightbulb inventor? he succeed on his 10000th try. he doesnt think that he's failed for 9999 times.. those tries are just a step in order for him to reach success.. there is no failure so long as u learn from ur mistakes..
talking about high class hotels in s'pore.. how can we elave out Ritz carlton? their ever famous motto [we are ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen]
that is juz a way of instilling pride, reinforcing and giving recognition to staff but that message is so strong that every employee is proud to say that they work for the Ritz..
i've asked this qn a hundred and one time.. who determines what gd service is? the customers? in order to know, u muz first experience. and the fact that many s'poreans are stingy doesnt help the hospitality industry at all.. we dunno what is gd svc so we dunno how to provide gd svc actually..
when we say that hospi is a subset of tourism, does that mean that there are parts of tourism that doesnt include any hospitality component?
the chinese much talked about yin yang issue.. there is the ying and the yang, and the "ba gua" mirror.. the examples were to start off another topic.. they all boil down to "balance.." we muz achieve balance in life..
question: how we know if something is good?
answer is: when there is somehting bad to compare against.
without the bad, we wont know what is good. vice versa.
Mr Knipp told us that he once employed a degree holder. that young lady quits after about a yr, saying that he doesnt respects her degree at all.. he told us that he also employed a housewife who got no qualifications and when the young lady got so insulted over the "no respect" issue, he told her that in the university of life, the housewife got 3 ph.Ds.. and many of us are still stuck without even completing out primary 5 education.. life is not all about certs.. it's abt who u are..
do u have what it takes to survive in the industry? are you one of the many that wants to be a manager? are you one of the 9 out of the 10 that wants to own a business within the next 10 years? are you one who want to be in the hospi industry simple coz u love the interaction between and with pple? are you one who follows what ur parents say and want u to do?
all i can say now is, follow your heart. i did.
point to note: all quotations in this entry is NOT 100% accurate.. i recalled all these from memory so no doubt there will be some slight inaccurate information.. hope u enjoyed this entry as much as i did recalling the issues.. =)
Monday, December 20
blog entries..
blog hop a bit more and u'll realise a trend. most of us keeps harping on the same issues time and again. some blog about how the past and that they've got over things, forgotten about things and so on. compared to those that keeps stressing that they cannot seem to let go, these pple are those that really live in the past. because they cant get out of that vicious cycle of reminding themselves of what happened, they sort of bluff their minds to believe false truths.
these pple constantly feel a sense of guilt so they hav to keep emphasizing that they've already let go and move on.. this is to ensure that they keep the lie they live is convincing enough so that they can "mask" things and get on with normal life..
another type of pple is that they beat around the bush.. when u read, u'll hav to decipher alot of things and make alot of wild guesses that u dun even know if you're correct coz u cant ask anyway.. and those pple frequently drop so many subtle hints and some make no sense to u at all that u dunno which ones to believe.. and those posts are ever so confusing.. you dunno what mood the person is in and whether the perosn needs help or what.. these pple, they want to share but somehow, something is holding them back.. you know it but u cant help coz u dunno if that is a sensitive issue and the person might not want to let u in the secret..
some pple post entries as if they're giving a full report of their lifves. others flood their blogs with questions that pple other than themselves couldnt answer and u wonder why they even post it in the 1st place.. some leave feelings of extreme hatred or guilt in the things they say that make u wonder if life is really so bleak and that there is nothing good about life. more often than not, we talk about the past as if it's our present and future. we elaborate on memories and thoughts that might be irrelevant in the future..
and why do we hold fast to memories? for they give meaning to the future.. dont they?
after saying so much, haven u realised? all that i've said, i can relate to. can you? somehow or another?
these pple constantly feel a sense of guilt so they hav to keep emphasizing that they've already let go and move on.. this is to ensure that they keep the lie they live is convincing enough so that they can "mask" things and get on with normal life..
another type of pple is that they beat around the bush.. when u read, u'll hav to decipher alot of things and make alot of wild guesses that u dun even know if you're correct coz u cant ask anyway.. and those pple frequently drop so many subtle hints and some make no sense to u at all that u dunno which ones to believe.. and those posts are ever so confusing.. you dunno what mood the person is in and whether the perosn needs help or what.. these pple, they want to share but somehow, something is holding them back.. you know it but u cant help coz u dunno if that is a sensitive issue and the person might not want to let u in the secret..
some pple post entries as if they're giving a full report of their lifves. others flood their blogs with questions that pple other than themselves couldnt answer and u wonder why they even post it in the 1st place.. some leave feelings of extreme hatred or guilt in the things they say that make u wonder if life is really so bleak and that there is nothing good about life. more often than not, we talk about the past as if it's our present and future. we elaborate on memories and thoughts that might be irrelevant in the future..
and why do we hold fast to memories? for they give meaning to the future.. dont they?
after saying so much, haven u realised? all that i've said, i can relate to. can you? somehow or another?
Sunday, December 19
temple etiquette onegaishimasu
i guess we should have temple etiquette.. went to "xie tai sui" today at a temple in east coast.. and it's horrible the way those aunties "cheong" and push to light the candles and joss sticks and all.. they should in fact, form 2 lines and queue up for their turn to light joss sticks and candles. form a line and wait for their turn when burning incense. it is so rude to cut queue. and there should be "keep quiet" and "no running in the temple" rules that children and adults should abide to. somehting like the library. and why those aunties so kiasu? it's not as if u go first then the dieties would look after you more.. AND i simple cant stand those pple who put their joss sticks soooo close to the side of the watever-u-call-that(joss container or sth).. the sticks are at an angle and the inner side is relatively empty.. y cant they just "station" their joss sticks nearer to the back when there is space and not simply stick them to the "outer rim" and blocking the way. when they do so, they prevent other pple from enjoying the luxury of offering joss sticks without burning their hands.. it is soooo unethical so to say..
choices..
when important decisions are to be made, more frequently than not, there'll be two or more important factors to be considered and usually u'll be in a dilemma..
thinking back about the 1st 3 months in AJ, i realised i have so many things i want to study, so many jobs i want to go into..
i want to study physiotherapy and be a physiotherapist in the future but that stupid course is only offered to A level holders.. and the thought of wasting 3 yrs (2 yrs plus 1 yr for waiting of results) deters me.. i'm not so nobel as to postpone my poly education..
i want to go into optometry coz there is a demand for optometrist in s'pore. when i graduate with the diploma, i'll definitely find a job with a higher-starting pay than normal jobs.. and that course is limited to only 28 places in the WHOLE OF SINGAPORE. i'm proud to say that i got in.. SP sent me the registration package but i rejected that offer coz i got into hospitality..
wanting to go into that 2 areas was something that i never thought about until the 1st 3 months time.. i had a chat with my chinese teacher in AJ and she gave me a lot of advice.. although she teaches in JC, she never once belittles pple who go to polytechnics, unlike some others.. she gave me alot of encouragement and support me in making that BIG decision as i was one of the VERY FEW that actually even THOUGHT of going to poly..
thinking abt physiotheraphy, i want to be able to spur pple on, help in making them well again. together with my effort, i hope i can contribute to pple in this small way. from kids to teens to the elderly.. it's a "grand" job to me.. i'll be able to cultivate patience and tolerance there and gain immense satisfaction in my job when the patients recover.. and when those pple feel like giving up, when they are at the edge of hope, i wish i could be there to motivate them to move on, slowly and steadily.. i hope to see the passion pple have for life, their struggle to fight for the right to be "right" again.. i will be abble to talk to patients and learn so much about life that i cant anywhere else.. it's not like i will be able to get such "magical moments" if i work in any other places..
for optometry, i gave up that idea coz i couldnt bear the thought of looking and studying eyes for 3 years, then working around "eyes" in research department in hospitals, or specs shops for my next 30 or so years, den when my eyesight is failing, i need OTHER optometrist to "look" at eyes AGAIN.. it's like a whole lifetime of eyes.. endless and routine.. but i dun mind routine jobs.. so that's not really a problem.. and sometimes, i WONER IF I SHOULD actually regret not taking that course.. my relatives and even friends of theirs made negative remarks about me not GRABBING the chance to study that subject.. they commented that it's stupid of me to give up that GOLDEN opportunity.. but i did. 2 yrs ago.. lolx.. if they really want it, why not ask THEIR children to study that?
but now, i'm happily ocntented in TP, studying hospitality.. i got into this industry when there is a recession and that all i could do is to be optimistic about MY future, looking forward to 3 years time when i get my diploma and my endless job prospect.. at that point in time, all i can do is to trust the leaders of s'pore to make our small island's economy get up after that great fall.. and i'm glad my "instincts" are correct coz it's picking up and i hope it'll peak soon.. lolx..
and hospi is great isnt it? it combines the element that is needed in all industry.. SERVICE.. haha.. okie.. who will actually convince themselves that their course is so lousy that noone wants to go in? lolx.. of course all of us are proud to be part of the course and feel happy about that.. i know i am..
choices.. if i did not take this road 2 years back, i wouldnt hav met so many of my frens and learn so many interesting things that i would not be able to in other courses( as if i am able to learn what they're learning.. :P) haha.. i couldnt be what i am today. and i'm pretty much happy with they way i turn out to be.. :) the future holds something that i dunno.. so there's no use worrying about that.. i am learning to NOT think so much.. "Fang kai" as they always say.. that's my problem.. :) learning, to change, for the better..
thinking back about the 1st 3 months in AJ, i realised i have so many things i want to study, so many jobs i want to go into..
i want to study physiotherapy and be a physiotherapist in the future but that stupid course is only offered to A level holders.. and the thought of wasting 3 yrs (2 yrs plus 1 yr for waiting of results) deters me.. i'm not so nobel as to postpone my poly education..
i want to go into optometry coz there is a demand for optometrist in s'pore. when i graduate with the diploma, i'll definitely find a job with a higher-starting pay than normal jobs.. and that course is limited to only 28 places in the WHOLE OF SINGAPORE. i'm proud to say that i got in.. SP sent me the registration package but i rejected that offer coz i got into hospitality..
wanting to go into that 2 areas was something that i never thought about until the 1st 3 months time.. i had a chat with my chinese teacher in AJ and she gave me a lot of advice.. although she teaches in JC, she never once belittles pple who go to polytechnics, unlike some others.. she gave me alot of encouragement and support me in making that BIG decision as i was one of the VERY FEW that actually even THOUGHT of going to poly..
thinking abt physiotheraphy, i want to be able to spur pple on, help in making them well again. together with my effort, i hope i can contribute to pple in this small way. from kids to teens to the elderly.. it's a "grand" job to me.. i'll be able to cultivate patience and tolerance there and gain immense satisfaction in my job when the patients recover.. and when those pple feel like giving up, when they are at the edge of hope, i wish i could be there to motivate them to move on, slowly and steadily.. i hope to see the passion pple have for life, their struggle to fight for the right to be "right" again.. i will be abble to talk to patients and learn so much about life that i cant anywhere else.. it's not like i will be able to get such "magical moments" if i work in any other places..
for optometry, i gave up that idea coz i couldnt bear the thought of looking and studying eyes for 3 years, then working around "eyes" in research department in hospitals, or specs shops for my next 30 or so years, den when my eyesight is failing, i need OTHER optometrist to "look" at eyes AGAIN.. it's like a whole lifetime of eyes.. endless and routine.. but i dun mind routine jobs.. so that's not really a problem.. and sometimes, i WONER IF I SHOULD actually regret not taking that course.. my relatives and even friends of theirs made negative remarks about me not GRABBING the chance to study that subject.. they commented that it's stupid of me to give up that GOLDEN opportunity.. but i did. 2 yrs ago.. lolx.. if they really want it, why not ask THEIR children to study that?
but now, i'm happily ocntented in TP, studying hospitality.. i got into this industry when there is a recession and that all i could do is to be optimistic about MY future, looking forward to 3 years time when i get my diploma and my endless job prospect.. at that point in time, all i can do is to trust the leaders of s'pore to make our small island's economy get up after that great fall.. and i'm glad my "instincts" are correct coz it's picking up and i hope it'll peak soon.. lolx..
and hospi is great isnt it? it combines the element that is needed in all industry.. SERVICE.. haha.. okie.. who will actually convince themselves that their course is so lousy that noone wants to go in? lolx.. of course all of us are proud to be part of the course and feel happy about that.. i know i am..
choices.. if i did not take this road 2 years back, i wouldnt hav met so many of my frens and learn so many interesting things that i would not be able to in other courses( as if i am able to learn what they're learning.. :P) haha.. i couldnt be what i am today. and i'm pretty much happy with they way i turn out to be.. :) the future holds something that i dunno.. so there's no use worrying about that.. i am learning to NOT think so much.. "Fang kai" as they always say.. that's my problem.. :) learning, to change, for the better..
cleared an entry that i WANT to post juz now..
anyway, did i mention i love the sony handycam advertisement? the one that incorporates culture and hi-tech equipment? the one with the very "traditional" and "song" backgrd music.. to me, it's a *STAR advert.. most of the sony adverts are good.. like the "double ok" adverts that feature little girls doing those all-so-innocent-poses.. i love them..and the cyber-shots adverts.. somehow they got the "appeal" factor.. great job by the marketing department..
went for team meeting in school today.. and i'm so amazed with loony for even noticing that. he brought up things that made me wonder if he reads my blog.. lolx..
anyway, i find that pple shld actually exclude me from meetings coz i dun contribute.. i juz sit comfortably and waste time slacking.. so y bother to even hav me there when i cant help in any way.. lolx.. and i forget.. a meeting is the last place i would say sth that i really wanna say.. lolx.. and that defeats the purpose of having a meeting..
so many things happened in a day and i realised i got lost somehow, in my own thoughts..
from the meeting to panpac to palm gardens.. it's an eventful day.. right from the moment i opened my eyes till now.. so much so that i actually ALMOST forgotten all about having the archery meeting in the morning.. somehow my brain cells can only store things within an hr of the event happening.. and that's bad coz i cannot remember alot of stuff.. that i want to remember..
motivation.. to do well.. i am motivated mentally but physically i'm still not in par with my mental.. the drive force of my state of mind is unable to fuel the need to excel.. well, this is NOT a problem about commitment and passion and what not.. it's a problem of a body and mind struggle.. okie.. watever~ i dunno wat i'm saying.. too tired i guess, after a damn long day.. shall stop here.. so sorry there's NOTHING interesting abt this post and it's not entertaining.. watever~ i go write my journal le.. crap shall stop here.
anyway, did i mention i love the sony handycam advertisement? the one that incorporates culture and hi-tech equipment? the one with the very "traditional" and "song" backgrd music.. to me, it's a *STAR advert.. most of the sony adverts are good.. like the "double ok" adverts that feature little girls doing those all-so-innocent-poses.. i love them..and the cyber-shots adverts.. somehow they got the "appeal" factor.. great job by the marketing department..
went for team meeting in school today.. and i'm so amazed with loony for even noticing that. he brought up things that made me wonder if he reads my blog.. lolx..
anyway, i find that pple shld actually exclude me from meetings coz i dun contribute.. i juz sit comfortably and waste time slacking.. so y bother to even hav me there when i cant help in any way.. lolx.. and i forget.. a meeting is the last place i would say sth that i really wanna say.. lolx.. and that defeats the purpose of having a meeting..
so many things happened in a day and i realised i got lost somehow, in my own thoughts..
from the meeting to panpac to palm gardens.. it's an eventful day.. right from the moment i opened my eyes till now.. so much so that i actually ALMOST forgotten all about having the archery meeting in the morning.. somehow my brain cells can only store things within an hr of the event happening.. and that's bad coz i cannot remember alot of stuff.. that i want to remember..
motivation.. to do well.. i am motivated mentally but physically i'm still not in par with my mental.. the drive force of my state of mind is unable to fuel the need to excel.. well, this is NOT a problem about commitment and passion and what not.. it's a problem of a body and mind struggle.. okie.. watever~ i dunno wat i'm saying.. too tired i guess, after a damn long day.. shall stop here.. so sorry there's NOTHING interesting abt this post and it's not entertaining.. watever~ i go write my journal le.. crap shall stop here.
Friday, December 17
the wonders of the brain
was talking to my mom juz now and we started on the topic abt MM Lee.. was on to the topic coz susan goh talked abt motivating staff by giving gala dinner and she gave the example abt having a dinner wif him coz it's priceless.. so there i was suddenly thinking of that topic and brought up the whole thing abt Lee..
from his younger days rallying that gave s'pore our history, till now, s'pore owes everything to him.. almost everything in fact.. arbo we'll now be a second malaysia with those lousy roadlamps and such.. he's what i call a "contributor" to the society.. a fabulous example.. in school we're always taught to "give back" what we have to the society. in chinese "qu zu yu she hui, yong zu yu she hui".. but how many of us can actually be like him?
from his past "contributions", till now, everyone respects him.. when u ask someone from other country who or what represents s'pore, our icon, i guess the majority if not all, would say Mr LKY.. i did this survey by a group of Japanese University studetns when i was working in panpac. the questionnaire includes these qns : 1)who do i think is the most famous japanese in s'pore and 2) who do i think is the most famous s'porean in japan.. without a doubt, i put LKY.. juz like another of my colleague.. he's so famous that i'm proud to say he'll DEFINITELY generates ALOT of revenue for our tourism industry and brings abt ALOT of free publicity for our small island when he kick the bucket.. delegates from all over the world would be here to pay respect and of course it is a high yield "situation" that brings abt large volume of revenue and spark off the ripple effect of our economy.. imagine the number of pple and reporters present, the service, the number of rooms that would be occupied in local hotels, the number of ancillary services they would need, the F&B revenue they bring... oh my.. the prospects and benefits are endless. but that is a pity.. coz the world would be short of one bright star...
but from the bottom of my heart, i really wish that i could be like him.. imagine from the day u CAN contribute to YOUR country, till the day u die, even AFTER u die, u'll bring about positive impacts to YOUR country's economy, contributing in a million and one ways, benefiting so many areas in the industry.. THAT is what i call a TRUE "contributor".
it's not that i wanna boast.. but how many pple besides MM Lee is able to bring about a "wonder" as great as this? we see examples like Princess Diana, Mother Theresa and of course Theresa Teng.. that's the only 3 examples i can think of.. i remember Theresa Teng's "grand affair" when she's gone.. i take a look at the news on TV and think:" how MUCH flowers are present at the memorial service alone? the florists are gonna be rich!"
okie.. think i'm digressing le.. shall keep quiet.. sounds bad though.. oh.. and imagine his autobiography.. will be reprinting so the companies doing publishing would earn quite alot.. den some more autors will be out with new books like "MM Lee, the pillar of S'pore" "The S'pore icon." and "What would we be today if there's no him back then?"
haha.. shant say anymore le.. *zip
from his younger days rallying that gave s'pore our history, till now, s'pore owes everything to him.. almost everything in fact.. arbo we'll now be a second malaysia with those lousy roadlamps and such.. he's what i call a "contributor" to the society.. a fabulous example.. in school we're always taught to "give back" what we have to the society. in chinese "qu zu yu she hui, yong zu yu she hui".. but how many of us can actually be like him?
from his past "contributions", till now, everyone respects him.. when u ask someone from other country who or what represents s'pore, our icon, i guess the majority if not all, would say Mr LKY.. i did this survey by a group of Japanese University studetns when i was working in panpac. the questionnaire includes these qns : 1)who do i think is the most famous japanese in s'pore and 2) who do i think is the most famous s'porean in japan.. without a doubt, i put LKY.. juz like another of my colleague.. he's so famous that i'm proud to say he'll DEFINITELY generates ALOT of revenue for our tourism industry and brings abt ALOT of free publicity for our small island when he kick the bucket.. delegates from all over the world would be here to pay respect and of course it is a high yield "situation" that brings abt large volume of revenue and spark off the ripple effect of our economy.. imagine the number of pple and reporters present, the service, the number of rooms that would be occupied in local hotels, the number of ancillary services they would need, the F&B revenue they bring... oh my.. the prospects and benefits are endless. but that is a pity.. coz the world would be short of one bright star...
but from the bottom of my heart, i really wish that i could be like him.. imagine from the day u CAN contribute to YOUR country, till the day u die, even AFTER u die, u'll bring about positive impacts to YOUR country's economy, contributing in a million and one ways, benefiting so many areas in the industry.. THAT is what i call a TRUE "contributor".
it's not that i wanna boast.. but how many pple besides MM Lee is able to bring about a "wonder" as great as this? we see examples like Princess Diana, Mother Theresa and of course Theresa Teng.. that's the only 3 examples i can think of.. i remember Theresa Teng's "grand affair" when she's gone.. i take a look at the news on TV and think:" how MUCH flowers are present at the memorial service alone? the florists are gonna be rich!"
okie.. think i'm digressing le.. shall keep quiet.. sounds bad though.. oh.. and imagine his autobiography.. will be reprinting so the companies doing publishing would earn quite alot.. den some more autors will be out with new books like "MM Lee, the pillar of S'pore" "The S'pore icon." and "What would we be today if there's no him back then?"
haha.. shant say anymore le.. *zip
Thursday, December 16
loneliness and sickness
loneliness strikes on 2 occasions.
1) when u least expected
2) when u most anticipate
personally i prefer the former, and absolutely loathe the latter.. it's like registering in your mind what u already thought of before.. and it's irritating when the "truth" sinks in..
another thing. i dislike giving names to illness or sickness. for example, why call a flu a flu and a cold a cold? y muz we label the diseases causing bacteria and virus that are giving us hell? y muz we acknowledge their presence? do they even deserve to be properly named? we shldnt give them the honour shld we?? by giving them the "correct term", wont we be thinking "i am now suffering from a cold and thus i am sick." if we juz ignore the fact that we are obviously under the influence of some microorganisms, den wont we be simply "weak"? and isnt that so much nicer? maybe i'm so called "running away from the truth" but i cant deny the fact that i dun like "naming" "them."
juz like last wekk.. i had a "fever" and i keep thinking i am warm and my body was emiting heat.. and true enuff, i did and i feel cold coz i emit heat.. and it's darn irritating when that "fever" got worse and there i go thinking "i can almost feel my body temperature rising" and kept taking out the thermometer and measuring my temperature over and over again and true enough, my worse fears were confirmed.. everytime i "think" the degree got higher, i measure and my guesses never once fail me..
and that is bad coz i cant help but feel "what if i got dengue fever and got admitted into SGH?" "what if the doc says i muz stay at home for one week and cant go to sch?" "what if this fever damaged my brain somehow and i become stupid?" so many wat ifs..
fears: of tomorrow. of going to sleep and waking up with half the brain cells i have and half the ability to do what i can in the past. fear of never fully recovering and thus having to face with disabilities for the rest of my life.. and it's damn sad coz i cant help feeling bad and weak at the same time..
but 1 good thing out of this situation was that i revert back to a little kid.. what i ought to be when i was young.. :) and i am very happy abt that..
1) when u least expected
2) when u most anticipate
personally i prefer the former, and absolutely loathe the latter.. it's like registering in your mind what u already thought of before.. and it's irritating when the "truth" sinks in..
another thing. i dislike giving names to illness or sickness. for example, why call a flu a flu and a cold a cold? y muz we label the diseases causing bacteria and virus that are giving us hell? y muz we acknowledge their presence? do they even deserve to be properly named? we shldnt give them the honour shld we?? by giving them the "correct term", wont we be thinking "i am now suffering from a cold and thus i am sick." if we juz ignore the fact that we are obviously under the influence of some microorganisms, den wont we be simply "weak"? and isnt that so much nicer? maybe i'm so called "running away from the truth" but i cant deny the fact that i dun like "naming" "them."
juz like last wekk.. i had a "fever" and i keep thinking i am warm and my body was emiting heat.. and true enuff, i did and i feel cold coz i emit heat.. and it's darn irritating when that "fever" got worse and there i go thinking "i can almost feel my body temperature rising" and kept taking out the thermometer and measuring my temperature over and over again and true enough, my worse fears were confirmed.. everytime i "think" the degree got higher, i measure and my guesses never once fail me..
and that is bad coz i cant help but feel "what if i got dengue fever and got admitted into SGH?" "what if the doc says i muz stay at home for one week and cant go to sch?" "what if this fever damaged my brain somehow and i become stupid?" so many wat ifs..
fears: of tomorrow. of going to sleep and waking up with half the brain cells i have and half the ability to do what i can in the past. fear of never fully recovering and thus having to face with disabilities for the rest of my life.. and it's damn sad coz i cant help feeling bad and weak at the same time..
but 1 good thing out of this situation was that i revert back to a little kid.. what i ought to be when i was young.. :) and i am very happy abt that..
Wednesday, December 15
i sleep in lectures, i sleep in tutorials, i sleep when i'm tired and i sleep when i'm not. i sleep when i'm sick, when i feel tired when i'm well. i sleep on the way to school and i sleep on my way home. i am able to enjoy the shut-off-from-the-world-moment by taking naps.. so tired.. think i sleep too much le.. up to the point my frens dun even bother to wake me up when they see me sleeping.. and tutorials are such a bore.. 10 mins into the tutorials i sleep.. and wake up at intervals.. this has turned into a habit and habits aint that easy to change.. i've been thru this for the past 3 sems.. so it's difficult to change back... guess i'll stick to this lazy-pig-sleep-sleep-sleep routine till the end of this sem bah..
i'm tired. shall say nothing more. i feel sick reporting my life here. sicker still.
i'm tired. shall say nothing more. i feel sick reporting my life here. sicker still.
Saturday, December 11
dying to get out.
being at home reminds me that i am sick and that i shld
1) drink more of that supposedly tasteless H2O
2) rest more
and that makes me feel so useless.. and the more i keep thinking i want to get well, somehow, my body cant work as hard to recover.. and i'm pissed coz even after taking the medicine and all, i dun see any improvement in my condition. and it certainly doesnt help not able to eat anything nice. no fried food, no tea, no chocolates, no sweets.. i cant only alternate water and water with chuan bei pi pa gao. sounds pathetic huh..
and i try not to cough coz my throat hurts so that means that even if i want, even if i'm bored, i cant sing! and i feel stupid coz the sickness is taking control over my body..
many ILLS are born of fatigue and loneliness. as much if not more den fears.
being at home reminds me that i am sick and that i shld
1) drink more of that supposedly tasteless H2O
2) rest more
and that makes me feel so useless.. and the more i keep thinking i want to get well, somehow, my body cant work as hard to recover.. and i'm pissed coz even after taking the medicine and all, i dun see any improvement in my condition. and it certainly doesnt help not able to eat anything nice. no fried food, no tea, no chocolates, no sweets.. i cant only alternate water and water with chuan bei pi pa gao. sounds pathetic huh..
and i try not to cough coz my throat hurts so that means that even if i want, even if i'm bored, i cant sing! and i feel stupid coz the sickness is taking control over my body..
many ILLS are born of fatigue and loneliness. as much if not more den fears.
Friday, December 10
charlene gave me a purple dreamcatcher today. something she bought from Australia..
this is like my 4th or 5th dreamcatcher gift from friends. so why dreamcatcher i wonder.. did i tell them i like? coz i dun recall saying. but it's beautiful.
christmas is coming and it's the rainy season. there's nothing better in the world. chocolates, turkey, cocktails, fun, countdown, sleepover, talks..
i wonder how it feels like to decorate a christmas tree.. to buy the tree, the lightings, the decorations, and so on, den put them together and set everything up in one corner of the house and on it when the season is near. how it feels to off all the lights at home besides those on the tree and juz sit there and indulge in the festive mood and get the feel of magic in the air...
when i moved house 5-6 yrs back, i remember seeing one in my neighbour's house, not in recent years.. and what about the family a few blocks away who never fail to decorate the trees outside their house during the end of the year and will invite lots of pple for gatherings? i never see that anymore.. and it's a pity.. xmas is diff without chrismassy lightings..
i tell u what. i got to go rest somehow.. heaven sent so many signals down to advise me to rest well. and the thunder-signs got louder each time so i think i better go and occcupy myself with some activities that require minimal brain usgae. nite pple.. and gd luck to the archery team for the com.. too bad i cant join u all this yr.. will hav to wait for the next one.. :( see ya next nxt training..
this is like my 4th or 5th dreamcatcher gift from friends. so why dreamcatcher i wonder.. did i tell them i like? coz i dun recall saying. but it's beautiful.
christmas is coming and it's the rainy season. there's nothing better in the world. chocolates, turkey, cocktails, fun, countdown, sleepover, talks..
i wonder how it feels like to decorate a christmas tree.. to buy the tree, the lightings, the decorations, and so on, den put them together and set everything up in one corner of the house and on it when the season is near. how it feels to off all the lights at home besides those on the tree and juz sit there and indulge in the festive mood and get the feel of magic in the air...
when i moved house 5-6 yrs back, i remember seeing one in my neighbour's house, not in recent years.. and what about the family a few blocks away who never fail to decorate the trees outside their house during the end of the year and will invite lots of pple for gatherings? i never see that anymore.. and it's a pity.. xmas is diff without chrismassy lightings..
i tell u what. i got to go rest somehow.. heaven sent so many signals down to advise me to rest well. and the thunder-signs got louder each time so i think i better go and occcupy myself with some activities that require minimal brain usgae. nite pple.. and gd luck to the archery team for the com.. too bad i cant join u all this yr.. will hav to wait for the next one.. :( see ya next nxt training..
Thursday, December 9
i guess all i wished for thru that 4 days was for someone to ask "how are u?" lolx.. lame?
and i want to go for the com.. i want to shoot.. i miss the thrill of the event, the "picnic" mood, the dinner after that.. i guess it's a habit, a very comfortable routine that the team sticks to for as long as i remember.. shooting has never been as stress, or as easy and stress-free as during competition. i love the anticipation, everything. now the thought that i'll hav to lie in bed thruout the 2 days make me feel worse.. and my cough wont go away either.. someone plz help..
and i want to go for the com.. i want to shoot.. i miss the thrill of the event, the "picnic" mood, the dinner after that.. i guess it's a habit, a very comfortable routine that the team sticks to for as long as i remember.. shooting has never been as stress, or as easy and stress-free as during competition. i love the anticipation, everything. now the thought that i'll hav to lie in bed thruout the 2 days make me feel worse.. and my cough wont go away either.. someone plz help..
fever marathon.. the longest for as long as i remember
i've been lying in bed since sunday so much so that my body refused to slp last night.
the fever is driving me mad coz the temperature fluctuates.. everyday, it'll hit 39, 40 without fail.. and i hate the medicine.. i feel worse after taking it.. it gives me headache when it's supposed to cure it.. damn..
i've been going to sch looking so terrible that my frens couldnt recognise me from near.. and i'm so tired i juz feel like slping the whole day..
i dun even hav the energy to blog for the past few days, even at my cousin's house.. went to the polyclinic ytd.. did a full blood count, the doc told me if 3 days ltr my fever still doesnt go away, den i'll hav to go and do that blood test again.. i wasted more den 2 hrs there, feeling worse before going to my grandpa's house. luckily my cousin was there wif me.. arbo ltr i faint i also dunno who can help me sia..
i dunno wat the medicine's side effects are, but it sure is torturing..
these few days, i feel as if i am better off dead.. now i know why they say frens and family are impt especially when u're sick. coz when u're suffering alone on that big bed, feeling as terrible as can be, at least there is someone who comes to ur bedside, showing u wif lots of love, care and concern.. i think that is what keeps pple going.. that glimpse of hope.
went to see 2 diff docs.. the 2nd one told me i got a viral fever, watever that is, it sure doesnt sounds good.. coz virus is worse den bacteria mah.. i dunno why i got hit for sooooooooo many days.. was thinking the reason why i feel 10 times worser than my last time fever was becoz when u nv fall really sick for quite a long period of time, the effects, the pain, everything got maximised to give u hell.
i was sooo scared that the 40 degrees fever will burn my brain and i'll become stupid.. or i'll lose part of my memory or what.. luckily i didnt.. thank god.. or maybe it's too early to say..
the fever is driving me mad coz the temperature fluctuates.. everyday, it'll hit 39, 40 without fail.. and i hate the medicine.. i feel worse after taking it.. it gives me headache when it's supposed to cure it.. damn..
i've been going to sch looking so terrible that my frens couldnt recognise me from near.. and i'm so tired i juz feel like slping the whole day..
i dun even hav the energy to blog for the past few days, even at my cousin's house.. went to the polyclinic ytd.. did a full blood count, the doc told me if 3 days ltr my fever still doesnt go away, den i'll hav to go and do that blood test again.. i wasted more den 2 hrs there, feeling worse before going to my grandpa's house. luckily my cousin was there wif me.. arbo ltr i faint i also dunno who can help me sia..
i dunno wat the medicine's side effects are, but it sure is torturing..
these few days, i feel as if i am better off dead.. now i know why they say frens and family are impt especially when u're sick. coz when u're suffering alone on that big bed, feeling as terrible as can be, at least there is someone who comes to ur bedside, showing u wif lots of love, care and concern.. i think that is what keeps pple going.. that glimpse of hope.
went to see 2 diff docs.. the 2nd one told me i got a viral fever, watever that is, it sure doesnt sounds good.. coz virus is worse den bacteria mah.. i dunno why i got hit for sooooooooo many days.. was thinking the reason why i feel 10 times worser than my last time fever was becoz when u nv fall really sick for quite a long period of time, the effects, the pain, everything got maximised to give u hell.
i was sooo scared that the 40 degrees fever will burn my brain and i'll become stupid.. or i'll lose part of my memory or what.. luckily i didnt.. thank god.. or maybe it's too early to say..
Saturday, December 4
up till now, i'm still wondering why i willingly agreed to work 10 hrs ytd, extending my time from 7 to 9 pm.. wat was i waiting for exactly? magic at 11 pm? or was it due to my relectance to leave?
and why do i feel sad when i leave and the bell side wished me all the best and good luck? i dun remember feeling like that when i leave sakae.
i guess part of the gloomy feeling is due to my need to be ard pple.. in search for sth that i dunno. i guess i need more friends, although i always disagree that one shld hav as many frens as possible.. working there allows me plenty of opportunities for interaction.. maybe i'm not so much of a C person. i hav more "I" characteristics than i think i have.
and so sorry if i give u the impression that my uniform is a suit. actually i'm wearing this horrible atik top with black skirt. it's so terrible that u wont recognise me even if u walk pass. maybe that's more of a plus point. :)
and why do i feel sad when i leave and the bell side wished me all the best and good luck? i dun remember feeling like that when i leave sakae.
i guess part of the gloomy feeling is due to my need to be ard pple.. in search for sth that i dunno. i guess i need more friends, although i always disagree that one shld hav as many frens as possible.. working there allows me plenty of opportunities for interaction.. maybe i'm not so much of a C person. i hav more "I" characteristics than i think i have.
and so sorry if i give u the impression that my uniform is a suit. actually i'm wearing this horrible atik top with black skirt. it's so terrible that u wont recognise me even if u walk pass. maybe that's more of a plus point. :)
Thursday, December 2
bad luck with electronic devices recently. that explains my blog block coz lots of thoughts didnt managed to get captured.
came to notice alot of things recently.. maybe work enables me to see it clearer. many expectations in the past are just useless hopes, insignificant and senseless criterias..
i enjoy work. not only from the satisfaction i get, but also the pple i mix ard with. they showed me another side of life, taught me so many new things that i am ashamed of myself.
many thanks to Hairul for sharing his interview experience. noone at work knows abt my blog. that makes it all the more better. anyway, i learnt so much from what he said that deep down, i have the need to share with the rest of you in the hope that u feel as much as i do about it.
wat is the thing you live your life by? your motto, the "rule" or whatever u all call it.. he told me for him, it's GST. GST in the sense that G=greet, S=smile, T=thanks.
example given by him was: if u see ur mom, u'll greet her (hi mom), and following that action comes the smile (it's natural) then when ur mom gives u sth, u'll automatically say "thanks".. isnt that wonderful. trapped between the 2 noisy renovation areas that are testing my sanity level and pushing and testing the limit, i became so awed by that simple "sharing session" that i felt so refreshed, so good after tt..
i see the wonders of friends. maybe that's what i call job satisfaction. not only by what you get out of work, but also what u learnt from the pple ard u.. Onran taught me the beauty of service, Maslan showed me the wonders of kindness, Faizal displayed that sunshine attitude thruout that makes even the "darkest" moments shine, hairul enlightened me with his constant little stories, and not to forget the rest of them. mohan for his wide knowledge abt the area, syed for his many actions that made the job fun, and many others who brighten up my day wif simple god sent words or actions that made my dread-y holiday job a fulfilling one. too many to list. juz wanna thank everyone for making my 1 and a half months so great. i dun feel that useless now.
and how can i forget Mr Tanaka and Mr Zhang? the 2 little bears and the angel clip? tml might be my last day. i dunno.. part of me wants to stay, part of me wants to leave. i want to stay coz i can get satisfaction from the job, i want to leave coz i want to concentrate on studies and put more effort in what i think i ought to do now coz work can leave till later. but i'm afraid my enthusiasm will run out. i'm afraid, afraid of repeating history, scared of facing the same thing twice. feel stupid wanting to do well in my studies now that i've been out in the working world and realised that the cert is juz a piece of junk. who cares how many Zs and As u have? noone. who cares how many Fs u get? noone. pple judge u by how well u work, not by how good your grades are. they dun care if u are an excellent student in school. they want to know if u can handle ur job well, help in service recovery and bring the company to greater heights.. who cares abt results by then? thse little slips the school send tu you..
my mnrgs, the recpetion staffs, the concierge staffs, reservation staffs, fellow associates. most of them are from shaltec.. and i used to think that pple who go there are mostly those that are not able to enrol in a course that they like that's y they go there in search of a better course in exchange with a little bit more money.. but they're juz like u and me. they can do a job as well if not better, they are good.
and i am more convinced that i can make it in the service sector. knowing this, i cant help but =]
came to notice alot of things recently.. maybe work enables me to see it clearer. many expectations in the past are just useless hopes, insignificant and senseless criterias..
i enjoy work. not only from the satisfaction i get, but also the pple i mix ard with. they showed me another side of life, taught me so many new things that i am ashamed of myself.
many thanks to Hairul for sharing his interview experience. noone at work knows abt my blog. that makes it all the more better. anyway, i learnt so much from what he said that deep down, i have the need to share with the rest of you in the hope that u feel as much as i do about it.
wat is the thing you live your life by? your motto, the "rule" or whatever u all call it.. he told me for him, it's GST. GST in the sense that G=greet, S=smile, T=thanks.
example given by him was: if u see ur mom, u'll greet her (hi mom), and following that action comes the smile (it's natural) then when ur mom gives u sth, u'll automatically say "thanks".. isnt that wonderful. trapped between the 2 noisy renovation areas that are testing my sanity level and pushing and testing the limit, i became so awed by that simple "sharing session" that i felt so refreshed, so good after tt..
i see the wonders of friends. maybe that's what i call job satisfaction. not only by what you get out of work, but also what u learnt from the pple ard u.. Onran taught me the beauty of service, Maslan showed me the wonders of kindness, Faizal displayed that sunshine attitude thruout that makes even the "darkest" moments shine, hairul enlightened me with his constant little stories, and not to forget the rest of them. mohan for his wide knowledge abt the area, syed for his many actions that made the job fun, and many others who brighten up my day wif simple god sent words or actions that made my dread-y holiday job a fulfilling one. too many to list. juz wanna thank everyone for making my 1 and a half months so great. i dun feel that useless now.
and how can i forget Mr Tanaka and Mr Zhang? the 2 little bears and the angel clip? tml might be my last day. i dunno.. part of me wants to stay, part of me wants to leave. i want to stay coz i can get satisfaction from the job, i want to leave coz i want to concentrate on studies and put more effort in what i think i ought to do now coz work can leave till later. but i'm afraid my enthusiasm will run out. i'm afraid, afraid of repeating history, scared of facing the same thing twice. feel stupid wanting to do well in my studies now that i've been out in the working world and realised that the cert is juz a piece of junk. who cares how many Zs and As u have? noone. who cares how many Fs u get? noone. pple judge u by how well u work, not by how good your grades are. they dun care if u are an excellent student in school. they want to know if u can handle ur job well, help in service recovery and bring the company to greater heights.. who cares abt results by then? thse little slips the school send tu you..
my mnrgs, the recpetion staffs, the concierge staffs, reservation staffs, fellow associates. most of them are from shaltec.. and i used to think that pple who go there are mostly those that are not able to enrol in a course that they like that's y they go there in search of a better course in exchange with a little bit more money.. but they're juz like u and me. they can do a job as well if not better, they are good.
and i am more convinced that i can make it in the service sector. knowing this, i cant help but =]
Thursday, November 25
was reading blogs just now and somehow i managed to visualise images of me opening doors along a dark corridor, walking in, closing the door behind me and stood staring at the enclosed area for ages, feeling and understanding more of life alone, undisturbed. and when i'm done, i walk out, continue reaching out for the next door. when i'm done, maybe i'll find another corridor, maybe i'll juz turn around and reopen those doors to find the treasures within.
maybe that's the same logic as blog hopping.. sometimes u open a door and even though the room is empty, u can feel sorrow. sometimes u are able to peep into deeps thoughts that u cant call urs.. sometimes u feel strong emotions, sometimes u welcome watever that's inside with open arms.. sometimes u place ur hand at the handle and pause for a second before moving to the next.
many times, i dun even know what i'm blogging. i find myself juz typing on and on without knowing what i'm trying to say. and if u notice, most of my posts dun hav a title.
i got this from a fanfic.. one of the rare times i read fanfic..
"when u learn the world is all but a hollow place, ur depression increases as u realise everything disappears.. words, pple and feelings.. "
to some pple, this is crap but somehow i can relate and dun think that it's funny. took it down in my fone..
maybe it's the three things that caught my eye. coz of this NEL quote on 1st Nov
"three things in life once gone never comes back - time, words and opportunities."
if u put these 2 quotes togther, u'll realised that "words" is the only common factor.
coz unspoken words will lead to regrets, which in turn explains "feelings." and more often than not, those words are for certain "people." as the feelings accumulate and wont go away, u'll focus ur enerfy on these thigns and thus lose many "opportunities." lastly, when all these are happening, "time" passes u by.
for this holiday, there are a few things that i subconsciously say, or use rather. i like to express certain emotions with the words "maybe, juz maybe." and "dun ask me why, i juz do."
coz they carry with them a tinge of that "sth" that is quite impossible for me to put down in words.. ya.. that's all for "Crap of the day." stay tuned for tml's dosage. bye.
maybe that's the same logic as blog hopping.. sometimes u open a door and even though the room is empty, u can feel sorrow. sometimes u are able to peep into deeps thoughts that u cant call urs.. sometimes u feel strong emotions, sometimes u welcome watever that's inside with open arms.. sometimes u place ur hand at the handle and pause for a second before moving to the next.
many times, i dun even know what i'm blogging. i find myself juz typing on and on without knowing what i'm trying to say. and if u notice, most of my posts dun hav a title.
i got this from a fanfic.. one of the rare times i read fanfic..
"when u learn the world is all but a hollow place, ur depression increases as u realise everything disappears.. words, pple and feelings.. "
to some pple, this is crap but somehow i can relate and dun think that it's funny. took it down in my fone..
maybe it's the three things that caught my eye. coz of this NEL quote on 1st Nov
"three things in life once gone never comes back - time, words and opportunities."
if u put these 2 quotes togther, u'll realised that "words" is the only common factor.
coz unspoken words will lead to regrets, which in turn explains "feelings." and more often than not, those words are for certain "people." as the feelings accumulate and wont go away, u'll focus ur enerfy on these thigns and thus lose many "opportunities." lastly, when all these are happening, "time" passes u by.
for this holiday, there are a few things that i subconsciously say, or use rather. i like to express certain emotions with the words "maybe, juz maybe." and "dun ask me why, i juz do."
coz they carry with them a tinge of that "sth" that is quite impossible for me to put down in words.. ya.. that's all for "Crap of the day." stay tuned for tml's dosage. bye.
Wednesday, November 24
walking backwards
oh freak.
i am such a professional archaeologist.
there's nothing better for me to do (or rather nth much to do) than keep digging up the past. viewing posts, looking at pics, reading journals, reminiscing..
and u know what, the problem with that is not that i dun want to get out of that habit of looking at things in past tense. but simply bcoz if i do, there's really nothing i can fill up my time with. nothing much. yes. i am THAT pathetic. sometimes. guess it's one of those days where i cant put a good value to myself.
that's y living at the present is so difficult. coz everything is subjected to last minute changes..
btw, living for the future is tough too. aint that easy. coz u need to hav the positive outlook towards a "brighter" future in order to live the present moment well. if all u can see ahead is dark clouds overshadowing, den life will be a drag.
thus the safest road to take is that of the past. follow the footsteps of an archaeologist. :)
i am such a professional archaeologist.
there's nothing better for me to do (or rather nth much to do) than keep digging up the past. viewing posts, looking at pics, reading journals, reminiscing..
and u know what, the problem with that is not that i dun want to get out of that habit of looking at things in past tense. but simply bcoz if i do, there's really nothing i can fill up my time with. nothing much. yes. i am THAT pathetic. sometimes. guess it's one of those days where i cant put a good value to myself.
that's y living at the present is so difficult. coz everything is subjected to last minute changes..
btw, living for the future is tough too. aint that easy. coz u need to hav the positive outlook towards a "brighter" future in order to live the present moment well. if all u can see ahead is dark clouds overshadowing, den life will be a drag.
thus the safest road to take is that of the past. follow the footsteps of an archaeologist. :)
new skin, hoping to throw away the old.
there u go. a new blogskin. i dunno wat makes me wanna change the old one. it's only a one month old baby but i did. maybe i hav too much time on hand today bah..
partly coz i happened to come across the one that u're looking at right now and fall in love with it instantly.
the fun part abt changing skins is the editing. preview, preview, and more previews! and of all things, the sense of satisfaction turning someone else's creation into sth more "me."
i miss my 1st blogskin.
anyway, gd news. no blog music this time round!
partly coz i happened to come across the one that u're looking at right now and fall in love with it instantly.
the fun part abt changing skins is the editing. preview, preview, and more previews! and of all things, the sense of satisfaction turning someone else's creation into sth more "me."
i miss my 1st blogskin.
anyway, gd news. no blog music this time round!
i totally jinx the vingcard machine. so from 545 till 11, not a single key was card. and i'm the culprit. the machine always spoils when i'm the last one using it. today is the 2nd time the machine goes cranky and both times i'm present. how lucky can i get?
walked to and fro. from drop off point too reception, to rooms, to ballrooms, to liftlobby, to taxi stand, to linkway. tired. dead tired. the reg cards pile was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo high that i cannot escape my fate from helping them modify.. ZZZZzzzzZZzzZZZzZZZz
stood at concierge desk for more den half an hr juz updating profiles and doing modifications.. and the worse thing, guests come up to me and say "my remote control cannot work. how?" "i need to put things in a safe. where?" "where is the public phone?" "where can i change money into coins?" and not to forget the many carpark tickets i redeem. really multitasking. den after that still muz bucket.. damn sia.
in the end i got off work at 0010. last train also dun hav liao.. at first wanna take the co. bus at 0030 wif my fren, but in the end she buay tahan take cab so i ended up calling my dad for help.
the most satisfying thing is when u receive compliments, or positive comments from guest, abt ur country, ur hotel, the service, etc..
i'm glad that on the 25th, i'm not working. heard frm my fren tt cedric told her tt on the 25th, panpac overbooked by 150 rooms. 150 ROOMS. okie. good luck FO pple.. say gdbye to ur good moods, ur smiling faces, ur patient temper, ur sanity level and ur positive energy zone. and the marcom mgr sure kanna scolded if there are no noshows, no washdown.. lolx.. watever. i'm nt working.. no shows amt also wont be as great as 150 rooms.. see how they die. reception sure long queue, guests sure pissed, complaints sure skyrocket.
and i'm not working. lalala. bye. i'm dead tired. as tired as an overworked buffalo. lolx.. watever..
walked to and fro. from drop off point too reception, to rooms, to ballrooms, to liftlobby, to taxi stand, to linkway. tired. dead tired. the reg cards pile was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo high that i cannot escape my fate from helping them modify.. ZZZZzzzzZZzzZZZzZZZz
stood at concierge desk for more den half an hr juz updating profiles and doing modifications.. and the worse thing, guests come up to me and say "my remote control cannot work. how?" "i need to put things in a safe. where?" "where is the public phone?" "where can i change money into coins?" and not to forget the many carpark tickets i redeem. really multitasking. den after that still muz bucket.. damn sia.
in the end i got off work at 0010. last train also dun hav liao.. at first wanna take the co. bus at 0030 wif my fren, but in the end she buay tahan take cab so i ended up calling my dad for help.
the most satisfying thing is when u receive compliments, or positive comments from guest, abt ur country, ur hotel, the service, etc..
i'm glad that on the 25th, i'm not working. heard frm my fren tt cedric told her tt on the 25th, panpac overbooked by 150 rooms. 150 ROOMS. okie. good luck FO pple.. say gdbye to ur good moods, ur smiling faces, ur patient temper, ur sanity level and ur positive energy zone. and the marcom mgr sure kanna scolded if there are no noshows, no washdown.. lolx.. watever. i'm nt working.. no shows amt also wont be as great as 150 rooms.. see how they die. reception sure long queue, guests sure pissed, complaints sure skyrocket.
and i'm not working. lalala. bye. i'm dead tired. as tired as an overworked buffalo. lolx.. watever..
Monday, November 22
learnt a great lesson from the little things in life.
ever heard this saying that sometimes, the smallest thing matters most? Try sleeping with a mosquito in the room and u'll know how it feels..
when i first saw that, i totally agree. and i experienced it today.
the thing that irritates me the most during training is not the sun, not the strained muscles and not the sweat. it's the field, the different flies all over the field. and it's irritating when i try so hard to anchor, to pull more den there's this little thing flapping around, somehow it totally destroys every single ounce of patience and endurance i intend to have.
and i used to think that my alignment muz be correct coz the feeling is there and that the arrow is roughly at where i want it to go. today i realised i've been living in a lie i fabricated for more den a yr. everything is totally wrong. all those positive self talks are useless. and now i dunno if i shld believe in myself anymore. blehz.
all the things that i used to think that is correct or ideal are wrong. so wrong. there is no such thing as correct. damn. anchoring at the center is the ideal place for most pple. not all. minorities exist and maybe i'm one of them. i never or seldom see others having as MUCH problems as me, or even complaining half as often as i do. and y do i seem to have double the amt of endless supply of problems compared to others? i think coz they trade in hardwork and sheer exhaustion for it..
and it's terribly UNmotivating to see urself still at such a super duper noobz stage stuck for so long. watever~ it all boils down to motivation, attitude and the willigness to work hard to achieve better results.
closing in.
ever heard this saying that sometimes, the smallest thing matters most? Try sleeping with a mosquito in the room and u'll know how it feels..
when i first saw that, i totally agree. and i experienced it today.
the thing that irritates me the most during training is not the sun, not the strained muscles and not the sweat. it's the field, the different flies all over the field. and it's irritating when i try so hard to anchor, to pull more den there's this little thing flapping around, somehow it totally destroys every single ounce of patience and endurance i intend to have.
and i used to think that my alignment muz be correct coz the feeling is there and that the arrow is roughly at where i want it to go. today i realised i've been living in a lie i fabricated for more den a yr. everything is totally wrong. all those positive self talks are useless. and now i dunno if i shld believe in myself anymore. blehz.
all the things that i used to think that is correct or ideal are wrong. so wrong. there is no such thing as correct. damn. anchoring at the center is the ideal place for most pple. not all. minorities exist and maybe i'm one of them. i never or seldom see others having as MUCH problems as me, or even complaining half as often as i do. and y do i seem to have double the amt of endless supply of problems compared to others? i think coz they trade in hardwork and sheer exhaustion for it..
and it's terribly UNmotivating to see urself still at such a super duper noobz stage stuck for so long. watever~ it all boils down to motivation, attitude and the willigness to work hard to achieve better results.
closing in.
Thursday, November 18
bad news. no more pls.. dun add on to my collection..
the worse news someone can tell me on a day like this came from yiping. olivia suffering from cancer.. it's scary.. scary how the illness robs a young ger of her life, all her life. i shudder juz thinking abt the side effects of the treatments and all.. and to think that a fren is undergoing all that.. i know i am bad, but i find myself wondering if qianyi is guilty now that those "childish bickering" of the past is almost never going to happen again..
the cancer cells hav spread to the whole body. 3rd stage.. they not only take away her vibrant life, but also her dreams and aspirations.. and her hair. 1st thing that comes into my mind when i link olivia and chemo is her precious hair..
she got such a long way ahead of her.. i pray that she can overcome this and be reborn again.
i find myself not able to get happy after knowing this, despite going out and enjoying myself for today. suddenly all the other things in life seem so insignificant than to be healthy.. someone add me in frenster and i log in. all the profiles, captions, testimonials inside are so useless, so unimportant, so comical that i couldnt help but laugh. laugh at the stupidity of mankind and the fools in all of us.
been hoping to find the meaning in life, of life, abt life and all.. maybe the real reason why we're here is simply to get it over and done with.
i feel so small suddenly.. as if the whole world except me is being put under a magnifying glass. the horrors of nature. we cant escape its clutches and there's nowhere to hide.
the cancer cells hav spread to the whole body. 3rd stage.. they not only take away her vibrant life, but also her dreams and aspirations.. and her hair. 1st thing that comes into my mind when i link olivia and chemo is her precious hair..
she got such a long way ahead of her.. i pray that she can overcome this and be reborn again.
i find myself not able to get happy after knowing this, despite going out and enjoying myself for today. suddenly all the other things in life seem so insignificant than to be healthy.. someone add me in frenster and i log in. all the profiles, captions, testimonials inside are so useless, so unimportant, so comical that i couldnt help but laugh. laugh at the stupidity of mankind and the fools in all of us.
been hoping to find the meaning in life, of life, abt life and all.. maybe the real reason why we're here is simply to get it over and done with.
i feel so small suddenly.. as if the whole world except me is being put under a magnifying glass. the horrors of nature. we cant escape its clutches and there's nowhere to hide.
Wednesday, November 17
off day after working for 5 consecutive days, meaning i stand for abt 40 odd hrs on heels..
no work. training at tembusu. spaced out, as usual. i dunno wat the rest were talking abt.. i feel as if i walk ard wif this invisible armor, seperating me and the rest of the world. no doubt i was bored, and the boredom sort of made me more tired den i shld be after a long rest. feeling left out is one thing. feeling detached is another..
i shut off after listening to their gaming strategies, characters, the diff levels and secret places and what not.. i am contented waxing the string alone, away from the crowd. was able to feel where i went wrong, wat i need to do in order to improve.. i guess the solemn mood helps.. enables me to focus and thus my body reacted favourably..
is this why pple say i'm dao? coz i dun juz mix ard tt easily? coz i dun go ard chatting wif anyone as if they are my long lost frens? i'm nt anti-social. i hope not. i'm juz operating on a different frequency as them. *shrugs
so looking forward to tml.. movie and shopping.. finally able to spend the money i earn. i wanna get so many things now tt i sit down and think.. and my nxt pay day is ard the corner.. i guess this is what keeps me going.. and of course other reasons..
i shut off after listening to their gaming strategies, characters, the diff levels and secret places and what not.. i am contented waxing the string alone, away from the crowd. was able to feel where i went wrong, wat i need to do in order to improve.. i guess the solemn mood helps.. enables me to focus and thus my body reacted favourably..
is this why pple say i'm dao? coz i dun juz mix ard tt easily? coz i dun go ard chatting wif anyone as if they are my long lost frens? i'm nt anti-social. i hope not. i'm juz operating on a different frequency as them. *shrugs
so looking forward to tml.. movie and shopping.. finally able to spend the money i earn. i wanna get so many things now tt i sit down and think.. and my nxt pay day is ard the corner.. i guess this is what keeps me going.. and of course other reasons..
a very considerate guest did and say sth tt i really appreciate today. he came when i was abt to knock off, waiting to check in.. i admit i did grumble and was thinking why the heck the cab didnt juz go straight to the departure side... but noone was "available" at that time so i went up and help. esther helped me print reg cards and get the key ready. by the time i went back, james was chatting wif him and that guy was smoking. okie. cigarette again.. did the "questioning" at the drop off point. asked him to check the details and he took the file away from me and said that "u might be allergic to smoke. it's okie.. i check and give back to you." stun is the word. :)
wanted to greet the night shift pple b4 i go home but was way too tired.. my engine died-ed. need to recharge.. fri another day.. plan to meet jas and buy char's present.. as usual, i initiate the whole planning thingy and wat not.. already damn tired yet this kinda stupid thing.. sieh sian..
she didnt even know i work in panpac, well, her life revolves ard timo so expected lah.. she was saying that so gd she wants to work there.. too bad. watever~
NEL quote for 161104 was "to err is human, to forgive is divine." maybe humans shld learn tt..
working in this line enables me to meet lots of funny pple.. not that other jobs couldnt offer tt kinda experience.. this guest i serve today got a call frm his credit card company saying that his credit card number has been stolen and asked him not to use the card for the time being.. but we had to collect a deposit from him.. so i went to FO and got the official reciept. Wai asked me to get $700 or $600 at least from the guest, i was prepared for the guest not having enuff to cover the 600 bucks.. but well, i was soooo wrong. he asked if he could juz give a $1000 coz he doesnt hav smaller change.. well, i couldnt refuse could i? lolx.. and wai said "the more the merrier.." funny pple..
and i realised tt the combi of the lock need not be exact to open.. it's the same as the sch lock.. easy.. not like the first 2 days whereby i spent ages opening the stupid lock.. and my feet is in a terrible condition right now.. time to invest in another pair of court shoes.. there goes my pay... :( so sad sia.. but i compare myself to the bellboys and i feel soooo lucky.. their schedule got days whereby they work 2 shifts, meaning they work like from 7am till 11 pm.. if not, they work 3pm till 1 am... tiring sia.. so many hrs.. i cant even stand 8 hrs.. but they wear berms and sports shoes so much better den skirts, heels and stockings plus makeup plus bunhair.. ok. enuff of my daily report. i'm really tired to go into more details.. nite.
wanted to greet the night shift pple b4 i go home but was way too tired.. my engine died-ed. need to recharge.. fri another day.. plan to meet jas and buy char's present.. as usual, i initiate the whole planning thingy and wat not.. already damn tired yet this kinda stupid thing.. sieh sian..
she didnt even know i work in panpac, well, her life revolves ard timo so expected lah.. she was saying that so gd she wants to work there.. too bad. watever~
NEL quote for 161104 was "to err is human, to forgive is divine." maybe humans shld learn tt..
working in this line enables me to meet lots of funny pple.. not that other jobs couldnt offer tt kinda experience.. this guest i serve today got a call frm his credit card company saying that his credit card number has been stolen and asked him not to use the card for the time being.. but we had to collect a deposit from him.. so i went to FO and got the official reciept. Wai asked me to get $700 or $600 at least from the guest, i was prepared for the guest not having enuff to cover the 600 bucks.. but well, i was soooo wrong. he asked if he could juz give a $1000 coz he doesnt hav smaller change.. well, i couldnt refuse could i? lolx.. and wai said "the more the merrier.." funny pple..
and i realised tt the combi of the lock need not be exact to open.. it's the same as the sch lock.. easy.. not like the first 2 days whereby i spent ages opening the stupid lock.. and my feet is in a terrible condition right now.. time to invest in another pair of court shoes.. there goes my pay... :( so sad sia.. but i compare myself to the bellboys and i feel soooo lucky.. their schedule got days whereby they work 2 shifts, meaning they work like from 7am till 11 pm.. if not, they work 3pm till 1 am... tiring sia.. so many hrs.. i cant even stand 8 hrs.. but they wear berms and sports shoes so much better den skirts, heels and stockings plus makeup plus bunhair.. ok. enuff of my daily report. i'm really tired to go into more details.. nite.
Tuesday, November 16
sian-ed
this kinda life aint fun. i find myself nt knowing what i am living for. if i say i am living for myself, aint i a selfish pig? if i live for others, den wont life be meaningless for me?
pay day coming soon. glad tt i ask for 2 more off days.. wif this busy week, life at work aint slack. all of us feel tired as we do our best to serve every guest, but we cant do tt.. so it's physically and mentally draining. i can only make 1 guest happy at 1 time. den when i do tt, other guests wouldnt be happy.. now i think tt midnight shift is the best. much fewer guests compared to afternoon shift, and noone walking ard wif so many pairs of eyes starting outside the foyer and giving comments like wat we do, how we SHLD stand, wat we ought not to do and so on...
the pple there are friendly.. so much so tt i actually enjoy greeting internal guests den external ones.. okie wat am i doing? tml off. =)
this is wat i said in one of my entries abt posting abt work when i take up this job.. this is how boring my life can be. the only thing tt's gd out of this thing is tt i'll be able to earn money by myself, to not ask my mom for allowance during the holidays, to be able to waste and pass time without seeming like a poor soul wif nth better to do during the holidays than to stay at home and slack thru the 2 mths, like the past 2 sems..
pay day coming soon. glad tt i ask for 2 more off days.. wif this busy week, life at work aint slack. all of us feel tired as we do our best to serve every guest, but we cant do tt.. so it's physically and mentally draining. i can only make 1 guest happy at 1 time. den when i do tt, other guests wouldnt be happy.. now i think tt midnight shift is the best. much fewer guests compared to afternoon shift, and noone walking ard wif so many pairs of eyes starting outside the foyer and giving comments like wat we do, how we SHLD stand, wat we ought not to do and so on...
the pple there are friendly.. so much so tt i actually enjoy greeting internal guests den external ones.. okie wat am i doing? tml off. =)
this is wat i said in one of my entries abt posting abt work when i take up this job.. this is how boring my life can be. the only thing tt's gd out of this thing is tt i'll be able to earn money by myself, to not ask my mom for allowance during the holidays, to be able to waste and pass time without seeming like a poor soul wif nth better to do during the holidays than to stay at home and slack thru the 2 mths, like the past 2 sems..
aint feeling well. smoke in my head. busy day. close to 400 arrivals.. occupancy 78 or so but the hotel is fully booked.. afternoon briefing still left abt 250 arrivals.. i almost died today. it's non-stop hits.. i dun even hav time to rest. brain felt as if it's spliting by 2100 hrs and my feet CMI. my senses slowed down by alot, so much so tt i forgot to take card verification even though i went to front desk. so much so tt i write 1000 and thought it's 2200. so much so tt i dunno wat i was doing. but i really earn the $5.50/ hr. i deserve it. tml wont be any better coz arrivals also 370 or so.. hope tml more guests check in in the morning. den i'll hav less job to do.. today is the latest i went home. did modification until so late.. too many reg cards... was still in the uniform at 2330.. dad came to pick me up, and also send james home.. he saved on his cab fare and i save my feet from giving way..
switching to rest mode NOW. bye pple..
switching to rest mode NOW. bye pple..
Sunday, November 14
not really :) . :X
shorter temper. get irritated easily. unfair. cant stand it.. cant stand that feeling of unfairness.. like my world is tipping to one side.
my feet is the money generator and my mind is at the receiving end of the side effects.
3 more weeks to sch. not really looking forward to it. not reall not looking forward to it.
saw the self-intro. i thought the person only using the quote at the end but ended up pasting the whole chunk.. felt weird looking at a person saying sth "about" oneself yet u know that almost evry single word frm there comes from you. your thoughts, ur identity. it's like looking at myself frm a 3rd person point of view. i dunno how to describe the feeling, but it's definitely weird.
but i'm glad. glad tt someone can understand and stand on my side. am glad tt someone can accept things w/o the need to try to make me see more "sides of the coin." appreciate tt..
was chatting wif those pple at work and realised tt wat i earn is antz compared to those "pple at front desk." they "seem" rich. that's wat goh said. heard abt taking cabs almost daily, tailored-made suits and shirts, and dunno wat else. shut off after tt.. didnt want to compare, dun want to eben think abt it.
the number of guests i room in today adds up to more den the number of guests i room in for the past 2 days.. and for quite a long time, i totally forgotten all abt my feet hurting. my weak mind seems to block the nerves from sensing pain and feeling fatigue. almost fell asleep when taking a short break in the store. the captain woke me up and i decided to "go for a walk"... managed to upsell to a guest today. if i can get 8 more upsells, den i'll be able to earn abt $25 from the guest today.. but i doubt so.. to think tt i'm so excited coz i did juz 1 miserable upsell.
tired, as usual. waiting for wednesday to come. my off day, in sports shoe w/o the need to try to smile even though i'm not in the mood for it. w/o the fake hi-i-am-very-friendly-eager-to-serve-u-face. w/o needing to show tt i'm very willing to help others when all i want is to slack and get my pay.. job satisfaction has a limit. the only thing i want is to see guests appreciating wat i did, being as polite as i am to them, nt treating me as if tt's wat i ought to do. if tt's it, i need nt even go the extra mile juz so as to make them happier.
falling asleep in front of the com. nite pple. going off to bed now. my mind needs a break.
shorter temper. get irritated easily. unfair. cant stand it.. cant stand that feeling of unfairness.. like my world is tipping to one side.
my feet is the money generator and my mind is at the receiving end of the side effects.
3 more weeks to sch. not really looking forward to it. not reall not looking forward to it.
saw the self-intro. i thought the person only using the quote at the end but ended up pasting the whole chunk.. felt weird looking at a person saying sth "about" oneself yet u know that almost evry single word frm there comes from you. your thoughts, ur identity. it's like looking at myself frm a 3rd person point of view. i dunno how to describe the feeling, but it's definitely weird.
but i'm glad. glad tt someone can understand and stand on my side. am glad tt someone can accept things w/o the need to try to make me see more "sides of the coin." appreciate tt..
was chatting wif those pple at work and realised tt wat i earn is antz compared to those "pple at front desk." they "seem" rich. that's wat goh said. heard abt taking cabs almost daily, tailored-made suits and shirts, and dunno wat else. shut off after tt.. didnt want to compare, dun want to eben think abt it.
the number of guests i room in today adds up to more den the number of guests i room in for the past 2 days.. and for quite a long time, i totally forgotten all abt my feet hurting. my weak mind seems to block the nerves from sensing pain and feeling fatigue. almost fell asleep when taking a short break in the store. the captain woke me up and i decided to "go for a walk"... managed to upsell to a guest today. if i can get 8 more upsells, den i'll be able to earn abt $25 from the guest today.. but i doubt so.. to think tt i'm so excited coz i did juz 1 miserable upsell.
tired, as usual. waiting for wednesday to come. my off day, in sports shoe w/o the need to try to smile even though i'm not in the mood for it. w/o the fake hi-i-am-very-friendly-eager-to-serve-u-face. w/o needing to show tt i'm very willing to help others when all i want is to slack and get my pay.. job satisfaction has a limit. the only thing i want is to see guests appreciating wat i did, being as polite as i am to them, nt treating me as if tt's wat i ought to do. if tt's it, i need nt even go the extra mile juz so as to make them happier.
falling asleep in front of the com. nite pple. going off to bed now. my mind needs a break.
Saturday, November 13
A shift. love the timing and the workload but hate the weather.
hav u ever went to a place feeling fresh and well but returned feeling terrible? that place gave me that feeling. or maybe coz i'm dying to get off work. the renovation works are getting worser each day. the dust clouds my clear mind, the noise is absolutely disturbing and creates a ringing sound that seems to get trap at the back of my head, echoing on and on... wanted to hide in the foyer and enjoy the aircon and the music.. but outside way too hot, inside way too cold and i was on the border of 2 extremes, shivering despite the heat, sweating regardless of the aircon. felt weak.
hmm.. got a feeling i wont stay there for long.. okie. shant complain anymore. enuff of my bad attitude.. time to change things tt i can and accept those tt i cant...
hav u ever went to a place feeling fresh and well but returned feeling terrible? that place gave me that feeling. or maybe coz i'm dying to get off work. the renovation works are getting worser each day. the dust clouds my clear mind, the noise is absolutely disturbing and creates a ringing sound that seems to get trap at the back of my head, echoing on and on... wanted to hide in the foyer and enjoy the aircon and the music.. but outside way too hot, inside way too cold and i was on the border of 2 extremes, shivering despite the heat, sweating regardless of the aircon. felt weak.
hmm.. got a feeling i wont stay there for long.. okie. shant complain anymore. enuff of my bad attitude.. time to change things tt i can and accept those tt i cant...
Friday, November 12
tired. torturing weather outside the foyer.. i swear i'm going to fall sick soon if this continues.. and my poor feet.. *sigh
i work so as to earn some money to spend during this holiday. i received my pay today. didnt feel as happy as i thot i would be. i took the money and left. nothing special. the much anticipated feeling of working hard den receiving pay at the end of the month is gone. someone asked if i got a bf today again.. i dun, i dun, i dun, i dun. how many times do i hav to repeat it?
i'm tired. need to slp. bye.
i work so as to earn some money to spend during this holiday. i received my pay today. didnt feel as happy as i thot i would be. i took the money and left. nothing special. the much anticipated feeling of working hard den receiving pay at the end of the month is gone. someone asked if i got a bf today again.. i dun, i dun, i dun, i dun. how many times do i hav to repeat it?
i'm tired. need to slp. bye.
Wednesday, November 10
U know they always say 幸福是掌握在自己手上. I looked at my hands and sigh.
为什么没有人注意到双手五指间的那个东西?
开一扇窗还一个心情有那么容易吗?
在这种快速节奏的舞台上,为了不让自己摔倒, 我茆足了全力用力踩,
结果左脚的拌脚石是右脚.
虽然没有受伤,但却发现面向的不是蓝天, 脚踩的不是泥凝.
渴望幸福真的有那么难吗? 快乐就在那伸手可得的地方.
the only thing i have to do is to trust.
tml is a public holiday and i'm not working. the streets will be full of pple dying to get a break frm their lives and i dun wanna join the club. i need to be ard pple who can light up my life. pple who can make me smile, make me feel good. pple who can make me feel like i am proud to be myself. i opened my arms to welcome light but i embrace darkness.
why am i so afraid? what am i so afraid of? and how can anyone possibly know if i dun even know the answer myself? i admit i'm timid, i'm a coward in way too many fields to be listed. no qualms abt tt.. when can i ever grow up and out of the shell i so dislike?
a few things i wanna say but will leave till another day.
为什么没有人注意到双手五指间的那个东西?
开一扇窗还一个心情有那么容易吗?
在这种快速节奏的舞台上,为了不让自己摔倒, 我茆足了全力用力踩,
结果左脚的拌脚石是右脚.
虽然没有受伤,但却发现面向的不是蓝天, 脚踩的不是泥凝.
渴望幸福真的有那么难吗? 快乐就在那伸手可得的地方.
the only thing i have to do is to trust.
tml is a public holiday and i'm not working. the streets will be full of pple dying to get a break frm their lives and i dun wanna join the club. i need to be ard pple who can light up my life. pple who can make me smile, make me feel good. pple who can make me feel like i am proud to be myself. i opened my arms to welcome light but i embrace darkness.
why am i so afraid? what am i so afraid of? and how can anyone possibly know if i dun even know the answer myself? i admit i'm timid, i'm a coward in way too many fields to be listed. no qualms abt tt.. when can i ever grow up and out of the shell i so dislike?
a few things i wanna say but will leave till another day.
back frm panpac. i think i am crazy. yes i am insane.
back frm panpac.. stayed in the hotel last night wif May and Peiling coz they're working back to back so with abit of luck, i got to stay there FOC for 1 night. :) no need to rush for last train, no need to rush thru things.. and i guess it's fate. they sent this baggage to pac floor coz casper wasnt free at the moment and in the end they got $10 tips.. so we had cup noodles, ice-cream and chocolates at night for just $2 each.. lolx.. but the bad news, PL lost her fone.. her samsung camera fone.. :(
i guess in order to really feel how it is like to step into the hotel room and be awed, u have to really experience and note the kinda impression u get when u open the door in anticipation of what u think u're going to get... it's diff when u escort the guest and check them into their rooms.. u step in, put the key card and think "wow".. i like that. =)
the bathroom is the BEST of all!! no errie feeling even though there are 4 mirrors, the bathtub, standing shower and toilet bowl is seperated by those glass doors and the toilet itself can be locked with those wooden teak doors, giving pple a resort kinda feeling.. and the $1000 odd office chair.. i nv knew office chair can be so comfortable.. not warm, very "fitting"... the pillows! i absolutely LOVE them.. simon gave us a CT room at 0906 and we pushed the twin beds together to get a "king size" bed.. we got 2 pillows each and the pillows are really fantastic.. the toilet amenities are really classy with great packaging.. the shampoo, shower gel, conditioner, bosy lotion, soap, vanity pack and even the shower cap!! there are mroe den enuff towels, hand towels, face towels and so on.. the whole place is juz... great... the lighting is great, the instant coffee, red tea, green tea, plus creamer, sugar and the kettle.. not the kinda old, lousy quality kettle.. this one is good.. okie.. am i saying too much? yes i am.
overall, i love the bathroom the most.. it's SOOOOOOOOO much bigger and more spacious den all the other hotels i've been to and the layout is simple yet so elegant.. alright.. am i exaggerating here? lolx..
i escorted so many and checked in so many guest into diff guestrooms yet this is really diff.. if i dun hav this chance, i dun think i'll ever even notice how the washroom looks like... now i know why so many of them are return guests... u hav to go thru it to know it.. :)
now i'm dying to see the pac floor, the suites and the much talked abt duplex (dunno spelling correct anot) suite..
working was slack ytd.. arrivals low.. 100 odd when i started work.. 3 person went for break together but too bad we saw celine on the way den i gues nxt time sure kana frm her de.. but right now i dun care.. den night time the 3 of us went break again and kathy saw us.. gave that look. :( watever~ plus hideko and kathy both saw us chatting behind the bell desk and not to forget all the other managers who walked past or working at the pacific ballrooms.. heck.. we let so many cabs past den i lost count.
i didnt lie. when they ask if i got a bf, i juz smile. maybe i dun want them to know, or maybe i think there's no need for them to know anyway. but chatting wif some of the bell pple ytd night abt height, they say i quite tall, got 170.. and i laugh till pengz.. i took off my court shoes and wahla.. shortie.. so i'm called katik (dunno the spelling again.. as in short in malay)... lolx.. then they asked if my bf very tall.. and i luff and said how can my bf be tall when i dun hav 1.. and why they think i'm lying when i say i dun hav a bf.. izzit really that weird being single? *shrugs
and some of them asked why i dun wanna be an air stewardess.. i'm happy abt the "compliment" but there is a height criteria isnt it? and how can i be one. juz look at me. tt kinda pattern CMI de! and the funniest thing, a guest asked if i'm an air stewardess. HELLO! i'm working in panpac. how to work 2 jobs at a time? if i am one, i'll be somewhere over the globe by now! and not standing there and greeting guests!
but really happy.. will be collelcting my pay soon.. when i work, i spend less money coz i dun go out that often. when i work, i dun really hav time to go out anyway and the meals are provided. the only thing i spend is on transport and travelling time but it's a great way to spend time.
ytd den i realised alot of pple are dieting, taking slimming pdts like extrim and xando.. and i THOT those pdts dun come cheap? no? i dun exactly feel fat all the time, i know i'm not skinny either but i dun think i'll be like them, spending money on those small pills that dunno really work for u or not.. convincing advertisements and testimonials didnt really work for me. somehow they sound fake.
it is a high class low pay job. actually to put in nicer terms, it's a customer oriented job that requires alot of human and soft skills.. a job whereby if u can hide emotions, u'll be able to go far. a job where by if u hav patience, tolerance and an ever forgiving heart u'll be successful. this is a job that requires u to be equipped with a talent for enduring pent-up feelings. if u can fulfil all the above, u are cut out for the hospitality industry. too bad i hav none. maybe i'm in the wrong course. no doubt i dun mind serving guests and absolutely enjoy the satisfaction the job brings and the joy that follows. but my limits are low, so too bad. the industry got alot to offer but the opportunities are nt up for grabs for me.
actually i dun mind working back to back if i can stay in the room. it's definitely worth it.. enuff QUALITY rest is more impt den QUANTITY rest. right? ;)
k. enuff is enuff. i am boring pple but i like the idea. :)
i guess in order to really feel how it is like to step into the hotel room and be awed, u have to really experience and note the kinda impression u get when u open the door in anticipation of what u think u're going to get... it's diff when u escort the guest and check them into their rooms.. u step in, put the key card and think "wow".. i like that. =)
the bathroom is the BEST of all!! no errie feeling even though there are 4 mirrors, the bathtub, standing shower and toilet bowl is seperated by those glass doors and the toilet itself can be locked with those wooden teak doors, giving pple a resort kinda feeling.. and the $1000 odd office chair.. i nv knew office chair can be so comfortable.. not warm, very "fitting"... the pillows! i absolutely LOVE them.. simon gave us a CT room at 0906 and we pushed the twin beds together to get a "king size" bed.. we got 2 pillows each and the pillows are really fantastic.. the toilet amenities are really classy with great packaging.. the shampoo, shower gel, conditioner, bosy lotion, soap, vanity pack and even the shower cap!! there are mroe den enuff towels, hand towels, face towels and so on.. the whole place is juz... great... the lighting is great, the instant coffee, red tea, green tea, plus creamer, sugar and the kettle.. not the kinda old, lousy quality kettle.. this one is good.. okie.. am i saying too much? yes i am.
overall, i love the bathroom the most.. it's SOOOOOOOOO much bigger and more spacious den all the other hotels i've been to and the layout is simple yet so elegant.. alright.. am i exaggerating here? lolx..
i escorted so many and checked in so many guest into diff guestrooms yet this is really diff.. if i dun hav this chance, i dun think i'll ever even notice how the washroom looks like... now i know why so many of them are return guests... u hav to go thru it to know it.. :)
now i'm dying to see the pac floor, the suites and the much talked abt duplex (dunno spelling correct anot) suite..
working was slack ytd.. arrivals low.. 100 odd when i started work.. 3 person went for break together but too bad we saw celine on the way den i gues nxt time sure kana frm her de.. but right now i dun care.. den night time the 3 of us went break again and kathy saw us.. gave that look. :( watever~ plus hideko and kathy both saw us chatting behind the bell desk and not to forget all the other managers who walked past or working at the pacific ballrooms.. heck.. we let so many cabs past den i lost count.
i didnt lie. when they ask if i got a bf, i juz smile. maybe i dun want them to know, or maybe i think there's no need for them to know anyway. but chatting wif some of the bell pple ytd night abt height, they say i quite tall, got 170.. and i laugh till pengz.. i took off my court shoes and wahla.. shortie.. so i'm called katik (dunno the spelling again.. as in short in malay)... lolx.. then they asked if my bf very tall.. and i luff and said how can my bf be tall when i dun hav 1.. and why they think i'm lying when i say i dun hav a bf.. izzit really that weird being single? *shrugs
and some of them asked why i dun wanna be an air stewardess.. i'm happy abt the "compliment" but there is a height criteria isnt it? and how can i be one. juz look at me. tt kinda pattern CMI de! and the funniest thing, a guest asked if i'm an air stewardess. HELLO! i'm working in panpac. how to work 2 jobs at a time? if i am one, i'll be somewhere over the globe by now! and not standing there and greeting guests!
but really happy.. will be collelcting my pay soon.. when i work, i spend less money coz i dun go out that often. when i work, i dun really hav time to go out anyway and the meals are provided. the only thing i spend is on transport and travelling time but it's a great way to spend time.
ytd den i realised alot of pple are dieting, taking slimming pdts like extrim and xando.. and i THOT those pdts dun come cheap? no? i dun exactly feel fat all the time, i know i'm not skinny either but i dun think i'll be like them, spending money on those small pills that dunno really work for u or not.. convincing advertisements and testimonials didnt really work for me. somehow they sound fake.
it is a high class low pay job. actually to put in nicer terms, it's a customer oriented job that requires alot of human and soft skills.. a job whereby if u can hide emotions, u'll be able to go far. a job where by if u hav patience, tolerance and an ever forgiving heart u'll be successful. this is a job that requires u to be equipped with a talent for enduring pent-up feelings. if u can fulfil all the above, u are cut out for the hospitality industry. too bad i hav none. maybe i'm in the wrong course. no doubt i dun mind serving guests and absolutely enjoy the satisfaction the job brings and the joy that follows. but my limits are low, so too bad. the industry got alot to offer but the opportunities are nt up for grabs for me.
actually i dun mind working back to back if i can stay in the room. it's definitely worth it.. enuff QUALITY rest is more impt den QUANTITY rest. right? ;)
k. enuff is enuff. i am boring pple but i like the idea. :)
Tuesday, November 9
didnt feel like working today.. no mood totally.. serve guests half-heartedly except the 1st guest, and from 2130 onwards.. that 1st guest super nice.. very friendly and polite.. the 2139 one os coz the lady very funny.. very blur, very tired, very shagged.. lolx.. she reminds me of Mdm Woo and Mrs. Tey.. but worse.. lolx.. told me she's abit dizzy and muz be coz of work work and more work den the flight.. dunno lah.. den in the room she's worse.. was like half dead.. anyway, nice guest.. appreciated everything.. cool. partly also coz i stayed at FO and slack for some time.. looking for fax, credit card verification, putting the msg and giving to concierge, chatting wif agnes, looking at pics.. so wasted some time before getting back to bell desk, which is damn torturing.. den went for break wif Nov.. lolx.... watched some lame show which i predicted the plot correctly.. den went back to slack somemore.. did modifications today.. and dad came to pick me up frm work!!! so gd!!
yeap.. and agnes worked 2 shifts for 2 days.. so she's been there since 7am till over midnight for the past 2 days and she cant walk in a straight line plus she kept sprouting nonsense... lolx.. k enuff of my report.. till tml.
yeap.. and agnes worked 2 shifts for 2 days.. so she's been there since 7am till over midnight for the past 2 days and she cant walk in a straight line plus she kept sprouting nonsense... lolx.. k enuff of my report.. till tml.
Saturday, November 6
nosey
my fault. i can feel myself getting weaker the older i get.. falling sick, feeling tired, being useless..
my mind lose to my nose today. crumbling is the word. missed the bus on my way home and had to wait at the bus stop for ages.. and the weather decided to change for the better so the wind howls and the trees sway.. amd me? i feel myself being ever so pathetic dying to go home and my nose not giving me any chance to enjoy the weather i would hav enjoyed..
and the naive me thought home is the best place for a weary heart, mind and soul. who knows, the sneezing got worse, and i feel like cutting off my nose..
finally i got better. thank god.
sth kiang said during training struck me.. i realised it in the past but didnt expect others to notice it.. i somehow managed to convinced myself that i'm like that, and that wat i did is normal. now it seems as though i'm wrong. i'm trying but still quite hard to.. i know myself. i think i do. that's y i know it's beyond my power to change certain things but i'm trying.. i'm really trying.
i'm all alone at home. wat's the use of having a big family when u're left alone at home? and feeling horribly terrible at the same time? wat makes it worse is that it's a saturday night and that i ought to do something more meaningful than sitting in front of the com blogging and drinking water. wat makes it worse is that i cant get to slp.
i dun want to say anything abt jas and char. i got no energy to talk abt them now. it has been quite a long time since i felt like this.. weak body results in having less energy to do things that u otherwise can do and when that happens, u hav more time to think and unknowingly, u'll start the pessimistic cycle and hence feel useless and pathetic. how great. was juz thinking on my way home that if i juz collasped on the streets, maybe it's be better for me. but well, it's juz a thought. i'm well and alive at home doing boring stuff like this.
anyway, it's all my fault. i cant seem to handle life the way i would like to. so there.
my mind lose to my nose today. crumbling is the word. missed the bus on my way home and had to wait at the bus stop for ages.. and the weather decided to change for the better so the wind howls and the trees sway.. amd me? i feel myself being ever so pathetic dying to go home and my nose not giving me any chance to enjoy the weather i would hav enjoyed..
and the naive me thought home is the best place for a weary heart, mind and soul. who knows, the sneezing got worse, and i feel like cutting off my nose..
finally i got better. thank god.
sth kiang said during training struck me.. i realised it in the past but didnt expect others to notice it.. i somehow managed to convinced myself that i'm like that, and that wat i did is normal. now it seems as though i'm wrong. i'm trying but still quite hard to.. i know myself. i think i do. that's y i know it's beyond my power to change certain things but i'm trying.. i'm really trying.
i'm all alone at home. wat's the use of having a big family when u're left alone at home? and feeling horribly terrible at the same time? wat makes it worse is that it's a saturday night and that i ought to do something more meaningful than sitting in front of the com blogging and drinking water. wat makes it worse is that i cant get to slp.
i dun want to say anything abt jas and char. i got no energy to talk abt them now. it has been quite a long time since i felt like this.. weak body results in having less energy to do things that u otherwise can do and when that happens, u hav more time to think and unknowingly, u'll start the pessimistic cycle and hence feel useless and pathetic. how great. was juz thinking on my way home that if i juz collasped on the streets, maybe it's be better for me. but well, it's juz a thought. i'm well and alive at home doing boring stuff like this.
anyway, it's all my fault. i cant seem to handle life the way i would like to. so there.
actually i included boring tests results becoz i really dunno wat to say nowadays except u-know-what, which is ever so boring.. how would u all know even if i said it? imagination cant be trusted most of the time..
i realised i'm quite tall. ya. that's all. bye. boring entry. but that's all i got to say.
btw, congrats once again ching..
i realised i'm quite tall. ya. that's all. bye. boring entry. but that's all i got to say.
btw, congrats once again ching..
work didnt go smoothly today. woke up late and rushed all the way to find that they changed the training time to 1330. strolled suntec alone for an hr and a half juz to waste time.. reached home 0030. was out of the house for more den half a day.. =
dead tired. checked in mostly all VIPs.. that couple is the worse of all the guest.. their frens also.. huiping, Hideako and i had such a damn hard time trying to please them.. changed so many diff rooms but ended up in the 1st room i checked them in!!! argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FINALLY someone took NEL home wif me!!! was chatting and laughing all the way home.. that's gd.. can forget how tired i am actually..
took this online test juz now.. the results.. majority of it anyway..
ISFP: They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal.
ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. They are interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, and will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in.
They're original and independent, and need to have personal space. They value people who take the time to understand the ISFP, and who support the ISFP in pursuing their goals in their own, unique way. People who don't know them well may see their unique way of life as a sign of carefree light-heartedness, but the ISFP actually takes life very seriously, constantly gathering specific information and shifting it through their value systems, in search for clarification and underlying meaning.
ISFPs have no desire to lead or control others, just as they have no desire to be led or controlled by others. They need space and time alone to evaluate the circumstances of their life against their value system, and are likely to respect other people's needs for the same.
The ISFP is likely to not give themself enough credit for the things which they do extremely well. Their strong value systems can lead them to be intensely perfectionist, and cause them to judge themselves with unneccesary harshness.
The ISFP has many special gifts for the world, especially in the areas of creating artistic sensation, and selflessly serving others. Life is not likely to be extremely easy for the ISFP, because they take life so seriously, but they have the tools to make their lives and the lives of those close to them richly rewarding experiences.
dead tired. checked in mostly all VIPs.. that couple is the worse of all the guest.. their frens also.. huiping, Hideako and i had such a damn hard time trying to please them.. changed so many diff rooms but ended up in the 1st room i checked them in!!! argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FINALLY someone took NEL home wif me!!! was chatting and laughing all the way home.. that's gd.. can forget how tired i am actually..
took this online test juz now.. the results.. majority of it anyway..
ISFP: They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal.
ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. They are interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, and will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in.
They're original and independent, and need to have personal space. They value people who take the time to understand the ISFP, and who support the ISFP in pursuing their goals in their own, unique way. People who don't know them well may see their unique way of life as a sign of carefree light-heartedness, but the ISFP actually takes life very seriously, constantly gathering specific information and shifting it through their value systems, in search for clarification and underlying meaning.
ISFPs have no desire to lead or control others, just as they have no desire to be led or controlled by others. They need space and time alone to evaluate the circumstances of their life against their value system, and are likely to respect other people's needs for the same.
The ISFP is likely to not give themself enough credit for the things which they do extremely well. Their strong value systems can lead them to be intensely perfectionist, and cause them to judge themselves with unneccesary harshness.
The ISFP has many special gifts for the world, especially in the areas of creating artistic sensation, and selflessly serving others. Life is not likely to be extremely easy for the ISFP, because they take life so seriously, but they have the tools to make their lives and the lives of those close to them richly rewarding experiences.
Wednesday, November 3
more and more crap.
saw jeanette on TV after watching the school bella show.. so sweet... anyway, so stunned when i saw her.. she reminds me of my AJC experience and the memories came back.. lolx.. the bball player, zhonghua ger who always hang out wif jasmine, that sleepyhead who slps during chinese lessons, crap wif teacher, wif bo chap attitude.. lolx.. they showed her chinese name and i was thinking.. "this sounds familiar.." the look changed quite alot.. but her voice.. still so unique..
and suddenly i missed the 1st 3 mths pals.. Lily, Ester, Jazreel, Sok Ying, hwa san, lionel they all.. and of course cannot and will not forget the bunch of irritating pple like benjamin and his 2 lackeys.. lolx..
hope all of them are doing well in JC..
heard some news frm my mom and was thinking.. love.. how u know if someone loves u? how do u even define love? love can be anything, so it can also be nothing.. bearing that in mind, i think again. we all experienced some kinda love frm the moment we came to breathe. if we're alive and kicking, love will never cease to exist, and if that's the case, why so many pple are craving for it? for more of it? greed? y cant they be contented? ever? there is this poem that states "love is care, so full of life." and again, if love is care, den y muz they giv it so many "names?" they say "a person who is loved has many names" and so is that the reason why love has so many names? in so many forms? from so many ways? for diff times? if care is love, den why are there pple who still stubbornly refuses to acknowledge that pple do care? and so they are loved? and love. are we recieving it by the moment? or by instalment periods? and if pple at the receiving end can never be satisfied with the amount of love and care they receive, den how can they ever be overwhelmed wif love? how can they ever be able to experience that? is that even a possibility? or do those words belong to that of a easily contented person?
it's hard to believe that someone older den u can be so naive. yet i cant help but think that actually the naive one is me. i admit i dunno anything but i can see wif my eyes and feel with my heart.. anyway, it's none of my business.. so maybe i ought not to think and say so much. enuff of thoughts recorded for another day. that's all.. no more comments for the day.
and lastly, happy belated bdae to my sista, my 150+ pal.. finally all of us are over that 17 yrs old range.. hope u like the prezzie we gave.. =) cheers for a better future..
and suddenly i missed the 1st 3 mths pals.. Lily, Ester, Jazreel, Sok Ying, hwa san, lionel they all.. and of course cannot and will not forget the bunch of irritating pple like benjamin and his 2 lackeys.. lolx..
hope all of them are doing well in JC..
heard some news frm my mom and was thinking.. love.. how u know if someone loves u? how do u even define love? love can be anything, so it can also be nothing.. bearing that in mind, i think again. we all experienced some kinda love frm the moment we came to breathe. if we're alive and kicking, love will never cease to exist, and if that's the case, why so many pple are craving for it? for more of it? greed? y cant they be contented? ever? there is this poem that states "love is care, so full of life." and again, if love is care, den y muz they giv it so many "names?" they say "a person who is loved has many names" and so is that the reason why love has so many names? in so many forms? from so many ways? for diff times? if care is love, den why are there pple who still stubbornly refuses to acknowledge that pple do care? and so they are loved? and love. are we recieving it by the moment? or by instalment periods? and if pple at the receiving end can never be satisfied with the amount of love and care they receive, den how can they ever be overwhelmed wif love? how can they ever be able to experience that? is that even a possibility? or do those words belong to that of a easily contented person?
it's hard to believe that someone older den u can be so naive. yet i cant help but think that actually the naive one is me. i admit i dunno anything but i can see wif my eyes and feel with my heart.. anyway, it's none of my business.. so maybe i ought not to think and say so much. enuff of thoughts recorded for another day. that's all.. no more comments for the day.
and lastly, happy belated bdae to my sista, my 150+ pal.. finally all of us are over that 17 yrs old range.. hope u like the prezzie we gave.. =) cheers for a better future..
Tuesday, November 2
some thots after chalet
"we got to fight for the right to live, fight for the right to exist."
and i wonder if that's true.
we live in a world so full of grey areas.
maybe that's y pple love games. living in a virtual world seems almost too good or perfect to be true. in games, u can bend the rules. the machine is too inflexible to react in a suitable and challenging way. maybe that's y.. maybe tt's the reason why pple play games. and recreation is an excuse.
escaping from reality. aint we humans always doing that? ask urself this and ur decision hovers..
arent we constantly trying to show that we can do it? that goals are within our reach, targets are achieveable? but why are we doing it? to prove that we are clever enough to master all that in lifem or that we are more eligible to exist than many others? or to show that little worth u have. to hide ur insecurities, ur flaws, ur fears?
no? maybe that's y pple are so impractical? so NOT pragmatic? because we try to find a match between wat we see and what we want. and what we want is driven by what we need, or what we think we need, which in turn is "inspired" by things we "see" everyday, like games, media and so on. more often den not, we find ourselves asking why the world is so unfair. i find myself doing that too..
not because we are unaware of the many differences in life, of the gap between diff societies and lfiestyles, but simply bcoz it's hard to convice urself that such a world doesnt exist after "seeing" and "hearing" so much abt it, so much so that u start to fantasize, start to dream abt the PERFECT world to you. and it's all abt perceptions, abt ur own mindset, and who else can change it but you yourself? we succumb to these "temptations" so often that we find ourselves indulging in the fun of the whole seemingly fun "game." and as the quote from grandeur coffee goes, "indulgence - life's greatest pleasure" it is not difficult to understand y some pple refuses to get out of that stupid pit.
question is: am i one of them?
and i wonder if that's true.
we live in a world so full of grey areas.
maybe that's y pple love games. living in a virtual world seems almost too good or perfect to be true. in games, u can bend the rules. the machine is too inflexible to react in a suitable and challenging way. maybe that's y.. maybe tt's the reason why pple play games. and recreation is an excuse.
escaping from reality. aint we humans always doing that? ask urself this and ur decision hovers..
arent we constantly trying to show that we can do it? that goals are within our reach, targets are achieveable? but why are we doing it? to prove that we are clever enough to master all that in lifem or that we are more eligible to exist than many others? or to show that little worth u have. to hide ur insecurities, ur flaws, ur fears?
no? maybe that's y pple are so impractical? so NOT pragmatic? because we try to find a match between wat we see and what we want. and what we want is driven by what we need, or what we think we need, which in turn is "inspired" by things we "see" everyday, like games, media and so on. more often den not, we find ourselves asking why the world is so unfair. i find myself doing that too..
not because we are unaware of the many differences in life, of the gap between diff societies and lfiestyles, but simply bcoz it's hard to convice urself that such a world doesnt exist after "seeing" and "hearing" so much abt it, so much so that u start to fantasize, start to dream abt the PERFECT world to you. and it's all abt perceptions, abt ur own mindset, and who else can change it but you yourself? we succumb to these "temptations" so often that we find ourselves indulging in the fun of the whole seemingly fun "game." and as the quote from grandeur coffee goes, "indulgence - life's greatest pleasure" it is not difficult to understand y some pple refuses to get out of that stupid pit.
question is: am i one of them?
Sunday, October 31
wth
F. i need to get work out of my head. i'm starting to get obsessed with work and money. nbz. the problem? i dunno why i need the money for. wth. what am i thinking? my mind is telling me one thing and my soul telling me another.. damn.
i feel like a freaking idiot waiting for dunno what. they asked me why i work and gave me 2 options. 1) for money or 2) i got nothing better to do. i said both. i long for off day but i want to work. wat a joke. i'm feeling very very cold now. plz. help me.
i feel like a freaking idiot waiting for dunno what. they asked me why i work and gave me 2 options. 1) for money or 2) i got nothing better to do. i said both. i long for off day but i want to work. wat a joke. i'm feeling very very cold now. plz. help me.
Saturday, October 30
was chatting with my mom on the way to my grandparents' house and i realised sth.. if we keep ourselves busy, we will have less time to think and ponder abt stuff.. u can call it distractions.. i dunno. coz i sort of noticed that i blog less and made lesser comments after i started work. and all u can think abt is nothing but what happened during the day, so u hav less time for all those brain-stimulating stuff..
told my mom that when u're younger, u think abt things, gd and bad, big and small. when u grow older, esp if u're working, all u think abt is work, how to spend money, how little time u have, how long the working hrs are, how gd/bad the customers are and so on. soon, u're thoughts will be trapped within ur life area, those that are impt to u in ur life- ur family, ur work. u sort of got out of that infinite thinking space. unlike kids.. they think abt anything and everything.. maybe that's y the magic is gone.. forever.
i took a minute or two to think.. and true enuff, last yr it's all abt sakae. now it's the same. i think of the time i stand, think of my heels, think of the guests, think of the ballrooms, think abt the guestrooms, think abt the card verification, think abt the cabs, think abt the working hrs, think abt break, think abt the food, think abt the locker room and so on.. all abt work.. and i didnt hav time to stop and wonder.. y is the sky blue? why is there dust on earth? where has the lights gone to? how did the wind come by? all sorts of things.. i juz sort of stone and wonder when my legs will give way. think abt how my poor feet is suffering, think if i culd at least pray for less guests arrivals and more no shows.. that's all i think abt.. and i feel pathetic..
shall stop here.. brain needs to work but body needs to rest. nitez.
told my mom that when u're younger, u think abt things, gd and bad, big and small. when u grow older, esp if u're working, all u think abt is work, how to spend money, how little time u have, how long the working hrs are, how gd/bad the customers are and so on. soon, u're thoughts will be trapped within ur life area, those that are impt to u in ur life- ur family, ur work. u sort of got out of that infinite thinking space. unlike kids.. they think abt anything and everything.. maybe that's y the magic is gone.. forever.
i took a minute or two to think.. and true enuff, last yr it's all abt sakae. now it's the same. i think of the time i stand, think of my heels, think of the guests, think of the ballrooms, think abt the guestrooms, think abt the card verification, think abt the cabs, think abt the working hrs, think abt break, think abt the food, think abt the locker room and so on.. all abt work.. and i didnt hav time to stop and wonder.. y is the sky blue? why is there dust on earth? where has the lights gone to? how did the wind come by? all sorts of things.. i juz sort of stone and wonder when my legs will give way. think abt how my poor feet is suffering, think if i culd at least pray for less guests arrivals and more no shows.. that's all i think abt.. and i feel pathetic..
shall stop here.. brain needs to work but body needs to rest. nitez.
tiring sia.. but i love panpac today.. all the guests were great.. i think.. abit troublesome rushing up and down.. but guess it's all worth the effort.. it's cold, den super warm at the drop-off point. the nightmare came in the evening. 2 functions. i love the view from the glass lifts.. the view of conrad hotel at night. it's wow~
overall alright. waiting for next week to come. i already spent more den i earn. so got to cover up fast. sunday will be 7-3. got to wake up darn early to catch the 1st train if nt will be late.. and i'm the only greeter on A shift that day. wish me luck.
overall alright. waiting for next week to come. i already spent more den i earn. so got to cover up fast. sunday will be 7-3. got to wake up darn early to catch the 1st train if nt will be late.. and i'm the only greeter on A shift that day. wish me luck.
Friday, October 29
bought another pair of shoes today.. couldnt resist.. and i guess i'm going back to get that skirt.. and that jacket!! abit too sweet.. but it's definitely very very nice.. nice enuff to make me feel as if i want to be young... =D felt so happy after buying so many things.. retail therapy i guess.. wore new shoes to buy another pair of new shoes.. well, mom didnt say much except some negative comments.. but she did say that if i like it's she's fine wif it.. guess that's all i need and want to hear.. :D
and that shop!! when is it ever UNcrowded? haha.. i went there twice and the queue at the fitting rooms seems to be getting longer and longer.. guess i'd hav to go there nxt week..
i pretty much spent abt all the money i've earned for the past 2 days.. on food, transport and things.. and i nv felt happier during the holidays.. plus i had a few good laughs over slam dunk.. and she's right. i not only lookold, i feel old. maybe it's really the course i'm in, but who really knows? i guess i'm already somewhat like this years ago.. the teacher-look dun u remember? and wat abt the 1st plaza memory? the 14 like 24 memory? lolx.. welll, that's ages ago.. but hey.. certain things i'll always rem de hor..
nice weather huh.. was listening to FM this afternoon and the DJ said that it's been ages since he last reported that the highest temperature in s'pore is 27 degrees.. HIGHEST is 27.. haha.. guess luck by my side huh.. the whole day is soooo cooling.. but certain places it's freezing cold.. but it's a new season.. and i love it.. love the weather, love the clothes.. love the food, love the places.. love the low occupancy and arrival period.. simply love it!
there's one thing i'm worried abt.. the rapid change in weather results in many pple feeling unwell, getting sick.. so plz take care of urself my frens.. rest more. work less. enjoy more. sick less..
btw, my parents saw the TP result slip today.. it arrived in the mail. my dad, as usual, didnt even say anything.. :( my mom, as usual, made so many assumptions that i gave up explaining to her.. well, wat's done is done. cant change that. so nitez pple.. gotta catch some slp b4 work tml..
and that shop!! when is it ever UNcrowded? haha.. i went there twice and the queue at the fitting rooms seems to be getting longer and longer.. guess i'd hav to go there nxt week..
i pretty much spent abt all the money i've earned for the past 2 days.. on food, transport and things.. and i nv felt happier during the holidays.. plus i had a few good laughs over slam dunk.. and she's right. i not only lookold, i feel old. maybe it's really the course i'm in, but who really knows? i guess i'm already somewhat like this years ago.. the teacher-look dun u remember? and wat abt the 1st plaza memory? the 14 like 24 memory? lolx.. welll, that's ages ago.. but hey.. certain things i'll always rem de hor..
nice weather huh.. was listening to FM this afternoon and the DJ said that it's been ages since he last reported that the highest temperature in s'pore is 27 degrees.. HIGHEST is 27.. haha.. guess luck by my side huh.. the whole day is soooo cooling.. but certain places it's freezing cold.. but it's a new season.. and i love it.. love the weather, love the clothes.. love the food, love the places.. love the low occupancy and arrival period.. simply love it!
there's one thing i'm worried abt.. the rapid change in weather results in many pple feeling unwell, getting sick.. so plz take care of urself my frens.. rest more. work less. enjoy more. sick less..
btw, my parents saw the TP result slip today.. it arrived in the mail. my dad, as usual, didnt even say anything.. :( my mom, as usual, made so many assumptions that i gave up explaining to her.. well, wat's done is done. cant change that. so nitez pple.. gotta catch some slp b4 work tml..
Thursday, October 28
the slackest day of the week
training. the CC's room is always cold.
during dinner, kiang and ken tok abt enjoying now and suffering ltr coz u wouldnt know if there's even a 'later'. it seems like the logical thing to do. but too bad i dun think that way.. i guess alot of logical things couldnt be explained clearly so i dun really take them as they are.
to me, suffering now and enjoying ltr is the more comfortable "rule." maybe it's character, maybe it's experience but no matter what, it appears as if this is the way life's journey shld be. pretty much a different point of view, or perception so to say.
wait. maybe it's my pessimistic nature. or the way i sort of assure myself when things go wrong that times will get better and the "fruit of labour" can be seen in the near future. contradictory huh? didnt i juz say pessimistic nature? yeah. i did. but when failing seems all so natural, it's essential that i come up with something to back up my "negative lifestyle and thoughts." not so that i become more optimistic, but it's a reassurance boost. if not, i think i'll be going straight to the dumps..
enjoying is great i know. but when u find urself basking in the abundunt joy and happiness, wont u reach a point in time whereby u start to wonder if u're using the happy times on credit and u'll hav to sort of "pay back" in the future? i dunno.. maybe it's juz me.. doom to a lifetime of suffering and stopping myself of enjoying life to the fullest i guess..
weird enuff, i know all these crap. i know how to string them into thoughts but i dunno how to ACT upon them. how to improve. i can list down wat i OUGHT to do but i cant DO. haha.. okie. enuff of crap.
my body procrastinating.. it is refusing to function now.. and i can taste anything again!! and eating my fav biscuit seems like a waste. but couldnt resist, so i ate quite a number plus crackers.. guess my nose will giv me hell tonight and tml will be worse coz of the lack of self-control.. and tml i'll be grouchy coz i didnt hav a great night slp. so sorry if i irritate u.. hahahaha.. couldnt do anything abt tt..
if there's one thing i can change, it'll DEFINITELY be my attitude. next den i'll consider personality and character, den others.. i guess if i list them out, i'll be better off dead and reborn again. :X
during dinner, kiang and ken tok abt enjoying now and suffering ltr coz u wouldnt know if there's even a 'later'. it seems like the logical thing to do. but too bad i dun think that way.. i guess alot of logical things couldnt be explained clearly so i dun really take them as they are.
to me, suffering now and enjoying ltr is the more comfortable "rule." maybe it's character, maybe it's experience but no matter what, it appears as if this is the way life's journey shld be. pretty much a different point of view, or perception so to say.
wait. maybe it's my pessimistic nature. or the way i sort of assure myself when things go wrong that times will get better and the "fruit of labour" can be seen in the near future. contradictory huh? didnt i juz say pessimistic nature? yeah. i did. but when failing seems all so natural, it's essential that i come up with something to back up my "negative lifestyle and thoughts." not so that i become more optimistic, but it's a reassurance boost. if not, i think i'll be going straight to the dumps..
enjoying is great i know. but when u find urself basking in the abundunt joy and happiness, wont u reach a point in time whereby u start to wonder if u're using the happy times on credit and u'll hav to sort of "pay back" in the future? i dunno.. maybe it's juz me.. doom to a lifetime of suffering and stopping myself of enjoying life to the fullest i guess..
weird enuff, i know all these crap. i know how to string them into thoughts but i dunno how to ACT upon them. how to improve. i can list down wat i OUGHT to do but i cant DO. haha.. okie. enuff of crap.
my body procrastinating.. it is refusing to function now.. and i can taste anything again!! and eating my fav biscuit seems like a waste. but couldnt resist, so i ate quite a number plus crackers.. guess my nose will giv me hell tonight and tml will be worse coz of the lack of self-control.. and tml i'll be grouchy coz i didnt hav a great night slp. so sorry if i irritate u.. hahahaha.. couldnt do anything abt tt..
if there's one thing i can change, it'll DEFINITELY be my attitude. next den i'll consider personality and character, den others.. i guess if i list them out, i'll be better off dead and reborn again. :X
Wednesday, October 27
2nd day of work. slacker den ytd
2nd day at work. worked the full 8 hrs today.. occupancy only 70%, arrivals lesser den ytd.. no conferences in the evenings, no functions so it's pretty slack for me. i stand ard absorbing the noise and the dust while enduring my feet's complaints and in the meantime trying to learn more things and listen to the uncle's kind advices and valuable infos..
there's an accident (AGAIN) on the road downstairs my house.. not the first, wont be the last.. the car juz ran straight across the divider to the opposite direction, damaging the back of the car and guess the impact indirectly spoil the engine coz the car refused to start.
i realised work causes alot of things to happen without u realising it, or rather causes a change in u that u wint even notice coz u couldnt be bothered.. i guess work isnt the main issue. fatigue is.
when u sort of shut down after work, u dun care how u look anymore coz u need not face any more guests. ur hair is damn messy after u destroy the bun, u walk like there's no tml to the train station overtaking so many pple that u lost count, the only thing that comes to ur mind is nothing, u know u have to get home and that's ur aim, u dun care how others look at u, although u know that u look like an idiot u feel nothing, and that's not all. u keep counting down to the moment u "touch down."
i sat in the train looking like my legs are going to give way any moment, i juz lean my head like it's way too heavy for my neck to bear, i slouch like i got no backbone and i feel good. coz it's comfortable. impressions go away. image fly away. other's opinions are like trash. i dun care. den i realised the ger sitting on the chair opposite also doing the same thing.. identical actions.. too similar to be unnoticed.. and i almost wanted to laugh but couldnt find the energy to do so..
gtg slp now. tml no work!! and i'm sooooooo looking forward to training coz there's no work...
till tml.
there's an accident (AGAIN) on the road downstairs my house.. not the first, wont be the last.. the car juz ran straight across the divider to the opposite direction, damaging the back of the car and guess the impact indirectly spoil the engine coz the car refused to start.
i realised work causes alot of things to happen without u realising it, or rather causes a change in u that u wint even notice coz u couldnt be bothered.. i guess work isnt the main issue. fatigue is.
when u sort of shut down after work, u dun care how u look anymore coz u need not face any more guests. ur hair is damn messy after u destroy the bun, u walk like there's no tml to the train station overtaking so many pple that u lost count, the only thing that comes to ur mind is nothing, u know u have to get home and that's ur aim, u dun care how others look at u, although u know that u look like an idiot u feel nothing, and that's not all. u keep counting down to the moment u "touch down."
i sat in the train looking like my legs are going to give way any moment, i juz lean my head like it's way too heavy for my neck to bear, i slouch like i got no backbone and i feel good. coz it's comfortable. impressions go away. image fly away. other's opinions are like trash. i dun care. den i realised the ger sitting on the chair opposite also doing the same thing.. identical actions.. too similar to be unnoticed.. and i almost wanted to laugh but couldnt find the energy to do so..
gtg slp now. tml no work!! and i'm sooooooo looking forward to training coz there's no work...
till tml.
Tuesday, October 26
instead of working till 11.. i got off at 9.. dunno whether to count myself lucky or not.. i'm actually getting used to opening doors, walking the guest, checking in the guest, bringing them up to the rooms, directing cabs, showing them the way to the reception and of course starting to not feel the discomfort of the shoes den the 2 DM announced that they close the bell desk and we can go..
went home directly.. couldnt really bear the noise and air pollution at that area.. and that $5.50 is sooo hard to earn.. we got to stand outside most of the time, who cares if theere's a shelter? they are doing renovation works juz opposite the drop off point, more renovations going on inside the hotel, the place is as noisy as u can imagine it to be.. i even told a guest that he can get ear plugs for free is he wants, juz call room service.. lolx..
there's this period of time in the afternoon where we're busy.. only 3 greeters.. so if there's more den 3 cabs coming all guest checking in, that's it.. i got to help.. and i'm there for like less den 2 hrs?? i haven even grasp the basics den i got to check in the guest.. -_-"' on 1 occasion i didnt write down the credit card expiry date and luckily it's a returned guest so they got the records.. *phew
mostly quite polite.. a few really horrible.. but i aint blogging it down.. remember the gd things, forget the bad..
anyway, they changed the uniform so the uniform now sux.. hahahah.. but i dun care coz at least i get paid! but izzit worth it? minus transport and all, i earn less den $30 today.. feel so pathetic..
meals provided so not so bad after all.. at least i spend on transport but can save on food, which is definitely more ex.. haha
sooo tired.. it's been ages since i last work.. since that 1 day telemarketing job in May.. i guess teaching kids seems like a much easier job huh.. too bad i'm nt quite qualified as a tutor..
i guess find jobs still nearer better.. 1 day walking city link mall irritates me.. why is the hotel located sooooo far inside? i hav to walk all the way to suntec.. :( den still hav to jaywalk in order to get to the side of the staff entrance!!
and when are the renovations going to be done?!! i seriously think they need an alternative besides putting greeters at the drop off point. and doing that kinda sub standard check in for guests.. :( luckily occupancy for this week is lower than last week.. if nt i die! sure wont be like today de.. busy for short periods of time den can slack.. okie gd.. i going to bed le.. till tml.. bye
went home directly.. couldnt really bear the noise and air pollution at that area.. and that $5.50 is sooo hard to earn.. we got to stand outside most of the time, who cares if theere's a shelter? they are doing renovation works juz opposite the drop off point, more renovations going on inside the hotel, the place is as noisy as u can imagine it to be.. i even told a guest that he can get ear plugs for free is he wants, juz call room service.. lolx..
there's this period of time in the afternoon where we're busy.. only 3 greeters.. so if there's more den 3 cabs coming all guest checking in, that's it.. i got to help.. and i'm there for like less den 2 hrs?? i haven even grasp the basics den i got to check in the guest.. -_-"' on 1 occasion i didnt write down the credit card expiry date and luckily it's a returned guest so they got the records.. *phew
mostly quite polite.. a few really horrible.. but i aint blogging it down.. remember the gd things, forget the bad..
anyway, they changed the uniform so the uniform now sux.. hahahah.. but i dun care coz at least i get paid! but izzit worth it? minus transport and all, i earn less den $30 today.. feel so pathetic..
meals provided so not so bad after all.. at least i spend on transport but can save on food, which is definitely more ex.. haha
sooo tired.. it's been ages since i last work.. since that 1 day telemarketing job in May.. i guess teaching kids seems like a much easier job huh.. too bad i'm nt quite qualified as a tutor..
i guess find jobs still nearer better.. 1 day walking city link mall irritates me.. why is the hotel located sooooo far inside? i hav to walk all the way to suntec.. :( den still hav to jaywalk in order to get to the side of the staff entrance!!
and when are the renovations going to be done?!! i seriously think they need an alternative besides putting greeters at the drop off point. and doing that kinda sub standard check in for guests.. :( luckily occupancy for this week is lower than last week.. if nt i die! sure wont be like today de.. busy for short periods of time den can slack.. okie gd.. i going to bed le.. till tml.. bye
Sunday, October 24
a saturday at home
i guess i pretty much deleted abt 30 posts from my drafts and recent posts.. mission accomplished..
saw this in the confession webbie and felt sad for the person.. this is the only post (so far) that is not funny compared to those that i read.
I lied and said I wasn't in love, but I was.
I lied and said I didn't care, but I did.
I lied and said it wouldn't hurt me, but it did.
I lied and said I was happy for her, but I'm not.
I lied and said I wasn't hurt, but I am.
spent abt 2 hrs juz re-reading wat went thru my mind for the past few months.. felt great making those entries that i hav strong emotions wif disappear from my sight.. coz somehow, time numbs those feelings.. and i dun exactly mind not knowing the details..
great day i can say. i skipped training. for fear that i'll spoil the mood of the pple there.. it's a lovely weather i agree.. but wif my character, things are hard to say.. dun wanna spoil their mood is an excuse.. impt factor is that i dun wanna spoil my mood.. woke up after having some disturbing dreams and i somehow know that i wont be wanting to go down. felt kinda weird. wat makes it worse is that there is nothing much to eat at home besides junk food so i had chips for breakfast followed by some cracker for desserts.. basically, i almost finished up the junk food supply at home, making me feel a bit guilty. juz a little bit.
saw this in the confession webbie and felt sad for the person.. this is the only post (so far) that is not funny compared to those that i read.
I lied and said I wasn't in love, but I was.
I lied and said I didn't care, but I did.
I lied and said it wouldn't hurt me, but it did.
I lied and said I was happy for her, but I'm not.
I lied and said I wasn't hurt, but I am.
spent abt 2 hrs juz re-reading wat went thru my mind for the past few months.. felt great making those entries that i hav strong emotions wif disappear from my sight.. coz somehow, time numbs those feelings.. and i dun exactly mind not knowing the details..
great day i can say. i skipped training. for fear that i'll spoil the mood of the pple there.. it's a lovely weather i agree.. but wif my character, things are hard to say.. dun wanna spoil their mood is an excuse.. impt factor is that i dun wanna spoil my mood.. woke up after having some disturbing dreams and i somehow know that i wont be wanting to go down. felt kinda weird. wat makes it worse is that there is nothing much to eat at home besides junk food so i had chips for breakfast followed by some cracker for desserts.. basically, i almost finished up the junk food supply at home, making me feel a bit guilty. juz a little bit.
Saturday, October 23
changed the blog music again. yes, again.
esther called and woke me up. i got to start work next week.. not sth that i look forward to.. it's the kinda empty feeling knowing that u'll work alone... and nt knowing anything there whom i'm familiar with.. and it's eight hours straight.. feels like i'm back in kovan huh..
wont be able to attend and celebrate elaine's bdae due to this.. feeling abit tired even before i start work.. but the thought of at least earning some money is the motivational factor.. i dun care if my bones ache and my feet give way, juz let the day go.. i guess it's pretty easy.. i can always come up with some excuse to waste time.. no worries.. anything i juz call the senior staff..
i think i'll know most stuff by the end of next week.. coz i'm working only like 2 days a week? lolx.. that's fine with me coz i dun wanna work like a full-timer.. told them i couldnt work on weds and sats.. and they're cool with that.
watched confession of a teenage drama queen at 2 am.. my sis's fren dics and she's returning today.. didnt like it.. the plot abit *ahem.. dunno lah.. juz nt the type of show i enjoy.. hmm... been doing that for the past week so i guess sleeping at 4+5 in the morning has becoming a habit.. usually it's vcds, followed by some "bedtime" reading.. until i feel my eyes not focusing den i go to bed.. and waking up at ard 11+ 12 in the afternoon feeling that another day has passed before i know it.. maybe that's y we're stepping into the 3rd week of the holidays and exams feel like ytd...
i finished all 4 stages.. now my bro is interested to watch.. waiting for the 5th stage now.. guess they'll tkae ages.. maybe by then i wont be interested anymore.. isnt that so? things are pretty much the same around.. u get interested in sth, den very interested, den somehow everything dies down, den u feel as if it doesnt matter anymore.. like a normal probability curve bah..
i suddenly remember this place i found 2-3 yrs ago..
http://www.dailyconfession.com/
i clean forgotten all abt it till ytd.. dunno wat struck me but i went goggle and run a search.. and true enuff, i found it.. confessed once. last time also once.. but it's pretty gd bcoz once u confess, u dun feel as bad and it's funny looking at wat pple say.. before u know it, u wont even remember wat u confessed.. it has to be pretty serious before u make a confession isnt that so? but amazingly, u wont be able to remember after tt.. =) that's the power of it.. haha
okie.. enuff said. go take a look.. dun like the idea of confessing den juz browse thru the various "sins.." enjoy. :)
wont be able to attend and celebrate elaine's bdae due to this.. feeling abit tired even before i start work.. but the thought of at least earning some money is the motivational factor.. i dun care if my bones ache and my feet give way, juz let the day go.. i guess it's pretty easy.. i can always come up with some excuse to waste time.. no worries.. anything i juz call the senior staff..
i think i'll know most stuff by the end of next week.. coz i'm working only like 2 days a week? lolx.. that's fine with me coz i dun wanna work like a full-timer.. told them i couldnt work on weds and sats.. and they're cool with that.
watched confession of a teenage drama queen at 2 am.. my sis's fren dics and she's returning today.. didnt like it.. the plot abit *ahem.. dunno lah.. juz nt the type of show i enjoy.. hmm... been doing that for the past week so i guess sleeping at 4+5 in the morning has becoming a habit.. usually it's vcds, followed by some "bedtime" reading.. until i feel my eyes not focusing den i go to bed.. and waking up at ard 11+ 12 in the afternoon feeling that another day has passed before i know it.. maybe that's y we're stepping into the 3rd week of the holidays and exams feel like ytd...
i finished all 4 stages.. now my bro is interested to watch.. waiting for the 5th stage now.. guess they'll tkae ages.. maybe by then i wont be interested anymore.. isnt that so? things are pretty much the same around.. u get interested in sth, den very interested, den somehow everything dies down, den u feel as if it doesnt matter anymore.. like a normal probability curve bah..
i suddenly remember this place i found 2-3 yrs ago..
http://www.dailyconfession.com/
i clean forgotten all abt it till ytd.. dunno wat struck me but i went goggle and run a search.. and true enuff, i found it.. confessed once. last time also once.. but it's pretty gd bcoz once u confess, u dun feel as bad and it's funny looking at wat pple say.. before u know it, u wont even remember wat u confessed.. it has to be pretty serious before u make a confession isnt that so? but amazingly, u wont be able to remember after tt.. =) that's the power of it.. haha
okie.. enuff said. go take a look.. dun like the idea of confessing den juz browse thru the various "sins.." enjoy. :)
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